Reasons to Stay

by Lisa J. Hobman

  Jason laughed. ‘So you feel that way too, eh?’

  ‘Abso-fucking-lutely, Jason. Not my idea of a home, but each to their own, eh? Anyways, to cut a long story short, I decided that whatever happened I’d be with her. If it meant me moving back there then I’d do it. No matter how much I hated the place. Being with her was more important to me.’

  Jason sat in silence as he pondered Jim’s words. ‘But you ended up here anyway.’

  ‘Aye, there was an incident. I won’t freak you out with the details, but Flick ended up in hospital. I nearly lost her.’ His voice broke and his eyes misted over. The memory was clearly still painful.

  Jason placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘Shit, Jim, I’m sorry, mate.’

  ‘Aye, thankfully she came out the other side and decided she wanted out of the rat race. And so, a few months on and here we are. I couldn’t be happier.’

  The cottage door opened, and Flick appeared in a pair of tattered old jeans and a long thick cardigan, which she had wrapped around herself apparently to guard against to chilled evening temperature. She cocked her head on one side. ‘Jim, sweetie, I’m off to bed, and I was hoping I wouldn’t be going alone.’

  ‘Ah and there she is…my gorgeous girl. I’ll bid you goodnight, Jason.’

  ‘G’night Jim. Night Flick.’ He saluted her with his beer bottle, and she waved back briefly, clearly far more interested in her man. Just as it should be. Jim walked back towards the house, turning at the last minute to address Jason again. ‘Oh, and Jason…I don’t know your reasons for needing to get out of the big smoke, but if they can be resolved…if that girl is the one you love then…maybe you need to rethink your priorities, my friend.’ And with that he entered the cottage and closed the door behind him, leaving Jason to ponder his words.

  Dillon returned just then, and Jason watched as he walked towards him smiling. ‘Ah here he is…love’s young dream,’ he teased.

  The brothers walked together towards their tent. ‘Awww, mate. She’s missing me. The bed’s apparently too cold without me to put her feet on.’

  ‘Urgh! Get me a bucket! I’m gonna hurl,’ Jason mocked again.

  ‘Fuck off. You’d be the same if St—’ He clamped his mouth shut.

  Jason rolled his eyes. ‘It’s fine. You are allowed to say her name. And yes, if she were here it’d be me making you hurl. I know.’

  ‘So, has Jim gone to bed?’ Dillon asked quickly changing the subject.

  Jason nodded. ‘Yeah. We had a good chat when you’d gone. Fairly brief but good. He’s a decent bloke. Gave me some things to think about.’

  ‘Great. Well, I’m knackered, so I’m turning in.’ Dillon yawned and rubbed his eyes.

  Jason automatically yawned too, suddenly realising he was exhausted. ‘Yep, me too.’

  Dillon clasped Jason's shoulder. ‘Night, bro. Sleep well, eh?’

  Jason smirked. ‘I will if you don't talk in your sleep.’

  ‘Ah, get lost.’ His retort was accompanied by a one-finger salute.

  Shaking his head and grinning at his younger brother, Jason followed Dillon into the tent.

  Thankfully, sleep took Jason easily and his dreams were a little more peaceful than he had become used to lately. The next morning, Jason made coffee as Dillon slept. He was formulating a plan in his head. What Jim had said had really affected him. Hearing the same things from his brother had not moved him for some reason, but the story Jim had told him about how he and Flick ended up together made him see things a little more clearly. If he could just give London a chance.

  If he could just try.

  ‘Morning, ugly spud.’ Dillon yawned and stretched as he crawled out of the two-man tent in his pyjama bottoms and T-shirt.

  Jason laughed. ‘Have you looked in a mirror this morning?’

  His younger brother scrunched his face. ‘Fuck off.’

  His eyebrows raised and he smirked. ‘Oooh, mature.’

  ‘I’m taking my cue from the best.’ Dillon grabbed the mug of coffee from Jason’s hand. ‘You were restless last night, Jace. Is everything okay?’

  Jason nodded. ‘Yeah…fine…just been thinking. I may need your help.’

  ‘Oh yeah? With what?’

