Captivated by Him

by Terri E. Laine

  “Goodnight,” I said to Ash.

  He wasn’t a talker. He nodded and aimed his eyes at the door. I knew he would wait until I was safely inside.

  The room was dark. The hallway light illuminated my steps inside. When the door closed, a shaft of moonlight haloed legs and feet at the end of the first bed.

  Gavin said nothing as I approached, but the tension was palpable.

  I stopped in front of him, unable to meet his eyes. He stood, dwarfing me. Before I could speak, he sidestepped me and headed toward the door.

  “Where are you going?” I called after him.

  He didn’t bother to look back. “Out. Apparently, I’m the only guy in your no-fucking zone.”

  The door didn’t slam shut, but it might as well have. I wanted to yell at him that he was the one that put the brakes on that last night. But a shouting match in a hotel hallway wasn’t my style. Instead, I showered, feeling dirty for no reason. I’d done nothing wrong. Okay, I’d left him, but he’d been acting like he hadn’t wanted me there.

  The water rained down on me along with my tears. My throat felt raw when I finally got out, skin pruned. He wasn’t in the room. At some point, I’d fallen asleep.

  I blinked awake, hearing movement. I rolled away from the glaring sunlight and spotted Gavin fooling with his bag.

  “We should go. Checkout is soon and we should head back to campus.”

  “Yeah, okay,” I croaked.

  “Breakfast is there.”

  Like the previous mornings, he’d brought a selection of things. I bypassed it and took my bag. Things were worse than they’d ever been before. He hadn’t exactly been cold, but there hadn’t been any warmth coming from him. I brushed my teeth and hair and pulled it back. The waves couldn’t be contained and there was no time to flat iron it.

  I’d showered twice yesterday, so I didn’t that morning. He seemed to be in a hurry to leave, which was evident as he sat on the bed waiting for me to be ready. I packed up a breakfast sandwich, a muffin for later, and fruit in a plastic-covered bowl. I left the rest.

  We drove in silence…well, not exactly. Music played through the speaker and the station we listened to was on some kind of Taylor Swift marathon. After every song, I looked at him, waiting for him to change the station, but he didn’t notice. After about the tenth, it was a good thing I’d left the plasticware at the hotel. I felt all kinds of stabby after a while. Who could listen to one breakup song after another, nonstop, while riding in a car with a guy that you’d practically broken up with?

  The road to school never seemed like heaven before, but I wanted to kiss the ground when he pulled into the lot attached to my dorm.

  He didn’t turn off the car, but it was early afternoon. I didn’t need an escort. I pushed open the door and got out. Before I closed it, I spoke for the first time the entire trip back.

  “By the way, I didn’t screw anyone. I’ve only kissed and played baseball with you since we met.”

  I shut the door, feeling somewhat vindicated at the perplexed look on his face. Still, I thought about the cutie who’d been trying to get me to go out with him before spring break. His name was Shawn. The only problem was he was Gavin’s replacement on the rowing team.

  But what the heck. I had nothing to lose.

  33

  gavin

  Baseball? I hadn’t driven off because not only had I acted like an ass last night when I knew she wasn’t that type of girl…

  But baseball…I didn’t get what she meant. I rolled it in my mind a second before it clicked. First base was kissing, etc. We’d gotten to third base and I’d friend zoned her.

  I closed my eyes. I’d let the knowledge that her mom put bad guys in jail kill everything between us. What else was I supposed to do? Her mother would never accept me. She’d probably do her homework on me and find out all about my misdeeds and that was even if I could make a clean break from the family, which was also impossible.

  Someone blew their horn and I left. I didn’t go back to the dorms. I drove home. I got out of the truck and heard the familiar sound of a door shutting.

  “Agent Davies, I don’t need this shit right now.”

  He didn’t care and pressed on.

  “This is your last warning, Gavin. My boss would have my balls if he found out I was here. We both know you’re a good kid.”

  I wasn’t a good anything. He wasn’t finished.

  “They’re going down and you don’t have to go down with them.”

  “Down with the ship.” I saluted.

  “Kid, I’m serious. This shit is going to be real ugly. Get out while you can.”

  “I hate to tell you, but it’s already there. And stop trying to save me—I’m not worth it.”

  I plodded to the door like I was wading through knee-deep sand. This wasn’t the first time Agent Davies had approached. He did this on the regular. I wasn’t sure how close they really were to closing the case. He could be fucking with me, hoping to trip us up.

  I opened the door and got a fist to the face.

  “Talking to the Febbies, are you?”

  Bear. I hadn’t seen his car, but he was here. I balled my fist ready to retaliate when my father appeared and silently begged me not to. But next to him was Jeff.

  Blood trickled into my mouth from a split lip. Good thing my reflexes were good. I’d pulled back enough I hadn’t lost teeth over the blow. My anger, however, hadn’t fared as well. It was bad that Bear showed up unannounced, but Jeffrey being here boiled my blood. I pulled it together.

  “I can’t stop people from talking to me. But I didn’t say shit to that guy.”

  “You better not, or he dies.” He pointed to my father. “And if he talks, you die.”

