Fear of the Dead

by Mortimer Jackson

“Kerry and I were on a beach.”

  “Romantic,” Grace teased. Linus blushed.

  “We were walking, holding hands, and talking about eventually having kids. She said she wanted one, and I told her I hoped it was a boy. I was all set to call him Max. She said it was too cocky, and said that if we did have a boy his name would be either Stanley or Christopher. Something that sounded humble and kind. I told her it was a bad idea, and that boys these days were already weak enough without having to add humility into it.”

  “And what did she say?”

  “Tough. It's my belly.”

  Grace broke out in laughter. And so did Linus.

  “Funny woman. If only I said that before we named our son.”

  “What was,” and Linus caught himself. “What's his name?”

  “Tatsuki. And it isn’t a bad name, but his father had him named after his uncle who passed away that year. He and I never got along.”

  “Why not?”

  But Grace shook her head.

  “No. I shouldn't be talking about it. What happened between us happened years ago, and it isn't right to judge somebody behind their backs. It isn't the right thing to do.”

  “Oh lighten up.”

  “No. I shouldn’t.”

  “You shouldn’t lighten up?”

  Grace chuckled.

  “No. Not that.”

  Linus smiled, and left it at that.

  “At any rate, I was thinking about that idea I had earlier.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If I was able to broadcast through a wider range or something, then there’s more chance I’d get a response.”

  He droned on over details regarding frequency and signal integrity, none of which made it through to Grace’s head. Still, she nodded and listened as intently as she could, trying to bring herself to understand what he was saying. She gave up mid-way through, and instead humored his apparent moment of brilliance with a series of nods. At the end of it all, Linus had a suggestion in mind.

  “Maybe if I manage to get to a functioning broadcasting tower, or if I can get my radio to work while I’m moving, I might be able to get a response. Say if I was driving cross-country or something like that. Someone out there might be able to hear it.

  “So what are you suggesting we do?”

  “I’m not suggesting that you do anything. I’m suggesting that I go out there, drive around and maybe try and pick up a signal, or at the very least find anyone else that might have a radio.”

  Grace tried not to seem mad or disappointed, but she couldn’t help herself.

  “Atton and Eli just left us yesterday, and now you want to go too? It’s too dangerous out there. You don’t know what could happen.”

  “There’s no other option Grace.”

  “There is. There is always another option. And right now, it’s to stay in here and keep ourselves safe.”

  “For how long?”

  Grace thought she had the answer in her head, but when she tried to let it out, nothing came.

  “We have to stay together,” became her last and only line of argument. “Linus, we’re in a safe place now. There’s enough food and water to last us a year. All we have to do is wait here until they find us.”

  “Who?”

  It was a ridiculous question. He must have known that as much as her. And yet the more she thought about it, the less certain she was that she knew.

  “The government. Of course.”

  “Nobody is going to come to us if we just sit here and wait. Our supplies may be good enough for now. But there is no telling if there’s an evacuation out there somewhere. If we’re going to survive, we have to find out what’s going on out there, and fast.”

  “Does this mean that you plan on leaving us?”

  Her tone had grown loud and hostile.

  “Try to understand what I’m saying,” Linus replied, his apparent attempt at calming her down only serving to fuel her irritation. Grace dropped the conversation, and tried to calm herself down. But only in looking past her own fears and worries did Grace finally come to understand what was driving Linus into what would have inevitably been a mistake.

  “I do,” she assured him. “Wherever Kerry is right now, she’s safe.”

  His eyes turned bright.

  It’d been almost five months since Linus and his wife had seen one another. Kerry had been away on business in Paris before the demons hit Oregon. He’d tried reaching her ever since, but once the possession hit Sacramento and all power went out, it’d gotten next to impossible to reach her or anyone else she knew. He hadn’t heard from her, and he had no way of knowing if she was still alive.

  Linus sighed, and he began to whimper before forcing it all back.

  “Why is this happening?”

  Grace dropped her hand on his shoulder.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, and sniffled.

  “Don’t be. It’s perfectly alright.”

  Linus went back to his room, but not before settling himself, and thanking Grace for everything she’d done for him.

  “No need for that. I’m always here if you need anything.”

  With Linus gone, she reset her mind back to delivering Vanessa’s tea. It had gotten cold now, so she decided to heat it up again before serving. The grill was still warm, so it got done sooner than she’d expected.

  With the cup of Earl Grey in hand, Grace approached the bed where Vanessa was once more fast asleep. She set the tea beside her diary, which had apparently been written in since it was closer to Vanessa now than when she’d last seen it.

  Out of curiosity, Grace picked up the diary and scanned the pages for the latest entry. She was right. Vanessa had written before she slept. The ink on the last written page was fresh. It had the day’s date written up top, but unlike the other entries, this was missing the time.

  Vanessa must have been missing a watch, or something along those lines. Maybe it was something she’d lost when the demons attacked the other day.

  As a favor, Grace took the ballpoint pen on the floor and jotted the time that was on her watch. Then, she started to read.

