Reasons to Stay

by Lisa J. Hobman

  I think that’s everything said. If you look up at me, I know I’ll be chewing my nails. I’ve timed how long it should take you to read this, and I’m going to be standing anxiously waiting for some reaction. Take pity on me please! All I want is for you to throw your arms around me and kiss me! I’m waiting…

  Tears cascaded down her already damp face as she came to the end of the letter. Now that she knew his real reasons for being here, she was inconsolable. She let out a guttural scream and slammed her fists into the sofa.

  ‘No, no, no, no.’ She wanted to go to him. To make him understand that he was all she wanted. That Marcus had been a distraction, but that all she’d thought about whilst Marcus was touching her was how much she’d wished it was Jason, that she had literally told Marcus she couldn’t sleep with him only moments before he arrived at her door. But she couldn’t. She felt humiliated and dirty, like she had cheated on Jason. Technically she hadn’t because a) she hadn’t actually gone through with it and b) she and Jason weren’t even together. But the look on his face had made her feel that way. Seeing him like that tore at her heart.

  She rocked back and forth hugging her arms around her body as if doing so would comfort her and take away the pain she felt. He had been willing to move here to be with her. She could have been with him tonight. She could have been with him forever. But she’d ruined it all. It hadn’t been intentional. She was simply trying to get over him. But he didn’t see it that way. Marcus had been standing behind her, shirtless, when she had opened the door to find Jason on her doorstep and it looked so, so bad. She knew that. And Jason clearly felt betrayed. There was no wonder.

  Jason opened the door to his room. He had bypassed Stacey, the receptionist at the desk, even though for a split second he considered taking her up to his room to seek his own revenge on Stevie by sleeping with her. But after what had happened with Jenna, he was done with disrespecting women and using them for his own gratification. He wouldn’t lower himself to that level again no matter how hurt he was. He closed the door behind him and slumped onto the bed. At least he truly knew where he stood now. She had well and truly moved on.

  Straight into the arms of another man.

  He could almost sympathise with her still besotted ex-husband, Miles. He snorted at his ridiculous train of thought.

  After dragging his few belongings together and shoving them haphazardly into his bag, he decided he had to leave. And he had to do it now. He couldn’t risk Stevie turning up at the hotel. His resolve wasn’t in any way firm enough to turn her away if she showed up. Especially if she seemed as lost as she had when he had stormed away from her. No…he would leave now. And then when he arrived home, he would make a call to Jack Hilton that would help him put things behind him, for a while anyway.

  Grabbing his bag, he made his way to the reception desk where Stacey sat talking on the telephone. Her eyes widened when he handed over his key card.

  She hung up her call and pouted up at him. ‘Leaving so soon?’

  He didn’t smile at her this time. ‘Yeah, something came up. I have to head home.’

  She cocked her head to one side. ‘That’s a shame.’

  ‘Yeah, it really is.’

  Once checked out, he made his way to his bike. Listening to music whilst riding was something he usually avoided. Knowing full well that being distracted and in control of a huge hunk of speeding metal was not the best idea. But tonight he didn’t care. He slipped in his ear buds and filed through the songs on his player, looking for the soundtrack for his journey home. Locating ‘Broken’ by Seether and Amy Lee, he set it to repeat and hit play.

  Stevie paced the room. She’d done nothing but sob, pace, and sob a little more since Jason had left her standing on the pavement. She had thrown around her decisions of what to do next like juggling balls in the air. Still no decision seemed to be the right one. If she went to him and he rejected her, it would break her heart all over again. But on the flipside of that, if she didn’t he would never know that she hadn’t slept with Marcus. But if she did tell him and he rejected her anyway… Aarrgh! She punched the couch in a fit of frustration and anger.

  Realising that procrastination was getting her nowhere fast, she grabbed the phone and called a cab. The wine she had drunk had probably left her system by now but she wouldn’t risk it. After checking her appearance in the mirror over the fireplace and staring with horror at the puffy, red eyes, and blotchy face that peered back at her, she decided that puffy face or not she had to take action. Okay, so there’s no way of improving on that in a hurry. She dragged a brush through her long, wavy locks and scraped them back in a ponytail. She had to stop absentmindedly chewing on her thumbnail for about the hundredth time as she waited for the taxi to arrive.

