Unfair Game: A Gay Sports Romance Novel

by Cecelia Storm

  Had he lost Cade? Had he frightened him away? The dread was so strong, he rushed to the bathroom and dry heaved over the toilet.

  He sat on the floor for a long minute, head leaning on his knees. Hot tears ran down his face, and everything around his was blurred.

  He made up his mind then and there that he’d speak to Cade. He’d talk to him. He’d tell him it didn’t matter, that none of this mattered, that he didn’t want anything.

  He just needed Cade in his life. He needed his best friend. That was all.

  ***

  He made his way down to the training ground in record time. Cade was already out there, practicing headers. He avoided eye contact, but Kyle was having none of that and marched right over.

  “Cade-”

  “No.”

  Kyle stopped short. They stared at each other. He opened his mouth again, but Cade cut him off.

  “Come, practice with me.” His eyes were a warning.

  Kyle swallowed. “Please, Cade, just listen-”

  “I’m sorry,” Cade said quietly, interrupting. “I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you today. I was nervous about the match.”

  Kyle understood. Cade didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t know why this made him so upset. It was clear that Cade wasn’t letting him go, but it was the first time they’d had a misunderstanding that they hadn’t sorted out right away.

  Even if Cade was pretending things were the same, it was clear to Kyle that everything had changed.

  But he’d rather have Cade in some way than not at all, and so he nodded. He lunged for the ball at Cade’s feet, forcing a laugh. “Try to get it, old man!”

  Cade hesitated only a second, then immediately darted after Kyle, trying to steal the ball away. Kyle nutmegged him and dribbled away, leaving Cade behind, smiling slightly.

  ***

  Over the next couple of days, they achieved a truce of sorts. They went to training together, joked around, talked as much as they used to. But it was different.

  There was a tension in the air that didn’t dissipate no matter how many jokes Kyle cracked. And though Cade laughed and smiled, he didn’t tease Kyle anymore. Often he seemed lost in thought, his brows knitted together.

  Kyle had also stopped touching Cade. For some reason, it felt awkward to and so he went out of his way to make sure it never happened. No longer did he sling his arm around Cade’s shoulders, or punch him lightly in the arm for a joke, or hug him during a goal in training.

  Cade had never been the one to initiate physical contact, anyway, so the more they didn’t touch each other, the weirder it became. Kyle high-fived Cade during a goal celebration in training and it was so awkward that he couldn’t look at Cade afterwards.

  He felt frustrated. He wanted to get through this, but he didn’t know if it was something that should be forced or just left aside to heal on its own. It made him muddled and he played badly during training, finally forcing Emerson to give him a stern talking-to.

  He had also started changing in the bathroom rather than openly as they had done for so many years. He knew that it was a mistake, but he felt so exposed and vulnerable that he couldn’t face Cade with his shirt off.

  Cade, on the other hand, seemed determined to prove that he was fine with everything. He had always been more modest than Kyle, but now he changed his shirt defiantly in front of him, looking him in the eye.

  It made the situation even worse and Kyle felt he was in a terrible comedy where everyone was in on the joke except him. He often turned around and stared at the window as if nothing was happening, the rustling sounds behind making him even more nervous as Cade shed clothing.

  Fortunately, nobody seemed aware of the new undertones in their friendship. Kyle noticed, though, that Cade was colder to Perry. That when Perry tried to hug or touch him, Cade’s eyes would go straight to Kyle and he’d shrug out of Perry’s grasp.

  Kyle didn’t know how to feel about that.

  He tried his best not to look at Cade anymore because Cade seemed to look back a lot more often now. Kyle had been caught staring so many times that he felt it was simply too pathetic not to rein himself in. He wondered if he could get horse blinders.

  There were times he caught Cade looking, too. He always looked away immediately, though. Once when Kyle missed a penalty during practice, he raised the edge of his jersey and caught it between his teeth in frustration. Looking up, he saw Cade watching him, eyes thoughtful.

  When Cade saw him, though, he looked away quickly and Kyle swore he saw a spot of red on Cade’s pale cheeks.