  1:24 PM

  Yesterday I thought I was going to die. Today is probably the happiest day I've ever had in my entire life.

  I don't know exactly where I am, but it's at a Costco somewhere. I've never been to a warehouse store. Can you believe that?

  I guess you could say I've never had any need shop in bulk. Not for a family anyhow. Have you seen the tubs of butter they carry in here?

  Anyway, the best part about it all this is that I'm not the only one who's still alive. There are four others. Two of them, I think their names are Atton and Steve. I can’t honestly remember. They went out for something. I'm not entirely certain what either. But the other two I did get to meet were Grace and Linus. As far as I can tell they seem like good people. Apparently Grace prays out loud, which I guess I’ll just have to get used to.

  She's nice. And I think it was her I heard the other day before I lost consciousness. There was a voice that I thought sounded like mine. Hers might be it, though after having woken up, it's hard to see how I ever got the two mixed up. If I'm right, then I think she's the reason I'm still alive. I think she saved me.

  I don't think I'll ever be able to repay her for that. But I guess I can try.

  Linus was toggling with a transceiver of some kind when I found him.

  There's a wedding ring on his finger. He thumbed at it a few times when I met him, so it's not like he doesn't know that it's there. It isn't something that he's forgotten he's wearing.

  We didn't get much of a chance to talk. But for whatever it’s worth, I hope that wherever his wife is right now, she's doing fine. Things around here are bad enough as is. But it seems that all we have nowadays is the hope that things will eventually get better.

  Hopefully it’s all we’ll need.

  1:31 PM

  The diary ended at that. And by the end of it Grace wondered if she really
should have been reading it at all. It probably wasn’t the right thing to do. But what was she thinking? It definitely wasn’t the right thing to do.

  Grace had already read enough of Vanessa’s diary without her consent. Best to stop now, lest she get too used to prying.

  On the roof, Grace looked out in search for any sign of a truck, specifically one marked Costco on the side. It was what Atton and Eli drove in when they left. They were out scavenging for supplies the same as they always did. Only difference was that as of today, it was the longest time they’d ever been out. Or so she thought.

  She peered down at every road, block, and street within the vicinity for a moving truck. The only times she thought she saw them was when she mistook the parked cars on the curb for ones that were moving.

  It didn’t take until the first sign of dusk for her to realize how long she’d been waiting.

  5:32 PM

  Dear Lord,

  Every day I step foot on this roof, I think to myself that today’s going to be the day I find someone out there; someone in need of help. After three long weeks of looking, you gave me, us, Vanessa. And for that I am grateful. Had it not been for your guidance, we wouldn’t have been there to help her.

  Lord, I try not to ask for too much. But it’s been a day and a half now, and Atton and Eli haven’t shown up. I don’t know where they are. I don’t know if they need our help. It pains me to think of the worst, and yet I can’t help myself. Who knows what’s going on out there?

  We don’t come across many people these days. That’s made everyone we find all that much more precious. Lord, I know that you’re listening to me. I know that you can hear me. Please take this time to bless Atton and Eli. I pray that wherever they are, you’re right with them to guide them on their path back home.

  In Jesus’ name I pray

  Amen

  6:42 PM

  The growling in Grace’s tummy went off when she remembered she had to cook. She went back downstairs, and aimed to prepare a serving of boiled potatoes and beans. Something small and simple. Easy to make, and most of all quick. She was far too preoccupied to concentrate on making anything that required more time and effort.

  When she saw the kitchen off in the distance, it shined with an aura of bright illumination.

  From the order window, Grace saw Linus and Vanessa. They were talking to each other and smiling. She went in from the open door that read Staff Only.

  “And what is going on here?”

  There were several lamps in the kitchen, all hooked up to the portable power outlet that Linus had been using to power his radio. That was why the kitchen was brighter than usual. Grace had only ever kept one electric lantern in the kitchen for use at night. It ran on AA batteries, which made it efficient since the store had mounds of AAs. But the lamps in the kitchen now were plug-only. And for that they were vastly more effective.

  Vanessa thumbed the tip of a plastic fork.

  “Linus says he’s the greatest chef in the world. I told him that wasn’t saying much. And so to spite me, he’s making quiche.”

  “It’s what all us connoisseurs of fine cuisine do. We spite people with food.”

  “How are you making quiche?” asked Grace curiously.

  “Egg beaters mostly. I know it’s a pretty big handicap. Milk’s too old to use, and the crust is getting a little rough. But the blue cheese is still good. And to top it off we still have some canned spinach. It won’t be perfect, but it should be good enough.”

  Linus looked different now. He seemed happier, somehow. He was smiling even after the conversation they’d had earlier in the day. Grace had never seen him so alive before. Not when they met for the first time, and even less so since he spent his days married to his radio.

  The change in spirit along was enough to inspire her own vitality. Seeing him the way she saw him now had been welcome enough to alleviate the weight of dread hanging over her like a cloud.

  “I’ve never heard of anyone baking in a grill before,” added Grace to their conversation.

  “Desperate times my love.”

