If I Loved You (Hollywood Hearts 1)

by Jean C. Joachim

  “But this was your dream…a Broadway musical…and now it’s gone because of me.”

  “Hey, I started this stupidity with my surprise gift…I had no idea. This isn’t the only Broadway part for the rest of my life. Besides, no one tells me who to love…who to be with.”

  Silence greeted him.

  “It would be okay if you wanted to take a break from us…just until this craziness dies down.” He picked up the note of sadness in her voice.

  More silence. Chaz didn’t know what to say. Finally, he answered, “I’m here for another three weeks anyway. It should be over by then.”

  “Deal. Break contact for three weeks.”

  “Just to see how we do…without each other?” He asked.

  “Right. Good. Okay. Starting now. Goodnight, Chaz…” her voice shook.

  “Goodnight, little chick…” Before he could say he loved her, she hung up the phone. He sighed, doubt filling his mind. Even though his body was tired, his mind was wide-awake. He moved a lounge chair to the terrace, grabbed a fleece blanket, and sat staring into the night.

  I love Meg, but I love acting too. It’s my life. Dammit, I want both. He was torn, making a mental list of reasons for staying together and reasons for splitting up. Now that Broadway was out of the picture, he’d have to return to his modest house in L.A. Why? Why can’t I stay at Quinn’s place? He’s going to be out of town. Would Meg see him? Would they continue to be hounded by reporters, paparazzi snapping pictures of them, driving them apart?

  Ask her to marry me. No…I’m not ready. Been a bachelor too long to change so quick. Maybe we could live together. No, reporters’d have a field day with that…not fair to Meg. Besides, I don’t have my own place in Manhattan. Can’t move her into Quinn’s spare room with me.

  Just when he decided splitting up was best for both of them, images of Meg danced through his brain…and his groin. Those green eyes…her hair…like silk. She’s so smart…and funny. Her skin is so…soft. Her rack…beautiful and firm, perfect fit for me. His pulse kicked up as he pictured her naked body lounging in his bed, waiting for him to make love to her.

  His fingers tingled in anticipation of running along her smooth skin and circling around her breasts. He closed his eyes and almost felt the curve of her hip, her squeezable bottom beneath his hands. His lips puckered slightly thinking of her kiss, so tender yet arousing. Her taste, a cross between fine wine and the sweet tartness of fresh fruit, teased his tongue while the memory of her fragrance tickled his nose. His groin tightened as he recalled her snug, warm wetness…the ecstasy of being inside her, their bodies rocking together and tangling in passion…kissing, devouring, and nipping each other in feverish desire. He began to pant slightly, his heartbeat speeding, as want mixed with need in his blood.

  He settled back into the lounge chair, pulling the blanket up to his armpits. For a second he could swear he smelled a whiff of meatloaf. His mouth watered at the memory of the savory dish, making him hungry. No one has ever cooked for me before. She’s the only one. He licked his lips as if a remnant of the meal still lingered there, but his taste buds came up empty. Turning on his side, Chaz hugged a pillow to him in an attempt to recreate a fraction of the soft warmth of sleeping entwined with Meg. He closed his eyes as his mind ran out of steam and exhaustion finally took over.

  She loves me. She’s mine. Not giving her up. We’ll figure it out…somehow. I must have her…all the time…every day. A smile curled his lips as he drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Sixteen

  A group of reporters and cameramen blocking the door to her apartment building was no surprise to Megan. She threaded her way through the throng, heading for the front door. They rifled questions—suggestive, nasty questions—at her, not stopping even when she stonewalled with “no comment.” Photographers snapped her picture. She was tired and bleary-eyed from traveling and crying. Her hair was a mess, but she didn’t care. Don’t look like a call girl now. Maybe that’s a good thing.

  Briny stepped out of the building, held the door open for her, and shoved two reporters back with his brawny arm so she could pass. She spotted Grady behind the doorman’s podium, curled up on a small rug. The pug jumped up and waddled over to Meg, wagging his tail furiously, overjoyed to see her again after a few days in Briny’s care.

