“Then I must be a fool.” She drew a deep breath. “All my life I have lived up to the expectations set out for me. None of which, by the way, I had any say in. You’re exactly the same, Jack. You followed all the rules, met all the expectations. Now you intend to pursue a completely different path. You intend to do what you’ve always wanted to do, be who you’ve always wanted to be but never had the courage. Is it so hard to understand why I would wish to do the same?”
His voice softened. “You have nothing to prove, you know.”
“One could say the same about you.”
“She’s got him there,” Beryl murmured.
Jack scoffed. “That’s an entirely different matter.”
“Why?” she said sharply. “Because you’re a man?”
His jaw clenched. “Exactly!”
“Even I know better than to say that,” Sam said under his breath.
“Come now, Jack, you said yourself that you knew any number of women who successfully manage businesses.”
“I said they rise to the occasion of their circumstances. I never said they were successful.”
“It was implied,” she said sharply.
“Nonetheless.” His tone hardened. “I do think women in business is unseemly, I don’t think they should be allowed in the Explorers Club, nor do I think they should vote!”
One of the ladies gasped.
“I don’t believe you for a moment.” Teddy glared. “I know you, Jackson Channing, you’re just saying that to . . . to annoy me!”
“Furthermore.” His jaw clenched. “Those women of business had no choice. They had to take care of themselves. You have a choice.”
She stared in surprise. “To allow you to take care of me?”
“It’s what men do.”
“Well, I don’t want to be taken care of, thank you very much. I’ve been taken care of my entire life. Indeed, I expected I would be taken care of for the rest of my life. But as you said—plans change.”
“Brava,” Lucy said quietly.
“I would never ask you to give up what you want,” Teddy continued. “Is it right for you to ask me to give up what I want? Is it fair?”
“Yes!” he snapped.
“Ouch.” Grayson winced.
“You don’t mean that. You’re nothing if not fair.” She grabbed his arm, a desperation she couldn’t hide in her voice. “Think about it, Jack. Please. Can you be happy if I’m not? If your happiness comes at the expense of mine?”
He stared at her for a long moment. “How long?”
“How long what?”
“How long will it take you to prove what you need to prove?”
“How on earth would I know? I have no particular deadline.” She released his arm and stepped back. “What do you want me to say? If I’m not successful in a year, two years, five years, that I’ll give up and meekly become your wife?”
He scoffed. “I don’t expect you to do anything meekly.”
“Good! I would hate to shatter your expectations!” She glared. “Let me ask you the same question. How long will it take you to decide how you want to spend the rest of your life? One year, ten, thirty?”
The colonel grimaced. “Poor form, Theodosia.”
“I’ve already decided! I want to spend the rest of my life with you! Which does seem a rather significant decision.” Jack shook his head slowly. “But I won’t wait for you.”
Indignation washed through her. “Nor did I ask you to.”
“I will love you forever, Theodosia Winslow.” His gaze locked on hers. “But make no mistake, I am not my father. I will not waste thirty years of my life waiting for you to come to your senses.”
She gasped. “Come to my senses?”
Jack’s brow arched.
Mrs. Channing huffed. “Oh, I don’t think come to my senses is at all accurate.”
“That is a bit harsh,” Lady Briston murmured.
Teddy clasped her hands together. “Just because a man has decided he’s in love with me, am I expected to throw away everything I want to acquiesce to his wishes?”
His gaze locked with hers and for an endless moment neither said a word. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms and tell him she was wrong. Nothing was as important as being with him. Admit that she was being stubborn and foolish. That this was the worst mistake of her life. But she knew as she knew nothing else in life, that if either of them abandoned what they wanted, what they needed, it would eventually destroy them both.
At last he shrugged, as if he didn’t care. “Apparently not.”
“I don’t want to part like this, Jack.” She struggled to keep her voice steady.
He smiled, defeat sounded in his voice. “I don’t want to part at all.”
She pulled off his ring and held it out to him, more than a little surprised at the steadiness of her hand. Her hand was apparently far more loyal than her traitorous heart. “You should take this.”
He shook his head. “I never intended for you to return it.”
“I can’t—”
“Keep it, Theodosia. As a memento if nothing else.” Jack reached out and closed her hand over the ring. The feel of his hand washed through her and wrapped around her soul. And shattered her heart. “It has indeed been an honor and a privilege to be your fiancé.” Resignation shadowed his blue eyes. “Even if it wasn’t real.”
She nodded, afraid if she said anything her voice would break and the tears welling in her eyes would flow.
“That’s that then.” Jack nodded and turned his attention to the colonel. “Father, if you wouldn’t mind, I have a few ideas I’d like to speak to you about. In the library perhaps?”
“Of course.” Colonel Channing nodded and followed his son from the room.
Teddy stared after him.
Dee stood up and moved to her side. “You’re not going to follow him, are you?”
Teddy choked back a sob. “No.” She shook her head. “I can’t.”
“I think perhaps we should return to London today,” her mother said quietly.
Teddy nodded.
