by Mercy Amare
“I knew you’d get in,” my dad says confidently.
I stop jumping, and look at him. I mean really look. He doesn’t look surprised.
“Did I get in because of you?” I ask him.
“No,” he answers. “You got in because you’re smart. You make good grades, you did well on your ACTs, and you’re going to the best private school in California.”
I sigh. “But the fact that Mark Evers is my dad probably helped.”
He doesn’t say anything, because he knows I’m right. I did get in because of my dad… because of my name.
Part of me thinks this is stupid. I got into Stanford. Who cares how or why I got in? I knew when I came here that there would be a lot more opportunities for me. But I guess I expected it to feel better.
If I was still living in St. Louis, I wouldn’t have even applied to a school like Stanford. I’d apply to state colleges only — Mizzou, Arkansas State University, Ole Miss, or Tennessee State… But here I am, accepted into Stanford. It feels like a dream.
It doesn’t matter if I got in because of Dad. Or at least that’s what I am telling myself.
“I’m proud of you,” Dad says.
“Thanks… Stanford, wow.” And then for a moment I’m wondering how much money it will cost, because even if I were going to a state college, money would be an issue for my mom. “It’s going to be really expensive, isn’t it?”
“Don’t worry about that, Kihanna. I am going to pay for your education.”
I put the letter down and look up at him. “Do you ever feel like you give me too much?”
He looks shocked by my words, but he shakes his head. “I can never give you enough. You are my world. And the truth is, I’m still trying to make up for the seventeen years I lost with you. I would buy you the moon if I could. It would never be enough.”
I throw my arms around him, and he stiffens before he hugs me back.
I like this.
My dad, hugging me. It feels so… unexpected… so normal. And I realize I would give up my way-too-expensive car, this mansion, the money, Stanford… everything… just to have my dad in my life more. To see him every day instead of once a week. To have him hug me. To have him tell me that he loves me… That is what I want. And I’m about to say so to when he announces he has to go back to work. Back to ignoring me and pretending I don’t exist. Back to being anywhere but here… anywhere but with me.
Stanford isn’t so exciting anymore. Not when I truly don’t have anybody to share the excitement with.
More than ever, I miss my mom. I know that if she were alive, she would be so proud of me.
7pm
The way it should be.
Brian is excited about my acceptance to Sanford. Mostly because it means I will just be miles away from him. I can even stay at home while I attend, which I admit is pretty great. I don’t want to leave, especially when I’ve just started getting used to it.
It’ll also be nice, because I’ll get to be around my little sister. Even if Dad and Veronica don’t get back together, nothing will stop me from seeing her. I can’t imagine not being a huge part of her life.
Though part of me wonders if everybody would be better off without me… Maybe I should move far, far away. Certainly the stalker wouldn’t uproot their whole life to follow me across the country to college. But the thought of leaving everybody I care about hurts my chest. I can’t do that. I am not going to start over again.
“What are you thinking?” Brian asks me.
“That I should go to college in Alaska, far, far away from my stalker.”
“Alaska is also far, far away from me.”
“You’re the only reason I haven’t booked my flight,” I tell him.
“Running away isn’t going to solve your problem. You need to stay right here and face your problem head on. This person has invested too much time in you to give up now.”
“What do you think they’re going to have me do? To get Ariana back…” my voice trails off. What if I can’t get her back? What if I do everything my stalker asks, and they still kill her? Everything would be in vain. But what other choice do I have? If I tell the police, they will kill her. I need to at least try. I have to try.
“I don’t know,” he says. “But whatever it is, I know it can’t be good.”
“When I dated Gabe, they were always trying to sabotage our relationship. I’m scared they’re going to do the same to us.”
“We won’t let that happen. Besides, what you had with Gabe was just a passing thing. You and I are in it for the long haul.”
I smile at his words, because I know he’s right. I would never let the stalker come between Brian and me. “Sometimes I think I stayed with Gabe to piss off my stalker. Whoever it is obviously didn’t want me to date him, and I got satisfaction over the fact that I was getting to them.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately, especially with all that’s going on, and I can’t stop thinking that it is somebody close to you. How else could they know everything that they do?”
I have thought the same thing, but I can’t wrap my brain around it. There isn’t anybody I know who I think is capable of doing something like this. I just wish I knew. “Do you have a theory on who it could be?”
“I’ve considered a lot of options, ranging from Gabe to Ty to that one awkward kid that always stares at you.”
“Awkward kid that stares at me?” I question, laughing.
“I don’t know his name, and I’ve never met him. Olivia was telling me about him. He’s a scholarship kid, and he doesn’t really have a lot of friends…”
“Kasbian?” I ask. He’s the only person who fits that category, except he doesn’t always stare at me.
“That’s it,” he says.
I shake my head. “Gabe thought it was him too, but it wasn’t. Kasbian is harmless. Besides, we haven’t talked in a long time. And he doesn’t stare at me.”
“So what’s the deal with him anyway?”
