Fade (Chaos)

by Claire Farrell

  “Don’t laugh at me, cat. I’m doing the best I can here. You, too, mighty faery horse.”

  “Need a hand with that?” Arlen asked, sitting up on his blanket.

  “Yeah, probably,” I said, giving up. “Sorcha and Nella are gone. Dymphna, too.”

  “I’m surprised the pair of them took so long.” He nodded at Bekind. “I thought she’d have gone with them instead of Dymphna, though.”

  I scratched behind Bekind’s ears. “This one? Can’t get rid of her.”

  “Looks like it.” He got the fire lit. “Breakfast soon. Nothing fancy, I’m afraid. I don’t have Grim’s particular skillset.”

  “You mean made of awesome? You’re not so bad.”

  “Thank you, puny human.”

  “You’re in a good mood,” I noted.

  “The dead weight left this morning.”

  “Funny. I thought that was me.”

  “You haven’t been a burden. You earned your keep on this particular trip.”

  I smiled broadly. Praise from Arlen counted double.

  The others began to wake up and notice the recent loss.

  “Gone?” Brendan shrugged. “They didn’t take all of our supplies, at least.”

  “And we’ll be less noticeable in a smaller group,” Drake added.

  Nobody seemed to care that the daoine sídhe, someone consumed with honour and pride, had ditched her quest.

  Anya brushed her hair out with her fingers. “They’re no great loss. I can relax now without the eyes of death staring at me.”

  Grinning, I handed her a cup of hot tea. She gave me a grateful smile then settled down next to Arlen. Her eyes softened whenever she glanced at him. I wondered again how I had missed that.

  I felt more relaxed without Sorcha and Nella, too. When they took over conversations with Drake and Brendan, they made me feel as though I should shut up because the grownups were busy talking.

  Anya and I found a pool we could bathe in. We were relatively sure it wasn’t more oblivion water, considering how rare that was supposed to be.

  “It’s odd without Líle and the others,” I said as Anya brushed out my hair. “Quiet.”

  “I know, but we’ll be back together soon. At least we know they’ll have a safer journey than us.”

  “What do you think of Nella?”

  “As little as I think of Sorcha. They will always plot and scheme. We’re better off out of their reach. Now and always.” She squeezed my shoulder. “Any idea what you’ll do when we return?”

  “I don’t know. Brendan said I should stick around and enjoy the celebrations for a while.”

  “I had forgotten. There will be plenty of festivities once the kings divide up the realm.”

  “That won’t be easy. They have good intentions and all, but how easy can it be to divide a realm? Especially when there’s the Darkside to consider. I mean, they don’t even know the land. How can they divide it up?”

  “They’ll figure out a way. Since the Darkside began appearing, it’s been largely ignored.”

  “And nobody thought about trying to find a way to fix the rift or whatever?”

  She shrugged. “Nobody cared to.”

  Arlen shouted for us to hurry.

  Anya held out her hand and helped me to my feet. “Come on. It must be time to pack up and leave.”

  We headed back to the others and prepared to leave, a smaller group yet again.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  All that remained of our group was Anya, Arlen, Drake, Brendan, Bekind, and me. We still had warriors, and I had Dubh, so we would probably be okay. Arlen was afraid of pushing the horses too hard, so we travelled slowly, protected from the sun by the thick overgrowth of large oak trees. Something about the trees disturbed me. As we travelled on, I realised why. They looked almost exactly like the trees that had blocked me from escaping the Phoenix Park right before I met the fae for the first time.

  I yawned. The journey had been non-stop, and I seemed to need more sleep than anyone else in the group. Every night, I was first to sleep and usually last to wake in the morning.

  “Sleep,” Brendan whispered. “I’ll make sure you don’t fall.”

  “I’m not that tired,” I said. “Who could sleep on a horse?”