  Meg stooped to scratch the pug behind the ears, mindless of the snapping of camera shutters outside the building. Maybe Grady will become famous. She took the leash from Briny’s hand. “How much do I owe you for boarding Grady, Briny?”

  “On the house, Missy.”

  “You don’t have to…” But he raised his hand to stop her.

  “Thanks.” She smiled at him.

  One reporter sneaked inside while Briny was talking with Meg. “Ms. Davis, how much did Duncan pay you to fly to Phoenix to have sex with him?”

  Fed up, Meg whirled around. “You don’t really think a man as attractive as Chaz Duncan has to pay a woman to sleep with him, do you?”

  “Oh? So you did it for free?” The reporter scribbled in his notebook.

  Color rushed to Meg’s face as anger quickly built in her chest. “Drop dead!” She spat at the reporter, casting an angry glance in his direction. Before she could reel in the dog, Grady had lifted his leg and peed on the reporter’s pants.

  He jumped back and hollered. “Control your dog, lady!”

  “Sorry,” she mumbled with no evidence of contrition in her voice. Then, her color returned to normal, and her frozen face cracked into a big grin. Briny snickered. Meg grabbed the leash, pulling the dog away from the man and escaping to the elevator before the reporter had a chance to follow her. Briny took the interloper by the upper arm and escorted him out the door.

  Once inside her apartment, she put out fresh water for Grady and made a pot of coffee. A few minutes later, coffee in hand, she perused her mail and curled up on the sofa. The pudgy pug managed to hop on the couch and curl up behind her bent knees, resting his head on her leg. Before long, Meg was asleep with Grady snoring beside her.

  * * * *

  Time passed slowly for Meg. With no job to go to, she rattled around all day in the empty apartment like a lone quarter in a piggybank. Three times a day, she was forced to face the world when she took Grady for his walk. Mornings she slipped into Central Park, often unnoticed by the media because of the early hour. But her afternoon walk was sometimes a stealth operation if there were reporters or photographers hanging around.

  Often she failed to slip by them and they hounded her, pelting her with questions and snapping pictures as she kept her head down and her mouth shut.

  “Did you waste your education to become a call girl?”

  “Does Duncan have any special requests, Ms. Davis?”

  “Do you have any other celebrity johns?”

  It was hard for Megan not to reply when she wanted to tell them all to go to hell, but she forced herself not to respond. After her initial outburst the week before, when she found herself misquoted in a daily paper, giving in to the reporter now seemed foolish. She refused to allow the goading of these reporters to make her appear out of control. “Harvard Honey Says She’d Give It To Chaz Duncan For Free” was the headline resulting from that little misstep. Her phone rang all day long after that broke.

  If I don’t find something to do, I’ll go crazy being a prisoner in my own place. Finally the answer came to her as she sat, staring out the window, drinking a cup of coffee and petting Grady. I need to start my new business. All new businesses begin with a business plan!

  With only three more weeks until Chaz was due to finish shooting, Megan sat down at her computer and began writing a business plan for starting her own financial advisory service. A few days had passed and her phone had quieted down, so she stopped checking to see who was calling. Distracted by her work and vaguely annoyed when her ringing phone interrupted her concentration, she picked it up without thinking.

  “Megan Davis?”

  “I don’t talk
to reporters…” She was about to hang up the phone, when the female voice of the caller caught her attention.

  “I’m not a reporter…I’m Allie, Chaz Duncan’s agent.”

  “Oh. What can I do for you?” Meg put down her cup of coffee.

  “You can leave Chaz alone.”

  Meg’s head snapped back as if she had been slapped. “We haven’t spoken in a week, if that’s any of your business.”

  “He’s determined to stay with you…no matter the cost to his career.”

  “I don’t see how that’s any concern of yours…”

  “It is my business…at least ten percent of it is my business. I’ve been talking to the West of the Sun producers, and they’re not happy about all this negative publicity. Those movies appeal to kids, Ms. Davis. And parents don’t want their kids following the movies of a degenerate who pays prostitutes.”

  “I am not a prostitute! You have some nerve!” Meg went to hang up the phone.