  A horn honked and she grabbed her bag. Pulling the door closed behind her, she made her way to the waiting transport, thankful that her wonderful neighbour had Rowdy for the night again. The poor dog had seen more of Joe than he had of her lately. But his possessive nature around the men she brought home…all two of them…had her fearing a blood bath every time she so much as looked at someone else.

  She barked the hotel name and address at the poor unsuspecting cabbie and immediately felt guilty. He must have sensed her erratic state of mind, as he made no attempts at idle chitchat, which was a huge relief. She wasn’t sure she could manage small talk right now. On reaching the hotel that Jason had stayed at recently, she hoped that her instincts to find him there were correct. She virtually ran to the reception desk. A rather flustered blonde was trying to appease a group of disgruntled revellers who had clearly arrived late after imbibing far too much alcohol. If she hadn’t been in a rush, she’d have felt sorry for the girl, but her current state of mind left her tapping her foot and glaring at the group of drunken, bumbling fools as if her death stare would make them suddenly sober up and get the hell out of her way.

  Eventually the group were ushered away by a woman in a suit, who had a distinct air of authority about her.

  Stevie stepped forward to the desk.

  ‘Hello, Madam. I’m so sorry about your wait,’ the receptionist said as she smiled sweetly, despite her obvious tiredness.

  Stevie softened a little. She glanced at the woman’s name badge. ‘That’s okay, Stacey. It looked like you had your hands full a little there.’

  The woman rolled her eyes and gave a little humourless laugh. ‘You can say that again. I was supposed to finish at ten but the night receptionist called in sick and the manager hasn’t been able to locate anyone to cover yet, so I’m still here. And I’m completely frazzled.’

  Stevie cringed on realising it was now the early hours of the morning. ‘Oh dear. I hope they find someone soon.’

  ‘Oh gosh, listen to me. I’m so sorry. You’ve been waiting long enough. How can I help you? We don’t have anyone due to check in. Are you joining someone? If you were hoping for a room, I’m afraid we have none available at the moment. We’ve had a guest check out, but the room hasn’t been serviced as yet.’

  Stevie began to feel her nerves jangling again. ‘I’m here to visit Mr. Jason Reynolds. He didn’t give me his room number, I’m afraid.’

  Confusion washed over the woman’s face, and a line appeared between her brows. ‘Was he expecting you?’ Was?

  Stevie felt her cheeks heat up. ‘Erm…no…it’s a surprise visit.’

  Stacey cringed. ‘Oh dear. I’m so sorry, but he was the guest who checked out. He left about an hour ago.’

  Stevie’s heart plummeted as tears needled her eyes. Too late. ‘Oh…I see. Thank you anyway.’ She turned and left the hotel with heaviness in her chest, pulling her phone out to call the cab company once again.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Jason pulled into the camp and killed the engine. He yanked his helmet off and was greeted by the confused expression of his younger brother.

  ‘What are you doing back?’ Dillon asked.

  Jason scowled wordlessly at him and his expr
ession must have given Dillon the information he had needed as he simply formed his mouth into an O shape. Giving Jason a sad smile, he shook his head.

  After a few moments of standing astride his bike staring at the gravel-covered ground, Jason took a deep breath and rubbed a hand over his stubbled chin. ‘She’s moved on, bro. I feel like such a fucking idiot.’

  Dillon’s brow crease deepened. ‘Moved on? Seriously? But…but she loves—’

  ‘She was with another man. A shirtless one at that. She was pulling her dress up. Well, straightening it out anyway.’ He clenched his eyes at the painful memory as it assaulted his frontal lobe for the millionth time. ‘I obviously interrupted something intimate. God, the look he gave me. Honestly, it’s a wonder he didn’t punch my lights out.’

