Ruthie's Desire - The Esquire Girls Series - Ruthie's Story (Books 1, 2, 3 & 4) - Box Set

by Cassie-Ann L. Miller

  I knew it!

  I feel anger bubbling up in the pit of my stomach. “Who did you talk to, Teresa?” I ask, trying hard to manage my rage.

  She spits a bitter laugh in my face. “Ha! Why should I tell you?”

  “Tell me who the fuck you talked to,” I growl baring my teeth as I grab her arm again. Harder this time.

  “Ouch, Ruth!”

  “WHO DID YOU TALK TO?” I tighten my grip.

  “Jesus, Ruth!” She yanks her arm away, rubbing the reddened skin. It doesn’t seem like she’ll volunteer any information. I’m not going to get a word out of her unless I beat the shit out of her. But I can’t do that – I have too much to loose.

  I have to get out of this place. If I stay, I’ll end up killing this bitch and regret it forever.

  As I turn to leave, I hear Teresa say, “It was some rich-looking bitch. Short with blonde hair. Big sunglasses. She was wearing a prissy-ass red sweater and pearls. I didn’t ask her name.”

  The information runs through my mind.

  A short, blonde?

  Who the hell?

  I’m more confused than ever. I have no clue who Teresa is talking about.

  Who the hell is trying to take me down?

  Chapter 11

  “Do you think Hailey would like these?” Nadia asks.

  I glance over at where she’s standing holding up a pair of black gloves. “Yeah, sure,” I say absentmindedly.

  “Really? I mean, she’s vegan and these gloves are leather…”

  “Her beloved Philip Lim purse is leather,” I say as I hold up a chunky pastel colored sweater to inspect it. “Do you think I should get Madison a Christmas gift?”

  “Of course – she’s your future sister-in-law. You definitely want to get her a gift.”

  We’re standing in the middle of a bustling Manhattan Nordstrom’s just days before Christmas and I am completely overwhelmed. Not only does holiday shopping hit my budget hard, but also, trying to pick out the right gifts is so frustrating. This is the last thing I need with all the commotion that’s going on in my life these days.

  “I think Madison would like that sweater,” Nadia says, yanking it from my hands. She holds it up against her body as she turns towards a nearby mirror. “So, did you get invited to the Moretti family Christmas dinner?”

  “Michael hasn’t mentioned it,” I say nonchalantly as I turn my attention to a rack of knitted winter scarves. “Besides, we’re going to Amber’s wedding. I probably wouldn’t be available for dinner anyway.”

  The truth is, I’ve wondered whether the Moretti’s are sharing a meal this Christmas, and if so, why hasn’t Michael invited me? I know that things have been weird between us, but I would hope that Christmas dinner would trump any tension in our relationship.

  A few moments of silence pass between Nadia and me as I get lost in my insecurities.

  Then, Nadia turns and looks at me with an earnest expression on her face. “Y’know, I never apologized for what I said to you a few weeks ago.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “What did you say to me?”

  “That day when you were stoked about getting to meet with a client one-on-one,” Nadia explains. My mind flashes back to that horrific incident.

  The mystery client had turned out to be Sergei, my stalker. I ended up lying to Johnny Trahn and telling him that the reason I didn’t get the ‘client’ to hire the firm was because the law firm’s fees were way outside of his budget. Anyway, Nadia had been jealous and said some very insensitive things to me.

  “I said that the only reason you got to meet solo with that client was because you’re sleeping with the boss. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not true. You’re brilliant, Ruthie. You deserve every bit of success that comes your way.” Nadia gives me a small, embarrassed smile.

  “It’s all good, Nadia. It’s fine.”

  “I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. Okay?”

  I pull my friend into my arms and give her a big hug. I’ve been through worse. Nadia’s mean comment about me was nothing compared to the betrayal I suffered at Teresa’s hands.

  “Argh! Enough of all the emotional shit,” she says pulling out of my embrace and returning the leather gloves to the rack. “Let’s go grab something to eat. I’m starving.”

  I laugh setting the sweater down on a nearby table. I loop my arm through Nadia’s as we make our way through the crowd to the door.

  Chapter 12

  Shit!

  Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

  That’s the only thought that comes to mind as I sit on my bed with my laptop, looking at my newly-released grades.

  I knew that they would be bad, but I wasn’t prepared for them to be this bad.

  My highest grade is a B-. How am I supposed to justify this to myself?

  I know that I’ve had a rough semester. I’ve been distracted by my private life, but I can’t believe I let it get this bad, this out of control.

  Shit!

  I’m on scholarship. I can’t loose my scholarship because the pittance that Cartwright Moretti Stevenson pays me is barely enough to cover my day-to-day expenses, let alone my tuition.

  Oh god!

  I toss my blankets off as I lean forward and grab my knees. I think I’m hyperventilating.