  Grace smirked. And the sheer volume of light in the kitchen continued to faze her. Even on a sunny day outside it was never this bright. Grace missed just how much a bit of indoor lighting could do to a place.

  It was dazzling, to say the least.

  9:23 PM

  Time flew by fast. Vanessa, Grace, and Linus enjoyed a long strings of conversations and wine as they waited for their blue cheese quiche. Grace couldn’t remember how long it’d been since she had so much fun. They shared stories about their lives, about who they were before and what they’d do after things settled back down and civilization returned.

  “You know what this place needs?” Linus asked.

  “A better chef,” Vanessa mocked, and made sniffing noises at the air. Grace laughed harder than she felt she should have.

  But after all the time their dinner sat in the grill, Grace silently hoped that the food came out better than it smelled. Linus said the scent was from the blue cheese. Vanessa contemplated out loud whether or not it was a good thing, while Grace did the same in her head.

  After Vanessa’s guess failed to satisfy his question however, Linus answered it himself.

  “Some music.”

  He told them to wait as they were while he took a flashlight to the electronics department. He came back lugging a cardboard box, which according to the printed image contained a Panasonic stereo system. Linus opened it, tossed away the styrofoam covering, and plugged the brand new stereo inside the last open slot on his outlet.

  “Anyone have something they want to listen to?”

  Of the CDs in the media aisle, Vanessa insisted they play Elton John. Tiny Dancer was the first song on their chosen disc. Linus got up and shook his body in a hokey parody of what might have passed for dancing to a blind lunatic. Grace jeered at him in jest, but when he held out his hand and asked her to join, she couldn’t refuse. Grace picked herself up off the seat and followed suit.

  Vanessa pointed fingers at the both of them. Grace laughed at herself, and so did Linus. They danced and sang with the song until dinner was finally done.

  As it turned out no one appreciated the quiche, least of all the chef himself. Linus threw it away, and they settled for boiled potatoes and peas.

  Chapter Seven

  Day Six

  Friday

  April 25, 2003

  2:04 AM

  Dear Lord,

  Thank you for tonight. It was just what I needed. After that long dinner, I think I’m more tired now than I can remember. Vanessa is trying to sleep, so I am talking as quietly as I can. I know I should get some rest too. And I will. But I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate how much you’ve done for all of us.

  Seeing Linus happy for the first time is always a welcome change. I thank you for helping him find some piece of joy. We all need it at a time like this. Keep blessing him oh Lord. Maybe in due time he’ll come to appreciate all the wonderful things you’ve done for him. Who knows? Maybe he’ll even pray.

  You’ve made him happy today. And for the time being that’s more than I could have asked for. I’ll do what I can to bring his soul your way. But for the time being, know that in this dark chapter you have given me more reason to believe that the best is yet to come. And for that, I thank you with all my heart.

  In Jesus’ name I pray,

  Amen

  11:03 AM

  Grace woke up three hours later than usual. She'd had a late night, and appropriately enough for that an even later afternoon. Grace couldn't remember the last time she woke up at noon. It wasn't like her. Not even now, with the patterns of her life turned upside down.

  Things were different this morning though. She woke up late, and yet she felt oddly refreshed. Not fatigued like she normally would have felt after a late night combined with wine and dancing.

  She knew it wasn't good for her. Neither the wine nor the dancing. At least not for her age.
Grace had a low tolerance for alcohol, and she couldn't sway half as effortlessly or as painlessly as she would have liked.

  Still, for what it was worth, Grace wanted to do it again sometime. Maybe even tonight. She’d skip the alcohol this time around. Or at the very least take less. If they all shared dinner again tonight (And Grace would insist that they did), she would do what she could to churn some fun out of the occasion. Maybe try a new recipe. Cook something together. Or maybe they could all play a game. The store had ample board games. Maybe they could try doing that. Whatever the case, if they could pass the time together, Grace was happy enough.

  On that note, she decided to pay Linus a visit, and thank him for the late night dinner. Vanessa was still asleep, so she tried not to invite too much noise. She made it to the office, and had to stop for a moment to contain her ever-widening grin. She steadied herself, then opened the door.

  “Good morn…”

  The room was empty.

  “Wha…”

  She paused and scanned the area. Linus wasn’t there. Neither was his radio.

  ZShe asked herself if Linus had simply gone somewhere else for the time being. Maybe he was busy doing something else. But what?

  Back inside the store, stocks of the batteries he used to power his portable outlet were gone. And all throughout the food aisles, scores of packed and canned foods were missing. Some of Linus’ favorite snacks had been taken off the shelves entirely.

  Grace didn’t want to believe what was swirling inside her mind, but increasingly it was becoming difficult.

  She looked around for any trace of him.

  “Linus!”

  Her voice carried around the hollow confines of the store, but it didn’t earn her an answer. Nothing, no matter how loud or how desperately it was yelled, gave her any response from Linus. It wasn’t until long after searching the store high and low that Grace grew tired of looking, and finally allowed herself to see the evidence for what it was. At long last she checked the garage, where Costco parked their delivery vehicles. A key was missing from the pin board, along with a truck outside.