Finding Libbie

by Deanna Lynn Sletten

  Jack worried a lot now.

  But the fact that Libbie was feeling better made it all worth it to Jack.

  That fall, changes were taking place in Jack’s family as well. Jack’s sister, Jan, had graduated high school in the spring and headed off to college at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis. She hadn’t wanted to stay in Jamison for college; she’d wanted to move to the city and have new experiences. She’d received a grant to cover her college expenses and Jack’s parents said they’d help her with living expenses, but she’d also have to find a part-time job. Jan said she didn’t mind. She was ready to fly the coop. So, in late August, they’d all had a party at the farm and said good-bye to her. It had been a month since she’d left, and Bev told Jack that Jan was loving it down there. She’d found a waitress job close to campus and had already made new friends. Jack found it hard to believe that his little sister was living on her own—he still thought of her as being ten years old—but he was proud of her.

  Larry had written saying he’d survived boot camp and would be transferring to another unit to await his orders for shipping out. It was all becoming very real—Larry was going to Vietnam. A small part of Jack felt guilty that he was not with his friend, but he also knew his place was here with Libbie. He hoped that Larry would be okay.

  Over the summer, Jack and Libbie had become close with two other couples in the neighborhood, June and Adam, and Steve and Natalie. Both were young couples, but they already had small children, and sometimes the six of them would get together and play cards on a Tuesday night or have dinner together on a Saturday night. Jack knew how much Libbie enjoyed get-togethers with their neighborhood friends, so even when he was bone-tired he never complained. As winter drew closer and the cooler temps made outdoor barbeques impossible, the dinners moved indoors. Sometimes, Jack worried about Libbie when they all got together. It wasn’t unusual for beer and wine to be passed around, and often one neighbor or another would drink too much. He hoped Libbie wouldn’t feel pressured to drink. He knew she wasn’t supposed to drink while she was on her medication. She always seemed fine, though, and he’d see her politely decline when offered a glass of wine or a beer. They’d been so happy since moving to the new house that he didn’t want anything to change that.

  In late October, Jack told Libbie he’d be working at his uncle’s gas station on Saturdays to help supplement their income.

  “But that’s the night we get together with our friends,” Libbie said, looking disappointed.

  “I’ll only work until five,” Jack told her. “He needs the help, and we need the extra income. I’m hoping I can take on a few repair jobs as well on Saturdays while I’m there. I may even do some on weeknights. I’ve had a lot of people ask me if I’d work on their cars on the side. It would help us with the bills.”

  Libbie was sitting on the bed watching as Jack undressed. “Are we really doing so poorly that you’ll have to work more?” she asked.

  Jack sat down beside her. “Things are just a little tight right now,” he said, not wanting her to worry. “Our bills are higher in the winter because of running the heat, so we could use the extra money.”

  “But none of the other husbands around here work after hours.”

  “They’re probably more established in their jobs and are making more money than I am, Libs. Plus, most of the guys who live here are older than me, so they’ve been working longer.” When he saw the unhappiness in her eyes, Jack took her hands in his. “It’s going to be fine, Libs. I want you to be happy. I don’t mind working a little more so we can live in this nice home.”

  “But I won’t be happy if you’re gone all the time. I like it when you’re home.”

  Jack grinned. “Well, I’m glad you like having me home.” He ran a finger down her back, making her jump and giggle from the chill it gave her. “I’m home now. Do you want to show me how much you like having me here?”

  Libbie laughed and Jack captured her lips with his. They fell back onto the bed as Jack showed Libbie just how much he loved being with her, too.

  With the onset of the holiday season, Libbie went into a decorating frenzy. She started right before Thanksgiving, and the decorating continued into December. Their house twinkled and glistened in every corner, and she also baked dozens of holiday cookies and shared them around the neighborhood. She wanted this Christmas to be extra special in their new home. She borrowed decorations from her parents and asked Jack to string lights around the outside of the house and around the tall pine that grew in the front yard. Jack did, and everyone else in the neighborhood jumped in and decorated their houses as well. It soon became obvious that Libbie’s decorating spree had started a competition for the best-lit house.