  But my eyes grew heavy. He took the reins, wrapping his arm around my stomach to hold on to me. I leaned back against him, unable to keep my eyes open anymore. Something about the fae realm tired me out, and I wondered if that was stage one in the summer wife syndrome.

  As the horse trotted, the movement sent me to sleep. I dreamed about my grandparents, which was weird because I hadn’t seen them since my brother Darragh’s funeral. In the dream, I was a child, walking toward an open coffin. That hadn’t happened. The casket had been closed. Mam would never have made me look at my brother’s dead body. But in the dream, someone was pushing me, telling me to hurry and that I had one last chance to see him.

  My grandparents were angry, standing behind a barrier as they screamed my name. My father was there, shouting that he wasn’t my real father and that I shouldn’t get to look at Darragh. I didn’t count. I wasn’t family. I didn’t deserve to see him, to look upon him with the evil eyes I had inherited from my real father.

  I couldn’t see my mother, but whoever was pushing me kept on doing it, and then the coffin was right in front of me. Strong hands were under my arms, lifting me and making me look. I wanted to close my eyes, but I had no eyelids anymore. I was seeing everything. Everything.

  Darragh was old and haggard in the coffin, even though he had been a teenager when he died. His mouth and eyes were open in a silent scream of horror. His cheeks were bloated, a red ring marking his neck. It didn’t make sense. He hadn’t been hurt that way. He sat up and looked at me, his wide eyes soulless. “Why?” he croaked. “Why does this keep happening?”

  “What?”

  He reached out to me. “You’re doing it all over again. You’ve let them start over.”

  I shook my head, confused and terrified. I hadn’t seen him move any closer, but his hands were around my neck, squeezing hard. I was choking, scratching at his bony fingers. His grip tightened, even as the flesh fell away from his hands. I heard people laughing. They laughed as the coffin fell away and my big brother drew me underground, into darkness.

  My brother was gone. I was alone in the dark. I was lying down, but when I tried to sit up, I bumped my head. I stretched out my arms and legs, but they would only move inches from my body. With growing horror, I realised I was in a coffin. I screamed, kicking and punching at the wood. The coffin opened, and everyone I knew was standing around the grave, looking down at me. Behind them was a beautiful violet sky.

  “Help me!” I screamed, standing up. “Zoe! Help me!”

  My best friend shovelled dirt on top of me. The hole deepened beneath me, moving me farther and farther away from the surface. They all had shovels, and the soil covered me within seconds. I scrambled, trying to climb out, but there was no escape. I looked to my right, and my brother’s body was next to me in the dirt, that wide-open scream still in place. Bony hands moved through the soil and pulled me to him. My nostrils were filled with a putrid stench. I couldn’t move anymore because his arms were wrapped around my waist, holding me in death’s embrace. I opened my mouth to scream, but it filled with soil until I couldn’t breathe.

  “Easy!” Brendan said. He had his arms around me, not some horrific form of my brother. “Cara, wake up. Wake up!”

  My eyes were open. I could see trees, feel the movement of the horse underneath me, but I tasted dirt and smelled rot and decay. I leaned over and spat. “I need to get down.” I threw off Brendan’s arms and swung my leg over the horse.

  “What’s wrong?” he demanded. “What’s happening? Are you ill?”

  Even standing on solid ground, I was sweating and shaking, unable to get the nightmare out of my head. “I’m fine. I just need a drink of water. I’m too hot, too…” I shook my head.
<
br />   The others caught up and dismounted.

  “Is she sick again?” Anya asked, hurrying over to me.

  I felt dizzy. Someone handed me a flask. I drank the water, my knees trembling. “It’s nothing,” I said. “It was just a dream.”

  “About what?” Anya asked. “You look scared to death.”

  “My brother. Never mind. I’m fine now. Let’s go.”

  “We can afford to take a break,” Drake said. “The horses need to cool down. There’s a stream all the way through this part of the woods, so we can stop anywhere.”

  “I can keep going.” They all looked at me as if I were about to break. “I said I was fine.”

