“So,” Jackson says. “You grew up in California?”
I nod. “I did. Born and raised in LA. My mom thought she was going to become an actress at one point I guess, but she married my dad and had me instead. She didn’t stay with my dad very long though. They got divorced not long before my dad died.”
“How old were you when you lost your father?” he asks.
“Ten.”
I move the pasta around my plate, but don’t have the stomach to eat it anymore. Talking about my family gets me twisted up inside.
“That must have been hard,” he replies.
I shrug. “My mom didn’t waste any time finding a replacement for my father. I think she likes getting married more than she likes being married.”
Jackson sighs. “Marriage isn’t easy.”
“I’d like to get married someday,” Emerson says.
When he touches my shin with his foot under the table, I glare at him.
Jackson pats his forearm. “You’ve got to meet the right girl first. That’s kind of hard to do when you’re tucked away in a lab day and night.”
Emerson presses his lips together like he’s doing his best not to explode. He takes in a deep breath then exhales. Then he says calmly, “I’m almost finished with my dissertation, Pop.”
“Good. Maybe then you can get out into the world and start living.” Jackson turns his attention back to me. “Ever since he was a kid if Emerson didn’t have his nose planted in some kind of scientific book, he was in the garage doing some kind of experiment. I’ve never seen a kid who was so serious and focused.”
“I did more than that,” Emerson says in his defense.
Jackson raises an eyebrow. “Like what?”
“I was on the swim team. Remember?”
“Only because I forced you.”
“I love science. I always have.”
“I doubt you’ll meet someone in a physics lab. When I was your age I had already backpacked through Europe and Asia.”
“I’m not you, Pop.”
Jackson nods. “I know. I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy.”
When Emerson runs his foot along my leg again I try to swat him away as nonchalantly as I can.
“Is everything okay?” Jackson directs the question at me.
“I think there was some kind of bug on my leg.” I give Emerson a sideways stare. “A gnat or something.”
Jackson shakes his head. “It’s that time of year. Just be careful when you open the slider that you don’t let the beach flies in.”
The three of us sit in silence for several moments. I notice both Jackson and Emerson running their tongues along their top teeth.
Like father, like son.
“I’d better get going,” I say finally. “I want to take a dip in the pool before it gets dark.”
Jackson furrows his brow. “You haven’t even touched your food.”
I shove a forkful of pasta into my mouth, quickly chew and swallow it. Unfortunately it feels like a rock being forced down my throat.
“I’m not really that hungry,” I admit. Maybe it’s because I’m a terrible liar, and it’s making me sick to my stomach to sit here and lie to Jackson’s face about Emerson.
Technically I guess I’m not lying, but it is a lie of omission and I still feel rotten about it.
“Maybe I’ll take a dip in the pool too.” Emerson rises from his chair.
My chest tightens as I see the expression on Jackson’s face change. There’s a look of suspicion in his eyes.
Why did Emerson have to say that?
“Remember what I said,” Jackson warns. “No hanky-panky.”
When he points a finger directly at me my heart starts to pound wildly.
“Okay,” is about all I can manage to squeak out.
Emerson waves off his dad’s concern as if it’s nothing. “You know I like to swim every day.”
As Jackson’s eyes move back and forth between me and Emerson I find myself actually praying to a God that I’m not even sure I believe in.
Please don’t let Jackson have that sixth sex sense that my mom does.
“Give me a hand with the dishes before you go,” Jackson requests as he rises from the table.
I grab my plate and fork and quickly dispose of the food I wasn’t able to eat. Then I place the plate and fork in the dishwasher.
I hurry out of the kitchen before Jackson has a chance to see into my soul and realize I’m a terrible person who has already betrayed his trust.
The worst part is that I’d do it again because I want to be with Emerson.
I keep hoping that there will be a moment when I look at him and those overwhelming feelings won’t be there anymore.
But it’s not happening. The feelings just keep getting stronger.
I go out the slider and hurry back to the guesthouse. The place is really starting to feel like my own, and I hate that I feel that way about it.
I could lose it all at any moment. If I keep fooling around with Emerson I most likely will.
I change into my swimsuit, throw an oversized, fluffy towel over my shoulder, and head out to the pool.
The air is just starting to cool, but I know the pool will be nice and warm. I toss my towel on to one of the poolside lounge chairs and climb into the water.
I take advantage of having some time to myself. What in the world would possess Emerson to tell his dad he was coming out to swim with me? Jackson became immediately suspicious, and I don’t blame him.
It did seem suspicious.
I close my eyes and float around the pool. The only sound I can hear is the ocean waves crashing on the shore.
It’s completely relaxing, until Emerson dives into the water next to me.
When I open my eyes he’s grinning at me. He doesn’t seem bothered one bit that his dad is suspicious. But why would he be? He has nothing to lose if his dad finds out.
“What was that about?” I spit through clenched teeth.
“What?” he asks innocently.
I narrow my gaze at him. “You know what. You jumped up from the table and told your dad you were going to swim with me. As if that’s not suspicious at all.”
