by Aileen Fish
Lily finally fell asleep late into the night but her dreams were restless and all night she dreamed of being kidnapped, or that she was separated from Eric and she couldn’t find him no matter how hard she looked. Toward dawn, she began to have a dream that she was alone in the woods. She could hear Slim’s voice calling to her. She tried to run but the more she ran the closer he seemed to get. His voice was right in her ear. “I’m a comin’ for ya, girlie,” he cackled.
Lily woke in a cold sweat and sat up. She felt so alone and afraid. She couldn’t even talk about how she was feeling for fear of being discovered. After a night of rest, Ann would not be retiring to the wagon today. She was forced into silence.
The day seemed to drag on, even more so because she was exhausted. She craved sleep but when the time came to actually fall asleep she again had difficulty and was plagued by nightmares. By the next day, Lily could feel her shoulders slumped with exhaustion but she was too tired to do anything about it. She also noticed Tom, Eric, and James whispering and looking at her with concern but she didn’t know what they were saying and couldn’t bring herself to muster the strength to ask. When they broke for camp, Ann and Tom went to gather firewood.
Eric immediately wrapped his arms around her and she slumped against him. Her eyes closed of their own accord.
James started to protest but Eric gave him a sharp look and growled, “Not now James.”
James was silent and Lily was thankful for the warmth of his embrace even for a few minutes.
Finally, James spoke. His voice was the gentlest it had been in days. “Lily, what is wrong?”
“Can’t sleep,” she mumbled, “nightmares.”
“James, we can’t let this continue. She looks like the walking dead.” Eric gave her a small squeeze.
“What choice do we have? We have to continue, we have to get her to safety.”
James paused, “We could say that she is sick and let her sleep in the wagon.”
Eric thought for a second. “Then what would we do with Ann? Where would she sleep at night? She might also try to tend to Lily and that could get...complicated.”
James nodded and Lily thought it was nice to hear them speaking cordially.
“James, could Eric sleep next to me?” Lily asked.
“Lily,” James started to protest.
“Please James, you’ll be right on the other side of me and then, if I need to, I can hold his hand in the night when Slim comes to get me.” She paused, “I mean in my dream. He comes to get me in my dream.” She was already falling asleep in the warmth of Eric’s arms.
James nodded his head, concern seeming to override his desire to keep them apart.
“Sweetheart, you’ve got to wake up and have dinner. Then you can go to sleep.” Lily roused herself as the meal was prepared. She shoved down what she could then lay down on the bedroll. She was already falling asleep and knowing that Eric would be next to her helped her start to drift off. She heard Ann, however, ask a few questions about her.
“Is Billy all right? That boy looked tired all day. He isn’t getting sick is he?”
“I hope not,” Eric replied but Lily could hear the concern in his voice.
The next morning, Lily woke feeling better and realized that she was holding Eric’s hand in her sleep. No wonder she had slept well. She heard someone stir and saw Ann coming back from the woods. Hopefully the woman had not noticed that Lily was grasping Eric’s hand.
She quickly placed her hat over her bandana that held back her hair. It was braided and tucked into the wrap that bound her breasts. It was extremely uncomfortable but she could do little about it other than cut her hair and that was not going to happen.
“Good morning,” Lily nodded to Ann, using her best male voice. Ann looked surprised and Lily realized that she had not spoken to Ann the entire trip.
Ann smiled and returned the greeting then began building up the fire. Everyone in the camp began to stir and shortly after, they hit the trail again. James insisted that Lily ride on the seat of the wagon with Tom and Ann for a few hours. While it was a welcome change to not have to sit in the saddle, Lily was nervous because it meant a lot of potential conversation with Ann. She didn’t know how long she could fake being male.
As the group set out, Ann remained silent. It was early and most everyone was still tired. But as the morning heated up, so did the conversation.
Ann looked over at Lily. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Better, thank you.” Lily didn’t want to say too much.
Ann looked disappointed so Lily decided it would be all right to ask the other woman some questions. If she herself kept quiet, she wouldn’t give too much away. “What brings you on this trip?”
Ann frowned slightly. “My husband and I were planning on settling down near Bucksport but he...” Ann hesitated then spoke again, “He passed away.”
“Oh, I am so sorry,” Lily’s brow furrowed. “You poor thing!”
Ann looked at her surprised. “Thank you. It has been very difficult.” Ann put down her head and Tom gave her the eye over Ann’s bonnet. Lily realized that she had reacted far more like a woman than a man. She bit her lip. This was not going well.
By noon, everyone was hot and exhausted. The wagon bumped over several rocks and made a sickening crack. Tom pulled the wagon over next to a river and got down to take a look. James and Eric dismounted to join him.
Ann looked over at her. “I may as well make us some lunch. Who knows how long this will take to fix.”
Lily nodded then realized that she should have joined the men. It would seem awkward now and she couldn’t help Ann. She considered wading in the water but knew that James would not approve. She smiled to think how like her father James had become. She climbed down of the seat and sat silently on the river bank when she heard a noise coming down the trail. It started as a low rumble, and grew steadily louder. She felt her insides clench. Lily looked over at the three men checking the wagon wheel but they had stopped. They too were watching the trail. Quickly, Lily got up and crouched down next to Eric, wanting to be near him as the hooves of approaching horses echoed the pounding of her heart.