  ‘Look, don’t be pissed off okay—’

  ‘Ahhh, you see, whenever someone says that you automatically know that you’re going to get pissed off. Because nine times out of ten, people only say that when what they’re about to say is something bad. And that means that you saying, ‘Don’t be pissed off’, is a bit of a waste of time because the fact that you had to say it means—’

  ‘Dillon, for fuck’s sake! Will you shut up and listen?’ Jason knew he was scowling at his jesting brother but couldn’t help it.

  Dillon held his empty hand up. ‘Oooh, sorry! What’s eating you?’

  ‘Okay, so I know you came up here to be with me. But after talking to Jim, I think maybe I need to think about giving things a go with Stevie. But that would mean—’

  ‘You moving down south for a while? Yeah, I’m cool with that. I really think me, Dee, and Harry could manage running the place whilst you guys figure out your shit. I mean, if you don’t go, you’ll always wonder, won’t you?’

  Feeling rather shocked at the easy-going reply, Jason nodded fervently. ‘Yeah. That’s just it. I love her. I should try to make things work. Do you think I’m crazy?’

  ‘Not in the slightest. I’d think you were crazy if you didn’t.’

  ‘Great. Don’t mention a word, okay? I’m going to set off next Friday. When we get home later today, I’m going to arrange cover rotas for the camp and sort things out. I know that you’ll all manage fine, and I’ll be a phone call away. I need to do this. It feels like the right thing to do.’

  Dillon put his arm around him and pulled him into a half hug. ‘Yeah, you do.’

  Later that day when the brothers arrived back, Jason called a meeting and explained to the staff that he would be going away again. He didn’t go into great details as to the reason for his trip, but the crew gave each other knowing glances, making Jason aware that they knew far more than they were letting on.

  Once everything was in place, he began to feel the butterflies spring to life in his stomach. The smile returned to his face, and he felt positive about the future.

  ‘You should let her know you’re coming down, you know,’ Dillon said, breaking Jason from his daydream.

  ‘Nope. I’m going to surprise her. I want to see the look on her face when she opens the door. That’ll be the best bit. So, you, my dear brother, will keep schtum.’ He wagged his finger in his face.

  Dillon held his hands up in surrender. ‘Have it your way. But if you turn up and she’s not looking her best, you’ll experience the wrath of a woman in the throes of unpreparedness. It’s not a pretty sight, bro. Believe me. When Dee and I were first together, she made a thing about getting to the bathroom before I woke up so she could brush her teeth and do her hair.’ He sniggered. ‘I tried to tell her that morning hair and carpet tongue are some of the things I adore about her, but she still won’t have it, even now. I’m telling you, if you turn up and she’s wearing no make-up, scruffy yoga pants, and a T-shirt with something spilled down the front…’ He made a whistling noise and shook his head.

  ‘I don’t care if she comes to the door wearing a bin liner and Wellington boots. She’ll still be as hot as hell to me.’

  ‘Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I won’t.’ The warning fell on deaf ears. He was far too excited for that. As he walked back to his cabin, his phone rang. Recognising the number as that of his friend and former employer, Jack Hilton, he answered breezily, ‘Now then, mate! Long-time, no speak. How’s it going in the security world?’

  ‘JR, buddy. It’s going very well. Hence the reason for my call. I’m not sure if you’re interested at all, but I’ve got a posting in Africa for a few months. I could really use you. What do you say?’ the disembodied but fa
miliar voice asked.

  ‘Ah, no can do, my friend. Just about to make the craziest move of my life.’

  ‘What? Crazier than leaving the army to come and work for me?’

  ‘Oh, hell yeah. Much crazier than that.’ Jason couldn’t help the stationary grin on his face.

  ‘Okay, JR, if you change your mind, you know where I am. The pay wasn’t that great anyway. Just a charity job.’

  The two old friends made small talk and caught up on each other’s lives, but Jason didn’t go into details about his plans. He had no reason to do so. They were all in his heart and head, ready to be put into motion…

  Chapter Nineteen

  Stevie was feeling rather nervous yet again. After having such a lovely meal at Marcus’ last weekend, she had rather foolishly invited him to her house for dinner the following Friday. He had been the perfect gent when they were at his house, and whilst they had got hot and heavy kissing on his couch, he hadn’t pushed her too far. It almost seemed as if he was holding back on purpose to make her desire him more. The problem was, every time their kissing had become passionate it was Jason’s mouth she was imagining. It had been Jason touching her breasts and kissing her neck.