  “Wait! Wait. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you were. I know you’re his girlfriend and believe me, I’d be happy for Chaz to have found someone, if it wasn’t you.”

  Megan sputtered.

  “What I mean to say…this isn’t coming out right. If you love him, Ms. Davis, you’ll leave him. His career is all Chaz has. If you stay, you may destroy everything he’s worked so hard to build. The Broadway show has already ditched him. If he loses this franchise, it will be the end of his acting career.”

  Megan drew in a sharp breath.

  “Hello? Hello? You still there, Ms. Davis?”

  “I’m here.” She tried to steady the shake in her voice.

  “You must be a nice lady if Chaz is so gaga over you. I mean, it must be about more than sex so…please. Sacrifice for him. If you truly love him, that is.”

  “I do.” It was almost a whisper.

  “Good. Thank you…in advance. For doing the right thing.”

  After Allie hung up the phone, Megan stood, transfixed. She stared at the phone for a moment before a pain flashed through her body. She’s right. If I love him, I must give him up.

  She lowered herself into a chair and stared out the window. God, the pain. I can hardly breathe. Grady padded over to her and curled up at her feet. She looked down at him as tears filled her eyes.

  “Time to go out, boy. Thanks for reminding me.” She pushed to her feet.

  As if by rote, she walked to the door and grabbed his leash before heading for the elevator. Outside, there was only one reporter hanging around. Thank God. Now. I have to do it now. Like ripping a bandage off, it’ll hurt, but only for a moment.

  She looked up as the man approached. “Any news today, Ms. Davis?”

  She stopped while Grady relieved himself on the lamppost. “You’re lucky day. Yes. The news is that Mr. Duncan and I are no longer together.”

  “What?”

  “That’s right. We parted ways. In fact, I’m going to Delaware to see my brother and rekindle an old flame there.”

  “One of his teammates?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know,” she smiled coquettishly at the reporter who was scribbling a mile a minute.

  “Wait! Ms. Davis!” He called after her.

  But Megan just waved at him and continued on her way. She led Grady back into the building and sprinted to the elevator. When the doors closed, she burst into tears. Once safely inside the apartment, she dialed her phone with shaking fingers. As soon as Mark answered, she blurted out, “I’m coming to Delaware, Mark.”

  “Good idea.”

  “Tell Harley Brennan, that favor he owes me? I’m coming to collect.”

  She hung up the phone and sank down on the sofa, sobbing. Grady curled up on the sofa next to her and rested his head on her leg.

  * * * *

  The next morning, Megan began packing after the headline broke. Preparing to catch the noon Metroliner to Delaware, she tried to focus on organizing her clothes for the trip, but Chaz was on her mind. If I’m going out with Harley, I’m going to need something sexy. Ugh. Don’t feel like being sexy with Harley. Dunc…

  The hardest part of the day was keeping her phone off. After ignoring the first dozen messages from Chaz, she turned off the phone completely. The incessant ringing grated against her nerves, making her anxious and forgetful. Condoms? No. Besides, if I change my mind, Harley is sure to have plenty. The thought of sleeping with Harley made her skin crawl.

  By ten thirty she was done. She threw Grady’s food in a plastic bag and trudged downstairs. Briny greeted her. “I’m getting used to having the little fella with me,” he said as Grady jumped up on his leg to be petted. “Is the coast clear?”

  “Yup. Think you did it, Missy. Once they found out you and Captain Spencer—I mean, Mr. Duncan—were through, they’ve gone away.”

  “Good.”

  “That’s a lie, though, right? You didn’t break up with Mr. Duncan, did you?”

  “That’s the first thing they’ve printed that’s true, Briny.”

  “Too bad. Great guy.” Briny took the leash from her hand.

  “Yeah, I know.” Megan let out a big breath. She bent down to give Grady a kiss before picking up her suitcase. Briny held the door for her then went to the street to flag down a taxi. Megan got in and looked up at the sky. Clouds were forming for a late summer thunderstorm. They swirled and darkened, mirroring her mood.

