The Man I Love (The Man I Need Trilogy #3)

by Loretta Steel

  Published in 2017 by Black Lace publishing, London, UK.

  Text copyright © 2017 Loretta Steel

  The moral right of Loretta Steel to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof in any form. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored, in any form or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical without the express written permission of the author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, incidents and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  THE MAN I LOVE

  PART THREE

  EZRA

  I ran into his arms.

  The black velvet box, now empty dropped to the floor as he lifted me up in the air and swung me around.

  ‘Yes, I’ll marry you,’ I said, glancing down to the huge diamond ring that glinted even in the dimly lit living room.

  I knew what marriage meant to him. It was more than just a commitment to love one another. It was a contract. I’d promised to be his, forever. And in turn, he’d promised to protect me. To love me. To shower me with affection. And to stand up to me, like a man. The man I needed. The man I desired.

  The man I loved.

  BLAKE

  Six months had passed since we’d stood in the grand hall of the local church and I’d vowed to love, cherish and protect Ezra for the rest of my life. She’d worn a beautifully adorned dress made of luxurious silk and woven with diamanté crystals. As she stood before me promising to love, honour and obey me, I felt my heart thudding against my chest.

  I’m not one to allow my nerves to get the better of me but the sight of her in white, innocent, virgin-like, and yet her eyes wearing the wisdom of a far older woman, a woman who’d been through so much, I felt rotten to have kept my recent piece of news from her. But I didn’t want anything to spoil our day.

  Tyler Black had kidnapped another woman, she’d almost died from a coma. Tyler hadn’t known the woman was diabetic, why would he? He didn’t care for anyone but his own twisted fantasies. But Ezra, beautiful, unaware, sexy woman of my life, didn’t have a clue that just an hour before I caught a taxi to the church to meet her step-father, Derrick, the police had called to inform her that due to the conditions of Tyler’s release from prison and the danger he posed to the public was now residing at her majesties pleasure for the foreseeable twenty-five years. A life sentence for almost causing the death of Anna Walters, a slim brunette with bony features that had grown even thinner during her time in captivity.

  Ezra held out her hand for me to take and walked me towards the large bay window overlooking the pier. Brighton’s facade was as beautiful as ever beneath the external features of a bright May sun. But beneath the surface of the Spring warmth lay a cold dark heart of misery that if I scratched would rise up to the surface and consume me. I tried hard not to think about my sister, her murder, her subsequent lack of conviction for the man who’d killed her, who’d committed suicide in his nine by six foot cell. But it was no good. The news had brought a sadness to what was supposed to be one of our happiest days together. The start of our new life had begun with the devastating news that despite the rules laid out by the court upon his release, Tyler Black had reoffended. Had almost killed another human being. A woman, no older than Ezra.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked me, but I couldn’t tell her. Instead, I smiled and pulled her towards me.

  ‘Husband,’ she said.

  ‘Wife.’

  We stood there smiling at one another as though nothing could go wrong. As though we were solid together.

  EZRA

  I was his wife. His spouse. His partner. His love. His best friend. His soulmate. And he was mine.

  I couldn’t quite believe it.

  There I was, stood gazing into the eyes of the man I’d promised to love, honour and obey for the rest of my life, and it felt right. I felt free. Somehow, giving myself over to him under the priest’s gaze as he gave us God’s blessing made me feel more empowered than ever. I’d promised myself to Blake, but so had he promised himself to I-forever.

  I took my vows seriously. We were each responsible for ensuring that we didn’t stray from the track laid out before us, a journey which would lead to our eventual transformation into a husband and wife, as God had intended.

  We were both responsible for taking care of each other now. I would work towards finding that inner peace, that serenity that came to me every time I gave myself over to Blake. And he was responsible for ensuring I didn’t stumble and fall from my path towards submission.

  There were still things I needed to work on, and he, but I knew in my heart that I didn’t want our marriage to be based on wonky foundations. Just as Blake had reiterated to me the day before I jetted off to the swanky spa with some of my old work colleagues and a small handful of friends I hadn’t seen since we’d left London. He’d reminded me why I’d fallen for him in the first place, just as my nerves were getting the better of me.

  ‘I will be your rock and you will be my blossoming rose.’ And I was. I melted in his arms as he held me close, making slow, sensual, but passionate love the night before we were to marry.

  But now, as I stood in front of the desk compiling paperwork into sections which needed sorting in alphabetical order, I tried to come up with a reason for his recent sneaky behaviour. The way his eyes couldn’t quite remain on mine. I felt as though I was losing him. Now that we were an item did he think that meant he didn’t have to try to win me over any more?

  I struck my nail on the sharp point of a staple and winced.

  ‘Take your time,’ he said, walking up behind me. ‘There’s no need to rush.’

  I couldn’t concentrate on anything else but his strange secretive behaviour.