  At just gone midnight, they had been lying on his couch, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine as he tugged at her nipple through her satin bra. His firm arousal had pressed against her thigh, and she clung onto him, wondering how far things were going to go. His hand had trailed down her body until he found the hem of her skirt and slipped his hand up her thigh until he was cupping her bottom. His breathing was heavy, and her own heart had hammered against her chest.

  Suddenly, he had pulled away and stood up, adjusting himself in his trousers. ‘Oh God, Stevie, I’m so sorry. You must think I’m some sex maniac with roaming hands.’ He ran his hands through his hair.

  Relief had washed over her. It would’ve been too soon. She pulled her own clothing down. ‘No…not at all. It’s fine.’

  ‘I’ve had too much wine to drive you home, but let me get you a cab. I think I’m moving things along too fast, and I need to hit the brakes a little.

  She nodded. ‘Yes…yes, I think you’re right. I’m sorry. I feel like such a tease.’

  He sat beside her once again. ‘Hey, no, it’s my fault. Please don’t feel that way. I would like nothing more than to take you to bed. But I don’t want to mess this up, you know?’

  She had nodded again and he had reached for the phone and called a cab to come and collect her. Once he had ended the call, he took her hands in his. ‘Is this going at all well to you? I mean us…are we…can you see a future?’ There was hope in his eyes, but she felt stumped as to what to say in response. Her head had buzzed with several possible answers, but none of them felt appropriate.

  ‘To be honest…I…I—’

  He had huffed the air from his lungs, puffing out his cheeks in the process. ‘There I go again, eh? Putting you on the spot. I seem to keep doing that. Forgive me. I haven’t done the whole dating thing in so long, and if I’m honest, I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing.’ He stood again and smiled down at her.

  ‘Really, Marcus, it’s fine. Stop putting yourself under so much pressure.’ The cab had pulled up outside the front of the house and honked its horn. Stevie had grabbed her bag and jacket. ‘Come to mine for dinner next Friday. Okay? Sevenish?’

  A look of relief had washed over his features and he stepped towards her. He cupped her face in his hands. ‘That would be lovely. Thank you. I’ll look forward to it.’ He bent and kissed her softly.

  Friday had come around very quickly, and she had racked her brains trying to come up with something she could cook that would be tasty but couldn’t be easily ruined thanks to nerves. She had settled on lasagne. You couldn’t go far wrong with Italian.

  The food was in the oven, and she had taken the time to select her favourite black satin underwear and a black dress that was fitted to the waist and flared out from the hips. It was rather formal but she didn’t mind. The dress made her feel sexy, and she so wanted to feel sexy. She was hoping that perhaps they could both put their demons to rest and take the next step. Maybe that way she would eradicate Jason from her thoughts and her heart. Maybe then she could start to think about a future with Jason… Dammit, Marcus. With Marcus! Fuck, this is not going well, and he’s not even here yet.

  She pinned her hair up and applied a little lip gloss, nervously assessing herself in the mirror for what felt like the hundredth time. At seven o’clock sharp, there was a knock on the door. She slipped on her black stilettos and carefully descended the staircase.

  When she opened the door, a very handsome man in black slacks, suit jacket, and a white shirt greeted her. The wide smile on his face told her he appreciated what he saw.

  ‘Wow, Stevie, look at you…just breath-taking.’

  She felt her cheeks and was sure she was probably as red as the roses he had in his hand. ‘You don’t look half bad yourself, Mr. Sumner.’

  He held the flowers out to her. ‘Roses for an English rose.’ She took them and inhaled their sweet scent, stepping back to allow Marcus into the house. Once inside, she walked to the kitchen and placed the flowers down on the counter top. His arms slipped around her waist, and he nuzzled her neck. ‘Mmm, the food smells great. But as I always say…not as good as you.’ He kissed her, sending shivers around her body. She closed her eyes, intending to relish the sensations, but once again guilt took over.