  He didn’t know how he felt about that, either.

  They played video games more often together, but there was something different there too. They were more polite with each other, restrained. Now even when Kyle teased Cade, he could see a wall up-something he’d never known to exist between them.

  But one thing reassured Kyle more than ever. Cade never seemed to want to leave his side now. He made sure he sat next to Kyle at every meal, accompanied him everywhere. He eschewed hanging out with anyone unless Kyle was there too.

  It meant that Kyle was more confused than ever. He knew Cade didn’t have those kinds of feelings for him, but he didn’t know what Cade was trying to do. It was almost as if Cade was trying to make sure they stayed friends, like he was trying to forcibly get through the awkward stage without ever having to talk about it.

  And that was perfectly fine with Kyle. He wanted things back to how they were and he was terrified that it wouldn’t happen.

  If it meant going through this, he would.

  ***

  Kyle made sure he didn’t sit next to Cade on the bed, choosing instead to sit next to Perry. They’d all been invited to Perry’s room to watch an old black-and-white movie, a romantic affair that they’d all seen a hundred times.

  Kyle deliberately didn’t look to see where Cade was sitting, knowing that his eyes would keep darting in that direction if he did. He was stuffed in between Perry and Mason. Perry kept pushing his hip into Kyle’s and Kyle kept shoving him back. Mason intervened with a timely slap to the backs of both their heads every now and then.

  They finally went silent as the movie started and bowls of popcorn began to circulate. Kyle munched contentedly, relieved at not having to worry about things like whether his elbow was touching Cade’s as he sat. He grinned at the thought, wondering what people would think if they knew that the great Kyle Sorenson was in this kind of situation.

  Perry leaned close and whispered, “Who’s the girl?”

  Kyle elbowed him. “Fuck off.”

  Perry grinned and threw an arm around his shoulders. “Oh come on,” he whispered. “We can share.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

  Kyle couldn’t help it. He laughed. Mason shushed them, clearly annoyed, and Perry blew him a kiss over Kyle’s head, arm still around him.

  Perry bent to whisper something else in his ear and as Kyle leaned towards him to hear better, his eyes met Cade’s across the room.

  This time, Cade didn’t look away. He held Kyle’s gaze steadily.

  Kyle’s heart started to pound. He stared back at Cade, unable to look away. Cade kept looking at him, eyes dark and serious. Finally, he broke the glance, looking down towards the bowl of popcorn in his lap.

  Kyle looked back at the TV, forcing a laugh for whatever comment Perry had made. His heart was still beating uncomfortably fast.

  He didn’t dare look at Cade for the rest of the night.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  The team went back to their rooms in silence, stunned by the match. Kyle felt intensely frustrated that they’d let a two-goal lead slip through their fingers. Why was it always so much harder to lose with this team than any of the others he’d played on? He vowed to practice harder tomorrow, to never let this happen again.

  He sent a sidelong glance at Cade, sprawled on his own bed. Cade was his usual sulking self; he was a terrible sore loser. Normally, Kyle would have done everything to cheer h
im up, but he felt a certain reluctance about doing so now. He was probably overthinking things, but maybe it was better if he gave Cade some space.

  That thought only lasted a few seconds. Looking at Cade’s expression, Kyle sighed and said, “Cade, stop. You were amazing. You always are. It was just a one-off.”

  Cade turned his head to look at him, but said nothing.

  “Why do you always blame yourself? It’s a team sport.”

  “Because I can do better, Kyle! You know that.”

  It wasn’t Cade bragging, just stating a fact. He had done wondrous things before. He could set matches alive with a few brilliant moves. But it hadn’t been enough to win tonight.

  “Whether you score 0 goals or 800, I’ll still think you’re amazing,” Kyle said earnestly.

  “Oh, Kyle, stop!” Cade snapped suddenly, rolling his eyes.

  “It’s true-”

  “Oh, of course, you would say that.” Cade had sat up now, his mouth snarling and eyes snapping. He looked like he was ready for a fight.

  Kyle stopped short. “What does that mean?”