Lady Briston rose to her feet. “Right or wrong, we must all follow our own path in life, my dear.” She cast Teddy a sympathetic smile. “And hope we don’t live to regret our choices.”
“Goodness, Lady Briston.” Teddy sniffed and opened her hand, staring at the ring twinkling in her palm. The vision blurred with the tears in her eyes. She had made her decision and now she had to live with it, however hard that would be. She had no illusions, regardless of her plans, of what she wanted for her life; it would be empty without him. The blasted American had swept into her world unexpectedly and right into her heart. And there he would stay until she breathed her last.
It was the right decision for both of them. She had no doubts about that. Although it didn’t seem fair that doing what one knew was right hurt so very much. That doing what was best for both of them came with a price so high she might never recover. It would take a long time for the pain she felt now to fade and she wondered if it ever would.
She closed her hand over the ring, reminded herself there was truly no other choice, and forced her most optimistic smile.
“I already do.”
Epilogue
Thirteeen months later,
Somewhere in the deserts of Egypt . . .
“Eight,” Teddy said and slapped at the dust on her practical traveling skirt. She refused to consider how hot and dusty she looked, which was probably no worse than she felt. Of course, how was one expected to feel after nearly a full day on a camel? Blasted, nasty beasts. Mrs. Channing had warned her, when she met the colonel and his wife in Cairo, that adventure was unfortunately not the least bit tidy. Still, this was not how she wished to look when she saw Jack again for the first time in more than a year.
Jack pulled off his glasses, rose from the chair behind the camp desk in his tent, not so much as a hint of surprise at her unexpected appearance in his eyes. Eyes that looked even
bluer against his skin, now tanned by the sun. His jaw was shadowed as if he hadn’t bothered to shave, his shoulders seemed somehow broader and, goodness, had the man grown taller? Surely not but there was an air about him of confidence and adventure and even danger that made him seem bigger than life. Good Lord, he looked like a bloody hero! Her heart skipped a beat.
“Eight?” he said in a casual manner as if he had last seen her yesterday and not thirteen months ago. “Eight what?”
“Eight months.” She pulled off a glove and glanced around his tent. It was spacious and sparsely furnished with a folding desk, cot, several stacked trunks, and a Persian rug that obviously served as flooring. She did wonder how he kept the sand off it although judging by the grit beneath her boot—she suspected he didn’t. The room was littered with stacks of books and maps and notebooks. Chunks of broken pottery and statuary and assorted artifacts were piled high. Spades and various tools leaned against the tent’s posts. “It took me eight months to understand that being independent didn’t necessarily mean being alone.”
He sauntered around the desk, rested his hip against it, and crossed his arms over his chest. There was no mistaking it now, Jack was definitely his father’s son. “Oh?”
“I didn’t like that at all. It was most distressing. I became rather cranky.” She wrinkled her nose. “Not at all like me. I’m usually so pleasant.” She pulled off her other glove. “It’s all your fault, you know.”
“I would have thought it was your fault.” His expression was nondescript. It was enough to drive even the sanest of women quite, quite mad. Why on earth did she have to go and fall in love with a banker?
“In the spirit of compromise, I am willing to shoulder some of the blame and apologize.”
“Accepted.”
“And?”
“You expect me to apologize as well?”
She slapped her gloves against her palm. “That would be nice.”
“All right then.” He shrugged. “Sorry.”
“You should be.” She sniffed. “I have been following you from one place to the next. Some of them most uncivilized and very nearly impossible to get to. One would think you were hiding.”
His eyes narrowed. “I wasn’t.”
Teddy wouldn’t have found him at all if it hadn’t been for his parents. But she suspected if anyone knew where Jack was, his parents would. From what Dee had told her, they had accompanied Jack on his new life of adventure at least initially but then had gone their separate ways, only meeting with their son now and again in places like Algiers and Constantinople. While the colonel had always been notoriously bad about correspondence, Mrs. Channing was apparently a good influence and at least a handful of letters had made their way back to the rest of the family. Teddy had retraced their steps although, at times, it had been like following bread crumbs. Still, she refused to give up. Jack was at the end of those bread crumbs. She was both astounded and grateful when she had at last found the Channings in Cairo.
According to his parents, Jack had joined a group of scholars and treasure hunters searching for a lost city and evidence of a lost pharaoh or something of that nature. They directed her to this makeshift tent village filled with the most disreputable-looking men but had assured her she would be perfectly safe. Especially as the colonel had arranged for his most trusted guide and escorts to accompany her. Under other circumstances she would have been curious and intrigued but now there was only one thing on her mind.
“I must say, you haven’t made it easy for me.” She dropped her gloves on a chair that had seen better days. “I’ve been traveling for five months. You’ve been bloody hard to find.”
“Have I?”
“You know full well you have.”
“Again, my apologies.”
“Even in this day and age it’s damnably hard for a woman alone to travel to the places you have been. Why, I had to engage an elderly couple from Kent to accompany me as chaperone.” She aimed a pointed look at him. “Fortunately, they are of an adventurous nature.”