  The threat wasn’t new. I had a few of my own, but managed to keep a muzzle on those.

  He stepped out with Jeff on his heels.

  “Don’t do anything stupid,” Jeff said as he passed me.

  I half turned. “Looks like you’re not a king or a prince.”

  Jeff grinned at me. Then he lifted his hand. In it was a car key. He pressed a button and a light flashed on a brand-new Porsche.

  “I’m not a pauper, either.”

  He’d always liked flashy things, and he’d finally gotten what he wanted. I longed for a bat to smash every window in his car, just so it wasn’t so pristine.

  Dad came over and put a hand on my shoulder. “Let it go.”

  He’d meant my anger, but I’d let the idea of Jeff and who he’d been to me go a long time ago.

  Then Dad got to business and clued me in on the next drop. This time the boss didn’t want cash. Dad just had to move money around, which left me out of things. Still, I hated my life, but couldn’t see a way out.

  Over the next few weeks, I’d spotted Megan around a few times. She was never alone. I told myself it was for the best, but it crawled all over my skin imagining her sweetness on someone else’s tongue.

  With graduation looming, I finally hit a boiling point. I hadn’t told Megan, but the professor had scored me a couple of interviews with some fortune five-hundred companies. I’d blown them off, claiming to be too sick to go.

  Tade and I were playing Call of Duty. My arm had finally come out of the cast and I needed something to do. These were my final days of freedom. I had a feeling the boss would have big plans for me once I graduated.

  “So am I in?” I tossed out.

  Tade’s skeptical look grated on my nerves. “Has the doctor cleared you to row again?”

  “So that’s it. I’m off the crew. The freshman has taken my place. Is he your best friend now, too?”

  Shawn was the guy I’d been seeing around Megan.

  “Gav, don’t be a dick. I’m just looking out for you.”

  Weeks of frustration poured out of me and I blasted my best friend with it.

  “Looking out for me? I barely see you these days outside of practice. Now, Reagan practically lives here. Her toothbrush is in the bathroom.�
�� I hooked a thumb toward the stairs.

  “Just say it, man. Don’t be a chick and dance around it. What is your problem?”

  Everything was a problem.

  “My problem? My problem is my best friend is leaving in a couple of weeks. No telling when I’ll see you again seeing as you’re moving to Massachusetts. This, and you’re wrapped up in Reagan like a fucking taco.”

  “Jealous?”

  He tried to make a joke out of it, but I was on a roll.

  “You’re damn right I’m jealous,” I said in a moment of full disclosure. But I didn’t stop there. “And I shouldn’t be, considering this is just a job.”

  Fuck. I’d said too much. Tade wasn’t quick to anger, but when it came it flamed like a solar flare.

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “Shit, I didn’t mean to say that.”

  His glare was glacial. “Oh, I get that. Now what the fuck?”

  “Damn man, I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.”

  I scrubbed a hand over my face. I was a total fuckup.

  “What job are you talking about?”

  He wasn’t giving up on this one. I might as well tell him everything.

  “Your dad hired me to watch over you.”

  “Dad hired you?” he asked.

  I told him the story of how his biological father—the one in jail, not the one vying for the White House—paid me in the form of college tuition to watch over him.

  Funny how things worked out. If Tade had gone to a school in California, I might not have had this gig. But he’d chosen this school in a town near the one he was raised in until about the age of twelve, when he went to live with his aunt, whom he now called Mom.

  After I was done, saying he was pissed was an understatement. But by the end, all was forgiven and we ended up going for a beer.

  The bar was filled with tits and ass for days, but I turned down every chick who came my way. I didn’t want to fuck some random chick; I wanted an angel. Since I couldn’t have her, I drowned myself in beer and alcohol.

  Our last night in the dorm was bittersweet. So much had happened in a short time.

  “Things are going to work out,” I said to him.

  He and Reagan had some things to resolve.

  “You too, once you get your head out of your ass.”

  “Me?”

  “You and Megan. You guys aren’t fooling anyone. I know you spent spring break together.”

  “Doesn’t matter. She’s dating Shawn, remember?”

  I pointed at him, reminding him that he knew and hadn’t told me. I’d found out about it on my own.

  “You know that’s bullshit. I told you nothing is going on with them.”

  Megan wasn’t the type to jump skin to skin with a guy. So just because she hadn’t fucked him didn’t mean anything. Though I was relieved to know their status hadn’t changed.

  “So what are you doing after graduation?” he asked.

  It was a question I’d been asking myself.

  “Nothing...Though I’m considering driving across country.”

  I’d never been to Vegas or California or anywhere outside of a few places on the east coast.

  He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “You’re welcome at the lake house any time.”

  “Thanks.”

  We bro hugged before he disappeared. It would be weird not seeing him every day.

  On my way out, I passed several boxes left in the living room. Tade had arranged for them to be picked up. My truck was locked and loaded. I would drop my stuff at the house. But the idea of sleeping in my childhood bedroom wasn’t appealing. So I drove to Ocean City and stayed there until graduation, spending time on the beach remembering a day when I almost had what I wanted in my grasp. I drove home early that morning to see Dad in dress pants and a tie.