  I imagined he’d bought me a present. An expensive gift from that little shop on the high street I fawned over as I passed the window, knowing my measly wages from his firm wouldn’t allow me to purchase anything. Then I’d decided quickly, with no evidence, that he must be having an affair and my breath caught in my throat as he snapped his fingers behind me.

  ‘Ezra?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Are you okay, you don’t look well.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I said, leaving the room briskly.

  I’d been glad to have been given something to do other than sit at a desk in his tidy office filing away paperwork. In between taking calls and listing client appointments in his diary I would flit back and forth to the room next door and deal with matters for my slowly growing interior design business. It would do until I’d found bigger premises and it meant that we didn’t have any extra outgoings on business rates or rent, but it also meant that I was close by, in case Blake needed me.

  The trouble was it had begun to feel claustrophobic. We were getting under each other’s feet.

  Of course, I told myself, we spent almost every waking moment beside each other, when would he have the time for an affair?

  But then the old me, the scared, angry Ezra would rear her ugly head and drown out my positive thoughts with negative ramblings: “you don’t deserve him. You’re not worthy of his love. You are no longer his lover but his wife, of course he’s bored. He wants something different. Add some spice into your sex life.”

  ‘Hah!’ I said aloud. As if we needed any hel
p in that department.

  Our sex life was anything but boring. Since I’d taken charge that one time in the bedroom, flinging him to the floor and fucking him hard, I’d instigated sex whenever I wanted it. The trouble was, giving myself to him so often in that way had left me feeling torn between wanting him to seduce me, and enjoying the ride.

  I bounced between submissive wife and dependent to assertive lover in the blink of an eye. I had no idea what was expected of me anymore, and Blake, being in his own head all the time, didn’t seem to know his place either.

  I knew what would rebalance the scales, but I was afraid to broach the subject.

  A hand instinctively found its way to my arse and I felt myself rubbing away at the itch that had grown there.

  I wanted him to take me in hand. I needed the sense of release that it offered me, the taste of true love it gave me. I wanted him to cherish me, but I also needed him to remain the firm, confident man I’d fallen in love with.

  Where had he gone?

  What had happened to him?

  BLAKE

  I knew what she wanted. I could see it in her eyes, but I couldn’t give it to her. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. She’d been good to me. More than good. She’d taken on the role of a dutiful, appreciative, submissive wife without regret. But that meant that she suffered spiritually from my lack of desire to give to her what she wanted. What she needed. My loving guidance.

  I knew too much time had passed already since I’d discovered Tyler’s arrest and subsequent conviction. Two weeks had passed since we’d wed. I had to tell her then, no matter how much I knew it would hurt her. Keeping it from her any longer would be worse.

  ‘I have something to tell you.’

  She sat on the chair behind the desk without a word.

  When I opened my mouth to speak she sighed.

  We ended up speaking at the same time.

  ‘Tyler has been convicted of-‘

  ‘Are you having an affair?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m sorry-‘

  ‘Are you trying to tell me that-‘

  ‘Let me speak, Ezra, please.’

  ‘Well?’

  ‘I’m trying to tell you that Tyler has broken his terms of release. He kidnapped a woman and he’s been convicted.’

  ‘How long has he got?’

  ‘Twenty-five years.’

  ‘That’s-‘

  ‘A life sentence, I know. What were you trying to tell me?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she said, her eyes falling to the floor where I noticed her feet shook.

  ‘You thought I was-‘

  ‘Having an affair.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I knew you were keeping secrets from me.’

  ‘But, Ezra, I would never …’

  She waved my words away. ‘Like I said, it doesn’t matter.’

  ‘It does if I’ve upset you. If you’re hurt.’

  ‘I’m not,’ she said, standing up from the chair.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I called after her, as she made her way into the adjacent office.

  ‘Me too,’ she said, closing the door behind her.

  EZRA

  That should have been the end of it, but it wasn’t. I couldn’t accept his weak excuse for keeping things from me. I wouldn’t forgive him for his secret. If he really thought I was strong then why hadn’t he trusted me enough to tell me?

  I was angry and upset as I sunk down onto the floor and began to sob.

  Blake must have thought very little of me not to have been able to tell me the reason for his odd behaviour. Perhaps he thought I was fickle, weak. I’d show him I was not. If he wanted a fight that was exactly what he’d get.

  I was seething with rage by the time he opened the office door I’d forgotten to lock with an apologetic bunch of flowers held in his arm. I scoffed at them and ran past him. As I flung my arm out knocking the flowers to the ground I saw that they weren’t from him at all, but from Derrick, my step-father. I’d recently begun to pay back the money I’d stolen from him in an attempt to rekindle our relationship.

  ‘I’m not interested,’ I said as I flew past Blake, wild-eyed and slightly embarrassed I’d outwitted him.

  I heard him bend down to collect the flowers from the floor. I turned and caught him shake his head, unable to understand how we’d come to this version of ourselves in just two weeks.