“That is fortunate.”
She wasn’t sure what she had expected but aloof and restrained wasn’t it. Certainly she hadn’t thought he would be overjoyed at the sight of her, take her in his arms, straight to his bed and back into his life. That would be entirely too much like a novel of romance or adventure. Still, she had hoped.
“You don’t seem surprised to see me.” She took off her hat and tossed it on top of her gloves.
He shrugged.
Very well, obviously he was going to make her pay for her sins.
“Perhaps you would like to know how I have spent those eight months? Before you shrug again, allow me to explain.” She meandered around the edge of his dwelling, her gaze drifting over the jumble of artifacts and assorted piles of paraphernalia that might well have been supporting the tent itself. “I have always heard that hard work is the best way to keep one’s mind off of something they’d rather not think about but think about nonetheless.”
“And that was?”
“You know perfectly well what it was.” She cast him an annoyed look. “Apparently when one has had a hero, one finds it difficult to go on without him.”
“And?”
“And so I worked. I solicited new engagements, tripled our revenue, hired three widows whose late husbands were idiots, to run things and work with Mother who is, by the way, proving to be most efficient. Although she is leading your uncle Dan on a merry chase and I suspect she intends to allow him to catch her soon.” She picked up a small stone carving of a cat and examined it. “In short I proved to myself, if no one else, that I could do what I set out to do. I can do whatever it is I set my mind to.”
“I never doubted it.”
“I did.”
“And you are your greatest critic.”
“Next to my mother.”
He nodded. “I see.”
She shot him a sharp glance. “Do you?”
“It’s obvious.” He studied her for a moment. “Having now accomplished what you set out to accomplish, you’ve decided to turn to the next thing on your list of what you want. Me.”
She started to deny it, then realized it was pointless. “I wouldn’t have put it quite that way.” She replaced the cat and turned toward him. “I have never actually had a list but yes.” She drew a deep breath. “You win, Jack.”
“Do I?”
There was every chance he no longer wanted her. He had a new life of adventure and perhaps even a new woman in that life. It was a possibility she hadn’t wanted to consider but it was always in the back of her mind. She had realized long ago what a risk she had taken but she would do so again. And for the same reasons. Regardless, she hadn’t come all this way to give up without a fight. She gathered her courage and drew a deep breath.
“Yes, you do.” She took a step toward him, ignored the butterflies trying to beat their way out of her stomach, and met his gaze directly. “I have missed you from the moment you walked out of Millworth’s dining room. Every minute, every hour, every day. You have never been far from my thoughts and you have been most persistent in my dreams.”
“Have I?” The slightest twinkle of what might have been amusement glittered in his eyes. It was a good sign.
“I’m not saying I made a mistake, I didn’t. I was afraid, you see, that if I gave up my plans for my life, if I didn’t try, I would regret it and eventually resent you for asking it of me. And there would come a time when we hated each other. I would rather let you go than take that risk. I would never want you to hate me.” If she had the slightest chance of winning him back, she had to tell him everything. “In the back of my mind I thought, I hoped, that you’d come back to me.” Her voice broke and she cleared her throat. “You didn’t, of course. I never heard from you, not that I blame you but . . .” She shook her head. “I know you said you wouldn’t wait for me but you also said you would love me forever. I took that as, well, a promise.”
He didn’t say a word an
d she hurried to fill the silence.
“The moment I realized that I had indeed achieved what I wanted I knew I had to find out if . . .” She squared her shoulders. “If it was too late.”
He considered her silently.
“I didn’t know I needed a hero until he—until you—were gone. I don’t want to live my life without you. And I would very much like to share your adventures.” There, it was all out. Now, it was up to him.
He stared at her for a long moment but said nothing. Her heart plummeted.
“Is it? Too late, that is?” She held her breath.
“There’s something you should know,” he said slowly. He straightened, turned, and rummaged through the piles of papers on his desk. “I did write.”
“I never received anything,” she said cautiously.
“I never posted them.” He selected a stack of pages and held them out to her. “I too was afraid.”
She reached out, her hand trembling.
He caught it, a troubled frown creasing his brow. “I don’t know why but I always thought you’d be wearing your ring.”
“I am.” Her free hand went to the chain around her neck. The ring and the peacock dangled from it, hidden by her clothing. “I never take it off.”
He released her hand, gave her the letters, then turned back to the desk. “There’s something else you should see.” He shifted a few papers, then grabbed a folded packet. “This includes passage to England.”
She stared at him. “You were coming back?”
“I promised myself I would not make the same mistakes my father had. I would not wait thirty years. One was more than enough.”
“For me to come to my senses?”
“Yes. And for me to come to mine.” He shook his head. “Adventure isn’t nearly as much fun without someone to share it with.” He blew a long breath. “It didn’t take me eight months to realize that. I knew it almost from the first. But apparently, I am every bit as stubborn as you.”
She swallowed hard. “Everyone said you were perfect for me.”
“And were they right?”
The Shocking Secret of a Guest at the Wedding (Millworth Manor) Page 37