  “I’m not,” Brendan said. “My backside is killing me. Dubh is a monster horse.”

  Suspicious, I frowned at him, but he just started unloading our packs. I sat on a flat rock and thought about the dream. It had come out of nowhere, and it had been so vivid. I couldn’t let it go.

  Anya chattered at me and tried to encourage me to eat, but I felt sick again. I couldn’t blame it on Sorcha anymore. She had left us—along with Dymphna, but I was the only who seemed to think that was odd.

  “Maybe I really am losing my mind,” I said.

  “You can’t be,” she said. “You’re still… you. We would know. We would see it coming.”

  “So what happens? What are the signs?”

  “Signs of what?” Brendan asked, coming over to us with the others in tow.

  “Signs of losing it,” I said.

  “She wants to know what it’s like for the summer wives,” Anya said softly.

  “This again?” Drake asked impatiently. “You’re not a summer wife!”

  “Settle down,” Brendan said. “Of course she’s going to be concerned. Haven’t we all been? She passed out for two days before. We didn’t feel anything from her. We thought—”

  “That was kind of my fault,” I admitted, cringing as he turned to look at me, his green eyes flashing with anger.

  “Excuse me?” he said. “You made me think we had almost killed you? And it was all your fault all along?”

  “Not all her fault,” Anya said. “She was overwhelmed by faery magic. That can never be her fault.”

  Brendan rubbed his temples. “This is about Brighid, isn’t it? This is why the priestesses involved themselves. I knew you were all keeping a secret.” He sat down and stretched out his legs. “Go on then. Tell me what happened.”

  “I kind of… followed a leyline and stepped through an arch and maybe found myself in the garden of a goddess,” I said, trying not to laugh at the swift change in expressions on Brendan’s face. “And something happened in there. It was good, though. I felt better about… the family stuff. But when I stepped back through the arch…” I shrugged. “I woke up in bed with you all staring at me.”

  “Something… happened,” Brendan said slowly. “Something that made the hedge-witch side with you. Something that convinced the priestesses that the goddess watches over you. Something that saved your life and sent me back to the Fade.”

  “Yeah, about that,” I said. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea any of that would happen, and I—”

  “I know. Nobody could have foreseen that. I’m not angry. I’m just… curious.” He glanced at Drake. “What do you think? Has the goddess returned?”

  Drake shook his head. “I’ve no idea. The priestesses must be desperate if they’ve resorted to helping a human. That’s all I know.”

  “Maybe she never left,” I said. “Maybe she’s always been watching.”

  “And she made a sign for a human?” Arlen said. “Why? Why now? Why you?”

  “I’m assuming humans don’t usually wander into her garden,” I said. “Coincidence. That’s all.”

  “What if it’s a sign?” Anya said dreamily. “What if all of this means something?”

  “What could it mean?” Arlen said. “I’m not doubting it. I watched Cara bring us through the marshlands with her eyes closed. My mind is open.”

  Brendan gaped at me. “You did what? Why were your eyes closed?”

  I groaned. “The stupid faeries were freaking out and panicking because the lights kept leading us around in circles. I just… stopped paying attention to the lights and trusted the others to keep me out of the water.”

  “What else happened on this journey?” Brendan asked, sounding amused. “I’m sorry I missed it.”

  Drake leaned back on his blanket, staring up at the sky. “I wish I had missed it. I’ve never ached as much in my life.”

  “We should get going soon,” Arlen said, but he sounded reluctant. “The sooner the realm is dealt with, the better.”

  “What’s going to happen?” I asked. “Will there be more provings and votes and trials? I’m not taking part in another hunt. Just saying.”

  “I bear the mark,” Brendan said. “I’m already king. The king of what is something we have to work out, but they can’t un-brand me. It’s not possible.”

  “Funny how things work out,” I said, looking from Brendan to Drake. “Two souls. Both kings now. A few weeks ago, we weren’t sure any of us would survive.”