“Kasbian is… intense. There really is no other word to describe him. He was my friend, but the second I started dating Ty he completely ignored me. And then after I broke up with Ty, he wanted to be my friend again. And he asked me out on a date, I said yes, then I kind of forgot about the date… And then oddly enough we were friends again… Then we weren’t. Then we were. Now we aren’t.” I laugh, thinking about our roller coaster relationship. “When I say it like that, Kasbian does seem kind of fickle, but he’s not. He’s really nice and sweet, but he doesn’t know how to have friends. He’s very socially awkward.”
“And you don’t think it’s him?”
I shake my head. “No way.”
“So what about Gabe?” he asks.
I bite my lip and consider my words. “I have thought about it being Gabe before, but I just can’t even fathom it. He’s been here for me through all of this, and he’s been trying to help me find the stalker. There is no way that it’s him.”
“But what if that’s his game plan — throw you off the trail of himself?”
“No. It’s not Gabe,” I say, immediately rejecting the idea. I don’t want my stalker to be Gabe, and besides that, I don’t think he is.
“Toby?” he asks.
I roll my eyes. “Toby is my brother. I trust him with my life.”
“You’re right,” Brian says. “It’s definitely not Toby… But what about your other ex-boyfriend?”
“Ty?”
He nods.
“Ty is a lot of things, but stalker isn’t one of them. He doesn’t chase girls. Girls chase him,” I tell him. “I’m his longest relationship, and we only last three months. He wouldn’t waste his time stalking me, because he could have any girl he wanted.”
“But what if he doesn’t want just any girl? What if he just wants you?”
“Look — Ty Newman makes his feelings very clear. It’s not him.”
“Are you going to reject every name I throw out there?” he asks.
�
��Yes, because I can’t stand the thought of somebody I care about doing this to me. I just… need everybody that I care for to be innocent. I keep hoping that it’s somebody I don’t really know. I do know that it’s somebody from my school, but other than that I have no clue. I can’t imagine knowing somebody sick enough to murder and kidnap innocent people.”
“I know you don’t want to, Kihanna, but if you want to figure this out, you’re going to have to,” he says. “Start imagining everybody as your stalker, and eventually you will figure it out. You’re smart. I know the answer is somewhere deep inside.”
Maybe he’s right. Maybe deep inside, I do know. But I’m too terrified to go there… Too scared to think that somebody I love truly hates me enough to make my life miserable by torturing me.
“This person has completely ruined my life. They tore apart my family, killed my friends, and tried to kill me on more than one occasion. I have spent way too much time thinking about them — who they are, what makes them the way they are… But when I picture them, I just… can’t… picture my friends. I don’t want anybody to hate me enough to do all of these things.”
“It’s not you. It’s them. The person who is doing this is sick and twisted. They’re not right in the head,” Brian says. “You can’t think of any of this as your fault.”
“I know. I know.” I sigh sadly. “I just want this whole nightmare to be over. When I go to Stanford next fall, I feel like it’s going to be a new beginning for me. I don’t want to bring all this bad crap from my past with me. I just want to focus on our relationship, school, and the future. I want to enjoy my baby sister without having to worry about somebody kidnapping her. And Olivia to get a boyfriend who makes her extremely happy, and her not have to worry about him being murdered. And I want to not have to worry about anything bad happening to you because of me.”
“We will figure it out before then… Even before summer break, because I want to spend an amazing, unforgettable summer with you. One where we spend every day together,” he says, pulling me closer.
I can’t help but smile. “I am definitely okay with spending every day together. But are you sure you won’t get tired of me?”
“Never,” he says confidently. “I could spend every second of every day with you, and never, ever get tired of you.”
“Good, because I would never get tired of you either.”
“But I might have to fight my sister to get time with you.”
“There is no competition. You’d win. Mostly because I can’t do this with your sister…” I lean over and gently kiss Brian on the mouth. The second our lips touch, all else is forgotten. It’s just him and me. And everything is the way it should be. If only our little piece of paradise could last forever.
Tuesday, April 10
8am
We need to talk.
When I get to school on Tuesday, there is a note waiting for me in my locker. My stomach fills with dread until I read the note. It’s from Ty. I feel myself sigh in relief.
We need to talk. Come by my house after school today. It’s important.
-Ty
I shut my locker and fully intend on finding Ty before the day is over to tell him no. There is no freaking way I’m going over to his house, and he’s insane if he thinks I actually will go. Not happening. Not in a million years.
I walk by his locker on the way to my class and see that he’s not there. I will just have to find him at lunch.
When I get to the classroom, I take my normal seat beside Kasbian, but today is different. Today, he actually looks over at me and says hi. It startles me, because it has been a long time since he’s said anything to me.
“Hey, Kasbian,” I say back. I’m not sure what else to say. Maybe he’s decided to be my friend again… at least until I do something else that makes him mad, which probably won’t take that long.
“So how have you been?” he asks. His tone is very polite, and it’s almost as if he’s pretending the past three months of him ignoring me never happened.