  “Just that-” Cade gestured, looking for words. “Well, you aren’t exactly unbiased, are you?”

  Blood rushed into Kyle’s face and his fists clenched. It was as if he had been slapped. “What the fuck do you mean?” he hissed, punching each word out.

  Cade looked stonily, almost defiantly, back. “You know what I mean,” he said in a low voice.

  “You think because I-” Kyle waved his hand between their bodies, unable to use the word love in this context, to admit that he loved him in this horrible fight, to have that moment destroyed in this ugliness. “You think because I want to fuck you that I’m saying this? That’s what you think?” His voice was rising now. “What did you think, Cade? Tell me. That I’ve been trying to get into your pants all this time?”

  Cade said nothing, but his guilty expression said it all. Kyle felt it like a blow. He’d never ever thought that his secret would make Cade question their friendship; he’d never thought that the consequences would be so far-reaching and so bitter. He’d never thought Cade would doubt what was, apart from his son, the purest relationship he had in his life.

  He felt a wave of grief hit him so hard he would have collapsed if he wasn’t already sitting. Anger came hot on its heels, so scorching he felt as if his head would explode.

  “Get out,” he hissed.

  Cade’s eyes rounded in shock. “W-what?”

  “You heard me. Get. Out.” Kyle’s hands were shaking, but his voice was clear and a small part of his brain was proud of it.

  Cade seemed frozen. “Kyle, calm down. I have nowhere to go,” he said in a low voice.

  “Go, or I will.”

  For a long second, they stared at each other. Cade’s eyes were searching and finally he dropped his head and stood. He put his shoes on in silence.

  Kyle looked away, breathing harshly in the silence. His heart was pounding so hard it actually hurt. Without knowing it, he placed his hand on his chest as if to calm himself down.

  “I’m sorry,” Cade whispered.

  Kyle looked at him and saw Cade still standing, his eyes fixed on Kyle’s hand. There was raw emotion on Cade’s face now and it made Kyle ache. He’d never not comforted Cade before. He’d never been the one to inflict pain on Cade. And now here he was throwing him out.

  Emotion choked his throat. “Why would you say that?” he said passionately, his voice low and pained. “Even if I didn’t… Even if I was just your friend, even if I never wanted anything more, I could never...” He choked back words.

  “I know-”

  “How could you doubt me, Cade?” His voice was rising again and he took a deep shuddering breath to calm himself down.

  Cade sank to his knees directly in front of Kyle. His eyes were so full of regret that Kyle looked away, unable to meet his gaze. Cade hesitated, then placed his hand over Kyle’s. Right over his pounding chest. “I’m sorry. Please.”

  His touch calmed Kyle right away. It was as if he was physically soothing him. But he still didn’t want to look at Cade. He was hovering on the brink of something and he was scared of it. He needed to calm down.

  “I didn’t mean it. I-I was angry and I lashed out.”

  Kyle looked at him then, met Cade’s eyes. “Don’t lie to me. You meant it.”

  For a long second, Cade was silent. Then his eyes closed briefly. “Yes, I meant it. I’m sorry. This is new to me. I never-”

  “How could you, Cade?”

  “I-”

  “I would never doubt you.”

  Cade was quiet at that. He looked stunned and overcome with something Kyle couldn’t understand. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m not a good friend.”

  Kyle pushed him and Cade landed hard on the floor. He looked staggered. “Don’t give me that bullshit. That apology isn’t about you.”

  Cade grinned suddenly. “Can I get back up?”

  That grin warmed Kyle’s heart. He felt the beginnings of amusement blossom in his chest. “Why are you laughing?” he demanded.

  Immediately, Cade wiped the smile from his face. “Sorry. Please, may I get back up?” he asked politely.

  “Well, get up, already,” Kyle grumbled.

  Cade got back on his knees and although his expression was serious, there was a suspicious quiver about the corner of his lips. But when he met Kyle’s eyes again, he was fully, completely serious. “I’m sorry. I never should have doubted you. You’re my best friend. I don’t want to ever lose you.”

