by Mercy Amare
I take off running, looking for who did this to Kasbian, but I soon realize that the person is long gone. The coward who shot him has gotten away, and I’m not closer to figuring out who this person is than I was five months ago. I just took a huge step back.
I walk back over to where Olivia and Kasbian are. My legs give away, and I fall onto the ground and begin to sob. Olivia is on the phone, I’m guessing she’s calling the police, and I don’t even have the strength to stand up. Somebody else died because of me… because of my stalker. All because he was trying to help me.
I can’t lose anybody else. I can’t let anybody else die because of me. I can’t handle it.
I’m about to push myself off the ground when I notice a piece of paper blowing through the wind. I pick it up and read the words.
He knew too much.
The words feel like a kick in the stomach. He knew too much. He knew, and he was trying to tell me. He knew, and it cost him his life.
9pm
Interrogation.
I hate being interrogated.
And it’s not like they are interrogating me as a killer. They’re interrogating me as a witness. I’ve witnessed a lot of murders, and I know the routine all too well, but it doesn’t get any easier. The only reason I’m not still being questioned is because my dad’s lawyer said enough.
I told the place everything. I showed them all the notes — even the ones regarding Ariana’s disappearance. I am done playing games.
I also told them what Kasbian said as he was dying.
Don’t trust him.
My stalker is a him, that much I know now, though I’m not sure it will make the investigation any easier.
I don’t understand how this person is staying hidden. They’ve killed four people. How are they leaving behind zero evidence? I’m hoping that tonight some clue was left behind. I’m hoping that we find him, and put him behind bars.
Brian is waiting for me when I come out of the interrogation room. He looks relieved to see me. I walk into his open arms and just let him hold me. I need him to hold me. When we pull back, I look around for my dad.
“Where is my dad at?” I ask him.
“He couldn’t come,” Brian tells me. “He’s working on some project at work, and he couldn’t get away.”
“He couldn’t… get away?” The hurt is evident in my voice. Has me watching somebody die become some normal that he can’t pull himself away from his work for a few hours to be here for me? “What could possibly be more important than me?”
“Nothing,” Brian says. “Nothing is more important than you.”
“Then why isn’t he here? Obviously something is more important.”
Brian pulls me back into his arms. “I’m sorry, Kihanna,” he says, gently rubbing my back. “I’m so, so sorry.”
I know he’s saying sorry for more than my dad not showing up. He’s saying sorry that this happened to me. Again.
“Where is Olivia?” I ask him.
“Mom took her home,” he answers.
His mom. Oh my God. “She must hate me.”
“No she doesn’t. Because none of this is your fault. You didn’t ask for this.”
“But hanging out with me is dangerous. This is the second time somebody had died while Olivia was with me…” My voice trails off, and I try hard to take a deep breath but I can’t. “What if something would have happened to her? What if he decided that Olivia knew too much and decided to shoot her? I just… can’t… imagine…”
Brian stays quiet, and I can tell he’s thought the exact same thing.
“I should stop hanging out with her.”
“No. You shouldn’t. You can’t let him continue to run your life. You have to take control. Besides, I don’t think you could get rid of Olivia if you wanted to,” he says. “She’s seen your struggle, and I know my sister. She’s not going to let you go through this alone.”
“I should have never become friends with her… I should have never started dating you… I…” I shake my head, wanting the bad feelings to all go away. “I put the both of you in danger.”
“You can’t give up your life for this person. You can't isolate yourself. And most of all, you can’t blame yourself. It’s not healthy,” he says. “Olivia can take care of herself. So can I. We both knew what being in your life meant. We both knew the consequences. Nothing has changed, and neither of us are going anywhere.”
“How can you say that when your life is in danger?”
“Kihanna… I love you… Nothing could make me run away from you, especially not right now. This is a temporary problem, and soon the police will figure it out. And soon you will be able to put this behind you. And this is just a small part of our life. I plan on spending the rest of my life with you.”
Brian wants to spend the rest of his life with me. All other thoughts dissolve, because my heart is melting.
“I love you too,” I tell him.
He puts his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s get out of here.”
Together we leave the police station, and even in my grief I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Every time my stalker kills somebody, it makes me that much more determined and that much more focused. I will figure this out. And when I do, I am going to kill him. That much I am certain of.
Wednesday, April 11
8am
Kasbian Hodge.
Today there is no homeroom, and for that I am thankful. I don’t think I could sit there, and think about the empty seat beside me. I can’t think about the fact that Kasbian isn’t alive anymore. I just want to forget about it. But I can’t, because today we are having a memorial for Kasbian Hodge.
Kasbian was eighteen years old.
He made straight A’s.
He had a full scholarship to UCLA.
He was going to be a teacher. Like his dad.
Kasbian had two siblings. One younger sister and one older brother.