He lets out a breath, but doesn’t reply.
Then I have a revelation. “Do you want your dad to find out about us?”
He looks like I just slapped him with my accusation. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“If your dad not-so accidently finds out that you’re screwing his assistant he wouldn’t think you’re some physics geek who can’t get laid because you’re holed up in the lab day and night. I’d get fired, but your dad would see you as a stud.”
His eyes are like lasers burning with anger. “I would never do that to you,” he spits. “How could you even think that? I care about you. I don’t want you ever to get hurt. And I don’t give a shit what my pop thinks. If I did I wouldn’t be getting a Ph.D. in Physics. I’d be riding a motorcycle across Europe banging a new girl in every city. That’s not me. I’m not like that.”
I want to believe him, but I’m so confused I have no idea what’s true anymore.
“What’s your number?” I ask him.
“What?”
“Your number. What’s your number?
It takes him a few moments to finally get what I’m asking. “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.”
I look him dead in the eyes so he knows I’m serious. “I want to know how many girls you’ve been with. I have a right to know. And if you ever want to put your dick inside of me again you’ll tell me.”
He’s silent for what seems like a really long time. When he finally looks up at me his eyes are damp. “Including you?”
I nod. “Including me. What’s your number?”
He bites his bottom lip then says, “Two.”
It takes a moment for that to sink in. I had a suspicion his number wasn’t going to be high, but I didn’t think it would only be me and one other girl.
“Who was she?” I ask.
“A girl I dated in high school. We were together for almost four years. We tried to make things work when we went away to college, but she went to Berkley and I went to Stanford. She left me for a mathematician. They got married last year. They even invited me to their wedding. It was like a dagger right in the heart when she said I do and it wasn’t to me.”
I’m not sure how to respond, so I keep quiet.
He continues. “She was my first, and I loved her.” He looks into my eyes and I can feel the sparks flying between us. “But it wasn’t anything like what I feel when I’m with you.”
“I’ve never felt anything like this before either,” I admit.
“I would never do anything to hurt you,” he tells me again. “I hope you know that.”
I nod.
He closes the distance between us and kisses me. My entire body responds to his touch. He may not have been with many women, but he definitely knows how to push every one of my buttons.
“I made a trip to the drugstore,” he whispers in my ear. “I bought several large boxes of condoms.”
He doesn’t need to tell me twice. “Race you to the side of the pool.”
There’s little doubt he was on the swim team. He glides through the water with speed and agility.
I may have dated athletes, but I’ve never been much of an athlete myself. I can get around in a pool, but I’m no match for Emerson.
“Slow poke,” he teases when I finally catch up to him.
He kisses me. “I’ll see you in a few minutes. I’ve got to go inside and get the condoms.”
“I’ll be waiting.” I do a mock seductive voice that makes him laugh.
“I’ll be quick.”
“Just quick getting the condoms,” I clarify. “Not quick in bed.”
“Definitely not quick in bed. I plan on keeping you up all night.”
Five
Emerson isn’t quick at all. I’ve been waiting nearly an hour and there’s still no sign of him or the condoms.
Nellie has already phoned twice and I haven’t answered because I keep thinking that Emerson will show up.
I’m not ready to tell Nellie about him and I’m not sure why. We’re best friends and we tell each other everything.
I think I’m hesitant to tell her about Emerson because she’s much more pragmatic than I am. I don’t want her to tell me all the reasons I should quit seeing him.
I already know all the reasons and I still want to be with him anyway.
When my phone rings again I decide to answer it. Nellie is the most stubborn person I know. When she sets her mind to something she’s like a dog with a bone. She obviously has something to tell me and I know she won’t stop phoning until she tells me whatever it is.
“Why haven’t you answered you phone?” Her voice is filled with concern.
“Sorry, I was out by the pool. I didn’t have my phone with me.”
Not a complete lie, just a bit of a truth stretch.
“Finn is driving down to Laguna and he wants to see you.”
Shit! He’s the last person I need to see right now. He and Jackson share the same manager. If he finds out about me and Emerson it could get back to Jackson.
“I’m super busy right now,” I tell her.
“I thought you’d be excited. You really seemed to like him. And he likes you. He told Roscoe he’s very interested in seeing you again.”
Shitty-shit-fuck! Now what do I do? I never lie to Nellie, but I do now, and I hate myself for it. “This job is a lot more than I thought it was going to be. I’m in way over my head. I really just need to focus on work for a while.”
“Friday night,” she tells me. “He wants to meet you for drinks or dinner. You’re not going to be working on Friday night are you?”
“I really need to.”
“You sound very tense. That’s not like you. I’m the one in a perpetual state of anxiety. You’re supposed to be the laidback one.”
“I know…” She doesn’t let me finish my sentence.
“Going out with Finn and having a few drinks sounds like exactly what you need. Have fun and unwind a little. It won’t hurt to take a few hours off. I won’t take no for an answer.”