  Was it worth it? Was the earth-shattering sex with that tall, tanned, dark-haired Adonis named Michealo Moretti Jr. really worth ruining my entire life over? That’s what I’m asking myself as I rock back and forth.

  Now, everything is in shambles. I’m about to lose my scholarship, lose my internship and lose the man I love all at once.

  Lose my scholarship? Keeping up my grades was a condition I had to meet in order to continue receiving the money.

  Lose my internship? My position at Cartwright Moretti Stevenson is also conditional upon getting good grades. I won’t count on Michael to pull any strings to help me keep my job.

  Lose the man I love? Yes, I’ll lose him because I’m not prepared to marry him if he doesn’t love me. It doesn’t matter how much I love him.

  I bury my face in my hands.

  How could I be so stupid? How could I be so stupid?

  Chapter 13

  I sit excitedly on the edge of the couch and watch as Michael rips the wrapping paper off of the gift I bought him.

  A wide grin crosses his face as he pulls the custom-made silk tie from the box.

  “You like it?” I ask impatiently.

  He looks up at me from his seat on the coffee table right in front of me. “I love it.” His eyes are beaming and his dimples deepen as he smiles. He leans forward and kisses me softly. My eyes flutter shut and I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach.

  It feels good to see him happy. Things have been so tense between us over the past few weeks. I miss seeing him smile. I miss feeling like ‘us’. In this moment, I’m able to look at him and forget all the things that have been straining our relationship. Right now, it’s just us.

  “I have something for you, too,” Michael announces as he pulls away.

  “Really?” I ask feeling nervous anticipation.

  He gives a small laugh. “Of course I got you a gift, beautiful.” He kisses my temple. And I blush hard. “Close your eyes,” he prods.

  I do as I am told, allowing my eyes to flutter shut. My anticipation builds when I hear movement around me.

  “Open.”

  I open my eyes and find Michael in front of me on bended knee, holding a tiny jewelry box containing a glimmering diamond even more beautiful than the ones that Campbell offered me a few weeks ago. Confusion takes over my mind.

  “What are you doing?” I ask skeptically.

  “Will you marry me, Ruth?”

  “What?” I feel anger bubbling up inside of me.

  “I want you to marry me.”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I say as I bounce to my feet.

  Michael looks genuinely perplexed. “Ruth, what’s wrong?”

&nbs
p; I storm out of the living room. “You don’t get what’s wrong? You don’t get what’s wrong?”

  “No. I don’t. I thought you wanted a romantic proposal so I gave you a romantic proposal. What the hell did I do wrong now?” Fire flashes in his icy blue eyes.

  “Wow! You’re incredible!” I say laughing bitterly. He really doesn’t get it. “I don’t just want a romantic proposal, Michael. I want the man down on bended knee to be someone who’s in love with me. Not someone who wants to marry me because it’s the most expedient way to save his political career.”

  Michael grunts in frustration. “That’s not what this is, Ruth. You know that. You know how I feel about you.”

  “No – I don’t actually,” I bark back. “How do you feel about me? You’ve told me that you like to fuck me. You’ve told me like the way I wrap my lips around your cock. As far as your feelings for me go, that’s all I know.”

  He turns his back to me. I follow him into the kitchen. “I love you, Michael,” I growl bitterly, tears stinging at my eyes. “How do you feel about me? Huh? You say you want me to be your wife, so tell me how you feel. I know how I feel. I know that I could spend the rest of my life with you. But I don’t know how you feel about me.”

  He turns and faces me slowly. His voice is low and seething. “I’ll talk to you later when you’re a rational person again.”

  With that, he stomps out the door slamming it behind him.

  Chapter 14

  I smell his cologne before he even says a word.

  “Well, hello there, gorgeous.”

  I turn away from the bar, gripping my champagne flute and find myself looking into Luke’s light green eyes as they roll over my body from head to toe and back again. I must admit that the apricot-colored satin and lace dress that I’m wearing is quite flattering for a bridesmaid dress. Amber did good.

  “You look pretty darn handsome yourself,” I say with a wide grin as I reach out and straighten his bowtie before adjusting the lapels of his black tuxedo. His outfit is about two sizes too big but he looks charming nonetheless.

  He glances around the elegant ballroom decorated in a winter wonderland theme before bringing his eyes back to me. “So, where’s your mister? I didn’t see him at the church.”

  I feel my stomach roil at the mention of Michael. He was supposed to accompany me to Amber and Spencer’s Christmas day wedding but he disappeared after his disastrous attempt to propose to me this morning and I haven’t heard from him since.

  “We had a fight,” I confess feeling defeated as I think back to the events of earlier in the day.

  A wide grin stretches across Luke’s face and he doesn’t even try to hide it. He leans against the bar top, dipping his head close to my ear. “Well, this must be my lucky day!” I can smell the alcohol on his breath, but that doesn’t deter me.

  I can handle Luke.

  “Your lucky day?” I say with a chuckle. “Oh really?”