A group of about ten uniformed men stopped just in front of the wagon where Ann was partitioning out a small meal. Not knowing that they might be in danger of uniformed men, she smiled easily and asked if she could help them, as Tom stepped up next to her.
An officer stepped forward. “We are looking for some travelers, perhaps you have seen them?” He smiled, clearly inspecting Ann.
It was Tom who responded. “We’re happy to be of service. I’m Tom Mitchell, and this is my wife Ann.”
“Major Cleary. May I ask who you are traveling with?”
Lily was surprised that Ann did not even blink when Tom announced that she was his wife. This must have been part of the original plan. Lil y wondered what circumstances had caused Ann to go along with this charade.
Tom smiled at the Major. “Of course, my brother Jim is gathering some firewood. My brothers Billy and Sam are fixing the wagon wheel.”
Eric whispered, “Keep your hat low and tip it slightly, say nothing.” Lily nodded, he did not have to tell her twice.
They both stepped out from behind the wagon and tipped their hats. Eric also seemed to be keeping his hat low and Lily wondered if he knew Major Cleary.
“I am sorry for the interrogation. We have been traveling a long way looking for a lost girl. Perhaps we could join you for a bit?” Cleary asked.
Tom nodded and Ann began to lay out more food. The men with the Major began to dismount and Lily felt fear curling inside her. She wanted to run away but she knew it was a mistake. She told herself to breathe. She was unconsciously inching closer to Eric, also a mistake.
Ann turned back toward the wagon and looked at her. “Billy,” she called. “Would you help Jim fetch some firewood?”
Lily nodded, relief making her feel limp. She left in the direction that James had headed, glancin
g back at Eric, who was still working at the wheel. A soldier had stepped around to assist him and Lily was relieved she had an excuse to not be there. She sent a silent ‘thank you’ to Ann. She wondered, however, how much of the situation Ann understood. Was it coincidence that the other woman had sent her off? Lily found it hard to believe, Ann had never asked her to do anything before.
James was not far off and he seemed to be standing in a field waiting for her. He smiled when he saw her, clearly relieved, then began gathering more firewood. “Get as much as you can. We’ll stall for as long as possible.”
“James, how much does Ann know?” Lily asked, her eyes narrowing. Did Ann know that she was a girl? Had she been hiding for nothing?
“She knows that you are under our protection and that you are to be around as little as possible when we have visitors. She knows that we are trying to keep our identities secret.” James shrugged.
“Why would she agree to this?” Lily asked, again surprised that a lone woman would agree to travel with a group of men who were hiding their identities.
“We gave her some basic information and agreed to pay her a handsome sum to help us. She and her husband had very little and when he died, she lost what little they had. She is trying to get back to her family, but she needs money.”
Lily felt a swell of pity for Ann. She could only imagine the desperation that Ann must have been feeling to make her join an unknown and potentially dangerous group to try to get to family. While her own situation was dire, at least she had her family working for her.
After a while, James motioned her to return to the camp and Lily felt dread fill her again. It was more controlled this time, with time to prepare herself she decided she needed to throw herself into the role of adolescent boy.
They approached the camp, and James nodded to Cleary, who was talking to Ann and Tom, then walked behind the wagon to check on Eric. Unsure of what to do and, not wanting to look awkward, Lily began to build a fire.
“Billy,” James called roughly, “could you fetch some water?”
Lily nodded. She grabbed two buckets in the back of the wagon and headed for the shore. “Head up stream, I saw a pool, see if it’s any good for fishing.”
Walking through the woods, she was initially glad to be away but nervous about being alone. Lily found the pool her brother had been referring to, it did look good for fishing. She returned with the buckets of water and grabbed some hooks and line for fishing. The men had jacked up the wagon and were replacing a spoke on the wheel. Ann had put coffee on the fire and Tom had his head over a map with the Major. She turned to head back for the pool when Eric stood as they greased the axle with tar and put the wheel back in place.
“You thinking about doing some fishing?” he asked her casually. She nodded and he added. “I think I’ll join you, are the hooks in the back?” She nodded again.
No one seemed to notice her silence and Lily was relieved. Eric followed her along the trail but said nothing until they were out of earshot. “Are you doing all right?”
“I’m fine,” she whispered back. “But I’ll be glad when they go.” The two reached the stream and began tying their hooks.
“Me too. I’ve met Cleary on a few occasions and I don’t want him to recognize me.” Eric shook his head. Lily could see his fist tighten around his pole.
“Is he dangerous?” she asked. While the soldiers made her nervous, she knew that it was just a small faction that followed Colonel Kingsley and participated in his criminal acts.
Eric did not have the opportunity to answer. The voice of Major Cleary drifted toward them from just downstream.
“I don’t see the girl you are referring to. This one has dark hair and brown eyes. There are three men and a boy traveling with her. All brothers.” Irritation marked Cleary’s voice.
