by Nikki Clarke
“What’s happened?”
Kwarq’s voice is panicked. I immediately turn my face into the hard curve of Ah’dan’s shoulder. He sounds like he came in a rush.
And that’s what she said. Bat-ta-bum.
Despite myself, a snorted chuckle slips past my lips.
“She is upset about being a side chick, but she says that it is just that she has not bathed and she is carrying the babies.”
I could almost laugh again at how seriously Ah’dan says this. Almost. What I really want to do is cry some more, but it’s probably wasted. Clearly this is all normal behavior. I’m the one taking things to heart that I shouldn’t. I rub my eyes across Ah’dan’s shirt and raise my head.
I’m prepared to see Kwarq standing in front of me in some state of undress, but he’s still fully clothed, even though his shirt looks a little rumpled. His expression is worried. He stands over where Ah’dan holds me in his lap. When I meet his eyes, he crouches down, reaching out to put his hand on my thigh. I shift away, using the pretense of moving from Ah’dan’s lap to get out of his reach. He frowns, but doesn’t move to get any closer.
“I’m not sad, really. I’m just a little homesick. I think I’m ready to go back home.”
Kwarq doesn’t respond for a moment, but I feel him searching my face with a shifty gaze. “You do not wish to stay for the birth?”
“She says, no, that it is not customary for women to hang around with a man and his side chi—“
“Thanks, Ah’dan. I think I got it.” I loudly cut him off. He shrugs casually then startles me by leaning in to press a kiss on my forehead before rising and leaving the room. Suddenly, I’m alone with Kwarq, and I really kind of wish Ah’dan would come back. I just might like him after all.
Kwarq doesn’t say anything when his brother leaves. He just continues to stare at me. I hate that he looks so distressed. And then I hate even more that I start to feel bad. I don’t want to feel bad, but my rational mind is telling me that I can’t really hold his customs against him. He didn’t ask to get attached to me on Earth. From the looks of it, he seemed really happy to see Li’aht. And since he’s been nothing but respectful and accommodating up until now, I don’t think I have a right to be mad.
“I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I’m just not really cool with all of this. It’s just a little awkward for me. I think I’d be more comfortable back home.”
Kwarq
Amina is not only sad, she feels betrayed. I reach out to her, but she’s trying very hard to pull herself away from me. It is a sudden change, and I know it’s because of what happened in the kitchen with Li’aht. I don’t like that she saw that. She will not understand, and while I don’t have an adequate excuse for my behavior, but I must try.
“I know you are upset with me, lehti.”
“I’m not upset, Kwarq, really. It’s fine. This whole situation just isn’t my kind of thing.”
She is upset. She doesn’t have to say it. I feel it. She won't look at me. Her eyes have only risen to me once. After that, they seem to have settled anywhere else in the room. Right now, she’s picking at a stain on the bottom of my shirt that she’s wearing.
“If you would let me, my lehti, I will explain my behavior with Li’aht.”
She turns her head away from me, and my heart aches when I see a tear slip from the corner of her eye. She quickly wipes it away before turning back face me. Her mouth curves into a wide smile. This smile is a lie. It’s shaky and stops before it gets to her eyes.
“Kwarq, you don’t have to explain. I just want you to take me home.”
“Lehti—“
“Please—,” she shouts and then takes a deep breath and continues in a falsely calm tone, “stop calling me that, Kwarq. It makes me feel weird.”
Her pain makes my skin tremble. I want to hold her and make her listen to me, but her heart is so far away from me right now that I can barely hear it’s echo.
“I will not call you that if it bothers you, Amina.”
“It does bother me, okay. You don’t have to call me that.”
“I call you that because that is what you are. You are my lehti. I cannot change that or how it makes me feel toward you.”
She sighs, and the defeat in this simple expulsion of air makes my chest ache.
“Yeah, I know that, and I already feel bad about it, so you don’t have to rub it in.”
She chuckles, but her attempt at a joke is also a lie. She isn’t joking.
“You are my heartbeat, Amina. You should never feel sorry about this. I will never be sad about this.”
She snorts out another small chuckle, but again it’s deceptive. “Well, it does come with some useful enhancements, which I’m sure Li’aht has already benefitted from, so tell her I said ‘you’re welcome’.”
I am confused by this message. The only benefit to my first heart’s awakening is that I am much more able to love and care for my lehti.
“I do not know what you mean?”
She rolls her eyes, and they are glassy, despite the strained smile still pulling at her lips.
“You know, your first heart makes your junk extra hard—forget it. I just want to go home.”
I don’t want to forget it. I want her to listen to me so she will not want to leave, but I can’t make her stay if she doesn’t wish to.
“Allow me to make arrangements. I can return you home tonight. My family will want to see you before if you wish.”
She sighs deeply and doesn’t say anything for a long time.
“No, that’s fine. I want to see them, too. It was great to meet your family. I just think we should both kind of get back to our lives. You know?”
I do not. I don’t say this, however. I give her what she wants, and I nod.
“Anyway, how long do you think it will be before we can go?”
“Perhaps a few hours or so. I will try to make it as soon as possible.”