  He nods enthusiastically. “Yeah – ‘cause I’m about to ask you to dance with me. And you’re gonna say ‘yes’.”

  I set my glass down on the bar. “Go for it,” I laugh.

  Luke stretches out his hand to me in a gallant gesture. “Ruthie – may I have this dance?”

  “I’d be delighted,” I say with a small curtsey.

  Luke takes me by the hand and leads me to the dance floor where fake snow drizzles down on the happy, laughing pairs swaying to the sound of Etta James. Luke slips his hand around my waist and I have to smile when I realize that my three-inch heels only exaggerate the already pronounced gap in our heights. He doesn’t seem to mind as he takes the lead.

  “Wow – you’re a good dancer, Luke. Who knew?” I say as we sway slowly. He smiles a soft smile but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just dances and I follow his lead.

  I look around at the couples populating the dance floor, moving in perfect time with the music. I look over at the bride, completely smitten with her groom. Unable to take her eyes off of him. And he’s staring at her and smiling, his hands running up and down her back. Happy and serene and in love.

  Spencer leans in to his new wife’s ear and whispers something. She smiles so hard that her cheeks turn red. I imagine Spencer telling Amber that she’s beautiful and that he’s lucky to have her and that he’ll love her forever.

  I wish I had that…with Michael.

  He wants me to marry him but he won’t own up to the way he feels about me.

  That’s just not good enough.

  I need to hear him say that he loves me and I’m the only one for him.

  The final notes of the song fill the room as Etta James proclaims that she has found love at last. Luke slowly pulls away from me and looks me deep in the eyes. He heaves a dense sigh. “Oh, Ruthie – I’m in love with you. Dammit, I wish you were my girl…”

  Luke’s drunken confession takes me off guard. I realized some time ago that he had a crush on me but I’ve never really taken him seriously.

  Nadia butts in just as the next song is about to start. “This dance is mine,” she says to me with a playful laugh as she grabs Luke by the wrist and pulls him closer to the band. He obliges, silently following behind her all while throwing me a forlorn look over his shoulder.

  And it breaks my heart into little, tiny pieces because I really wish that Luke’s confession had poured out of Michael’s mouth.

  Chapter 15

  I’ve been avoiding Michael for three days.

  It’s like I’m going through withdrawal. I spend my days craving him. My hands itch with the urge to dial his phone number.

  Johnny Trahn has taken his family to Florida for the Christmas break so I’m taking the liberty of working from home. Not having to face Michael everyday at the office makes it easier for me to avoid him. I miss him like crazy but I won’t let him have his way with me just because I’m desperate to have him in my life.

  I have to know that he respects me. I have to trust that he loves me.

  “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” Hailey says as she leans against the railing next to me and hands me a paper cup of hot chocolate. We’ve decided to spend some one-on-one time bonding today as we watch people ice skate in Central Park.

  I smile gratefully at her as I take the warm drink she’s offering. “Our schedules are so out of sync these days – between school and work and that secret lover of yours, we never get to hang out anymore.”

  Hailey’s cheeks are already red from the frosty weather but when I mention her clandestine love affair, her blush deepens further. “I do not have a secret lover,” she says before taking a sip of her hot tea.

  I laugh. “Oh please. You’re never home, you float around on cloud nine all day and don’t think I haven’t noticed your new collection of lacy g-strings. You’re not fooling anyone, Hails. You’ve got a lover.”

  “I don’t have a lover,” she insists. Just then, her cellphone beeps. She slips it out of the pocket of her winter coat and glances at the screen. A ghost of a smile touches her lips as she slips the phone back into her pocket.

  “You do! You’re totally seeing someone!” I laugh.

  Hailey gazes out at the skaters circling the rink with an elusive look on her face. “He’s not a lover. He’s a…friend.”

  I just shrug my shoulders as I turn my attention to the skaters twirling around beneath the falling snow.

  Hailey’s being guarded and coy about her mystery man and she has every right to be. Relationships can turn sour quickly. The person that you saw your future with one day can turn into a cold stranger the next. The person that you shared your body with for far too many nights to count can suddenly shun you for no good reason. Hailey doesn’t want to get hurt. She’s making a smart move. If I had taken a similar approach with Michael, I wouldn’t be in the mess I find myself in now.

  I sigh deeply, wishing I had done things differently. Now, I’m hopelessly in love with a man who is willing to drag me down the aisle for political reasons.
<
br />   I drape an arm around my roommate’s shoulders. “Y’know what, Hails? Love is a dangerous thing. You might just have the right idea keeping this guy in the friend zone.”

  She wraps her arms tightly across her chest. “I really can’t afford to get hurt, Ruthie,” she says in a small voice. I can see the vulnerability in her eyes.

  I squeeze her to me. I totally understand where she’s coming from. Damn – I wish I had done more to protect my own heart from Michael. “Do what’s right for you, Hails. But just be careful. Love has a way of sneaking up on you and wrestling you to the ground. So be careful.”