  Kyle felt something like relief wash over him. “God, you’re cheesy. How does anyone ever put up-”

  But Cade was hugging him before he could end the sentence. His arms were hard around Kyle’s neck and he was squeezing him so hard it was almost painful. They’d hugged on the pitch during both their goals today, but this felt different.

  He hugged Cade back tightly. “Don’t do that again,” he whispered.

  “Never,” Cade murmured back.

  ***

  The aftermath of their fight was awkward, to say the least. It had been Kyle who’d broken the hug off first. That was new in and of itself. Cade suddenly seemed to become terribly embarrassed at all the things he had said and hurried to the bathroom.

  Kyle fell back on his bed, feeling exhausted in every sense of the word. He placed his forearm over his eyes and breathed deeply. Cade’s words came back to him and a silly grin spread over his face.

  He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. His hands were still underneath his chest and to be a little more comfortable, he bent his knees a bit, his bottom rising slightly off the bed. Sighing, his mind meandered through the match they’d played and he imagined redoing the dribbles he’d flubbed today.

  He heard the bathroom door clicking open and then a sudden sharp intake of breath.

  Confused, Kyle turned to look at Cade.

  And saw his eyes trained on Kyle’s bottom.

  They flashed up to meet Kyle’s face immediately, but Cade could do nothing about the blush quickly spreading over his face and down his neck.

  Incredulous, Kyle watched as Cade rushed to his bed, bundled himself into his sheets, and turned firmly towards the wall.

  Had Cade just… checked him out?

  It couldn’t be.

  But Kyle couldn’t keep himself from crowing. He rolled over, grinning, and went to sleep, feeling peaceful for the first time in a while.

  ***

  The next morning, Cade was in an unusually chipper mood. Kyle was surprised but pleased. Usually, Cade required quite a few days after a draw to get back to normal. They walked to breakfast, laughing and teasing. The tension was still there between them, but there was a sense of resolution running through it.

  At breakfast, everyone seemed determined to be positive. There were jokes, laughter, and, in Mason’s case, a very rousing speech that drew a few cheers.

  Kyle and Cade were sitting opposite each other. Most
of the seats had been filled up by the time they had arrived and Kyle didn’t mind so much. At least Cade was sitting in between Terrence and Gio. Kyle himself was between Oliver and Randy.

  The mood was festive and Kyle appreciated it. Sometimes the group could be so down after a match that it took real effort for Kyle to cheer people up. This was better. And it was far more motivating too! It was rousing in its own way.

  And then it all went to hell.

  Kyle plucked a banana and was just peeling it when his eyes met Randy’s. Randy waggled his eyebrows at him. Kyle rolled his eyes but a whistle caught his attention. He looked across and saw that Gio too was smirking.

  “Fuck you.”

  He bit into the banana, looking up and meeting Cade’s eyes. Cade was looking riveted. He must have heard the whistle and realized what was going on.

  Kyle turned red so abruptly he almost resembled a beet.

  For a second, he seriously considered putting down the banana, but now the whole team was looking at him and wolf-whistling. Normally, he’d have put on a show, biting seductively into the banana for the amusement of everyone. He had always been the one clowning around.

  But Cade was watching.

  And Cade knew whose banana he really wanted to have in his mouth.

  It was excruciating.

  Why was Cade watching?

  Kyle peeked up, unable to stop himself. And saw that Cade had not taken his eyes away. His gaze was on Kyle’s mouth, seemingly fascinated.

  Kyle had always had some pretty wild fantasies about Cade. There was the one where they fucked in a stadium after winning the World Cup, with the whole crowd cheering them on. That one was still one of his favorites.

  But he’d never, not once, pictured Cade watching him eat a banana.

  He wondered what the least sexual way was to eat a banana. He nibbled gently at the tip, but a chorus of oohs erupted from every mouth at the table. Kyle wondered if a person’s head could explode from having too much blood in it.

  He decided that maybe a big bite was better. But, just as he opened his mouth wide to take it, Perry burst out laughing, sending the rest of the table into hysterics. Only Cade was still watching, his eyes dark and serious.