  But, of course, he knew. With a certain knowledge a man never loses, even in times of stress and fatigue. For me to be a woman he had to act like a man.

  BLAKE

  I barged into the office and swept her off her feet.

  Still raging and whining for me to put her down, her fists thumping my back as I raised her up over my shoulder to carry her over the threshold as I’d done at the end of our wedding ceremony, I kept my voice firm and serious, but I knew in my heart that all I wanted to do was to make love to her, tenderly, and stroke away the tears I felt burning behind her eyes despite not being able to see her face.

  ‘Let me go,’ she said.

  ‘Never.’

  ‘Put me down.’

  I dropped her down onto the wooden desk in her untidy, chaotic office and couldn’t believe the state of the place. She took her chance to swing her legs over the edge of the desk to make a run for it, but I held her still.

  ‘You’d better clean this room from top to bottom young lady.’

  ‘Or what?’ she asked, begging for me to fuck her.

  ‘Or I’m going to spank your sorry arse until you squeal.’

  She looked about ready to offer me one of her mouthy excuses for the mess, but then she looked down at the state of the floor and nodded.

  She gave in too easily, I thought, wanting, begging for her to give me an excuse to tan that backside of her’s until she couldn’t sit.

  The thought nagged at me, that I was deliberately provoking her, just as she did me, hoping she’d fail so I had a reason to pull her across my knee as I’d had to when we’d first got engaged. After her initial response to my hand, she’d fallen into a submissive mindset where I no longer needed to drag her over my knee or tug her knickers down. She came to me willingly and accepted her punishment like a good wife. The only problem was, the lack of challenge had left me wanting to push her into annoying me. But she seemed intent on being a good, proper wife, and missed the opportunities I gave her to force me to take charge.

  What she needed was a reason to get spanked.

  What I wanted was for her to slack on her chores and appeal to my dominant side by sassing me a bit.

  But, it seemed neither of us were willing to sacrifice our roles to fulfill the other’s desires. And yet, something had to give. One of us had to broach the subject if only to save the other’s embarrassment.

  She shouldn’t have to ask me for a spanking, that wasn’t how it was meant to work. I’d have to take charge. After all, I was supposed to lead, and she to follow.

  EZRA

  Being a submissive wife wasn’t as hard as I’d expected, but I was bored of being good. Tired of Blake’s insistence that I tidy my office, and lack of reprisal when I didn’t so I left it, deliberately, in the state that it was in, knowing that it would earn me a spanking. A spanking I craved, over my husband’s knee.

  Our marriage was based on the principles set forth in the bible where I was to be his obedient, submissive wife. Showering him with affection and love. Respectful at all times. Honouring him as the man of his house. My leader. My protector.

  It was his God-given right to discipline me, and if I didn’t afford him the opportunity to do so then I wasn’t allowing him to act like a dutiful husband should, I reasoned, slipping off my slacks and letting them fall to the floor. Stepping out of them in just my pumps, I removed my knickers and bra then sat on the edge of the desk facing the door, waiting for him to enter to check that I had cleaned the room, which I hadn’t.

  He deserved a sore hand for
keeping Tyler’s recent arrest and subsequent conviction from me.

  BLAKE

  She was punishing me for not being honest with her, forcing me to take charge once again, just as she needed, as I was supposed to. As her husband, it was my duty to keep my house in order. It was her’s to obey me, and she hadn’t.

  Pining for a spanking she’d draped herself back across the desk, her legs crossed at the knees, arms folded.

  ‘You took your time,’ she greeted me with a smile and a raise of her eyebrows.

  ‘You deliberately disobeyed me, Ezra,’ I said, mocking her decision not to bother tidying away the office as I’d asked her to.

  She caught the curved smile on my lips and winked. ‘So?’

  ‘You knew you were going to get a spanking for leaving the office in a mess, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ she sighed, irritable, batting her eyelids in feigned innocence.

  ‘You should know better than to expect me to fall for your every whim.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ she said, hands on hips.

  ‘I will decide why, when, where and how to punish you.’

  ‘I know,’ she said, the tone of her voice rising a notch.

  ‘I don’t think you do.’

  ‘I know you’re the big man who makes the decisions concerning my spanking, but-‘

  ‘I didn’t say I was going to spank you.’

  She closed her mouth at this.

  ‘I’m in charge of disciplining you, but I shall decide why you deserve it, when you will be punished, where I will administer your punishment and how I will punish you.’

  She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again, the reality sinking in.

  I wasn’t going to spank her today. I was going to make her wait. That would be punishment enough-for now.

  EZRA

  The sexual energy fizzled between us. The threat of what was to come, but not knowing when made me all the more excited. But I was also tempted to push him a little further to get it over with sooner. He knew the anticipation made me wet. I was also apprehensive. The knowledge that he was back in the driving seat was the force that propelled me back towards playing the role of submissive wife, which of course, was what he wanted.