And his life was stolen from him by a coward.
Thanks to my stalker, Kasbian doesn’t have a future. That was stolen from him. Two siblings lost their brother. A parent lost their child. And I lost a friend.
I know that Kasbian and I had a rocky relationship, but I do consider him a friend. I’m only sorry that I didn’t take the time to get to know him better. I’m sorry that now I will never have the time to know him better. Because for Kasbian, he has no more time. He has no more future. And over time, he will be forgotten by everybody at school. He’ll be that “kid that died in high school”. Most people won’t even remember his name, but I will. He will always be in my heart. I will always remember his bravery.
Olivia sits by me in the auditorium. Part of me is surprised she is even talking to me, but part of me isn’t. Olivia is a very brave person, and she would never abandon me when I need her the most… But I wouldn’t blame her if she did.
She gives my hand a squeeze, and I love her for it.
She looks at me, and one look says it all. She’s worried about me. She’s scared for me. And she’s hurting. Last night, she saw somebody die right in front of her… For the second time in her short life, she watched somebody get murdered. And I know she is reminded of Keith. Once again, I think how can she even stand the sight of me? Because if I were her, I would run. Fast. Being friends with me definitely isn’t safe.
When I look around the auditorium, I see that a lot of people are staring at me. Some looks are looks of disgust… Maybe they think it was me? Since I moved here, two people in the school have died, and one is missing… It’s all connected to me… But a lot of looks are sympathetic.
“I have something that I want to give you after school,” Olivia whispers to me.
“What is it?” I ask her.
She shakes her head, and I know she’s not going to answer. But I’m curious. She has a very serious look on her face, and she almost looks guilty. But what could Olivia feel guilty about?
I push the thoughts to the back of my head. R
ight now is about Kasbian. He deserves to be honored… No… He deserves to be alive.
10am
Free.
After the memorial, they let school out… To give people time to mourn. I go with Olivia to her house. All her siblings are at school, and her parents are gone. It’s weird that it’s quiet, because every time I’m here it’s so loud I can’t think. I like the noise, because I hate thinking.
When we get to Olivia’s room, she grabs something out of her closet and hands it to me. It’s a bright pink journal with white and black flowers covering it. It’s not at all what I expected her to give me.
“This was Lily’s journal,” she tells me. “I’ve never read it before, because I just… can’t… bring myself to. But I think you need to.”
She looks so guilty as she says it.
“Are you sure you want me to read it?” I ask. “This seems really personal.”
“I should have read it a long time ago,” she says. “Before Lily died, she was scared. And I think there might be clues in there… Clues that could give you answers.”
I look up from the journal and at her. She is looking at her shoes and playing with the hair at the end of her braid.
“You mean…” I pause, taking a deep breath. “You think the same person who has been torturing me maybe was… her too?”
Olivia nods. “I don’t know for sure. I didn’t want to read her journal, because I hated the idea of her last few months alive to have been spent in fear. I was also mad at her for not telling me more. Her mom was the one who gave me her journal. I don’t think her mom had any idea what was going on. Nobody did. Except me.”
“What about Ty and Gabe? Shouldn’t they have known? They were close to her.”
Neither of them have said a word to me. Surely Gabe would have if he thought Lily had been going through the same thing.
“I don’t know, Kihanna. All I know is that I think whoever you’re looking for is in here.” She looks up at me. “I think I’m going to go to bed. I’m not feeling good.”
“I’ll just… go,” I say. “I have a lot of reading to do anyway.”
After a quick goodbye, I head home.
Olivia is obviously hurting.
There has been too much death. Too much pain. Too much fear.
I’m ready to be free.
4pm
Lily’s journal.
As soon as I get home, I start reading Lily’s journal.
August 23
My nanny says I should “write down” my feelings… I think she only bought me this so I would stop complaining to her… So here goes.
I started a new school today. I think I like it, because everybody is like me. Everybody at the school has parents who either don’t care about them, or are gone all the time… Or both… I’m not the only person who was raised by a nanny while my parents were out traveling the world, too bothered to take their only child with them… But a lot of the people here are arrogant and rude. Especially this girl names Jacqueline Hoff. I could tell she hated me the second she saw me, but I won’t waste any space on her. She’s not worth it.
There are a lot of cute guys, though. I met this really nice guy named Gabriel Johnson. He’s cute in the “boy next door” kind of way. He reminds me of Chad Michael Murray, and makes me want to watch One Tree Hill. But seriously, I think I may be in love with him. He has the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. And his smile. Oh my goodness… Excuse me while I wipe the drool off my face… Gabe’s best friend, however, is anything BUT nice. He has these piercing green eyes, and I swear I can see evil in them. Okay, I know I’m being sarcastic, but he keeps hitting on me! And he doesn’t understand the word NO. I mean, he’s beautiful, but I’m already in love with his best friend.