She nods, and I feel her anxiety lessen, while mine spikes. I stand, not wanting to leave, but I must if I am going to find a way to get her home within the time I have promised.
As I take a step toward the door, my foot tangles in something soft. There’s a bit of blue material around my ankle. I release myself from the it and hold it up. It unfurls into a floaty swirl of fabric.
It’s a birthing dress. Lyqa women wear them right after they give birth to provide comfort. The intricate patterns contain properties to aide with emotional balance and physical recovery. A look around. All of the contents of the birthing basket are scattered across the room. Amina has made a mess of the gift from the healing center, but it is no bigger a mess than I have made of everything else.
I glance back, and Amina has not moved from her spot. She covers her face with her hands. Her shoulders jerk as she sobs quietly. The shame that crowds my heart makes me turn away. And as I leave the room, the sound of the door closing, while barely audible, is loud and final in my ears.
Chapter 19
Kwarq
“You are an idiot. You know that, right?”
“I do.”
“Did you do any research on human relationship customs before you revealed yourself to her?”
I only spare Ah’dan the barest glance before I sit at our home communications station to make reservations to rent a pod so I can take Amina home.
“I did.”
“And yet you greeted Li’aht as your lover in front of her?”
I sigh with annoyance. Does Ah’dan think I don’t know that I have made a mistake? One look at Amina’s face in the kitchen let me know I had done something gravely wrong. I also heard her mumbled comment about cheaters, although I didn’t fully understand it. It doesn’t matter. I most likely am this “fuck-boy” that she called me.
“Li’aht caught me off guard. I was not expecting her. I responded out of habit. There was no passion in it. At one point, she was my friend as well as my lover. I was not unhappy to see her.”
I c
an see Ah’dan shaking his head as I give my feeble excuse.
“You may as well have spread her across the counter. How could you be so careless?”
I bring my hands down onto the table a little more forcefully than I would like. I already feel helpless. Having my stupidity detailed for me by Ah’dan isn’t helping.
“I would never be with another woman. Amina is the only woman I want.”
“I am sorry to say this, brother, but you definitely looked like you wanted Li’aht. She is beautiful, I will admit, but so is Amina. I would not have you ruin this for our family. Your lehti is special.”
Ah’dan has never spoken this way about anyone before. Normally, he would not be bothered to insert himself in any of my affairs.
“You think I don’t know she’s special? She is mine.”
“She believes you don’t love her. That you only tolerate her because of the leht.”
“I know.”
“Is it true?”
My skin begins to tremble. I have never been angry with my brother. Anger is not a natural Lyqa emotion. We are not an angry species. Still, I feel the rage rise in me. It is the same rage I felt when that man threatened my lehti on the train back on Earth. But it’s mixed with shame, and instead of being directed at Ah’dan, it’s aimed at myself.
“I love her with my entire being. She is my lehti, but even if she wasn’t, I would still love her. Do not ask me such a thing again.”
As expected, Ah’dan doesn’t even acknowledge the threat. He would know better than any other how love can affect one’s behavior.
“We both know it isn’t safe for her to give birth on her planet. Have you explained how her pregnancy will proceed? Does she know?”
I sit back in the chair and look at my brother’s worried face. My sense of shame intensifies. Kissing Li’aht isn’t my only mistake. I have also done a poor job of preparing Amina for carrying our children.
“I have not had the chance to speak with her,” I admit. “And I don’t want her to leave. I’m making the arrangements because I have given my word that I will take her, but I will try to convince her to stay, at least until the birth. Perhaps that will give me time to correct this.”
“Why did you not perform ma’h qitah the moment you saw her?”
Ah’dan’s question is laced with confusion.
“Humans do not accept apologies so easily. Trust me, I would have if I knew it would do any good. I don’t think it would have been enough.”
“Perhaps if you got on your knees and begged.”
I snort. I would do anything to have my lehti stay with me. Of all of the things that could have happened as a cultural misunderstanding, this is the worst. I know my lehti has issues with trust. For the first time in my life, I wish that my cultural upbringing would have allowed me to push Li’aht away. To Amina, it would not only have appeared that I greeted Li’aht as a lover, I would have seemed to enjoy it.
“I have ruined things terribly,” I tell my brother, and I feel the truth of my words all the way to my spirit. When my brother’s hand comes down onto my shoulder, it does little to settle the disappointment I feel in myself.
“She may not understand it, but I believe she cares for you.”
My heart warms at the thought but then immediately aches when I think of how she looked through me in our apartments. “Maybe she did before this morning, but that no longer seems possible.”
“She is going to need you in the next month,” Ah’dan continues quietly. “Beg if you must beg, but do not let her leave here.”
“How am I to force her to stay if she wants to leave? I promised I would take her home if she asks. I have ruined things enough. I would not compound it by going back on my word.”
Ah’dan sighs deeply and squeezes my arm.
“Oh dear, little brother. What kind of Lyqa are you, and you don’t realize that the greatest motivation for anyone is guilt?”
I stare back at him puzzled. “My lehti is perfect. She has done nothing to feel guilty about.”