“Depart shortly then and keep looking. We need to find her before the Colonel does. She will be my prize, not his.” Lily’s breath stopped in her chest. It was unmistakably the voice of Lieutenant Colonel Andrews.
She looked at Eric who nodded. He recognized Andrews’s voice too.
The two soldiers departed but Eric and Lily remained hidden for a few minutes.
Finally Eric spoke. “I never liked that Andrews.”
“Me either. But how does he know Colonel Kingsley’s plans?” Lily felt a shiver run down her spine.
“I have heard rumors that they are in business together. If they are, Andrews is attempting a double cross.”
Lily hung her head. “This gets worse by the day.”
Eric reached for her hand. “We’ll get you out of this. We are almost to Portland.” He gave it a small squeeze. “Do you feel up to doing a little fishing? It will keep us out of camp.”
An hour later, Lily had caught three fish and Eric four.
“I had no idea you were that good,” Eric said, clearly impressed.
“Wait ‘til you see me clean them,” she smiled. Fishing had helped calm her nerves.
“I don’t believe it,” he stated softly.
“Well, hopefully, it leaves little question with the Major and the other soldiers that I am what I say I am, or what Tom says I am.” Lily pushed her hat further down on her head.
“It would sell me, if I didn’t already know what was under those clothes.” He gave her a devilish grin but she swatted at him playfully.
She and Eric returned to camp and set on the bank of the river, silently cleaning, then deboning the fish. She had done a great deal of fishing growing up in an ocean town and she made quick work of her fish. Once they had removed the skin, Ann came over and collected the fish to toss in a frying pan.
“Billy, would you be a dear and see if you can find me some chives to toss in with this fish?” Ann smiled and winked at her.
“Yes ma’am,” Lily said softly and set back down the trail. They all seemed determined to keep her out of the camp. That was fine with her.
She headed back to the fishing pool, hoping to find some chives there. She was thinking that she would spend some time sitting by the pool, rather than hunting through the woods. As she stepped out of the clearing, she found one of the soldiers taking a bath in the pool. She felt her face flame up and turned to leave when he noticed her.
“Hey kid, you think you got some soap I could use?” he called to her.
“Sure,” she said, her heart hammering in her chest. He was turned partially away from her but she saw far more of him than she really wanted to and she had to go back and see him again! The whole situation made her extremely uncomfortable.
Within ten minutes, she was back at the camp. Ann smiled at her. “Back already?”
She shook her head no, “One of the men needs some soap.” She reached for the soap but the Major stopped her.
“You’ve given us enough of your hospitality. I’m sure he can do without soap. Just go tell him I said so,” Lily nodded but her insides churned. That would require her to say more words than she had uttered the entire day. She didn’t want to give herself away now.
James stepped in, “Billy, why don’t you go get Ann her chives, I think I saw some downstream. I would be happy to bring your man some soap.” James grabbed the soap and Lily headed in the opposite direction but she could feel the eyes of Major Cleary on her back.
Chapter 14
After having fed the soldiers and fixing the wheel, the two groups parted ways. The soldiers heading north and the rescue mission south. Everyone was on edge and while Ann’s presence had been a blessing today, Lily was frustrated with the forced silence. She desperately wanted to tell her brother’s about Lieutenant Colonel Andrews’s presence but couldn’t speak in front of Ann. It was infuriating.
The group rode until the dusk had long settled into darkness and then finally stopped to rest. Everyone in the group was tense, the day had worn them all thin and Lily decided it would be best to eat a few bites and go to sleep. Eric would have to fill them in on the day’s events. She tossed her sleeping roll next to Er
ic’s and felt James glaring at her back. She ignored it and lay down, closing her eyes. She knew James didn’t like her sleeping next to Eric but she was in no mood to deal with him tonight.
Finally, after the camp had long since gotten quiet, she heard Eric whisper, “Lily, you have to go to sleep.”
“I can’t,” she whispered back. “Today was...” She didn’t have to say it, he already knew. She realized another emotion that was feeding into her frustration, desire. She wanted to feel Eric, to touch him and be touched. It was curling up inside her, consuming her, feeding the flames of emotion.
She scooted over toward him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, then nuzzled his neck. Maybe they could slip away.
“Lily, this is not a good idea,” Eric gritted out.
“Everyone is asleep, we could just...” Lily began to slide her hand down his body.
“Tom is keeping watch and he will notice. Go to sleep,” Eric turned away from her and Lily wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry or to spit but she knew that white hot fury was coursing through her veins.
She could do nothing and so what seemed like hours later, she finally fell asleep but she slept restlessly and dawn came agonizingly early. If it was possible, she woke in a worse mood than when she had fallen asleep.
James seemed to have suffered a similar fate and no one spoke over breakfast, the tension was palpable. They packed up and headed out early, Lily was sure that the group was trying to put as much distance between themselves and the soldiers as possible. She said little as the miles passed and tried to focus on the beautiful scenery around them, but her anger was too fierce to allow her to enjoy it. They finally stopped for a late lunch. Ann went to get firewood and asked Lily to help her. Lily trailed behind her, not really wanting to help but unable to say no. It was exhausting trying to act like someone other than herself. Ann turned suddenly, “Billy, can I talk to you for a second?”