Speaking of “best friends”, I think I found mine. A girl named Olivia Asher. She’s seriously the cutest person EVER. She’s shy. And she looked surprised when I talked to her. She’s not like the other kids. She’s not RICH. I like that. I like her.
But other than Gabe and Olivia, today pretty much sucked. High school is high school, no matter what your zip code is.
Well, that’s it. Should I say bye, or what?
Ummm… Bye. <3 Lily.
I read through the pages, and can’t help but feel connected to Lily. She and I are a lot alike. Well, except I obviously fell for Ty’s bad boy ways right away, and it took her a little longer. I continue reading through September when I see something that alarms me a little.
September 29
Today Ty Newman kissed me.
I KNOW. I KNOW.
Ty. Freaking. Newman.
The boy I said I’d never fall for.
And the worst part of it all is that I’m dating Gabriel. I’m in a relationship, and I CHEATED on him. I feel so guilty. But at the same time, I feel amazing… Ty’s lips were soft. And they made me feel things… things I’ve never felt with Gabe. It makes me wonder… MAYBE I am with the wrong guy. Which breaks my heart, because Gabe is such a good guy. He doesn’t deserve this.
I’m scared. Because I still kind of want to be with Gabe. But Ty is his best friend. Certainly he will tell him what we did.
I should tell him. But I won’t.
Something else happened today… something… disturbing. In my locker, somebody put a picture of Gabe and me in his bedroom. On the back of the picture it said ‘Your days are numbered.’ I don’t know whose idea of a joke it was, but it wasn’t funny. When I showed it to Gabe, he just shrugged it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but I’m scared. Somebody had to take the picture from INSIDE his house. And I don’t know why he’s not freaking out.
<3 Lily
A chill comes over me, and I set the journal down. I decide to send a text to Gabe.
Me: Did Lily ever get notes… like me?
Gabe: Not that I’m aware of… But Lily was a very private person. If she was getting notes, I don’t think she would tell me.
Me: So she NEVER showed you any notes… Like at all?
Gabe: Nope.
He’s lying.
Gabriel is lying.
I take a deep breath to calm my shaky nerves… It’s been two years since Lily wrote this. Maybe he’s forgotten. That has to be it. He probably forgot about this, and Lily didn’t show him any more.
Before I can think about it anymore, there is a knock on my door. It’s Brian. I put away the journal and spend time with him.
Brian helps me forget. And I like that. A lot.
Thursday, April 12
3pm
Clue hunting.
Ty hasn’t been at school all week.
I also haven’t talked to him since I went to his house on Tuesday. I still have no idea why my stalker wanted me to go there. I pull out my own journal and start looking at my notes. There is something different about the note that was left saying Ty wanted me to come over. That note was handwritten. The other notes have either been typed or cut out of magazines and newspapers, to make complete sentences.
What if the note wasn’t from my stalker? What if it was from somebody else?
I pull out my phone and texted Ty.
Me: I don’t think the note left in my locker was from my stalker. I think it was from somebody else.
I get a response a few seconds later.
Ty: Who else could it be from?
Me: I don’t know. But I plan on figuring it out.
Ty: Be careful.
I put away my phone and decide maybe I should go back to Ty’s house. Maybe there is a clue there.
But I don’t want to go alone.
I also don’t want to ask Olivia, because she’s been having a hard time since Kasbian died. She left halfway through the school day. I know she just needs time to herself right now. Time to think. Time to heal. Keith died just over three months ago, and they dated a year before that. She is still mourning him, and this was just a reminder. The same person who killed him, killed Kasbian… And they police are no closer to figuring out who it was then they were th
en.
Gabe would go with me to Ty’s house.
But I don’t want to go with him.
The only other option is Toby.
Me: Are you busy?
Toby: Never. What’s up?
Me: Feel like going clue hunting with me?
Toby: Be right over.
I smile as I put away my phone. I’m sort of glad Brian is working late tonight, because I don’t think he would approve of what I am about to do. But I need to know. If I save Ariana, all of this will be worth it. Too many people have already died. She doesn’t need to be one of them.
My heart hurts as I think about Kasbian. I still can’t believe he’s really gone.
When Toby gets to my house, I tell him about the note that was left in my locker… The one I thought was from Ty. Toby already knows about Kasbian, but I tell him the whole story… The part where Kasbian knew who my stalker was, and he was about to tell me when he was shot. I tell him everything… except about the journal. I’m not sure why I don’t tell him, but it seems so personal. If I told him, he would probably want to read it, and I don’t think Olivia would want me to let just anybody read it. So I keep that part to myself. And when I get back home tonight, I will be reading more.
“Do you think that Ty knows something?” Toby asks me.