“Good. Just been… uh… busy.”
“I’m glad you have finally dumped Gabriel Johnson and Ty Newman. You’re too good for them,” he says.
“Um… thanks?” It comes out as a question instead of a statement.
“Olivia is a good person,” he says. “I’m glad the two of you are friends.”
“Me too.” I turn my attention forward, hoping that Kasbian doesn’t keep talking.
“So, I was thinking… we need to talk,” he says. “But not here.”
I sigh, and turn to him. “Kasbian, I think you’re an awesome person, I really do. But I don’t want a friendship that is always on and off. I don’t need that in my life right now.”
He looks hurt by my words. “I know that. And I’m sorry for how I’ve been, but I really need to talk to you.”
I can hear the urgency in his voice. “When?” I ask.
“After school. Can I come to your house after I’m done with my janitorial duty?”
“No,” I answer. “I’ll meet you somewhere. And I’m bringing Olivia with me.”
“Fine,” he says. “Meet me at the park by your house. Don’t drive your car. Drive Olivia’s.”
“Seriously? Fine. If you want to be weird and cryptic, I’ll play along. And this better not be for something stupid.”
A look of relief comes over his face. “You won’t regret it, I promise.”
And now I’m wondering — what is so important? What can’t Kasbian tell me here? Does he know who my stalker is? Or better yet, is he my stalker? I guess I will find out today.
2pm
Note?
I never see Ty at school. When I ask around, everybody says they don’t know where he is, so I decide to go to his house after school like the note said. I almost decide to ignore it, but curiosity gets the best of me. I want to know why he left it. What is so important?
When I get to his house, I pull up to the front of his circle drive and walk to the front door. I ring the doorbell, but nobody comes to the door, which is weird. He has a butler. But maybe his butler has the day off… I ring the doorbell again, and finally the door cracks open. Ty looks at me, and steps outside, shutting the door behind him.
“What are you doing here?” he asks. I can see that he’s genuinely shocked to see me.
“You told me to come here,” I remind him. “The note… in my locker…”
“Note?”
I pull the note out of my purse and hand it to him.
“Kihanna, I never left this note for you. It’s not even my handwriting,” he says.
I feel dread wash over me. “Somebody left this note for me, Ty. Somebody wanted me to come here. Why?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know.”
“Actually, I’m kind of glad I’m here. I’ve been wanting to talk to you since Friday night,” I say, stepping closer towards the door. “Do you mind if we go inside and talk?”
Ty steps in front of the doorknob before I can reach it. “Actually, I do mind. I’m kind of in the middle of… something…”
Now I look at Ty… I mean really look at him. He has dark circles under his eyes, and he looks nervous. He keeps rubbing his hand on the back of his neck, and every once in a while he glances out at the driveway.
“Are you expecting somebody?” I ask.
“No,” he answers, but then suddenly his eyes widen. “Yes! I am. I just didn’t want to tell you, but I’d rather you be gone when she gets here.”
“She?” I ask.
“Yeah. There is this girl I’ve been sleeping with. She’s in college. Total babe. But she’s really jealous. I don’t want her to see you and get the wrong impression.”
He is lying. And it’s completely obvious that he’s lying, but I don’t know how to call him out on it. I just wish I knew what it was he didn’t want me to see.
“Can we talk later then?” I ask him.
“Yeah. Later would be good.” He still has his fingers against the
back of his neck.
“When?”
“I don’t know, Kihanna. Just… later…” His voice gets a little snippy. “You need to go now.”
“Okay,” I say, sighing, because I know that is all I’m going to get out of Ty. My stalker obviously wanted me to come here for a reason… I just wish I knew what that reason was.
5pm
COWARD.
Since Brian is working late tonight, Olivia comes over to hang out. I told her about the conversation I had with Ty, and of course the conversation I had with Kasbian. Neither of us can figure out why Ty acted so weird, but maybe Kasbian will have some answers tonight. I’m excited to go and see what he has to say. In a weird way, I do feel like the pieces of the puzzle are coming together… I just can’t see the full picture, but I will soon. I have to soon, because I’m ready to take my life back.
When we pull up to the park, Kasbian’s car is already there. Olivia and I get out, and we walk over by the swings where Kasbian is standing. He looks around nervously.
“Were you followed?” he asks.
“No,” I tell him, my heart pounding. This is it. He knows something. He opens his mouth to say something, just as I hear a loud bang. The sound rings in my ears, and I watch as Kasbian falls to the ground.
I fall to my knees beside him, and watch as blood trickles down from his nose. There is a huge bloodstain on his chest that is growing, and his breaths are shallow. It takes me a moment to realize that somebody shot him.
“Don’t… trust… him,” he says between shaky breaths. “You’re… not… safe…”
Kasbian is about to say something else when his eyes roll to the back of his head, and he goes limp.
I get up, trying not to fall apart right here.
“WHERE ARE YOU?” I shout into the trees. Nothing happens. “YOU’RE SUCH A COWARD! COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME!”