  “We’re not safe,” Brendan said. “I still have to go through the coronation. My power isn’t what it should be. That may be because there are two kings.”

  “It’s the same for me,” Drake said. “I don’t have a clue what to do with the power, by the way, but when you came back, it eased a little. Are we sharing it now?”

  “A little,” Brendan said. “But for me, it’ll take the coronation to truly feel the power again. Yours will likely increase, too, until we separate into two courts. The old way was summer and winter. Seelie and Unseelie.”

  “I’d like to try something new,” Drake said. “But this is change enough for the fae realm, I think. They have a lot of accepting to do when they realise the faery they swore in is nothing but a half-blooded solitary fae.”

  “But Grim told me that royalty used to regularly have children with humans. So why are humans considered lesser? If it’s good enough for kings and queens, then what’s changed?” I asked.

  “It’s true that it was the fashion for a time,” Brendan said. “But if the offspring had little power, then they were considered human and shunned, sent away, despite being raised as a prince or princess. Only the powerful were hailed as royalty. That practice ended when my parents married.”

  “It was used as an excuse to get rid of the unwanted,” Drake said scornfully. “It can easily be a good enough excuse again, especially now their true king is back from the Fade.”

  “The ones who refused me could turn to you,” Brendan said. “You could hold a court of my enemies.”

  “We both could,” Drake said. “But there are other issues.”

  Brendan nodded. “Sadler. We’ll enter into discussion after the coronation. Cara’s going to stay for the celebrations. Aren’t you, Cara? You’ll see a true faery party then.” His eyes gleamed with excitement.

  For a split second, I worried he was the old king again.

  “Is she?” Drake’s gaze landed on me. “That’s not a good idea, Cara.”

  “Cara doesn’t like being told what to do,” Brendan said with a sly smile.

  Shaking my head at his childishness, I didn’t respond. I went to the spring to splash my face with water, wondering how on earth I was supposed to go home. I would be jumping from a world of danger and magic back into a land with only shades of grey. No colour, no love, no light, no magic. Only reality, a real life with no home, job, or education.

  “You should go back,” Drake said, coming up behind me. “Away from him, away from us. This place is no good for you.”

  “And what do I have to go back to?” I asked, daring my voice to tremble.

  “A life,” he said. “Something you wouldn’t have here. Gruesome deaths lie this way, Cara. Look at all you’ve gone through already. You should go home and settle down, get married and grow old.”

  “Get
married? And end up like my mother with an obsessive husband who can’t control his actions? With children the fae will someday come back for?”

  “Then don’t do any of that,” he said. “Travel the world, the human one. Find work that makes you look forward to waking up in the morning. Reunite with your mother and your best friend and—”

  “Stop it! You don’t have to do this.” I faced him angrily. “If you don’t want me here, all it takes is one sentence saying so. You don’t need all of these excuses and reasons. I don’t want to hear it. Not now. Not ever.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said softly. “That was never what I wanted.”

  “Then you should never have touched me.”

  It was a slap in the face for both of us, but we both knew it was true. If he had never touched me, never come to me, so many things would not have happened. Every action of his, every action of mine, had only pulled me tighter into the world he wanted to protect me from.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The farther we travelled, the more apprehensive I felt. I had nowhere to go after the fae. The realisation of that grew more real with each passing moment. I had taken a dark holiday, free from the pain in my real life, but my escape was almost over.

  “You seemed worried,” Brendan said as we rode later that day. “I’m not going to kill him, you know. Not unless he goes for me first, that is.”

  I shook my head. “I wasn’t worrying about that. Until now. So thanks for that, King.”

  “You’re so scathing of my crown,” he teased. “What does it take to impress humans these days?”

  “No idea.”

  “Why the worrying?”

  “It’s back to the real world for me. I have to figure out my life. I’ve been gone for weeks and weeks. I already lost my job. College… I don’t know if I could make up this time even if I wanted to. I have no idea what to do with my life.”