  She moved away. ‘Dinner is almost ready. Could you open the wine?’ She turned to smile at him, hoping that doing so would reassure him. Why the hell can’t I enjoy one evening without Jason appearing in my bloody mind? The anger she felt at herself caused her to slam a plate down with a little more force than intended.

  ‘Stevie, are you okay? You seem tense.’ He stepped behind her and massaged her shoulders.

  ‘Yes, yes I’m fine. Just tired,’ she lied. ‘I’ve been doing some more preparation for the Head of Science interviews. They were delayed a little, which you would think would help, but it’s quite exhausting.

  He kissed her hair. ‘You should’ve called. We could’ve rearranged or…or I could’ve cooked. Or we could have eaten out…or had a takeaway maybe?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ she snapped.

  He stiffened behind her and dropped his hands from her shoulders. ‘Perhaps I should go. I...I get the feeling that you're not really in the mood for me being here tonight.’

  He stepped away, and now the guilt that washed over her was there as a result of how mean she’d been to him. It wasn’t his fault Jason infiltrated her every waking thought. Perhaps only waiting several weeks before dating had been a mistake. But Marcus was sweet and funny. Not to mention very attractive. He deserved better from her.

  She turned and walked over to where he stood. Placing her hands on his hard chest, she gazed up into his eyes. ‘I’m so sorry. Please don’t go. I’ve been… It’s tiredness but I am glad you’re here.’

  He slipped his arms around her waist and bent so that their noses were touching. ‘It’s good to know. Now dish up and then we can snuggle.’

  She smiled at his words. He was very affectionate, even though they had technically only just met. He seemed to want to take things somewhere and to see a future. She wished she could say she felt the same. But she was confused. The silly thing was that the guilt she felt over Jason was completely unfounded. Their relationship had ended.

  Her choice.

  Over dinner they chatted about Archie and his likes and dislikes. Marcus beamed when he spoke of his little boy.

  ‘He sounds like quite a character.’

  ‘Oh, he really is. Some of the things he comes out with. I’d like you to meet him…if…if you felt the time was right. Maybe not right away.’

  She gulped. Meeting another woman’s child was not something she relished the thought of, nor was it something she had ever planned. Being the step-mum in the scenario was something she hadn’t conte
mplated before. Archie was always with his mother when she met Marcus. It was easier that way. She could almost, cruelly, pretend he didn’t exist. She hated herself for feeling that way, but being a stand-in mum of any kind terrified her. She imagined it would be different if the child were her own. But this situation didn’t fill her with that kind of joy.

  ‘Oh…I…it’s not something I’ve…I’m not sure.’ Her cheeks heated.

  His smile dissolved. ‘Oh, okay. Not to worry. I wasn’t sure if it was maybe a little too early to mention it. I see that it was. I apologise.’

  ‘No, don’t be sorry. I’m sure he’s a lovely little boy, but we’re still in the early stages of our relationship, and I’m sorry but I don’t think it’s a good idea for Archie that I’m introduced to him, in case things don’t work out.’

  He nodded as he stood to clear the plates away. ‘Yes, you’re probably right.’ He turned to face her. ‘If I’m moving things too fast, you will tell me, won’t you? I know this isn’t easy for either of us, but it’s important to me that you’re comfortable.’

  ‘I’m comfortable. I feel a little uneasy about jumping into a little boy’s life at such an early stage. But please stop worrying so much.’

  He kissed her forehead, and a sense of calm washed over her this time. They set about clearing the dinner plates. A domesticated silence ensued, and she couldn’t help smiling at how natural it felt. But then another thought plagued her. It feels natural to do all the things that friends would do, but when things get more serious I panic…

  ‘You’re deep in thought again,’ he said as he poured some more wine.

  ‘Sorry? Oh…yes, sorry. I keep drifting off and thinking about lesson plans.’ She was getting too good at lying.

  Once the dishwasher was loaded, they retired to the lounge. Stevie put her iPod onto the random setting and hoped that she had managed to clear off all the songs that reminded her of Jason. Doing so had been hard but a necessary step if she wanted to be able to listen to music at all. Marcus sat on the sofa and held his arm out for her to snuggle next to him. She slipped off her shoes and got comfy resting her head on his shoulder.