My mouth twitches when Ah’dan suddenly rolls his eyes. Apparently, Amina’s funny little human gesture is quickly catching. But the smile that follows is mischievous.
“Have you told mother that she is leaving, yet?”
I groan out loud and cover my face with my hands.
“Mother is probably going to banish me when she finds out what I did.”
Ah’dan chuckles. “Probably, but she is also going to cry. You know that mother is a feeler.”
“Thanks, brother, but you’re not making me feel better.”
“I’m not trying to make you feel better. I’m just asking you to consider how Amina is going to feel when our sweet mother bursts into tears upon hearing her first grandchildren will be raised on another planet, far far away.”
My heart lurches.
“Amina is going to feel terrible.”
“She is.”
I frown before his meaning becomes clear.
“I could not.”
Could I?
Amina
After Kwarq leaves, I take a moment to pick up the stuff from the baby basket and put everything back as it was. I get a little sad again when I fold the beautiful blue dress.
Moving around the room, I quickly run out of energy as I bend and rise to collect the scattered items. I probably shouldn’t have eaten so much. I’m getting a serious case of the Itis. The desire to sleep overtakes me so fiercely that all I can think about is crawling into bed. It’s just like when I felt hungry earlier. It was almost like nothing else really mattered, not even Kwarq face sucking with his little girlfriend. I just wanted to shove food into my mouth until I wasn’t hungry anymore.
I cover the basket again and make my way into the bedroom, jumping onto the wide, cushy mattress and falling forward, face first. I snuggle into the sheets, which smell of Kwarq, all earthy and warm. I don’t want to feel comforted by it, but I am. I remind myself again that I don’t really know this man, despite the circumstances and evident by the day’s events. I try my best to push aside any feelings I may have been developing. I’m just going to rest my eyes. A short nap before Kwarq takes me home and leaves me on Earth, alone.
I tell myself this doesn’t make me sad. I don’t even know him. How could I possibly think that I love him in such a short time? I’m just going to rest my eyes. When I wake up, things will make more sense.
The first thing I’m aware of is the overwhelming desire to pee. I didn’t have one thing to drink before I went to sleep, but it feels like I chugged an entire gallon of water.
The second thing I’m aware of is a warm hand moving in slow circles across my stomach. I don’t have to open my eyes to know it’s Kwarq.
His chest is a firm wall against my back. His thighs shelf the backs of my legs. The arm that rests over my side is heavy. I can feel the thick impression of him against my ass. I settle back against him a little more. He smells so good. I’m going to hate leaving him.
Because I’m going to have to leave. He has a girlfriend, and as much as I want to be understanding of his culture, I’m not about to play baby mama to an alien and his super model Lyqa wife.
My eyes feel tight when I finally peel them open. Although, I’d give anything to be able to wallow in the warmth of Kwarq’s arms for a little while longer, I can’t fake sleep forever. Honestly, I’d give anything for it to be a week ago. I would have stayed in my chair at that damn movie theater and never opened my mouth.
The room is bathed in a soft, late afternoon glow. I don’t know how time works on Lyqa, but I’m sure I couldn’t have slept that long. I do feel better though. Less weepy and really rested. I actually feel a little hyped. Like I could spring up and jump on the bed. It’s a strange sensation. This sudden surge of giddy energy. If I didn’t know any better, I would believe that I was happy.
The hand on my stomach is still moving. I shift my head down just enough to see Kwarq’s golden hand moving gently over the slight swell of my
belly.
What the…?
“Kwarq?”
“Yes, my leh—Amina?”
“What the fuck is going on with my stomach?”
He chuckles softly behind me, and I feel him nuzzle into the top of my head.
“I have some things I must explain to you. Changes that will happen to your body. As I said, Lyqa gestation is a bit different than human’s.”
“Different how?”
“Well, for one, it’s quicker. We only gestate for about one Lyqa month, which is equivalent to around two and a half Earth months.”
“Like a dog?”
It’s minor shade, and the only hint that I’m still salty about Li’aht. Kwarq doesn’t get it. He chuckles again. He’s pretty damn happy, too, right now. Maybe he got some from Li’aht after all. I’m only a little annoyed when even this thought doesn’t really dampen my mood. Why am I so fucking happy?
“Like a Lyqa, Amina.”
“So you’re telling me that I’m going to give birth in two months when I get home?”
His hand pauses on my stomach, but resumes moving after a second.
“Yes, you will give birth in one Lyqa month, or two and a half months on Earth.”
Okay.
“So that’s why I look like four months pregnant right now? It wasn’t like this earlier.”
“Did you feel very hungry and then very tired before?”
I remember that insatiable feeling I had this morning followed by the overwhelming desire to sleep a short time later.
“Yeah.”
I feel his head move behind me in what I am assuming is a nod.
“The stages of development are often preceded by the desire for nourishment to fuel growth and then long periods of sleep while the fetus develops.”
I’m listening to everything he’s saying, but my brain latches on to the last part of his explanation.
“Long periods of sleep. Like how long? How long did I sleep?”