  They had spent Thanksgiving at the farm because Abigail wasn’t feeling well enough to host a dinner. Libbie thought it was just as well. She was sorry her mom didn’t feel well, but she enjoyed the farm much more than her parents’ home. Jan came home for the long weekend and everyone had a good time.

  The Saturday before Christmas, Libbie had invited their two favorite couples over for dinner, and then the rest of the neighborhood was invited over for dessert and drinks. It was a bring-your-own-booze type of affair, so it wouldn’t be too expensive. She’d also invited Carol and her new boyfriend over for dinner, too, and couldn’t wait to show off her house and hostess skills to her old friend.

  As Jack readied for work that Saturday morning, he pulled Libbie into his arms. “I know you’re excited about tonight,” he said. “I am, too. I’m a little worried, though. You’ve been working so hard, I’m afraid you might get sick.”

  Libbie frowned. Sick? “I feel fine,” she said defensively.

  He kissed her on the tip of her nose. “I know. I just worry about you. You’ve been pushing yourself so hard over the past few weeks to make everything perfect—and it is. I want you to enjoy the holidays, too.”

  “I am. I love doing all of this,” she said. “Just make sure you’re not late coming home. I want tonight to be perfect.”

  Jack promised he’d leave work early so he could shower and dress before their guests arrived. Once he left, Libbie went straight to work.

  With boundless energy, she cooked and cleaned, and when everything didn’t look perfect to her, she cleaned some more. Twice she mopped the kitchen floor, and when she saw a crumb in the refrigerator, she cleaned it top to bottom. She wanted everyone to think she was the perfect wife and hostess. Nothing could be out of place.

  She was serving roasted duck with orange-ginger glaze, wild rice, and asparagus tips. She’d also baked several pies the day before—apple, pumpkin, pecan, and lemon meringue—to serve when all the neighbors came over later.

  By the time she put the duck into the oven to roast, she was tired, but she thought it was a happy tired. Still, Jack’s words came back to her. You’ve been working so hard, I’m afraid you might get sick. She’d resented the implication of his words. He wasn’t worried she’d get sick; he was worried the added stress would make her start drinking again.

  “Well, I’m just fine,” she said aloud. “I’ve been fine for months.”

  She went to her room to shower and dress for the evening. Once her makeup and hair were done, she put on her new dress. It was tea length, made of sapphire-blue satin, and had a form-fitting bodice that fell into a full skirt from the waist. Libbie had also bought new matching satin pumps to wear with it. Her mother had an open account for her at the local dress shop, and although she rarely used it, she had for tonight. She wanted to look beautiful for Jack, and for him to be proud of her. As she twirled in front of the full-length mirror, she felt like a princess.

  Half an hour before the guests were to arrive, Libbie went back into the kitchen and slipped a full-length lacy apron on over her dress. The duck smelled heavenly. She had the asparagus ready to roast. She pulled the duck out of the oven and slipped in the asparagus, then lifted the lid to check the duck. To her dismay, it looked a bit overcooked. Biting
her lip, she rationalized that once the oranges and glaze were on it, the duck would be fine. She carefully transferred the duck onto a serving platter, covered it, and began making the glaze.

  Fifteen minutes later, when Jack came through the kitchen door, he found Libbie on the floor, sobbing.

  “Libs, what happened? Are you okay?” He ran to her and dropped down beside her.

  “I’ve ruined everything,” she said between sobs. “The duck is overcooked, the glaze didn’t turn out, and the wild rice is clumpy. I can’t do this. I’m a failure.”

  Jack pulled her into his arms and held her tight. “I’m sure it’s all fine,” he said, trying to soothe her, but she pulled away and glared at him.

