“Other kids have mommies.” Her little arms squeezed Sarah tighter.
“That’s true. And other people don’t have mommies, too.”
Mickie finally looked up at Sarah. “You mean I’m not the only one who doesn’t have a mommy?”
“No, you’re not. And I’ll tell you something else. It’s okay to want another mommy…but the time has to be right. You have to wait until just the right time when your daddy finally asks someone to marry him and be his wife. Then that woman will be your mommy.”
“Daddy has to marry her?” She sounded surprised.
“Yes, he does. And then that woman will be your mommy. But she has to be real special and your daddy has to really love her. And it has to be the right time.”
“The right day?” Mickie asked, sounding excited.
“The exactly right day,” Sarah said, not sure why Mickie had suddenly brightened at her words. “You know, your daddy doesn’t run up and ask. It has to be special and he has to propose—ask her to marry him.”
“He has to love her, ask her on the right day, then marry her, for me to have a mommy,” Mickie repeated softly, then nodded as if she’d come to some great discovery.
Mickie sat there in Sarah’s lap as Sarah continued to push the swing back and forth. Finally, in barely a whisper, Mickie asked, “Are you mad at me?”
Sarah chuckled. “Not at all. I’m very proud that you wanted me to be your mommy. But I really like being your aunt. So what do you say if I just be your aunt and we can do the snuggling and cookie making and all the fun stuff until your daddy finds a wife.”
Mickie thought about it a minute. “I guess so.”
“And how about you go give your daddy hugs. I think he’s feeling a little left out.”
Justin stepped out of the shadows so Mickie could see him. He bent down and held out his arms.
Mickie ran to him and hugged him hard around the neck. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m so sorry. I love you.”
Justin rubbed her up and down the back, his deep voice rumbling, but Sarah was unable to make out any words.
“I promise,” Mickie said, and hugged her daddy again.
He crooked his head toward the car and started walking, all the while murmuring in his daughter’s ear. Sarah silently followed.
In the car, Mickie almost immediately fell asleep.
The radio played lowly in the background, soothing both Sarah’s and Justin’s frazzled nerves. Neither spoke.
In minutes Justin was home and he lifted Mickie out of the car. Sarah gathered her purse and Mickie’s doll, which she’d left in the back seat, and followed more slowly.
She went in and changed, then went to Mickie’s room, placed her doll by her side and gave her a soft kiss good-night.
Then she went downstairs, intending to get a glass of milk before going to bed. Justin was in the kitchen. At the sound of the swinging door being pushed open, he turned.
Pouring her a glass of milk, he said, “Well, what a mess we’re in.”
Chapter Seventeen
Sarah laughed, a little nervously. “Well, I’m glad I’m not the one who has to face the school tomorrow.”
Justin shook his head. “I’m not sure how to handle it. I never realized Amy’s death…” He trailed off.
Sarah stepped forward and placed her hand on his arm. He’d taken off his sweater and she could feel his muscles under the long-sleeved shirt bunch. “It’s her age. She’s meeting other children and their parents and she has recognized the differences. She doesn’t really remember Amy. All she knows is she’s different. It’s normal, Justin. There’s no reason to blame yourself.”
Justin sighed, moved over to the small kitchen table and looked out into the yard, which was brightened by a security light. “I’m sorry you got caught in the middle of this, Sarah.”
Sarah sat down at the table. “No problem. That’s what family is for. Besides, she could have told people Stephanie was her new mommy.”
Justin groaned. “That’s true.” He glanced at her and must have seen something in her eyes, for he suddenly asked, “You aren’t feeling guilty, are you?”
She smiled. “It’s true I do battle guilt, isn’t it? Actually, I’m wondering if Stephanie was right when she inquired the other day if your other housekeepers had lived in.”
Justin growled. “That woman—”
“At least she’s consistent,” Sarah said. “I do have an idea, if you don’t mind.”
All serious now, Justin said, “Shoot.”
“Mickie actually thought she was the only child who had ever been without a mom. I’m sure someone at church is in the same situation, but I know Bill was without his mom. If I contact Bill and we go over to see Marcy, since Mickie is so in love with her, it might help for her to let them share with her. And then there’s a book, written on a child’s level, about death and pain and going on with life. It’s a real good book that subtly addresses those issues, if you wouldn’t mind my picking it up for her.”
Justin smiled, relieved. “Both ideas sound wonderful. I’ll try to spend a little more time with her in the evening to fill in that loss she’s experiencing.”
“I don’t know if it’ll do any good. Mickie may just want a mommy, and it’s something she’s going to have to work through. Kids can be very stubborn sometimes.”
“You’re telling me.”