  He scrubbed the top of my head.

  “My son, the college graduate. Your mother would be proud.”

  He dusted my shoulder as if there were lint on my suit jacket. I didn’t give him words. I hugged him like it was the last time.

  “I’m sorry for everything,” he muttered in my shoulder.

  We clapped backs and parted. The moisture in his eyes said more than anything. We’d both lost so much because of his past mistakes. But all was forgiven.

  At Dad’s request, we drove to the graduation in my modified Mustang. It wouldn’t make it across the country, but it could go a short distance, especially when the speed limit on the back roads was no higher than thirty-five miles per hour.

  We found a park, but had to hike it across campus. The commencement was beginning when we arrived. Because of our names, Tade was in the front and I was in the back. I caught sight of Megan, but she never turned around to face me. The ceremony was long and boring. It was capped off with a moment of silence for the missing Meghan. She still hadn’t been found.

  The crowd was a mix of somberness and excitement when it was over. Before I could leave, I was blindsided by my professor.

  “Mr. Volk,” Professor Gaines said to my father. “It’s good to meet the father of one of my most promising students.”

  Dad gave me a quick look but shook his hand. “My son is a genius.”

  “That he is.” They both glanced my way. “It disappoints me he missed the interviews I’d set up for him. Not to mention he turned down a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work with Boeing on a special project.”

  Dad’s eyes doubled in size.

  “You didn’t know?” Professor Gaines asked. Dad shook his head. Though my professor wouldn’t see it, I caught my dad’s disapproval. “Good thing I invited my friend to the commencement in hopes of pinning Gavin down.”

  He waved a hand and I exhaled. I didn’t like to be cornered. It reminded me too much of hiding in the closet when Bear came by and I was too young to question my father about his motives.

  A tall man with gray mixed in with dark hair came over and held out a hand to me.

  “I’m a fan of your work,” he said.

  It sounded odd. I hadn’t done work. My paper was published in a trade magazine with my theories but not my conclusions.

  “He drove the car here,” my father offered. I glared at him. “Let’s go see.”

  They were going with or without me, so I trudged after them. On the way, I caught sight of Megan. The smile on her face was full of laughter as she spoke to a woman who could have been her twin. But it was the man with them that curdled my blood.

  “Lee,” Professor Gaines called out.

  He waved him over. This wasn’t happening.

  “This is the young man I was talking about.”

  Megan and her mother turned. My angel’s eyes grew in alarm. All the amusement was wiped clean free from her face.

  There were introductions all around. I could only stare at her. She gave me a shy smile, but looked away when she was introduced to my father and then to me. Her lips moved, but I didn’t hear. I think she said we knew each other. I wasn’t sure. Then we were all heading to the parking lot.

  I went on autopilot when I was put on the spot to explain my hydro engine. Agent Lee Davies eyed me suspiciously.

  “Honey, we have to get going. We have that flight to catch,” Megan’s mom said.

  “My phone is almost dead. Do you have a charger?” Megan asked her mom.

  “Honey, we’ll get you one at the airport. But if we don’t go now, we won’t make our flight.”

  My dad asked the question I couldn’t. “Where are you headed?”

  “We’re going to Paris. It’s been Megan’s dream since she was little. It’s been really nice meeting you. And Gavin, sign me up for the first one of these cars for sale. I love the idea.”

  I nodded and Megan gave me another forced smile before they were gone.

  The professor’s friend said, “The job is yours. You just have to accept it.”

  He handed me a card and left with Professor Gaines. Then it was just me and my dad.

>   “A job,” Dad said when they were gone.

  “A pipe dream,” I answered. “And we both know it.”

  My phone rang, but I ignored it. We got in and drove home. I parked the Mustang and didn’t go inside. Instead I got in my truck with no destination in mind. I couldn’t stay, I shouldn’t go, but I needed for once to do something for me. So with only the clothes on my back, I drove not knowing where I would end up.

  34

  megan

  Weeks later, I saw him again. I stood on the deck of a yacht alone with Gavin after what felt like months not seeing him. All the other guests of the party had disembarked.

  “How was your trip?” he asked.

  My mini European vacation started in Paris. We’d spent the most time in France, but had taken a train through Germany ending up in Prague, Vienna, and rounding out our trip in Zurich. All very beautiful, but Prague was truly stunning.

  “Good, yours?”

  Reagan shared that Gavin had his own adventure road tripping.

  “Good.”

  We were down to one or two word answers. Awkward. We didn't even look at each other. I broke first and stared at his face until he turned and met my gaze.

  “Look, I’m leaving for New York after this. I don’t want to leave with us hating each other.”

  “I don’t hate you, Angel. And congratulations on the job. The one with your father?”

  I nodded and wanted to add for him not to call me angel but said nothing. He was like a drug. I’d spent weeks working him out of my system. Hearing that only made me close to relapsing. Thus the next words out of my mouth.

  “Good, because I only wish you the best and hope you find someone who makes you happy.”

  “I have.”

  It was the crushing blow I was afraid of.

  “Great. If you’ll excuse me, I have to get out of this dress.”