  “No, it’s not!” she yelled as she stood up. “I’ve worked so hard all day and now it’s all ruined. I can’t serve this to our friends.” Tears streamed down her cheeks, leaving black trails of mascara behind. Jack stood and tried to calm her down, but she backed away. Libbie picked up a serving spoon and threw it across the room. It clattered against a wall before dropping to the floor.

  “Libbie. Don’t. Tell me what needs to be done and I’ll try to help you fix it.”

  Libbie turned on him with wild eyes. “No! Nothing can fix this mess. You were right, I tried doing too much and now I’ve ruined everything. I’m a failure!” She ran to the bedroom and slammed the door.

  Jack stood there, stunned. The manic look in Libbie’s eyes had taken him by surprise. It was almost time for their friends to arrive and he still had to shower and change. What was he going to tell them? He glanced around the kitchen and assessed the situation. Going to the stove, he saw that the glaze in the saucepan was lumpy and too thick to pour. He took it to the sink and ran water into it. He smelled something still cooking in the oven and checked. The asparagus looked cooked, so he pulled it out and covered it. Then he found the duck recipe that Libbie was using and looked it over. He sighed. I don’t know what I’m doing.

  He picked up the phone and called his mom. “I need your help,” he told her.

  Just as he finished doing as his mother instructed, the doorbell rang and he went to answer it. Carol and her new boyfriend were standing there. She wore a silky red dress and heels, and he was wearing a suit.

  “Aren’t you a little underdressed?” Carol asked, giving Jack a teasing smile.

  “We’re running late,” he told her. “Can you greet the other guests for me? I’ll get Libbie and we’ll be out as soon as possible.”

  Carol nodded. “Of course. This is Jim, by the way. Jim Simmons.”

  “Hi,” Jim said, extending his hand.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Jim,” Jack said. “I’m afraid I’m too dirty to shake your hand, though. Can I catch you later?”

  Jim laughed. “You bet.”

  Jack walked to their bedroom and stepped in quietly. Libbie was lying on the bed, tears still falling. He went over and sat on the bed beside her. “Libs? Sweetie? Please stop crying. Carol is here. And her new boyfriend seems nice. Why don’t you freshen up while I shower and then go out and say hi?”

  Libbie sat up and looked at him, her eyes red and swollen. “I’m sorry I yelled at you,” she said with a shaky voice. “You were right—I was trying to do too much and I failed. I just wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted you to be proud of me.”

  “Oh, Libs. You don’t have to prove to me that you’re perfect. I already know you are.” He slipped his arm around her and pulled her to him, kissing her softly on the lips. “I married the most beautiful girl in town, and the smartest and sweetest, too,” he whispered. “I knew I was lucky the day you said you’d marry me.”

  Libbie sniffled. “I’m not perfect. I ruined dinner. I try too hard and then ruin everything. I’m not good at anything. I’m a failure.”

  “You’re not a failure,” Jack insisted. “Everything you do is amazing. Look at all the beautiful pies you made, and the delicious cookies you shared around the neighborhood. And what about all the decorations? They’re beautiful. Just because one thing went wrong doesn’t mean you’re a failure.”

  “But what about dinner? It’s ruined. What am I going to do?”

  Jack grinned. “It’s not ruined. The duck looks delicious. With my mom’s help, I fixed it and it’ll be fine. She also gave me a tip on how to save the rice. And I took the asparagus out of the oven in time. It’s all fine, Libbie. But if we don’t get out there and eat it soon, it will be ruined.”

  “You fixed it? After I yelled at you?” Libbie asked, surprised.

  “Sure. I’m hungry.” He laughed.

  A small smile tugged at Libbie’s lips.

  “I have to shower and change. You’d better fix your makeup before you go out there. You have raccoon eyes.”

  “Thanks, Jack. You’re always saving me.”

  Jack kissed her again. “I’m happy to do it.”

  Libbie hurried and fixed her makeup and hair then went out to greet her guests. The dinner did taste fine after all, and everyone complimented Libbie on it. And when the neighbors came over for dessert, everyone told her how wonderful her pies were. Jack watched as she graciously accepted their praise. She looked so beautiful, and he was very proud of her.