  Confusion was still evident in Dillon’s features. ‘I don’t get it. I felt sure…’

  Jason shrugged. ‘Me too, but I guess love makes you naïve, eh? Anyway, I’m not staying. I’ve made plans for you and Dorcas to look after the place anyway, and I need to go clear my head. You’ll be okay.’

  It wasn’t a question. They’d have to be okay. He was feeling the urge to run. He’d promised he’d never do that again, but he needed space and time. And at least this time he was explaining in a roundabout way. Distance would help, wouldn’t it? He kicked the stand down and climbed off his bike.

  Dillon’s mouth curved down at the corners. ‘So where are you going to go? America?’

  ‘Nah, I’ve got a call to make, and then all being well, I’ll be putting several thousand miles between me and Stevie and…my replacement.’

  Jason began walking towards his cabin, unfastening his leather jacket as he tried to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Dillon jogged behind. ‘Are you sure running is a good idea? I mean, what if she comes looking for you?’

  Jason snorted. ‘Not going to happen. That guy she was with…he looked...’ Jason’s nostrils flared as he spoke, but he didn’t stop. ‘He looked fucking perfect for her.’ He clenched his jaw as the words he had uttered sank into his own brain and took up residence in his heart. That man seemed so together, clean cut, decent, all the things Jason felt he wasn’t. Okay, so you should never judge a book by its cover, but this man looked like he’d walked off the cover of some fucking romance novel. Unwanted images were suddenly created in his head once again of Stevie and the shirtless man making love. Of him kissing her and touching her, making her come. Anger and bile rose up within him, and he slammed the door to his cabin open, causing the glass panel to smash. ‘Awww fuck!’

  Dillon held his hands up in surrender, making Jason feel even worse. ‘Go make your call. I’ll sort the door. Just…just calm down, bro.’

  Jason tried to calm his breathing and to eradicate the images from his mind. He nodded at Dillon and made his way to his room. After closing the door, he slumped onto the bed. His guitar stood in the corner of the room, and he suddenly felt the urge to smash it into a million tiny pieces so that it resembled his disintegrated heart.

  After taking a few moments to calm down, he pulled out his phone and dialled. His call was picked up after three rings.

  ‘JR, mate. How you doing with your crazy plans?’

  ‘Yeah, it’s me and don’t ask. You know how you called and said you had a security detail that you needed me for? Well, I need a posting. What do you got for me?’

  ‘I’m still a man short for the African assignment.’

  ‘Okay, how soon do I need to be there?’

  ‘Try yesterday. Things are starting pretty damn soon, and I’d been thinking about asking if you knew anyone who’d be good enough. Are you sure it’s not too far for you at the moment?’

  ‘No, I’m sure that’s not too far. There’s no such thing as too fucking far right now. I’ll get the next available flight.’

  Stevie gripped the phone in her hand and stared as if willing it to ring. Jason's mobile had been switched off last night and this morning. She had tried hard to sleep, but the harder she tried to sleep, the more images cavorted through her head, taunting her. How things must’ve looked.

  Oh Jason’s face.

  The betrayal he must have felt had been clearly evident in his dark eyes. Her last hope was to call him at the camp. She’d been toying with the idea for hours now, but she was terrified he would actually answer and tell her to leave him alone. That was the worst-case scenario. She desperately needed to tell him that Marcus and she were over…not that they’d ever really started.

  Strengthening her resolve, she dialled the camp’s landline and waited. After several rings, a male voice answered.

  She cleared her throat. ‘Ahem…hello? It’s…it’s Stevie. Could I speak with Jason, please?’

  A sigh was audible from the other end of the line. ‘I was wondering how long it’d take for you to call, Stevie.’

  Her heart skipped a beat. ‘Jason?’

  ‘No, it's Dillon. I’m so sorry, but you’ve missed him.’

  Story of my life. ‘Oh, okay. Would you please tell him that I called?’

  ‘No, I mean you’ve completely missed him. He left about an hour ago. He had a flight to catch.’

  Oh. Shit. ‘Oh, has he gone to the US?’

  Another sigh. ‘No. He’s gone to…erm…actually I’m not sure I’m supposed to say.’