  As the train pulled out of Penn Station, the downpour began. She relaxed against the plush seat as raindrops streaked down the window faster and faster as the train picked up speed. They look like teardrops. Megan’s eyes were dry, empty of tears. She couldn’t cry any more. I have to face him at some point. I have to tell him the truth. I’ll never love anyone like I love him.

  She sat back and closed her eyes, allowing images of her time with Chaz to flash through her mind. She snuggled into the seat, remembering the wonderful feel of snuggling into his body in bed. When Chaz wrapped his arms around her, nothing bad could happen. She was safe from worry, anxiety, from the world. She pushed thoughts about the loss of that sensation out of her mind and focused on the love they shared. A smile crept over her lips as she drifted off into a light sleep, half-asleep and half-awake, dreaming of happy days with Chaz.

  Megan awoke with a start when the train pulled into her station. She jumped up to get her bag, but a nice-looking young man was already pulling it down from the rack for her. He gave her a long look. “Aren’t you the “Harvard—”

  “Nope. Look-alike. Thanks for your help.” She snatched the bag from him and moved swiftly up the aisle. Oh, God. Now I’m famous…infamous. A celebrity. Damn. Once inside the station, she breathed a sigh of relief. Close call. Meg looked around until she spotted them—her tall, handsome brother with his arm around Penny’s shoulders, headed her way.

  Her eyes began to sting, and her throat closed up with emotion when she saw Mark. He had always been there for her, her rock. Suddenly, she couldn’t continue to pretend everything was all right. He spotted her, opened his arms and she flew in, crashing against him. He closed her into his embrace as she sobbed into his chest.

  A few people recognized him, but stopped before approaching to ask for an autograph, respecting his privacy. Finally, Megan stepped back, accepted the tissues Penny handed her, and blew her nose. Mark took the suitcase while Penny put her arm around Meg’s shoulders as they walked out to the parking lot.

  * * * *

  While Megan traveled to her brother and his wife for solace, Chaz was working and toughing it out alone in Phoenix. He paced in his hotel room. Meg’s silence drove him crazy. He had already thrown everything that wasn’t breakable against the wall, but his frustration kept building until he thought he’d explode. What is she doing? She’s in love with me, has she forgotten? Is she over me? Hell, I’m still in love with her and that’s not going away.

  Three times during shooting today, he’d lost concentration and the director was getting annoyed. He had read the paper but k
ept it to himself. Still, the cast and crew kept sending Chaz sympathetic looks. Meg, come back to me. I need you. What did I do? What happened?

  The strains of “If I Loved You” interrupted his thoughts. Meg! He lunged for the phone on the sofa and answered it quickly.

  “Meg?” He was breathless.

  “Who? No, Allie.”

  “Oh. Allie. What do you want?” Chaz’s shoulders slumped as he stretched out on the sofa and kicked off his shoes.

  “Nice greeting for the lady who launched your career.”

  “How many times do I have to tell you, Allie? I launched my own career.”

  “I know, I know…just kidding.”

  “I met the producer after the theater in Pine Grove, Allie. Must I remind you?” The irritation showed in Chaz’s voice. Damn! Will she never stop claiming credit?

  “True, true. But I negotiated your contract.”

  “Yes, I know. What do you want? This is not a great time to chat.”

  “You were having a bit of trouble on the set today. I spoke to your producer. I’m calling to see if you’re all right.”

  “Did you see the paper today?” Chaz peeled his socks off.

  “Yeah? So?”

  “So? Megan dumped me and won’t tell me why. She won’t take my phone calls…” He ran his hand through his hair.

  “I thought you’d be better off now that she’s finally taken off. Geez. Ya know…those headlines and all the negative media attention? Now you’re safe. No more talk about replacing you from the producers. Whew. We dodged that bullet…thanks to me.”

  “Thanks to…you?” He straightened up.

  “Yeah, I had a little conversation with her a few days ago. Just protecting your interests.”

  “A conversation? What did you say to her?” Chaz pushed to his feet as tension crawled up his back into his neck.

  “The truth. I told her the truth.”