  Later, after everyone had left, they sat together on the sofa in the darkened living room with only the Christmas tree lights on, enjoying the quiet.

  “You were incredible tonight,” Jack told her, slipping his arm around her.

  “I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Libbie said softly. “I don’t know what got into me. Everything was going fine, and then it all fell apart. And then I fell to pieces, too.”

  “It’s okay, Libs. I know you didn’t mean to. You try so hard to make everything perfect and it stresses you out. I was worried that you were working too hard.”

  Libbie looked up at him. “I don’t know what comes over me. One minute everything is fine and the next I’m an emotional mess. It’s like I don’t have any control over my emotions. And the harder I try, the worse it gets. I should have listened to you and not pushed myself so hard.”

  “It’s okay, Libs. I’m just happy that tonight turned out so well. The neighbors loved your dinner, and your pies were a success.”

  Libbie dropped her head on his shoulder. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “And my mother.” Jack chuckled.

  Libbie smiled. “And your mother.”

  “I love you, Libs. Just you. You don’t have to be anything or anyone else for me. You’re perfect just as you are. Don’t forget that, okay?”

  Libbie nodded her head. Jack stood and lifted her into his arms, carrying her off to bed as she laughed warmly.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Jack and Libbie celebrated the New Year at June and Adam’s house, along with a dozen other neighborhood friends. New Year’s Eve was on a Friday night, so everyone let loose and had a good time. When midnight rolled around, June, with Libbie and Natalie’s help, passed out glasses of champagne to everyone. Jack and Libbie clinked glasses as the clock struck twelve, then kissed after sipping their champagne.

  “Happy New Year, honey,” Libbie said into his ear.

  “Happy 1972,” Jack said, kissing her once more. They laughed and joined in with their friends, giving hugs all around.

  Libbie hadn’t had a drink since her overdose, and the smooth, sweet taste of the champagne felt good as it slid down her throat. She’d meant to put the glass down right away, but it was hard to resist. She drank it all, and then set it down, but when June poured her another one, she accepted. What would it hurt for her to drink just a little more?

  By the time they left the party, Libbie was more than a little tipsy. Jack helped her on with her coat and wrapped his arm around her as they walked back to their house.

  Both of them were in a blissful mood, and they made slow, sweet love that night. Afterward, Libbie lay curled up beside Jack with her head on his bare chest. She could hear the steady beat of his heart, and she loved feel
ing his warm body next to hers.

  “Where do you think Larry is tonight?” Libbie asked quietly.

  “I was wondering the same thing at midnight when everyone was celebrating,” Jack said. “I know he’s in Vietnam, but he hasn’t written since he shipped out in December.”

  “I hope he’s safe somewhere, having a drink and thinking of home,” Libbie said.

  Jack pulled her closer. “Me, too.”

  They lay there a while longer before Libbie broke the silence again. “Jack?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Let’s have a baby.”

  Jack lay silent, not answering for a while. Finally, he looked at Libbie. “I don’t know if this is the right time, Libs. Maybe we should wait another year or so.”

  Libbie rose on one elbow and looked down at the outline of Jack’s face in the dark room. “But you said when we had a home of our own we could start a family. Now we have this nice place, and this is a wonderful neighborhood. I really want to start a family. I don’t want to wait anymore.”

  Jack reached up and tenderly brushed his fingertips along the side of Libbie’s face. “I want a family, too, but don’t you think we should wait? Babies are a lot of work and can wear you down. I’m worried it may be too much stress for you. Maybe you should talk to the doctor first to see if it’s safe to get pregnant while you’re on medication.”

  Libbie stiffened. “You mean you’re afraid I’ll freak out and overdose again.”

  “Libs . . .”

  “Jack, I haven’t had a drink, except for tonight, since last March. And I’m no longer taking my antidepressant or the Valium. I stopped taking them after we moved in here.”