  ‘Just spit it out, Dillon. Where has he gone running off to this time?’

  ‘Africa.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘He’s gone to act as security detail for some aid workers. He’s done this kind of thing before after the army. He needed some distance.’

  She snorted as her heart plummeted. ‘Yes, I knew he’d done that before. He mentioned it once. You can’t get much more distant than bloody Africa.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Stevie. I don’t know what to say to you. I tried to convince him to talk to you.’

  Her lip began to tremble, and her palms were clammy. She swallowed the lump lodged in her throat. ‘Did he say anything before he left?’ she whispered.

  ‘Only that he’d found you with another man. That he’d interrupted something intimate. That you’ve moved on.’

  ‘Gosh, he said quite a lot then.’ She sighed a deep, pain filled sigh. ‘It wasn’t how it looked. I haven’t moved on. I still love him. If he contacts you, will you tell him that please?’

  ‘I would but he’s not likely to call. Apparently, the work doesn’t allow for a personal life, and to be honest I’m pretty fucking pissed off with him at the moment. I’m still going through therapy, and I need him. At least in London he would have been on the same continent.’

  ‘Oh, Dillon, you’re doing so well. Don’t let this break you down again, okay?’

  ‘I won’t… Well, I’ll try not to. If I hear anything, I’ll let you know.’

  ‘Thanks. I’d appreciate that. Before you hang up, do you know how long his assignment is for?’

  ‘I think he said it’s for three months initially. But it may be longer.’

  ‘Gosh, that long? I suppose I’ve blown it now.’

  ‘Look, Stevie, and I’m saying this because I care about you, move on. If this guy you’ve met is a decent man and he treats you well, then just let it be, eh? You and Jason have been through a lot, but there’s only so much heartache a couple can go through before it’s time to let it go.’

  He was right. She knew it. And if she’d thought that the five hundred and odd miles between London and the Cairngorms was a lot, his latest relocation was certainly not do-able. Even if Jason had wanted to try, which he clearly didn’t.

  Move on.

  She’d have to try.

  The man in the black suit, Jack Hilton, former Special Forces, stood with a stern expression on his face as he addressed the small cluster of men. It was a face that Jason had known for many years but hadn’t seen in several. A rumble of disgruntled acquiescence traversed the room. ‘There will be no fraternising with the clients. You are here to ensure their safety and welfare. T
his does not mean tasting of the forbidden fruit. Understood?’

  Jason was leaning against the wall, watching the man at work. He’d heard this lecture plenty of times before and knew the ropes well. His arms were folded across his chest, and he felt sweat trickle down his back and chest as he absently wondered why the air conditioning unit wasn’t being used considering the sweltering heat.

  ‘Now, there is a French interpreter working with the crew. She speaks excellent English and can translate for you when necessary. She’ll be with you all of the time, but she is also going to be very active in assisting the doctors who will be carrying out the vaccination programme. The villagers around the area are very wary of newcomers, which is to be expected given the recent spate of violence and kidnappings. You must be vigilant at all times. These people are relying on you to protect them. Keep your eye on the ball, men. No slacking. Do I make myself clear?’

  The rumble came again, and Jason witnessed a couple of eye rolls. He smirked to himself that they didn’t know what they were letting themselves in for. This was no walk in the park.

  Work like this seemed an easy way to make good money, but the reality of it was not the case. There was nothing easy about three months of little sleep, driving around the desert in a beat up old four wheel drive vehicle, wishing you were back eating home cooked food and sleeping next to a warm, sexy body. These guys were in line for a serious wake up call.

  Jason ran his hand over the top if his damp hair and lifted his eyes to the door as it opened. A beautiful, tanned woman with long, blonde hair walked into the room. She was wearing khaki cargo pants and a beige shirt tied in a knot at her waist. She glanced around the room and settled her eyes on Jason’s. He smiled but in return she cocked her head to one side and frowned. Strange response.

  ‘Ah and here she is. Gentlemen allow me to introduce to you Mademoiselle Oriel Maçon.’

  The blonde woman made her way over to Jack. ‘Bonjour.’