Before I have a chance to reply there’s a knock on the door. Emerson is standing in front of the slider. He gives me a wave, and I point to my cellphone.
“Did I hear a knock?” she asks. “Is someone at your door?”
“My boss must need something,” I tell her. “I’d better go.”
“I gave Finn your number. He said he’d text you with the details. Be ready for drinks tomorrow night.”
She hangs up before I can refuse.
I end the call and open the slider for Emerson.
“Is everything okay?” he asks.
How am I supposed to tell him that I have to go out with another guy because I can’t be honest with my best friend about the forbidden affair he and I are having?
“Fine,” I lie because why not just start piling them on?
He takes the cellphone from my hand and places in on the table. Then he puts his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes. “Everything is not okay. What’s going on? Who was that on the phone?”
“I was talking to my best friend, Nellie. I’ve never lied to her before, but I couldn’t tell her about us.”
“Why not?” His brow furrows with apprehension.
“She lives with her boyfriend, Roscoe. One of his best friends is named Finn. Finn is the person who is responsible for getting me the job with your father. He’s a screenwriter, a wannabe anyway. That’s not important. The important part is that Finn’s manager is your dad’s manager.”
“So?”
I heave a huge sigh. The story doesn’t really make sense unless he knows the whole sordid tale, and I don’t want to start lying to him like I’ve been lying to everyone else.
“Finn likes me.”
“Oh…”
“He wants to take me out tomorrow night.”
Emerson’s eyes go wide. “On a date?”
As I nod he shakes his head.
“You’re mine,” he says so matter-of-factly I’m taken aback by the bluntness.
I don’t want to even get into the semantics or the implications of that statement right now. We have more immediate concerns.
Like my date with Finn.
“There are two issues with Finn finding out about our relationship. The first is that he’ll tell Joel. I have little doubt about that. That’s social currency in LA. It’s not a matter of if, but when Joel tells Jackson that tidbit of information.”
“As soon as he has the time to drive down to Laguna.”
“And do you see the even bigger problem?” I ask.
“Finn finds out that Jackson has a son he’s been hiding from the public for years.”
I put my finger to my nose. “Exactly. That’s even more social currency.”
The two of us just stare at each other.
“Now you see why I have to go out with Finn. I can’t tell him about us.”
Emerson runs his tongue over his top teeth. “I’m not thrilled about this.”
“Neither am I.”
“Do you like him?” Emerson looks deep into my eyes.
“He’s not you,” I tell him.
“That’s not what I asked.”
“He’s like every other guy I’ve ever dated.”
Emerson nods, but doesn’t say anything else. We both look at the huge box of condoms in his hands. He tosses them on the table next to my phone.
“Have you always used condoms?” he asks. “With all the guys you’ve been with?”
I nod. “Always.”
“Even though you’re on the pill?”
“I’m very cautious about that. It’s not just because I don’t want to get pregnant. I practice safe sex.”
“I want to be with you without the condoms,” he states.
My thro
at tightens. No guy has ever said that to me before. Not that I’d ever allow that to happen. I’ve made it pretty clear with my past boyfriends that if they didn’t keep it wrapped it wasn’t getting wet.
“Why?” I fire back. “Do you think that will prove something? Are you trying to mark your territory?”
I’m surprised when he nods. “Yup. That’s exactly what I’m doing. When you go out with Finn,” he says the name with so much disdain it scares me a little, “I want you to remember that a part of me is still inside of you even if you’re with him.”
My chest tightens as I think about what he’s saying. “I don’t want to go out with Finn, but I don’t feel like I have a choice.”
He nods, but he doesn’t say anything. He just extends his hand.
When I place my hand in his he pulls me into the bedroom.
“How did you know which bedroom I was using?” I ask.
“Lucky guess. This is the one I would use. It has the best view of the ocean.”
I’m only wearing a sweatshirt thrown over my swimsuit, but I allow Emerson to remove the little clothing I am wearing.
“I don’t want anyone else to have you,” he whispers in my ear.
“I don’t want to be with anyone else,” I assure him.
He quickly removes his t-shirt and swim trunks.
I think about the brand new box of condoms sitting on the table in the living room. I could ask him to run out and get them.
But his words are echoing in my head. A part of me is still inside of you even if you’re with him. As archaic and possessive as the statement sounds for some reason it really turns me on.
Maybe his inner caveman is appealing to my inner cavewoman.
Maybe I want him to take me in every sense of the word.
And that’s exactly what he does.
He scoops me into his arms and places me on the bed.
As he moves on top of me his eyes don’t leave mine. Then he kisses me. The most passionate, desire-filled kiss I’ve ever had.
His hands travel over every inch of my body. If he truly is marking his territory he’s definitely making sure that no part of me is left unclaimed.
“I want to be inside of you,” he whispers in my ear.
A slight panic overtakes me. Do I really want him inside of me sans condom? I’m flooded with all kinds of different thoughts and emotions.
So Far Away (California Dreamers #2) Page 8