“Hey, I’ve learned since I’ve been here.” Sarah stood. “Don’t worry about it. Pray, let God work it out. Who knows, maybe He wants Mickie to have a mommy and that was your wake-up call.” She winked and left.
Justin sat at the table, dumbstruck at Sarah’s words, until he heard her door click closed upstairs, then he stood and went up to bed, his mind still on the bombshell Sarah had dropped before leaving. Justin wondered if Sarah had any idea that he had been thinking along the same lines as Mickie these past two weeks.
He wondered what she’d do if she knew.
But since he wasn’t going to tell her, it was a moot point.
“I’m surprised you’re picking up Mickie today,” the all-too-familiar voice said.
Lord, why me? Why is this woman becoming my thorn in the flesh?
“Why wouldn’t I, Stephanie?” Sarah asked mildly as she watched the last moments of the rehearsal. Other mothers were standing around waiting. She saw two fathers and a teenager, too.
“Well, after what happened at open house…Of course, we don’t blame Mickie. I imagine it’s all so confusing for her, having no mom and a woman living in the house like that.”
She made it sound so tawdry, Sarah thought, disgusted. “Mickie has had other housekeepers,” Sarah said, though she did admit that with her feelings for Justin she had been thinking more and more lately of moving out. Not only because the attraction was mutual, but because she was afraid she was going to end up hurting him. She had gone back and forth in her mind about the infertility issue. The fact was, she was absolutely terrified to mention it to him.
However, she knew she was going to have to do something, and Stephanie’s words only reminded her of that.
“Well, I’m not one to gossip—”
Yeah, right, Sarah thought.
“But there were a couple of women at church the other day who were asking just who you were and why you always came to church with Justin. I tried to explain you were only the housekeeper, but I don’t think they believed me.”
Sarah smiled. “That’s a shame. Sunday in church, why don’t you introduce me. I’d like to meet them.”
She walked off. Stephanie’s simple jealousy was going to give Justin a bad name at church. She didn’t know what to do. Since they were going to see Bill today, maybe she’d ask him if he had any ideas.
“I’m ready!” Mickie said, running up. “Are we still going to go see Bill today?”
Sarah smiled. “And Marcy.”
“Great!” She jumped up and down, then took off toward the exit. She waited for Sarah at the door, then walked across the par
king lot. As soon as she hit the grass, she ran to where the car was parked on the other side of the field.
Mickie rattled on about school and practice until they pulled into the driveway to Bill’s place. Bill lived in a nice family house, one passed down through his father. She knew Bill had money but that he had never given up his job, insisting he was needed where he was.
Sarah wondered if he didn’t sometimes resent his father’s money and that was why he worked—to prove to everyone he could make it on his own. Still, Bill was a wonderful guy and had married a wonderful woman. She liked being around them both. He’d been her friend forever.
“Well, hello, pumpkin,” Bill said, grinning and opening his arms to Mickie. She ran right into his hug.
“We got to come visit today because Aunt Sarah said so,” Mickie announced, then squirmed out of his arms and raced toward Marcy.
Marcy knelt and hugged the little girl, then took her to the kitchen, where she cut up an apple and gave her a glass of milk. “Aunt Sarah says you don’t have a mama, either,” Mickie said to Bill as she munched the apple.
Bill chuckled. “Thank goodness we have such a forthright child. Why don’t you and Marcy go look at that centerpiece you were going to borrow for Christmas dinner.”
He sat down next to Mickie and smiled. “I guess that’s just one more thing we have in common, isn’t it, Mickie mine?”
Mickie, who had been swallowing a gulp of milk, set down the glass. Looking up, interested, she asked, “What else do we have in common?” She didn’t comment on the nickname, just giggled.
“Well, we both had good daddies,” he said, nodding at her with a grin.
Mickie smiled back. “Oh, yeah, my daddy’s real good. He took me to the park the other day and tucks me in at night. Do you know, Nicole’s dad never tucks her in? But my daddy does. Of course—” Mickie frowned “—her mama tucks her in.”
She finished her snack and slid off the stool to play with the cat at her feet.
Bill knew Sarah had brought Mickie over for a reason. He had prayed about what to say. Watching Mickie now, he realized this was the first time he’d ever heard her talk about her mommy. “You miss her, don’t you?” he said softly, picking up a box of treats and tossing one of the little cubes at the cat. The cat rolled over, holding it between its paws before biting down.
“Can I do that?” Mickie asked.
Bill tossed her a treat and she held it above the cat. She giggled when it sat up on its hind legs just like a dog, the way Bill had trained it to.
“Having a mommy must be the best thing in the world,” Mickie finally said.
Bill shrugged. “My mom died when I was five. I missed her a lot. But I had my daddy.”
“Jimmy told me I was the only one in the world without a mommy.”
Bill shook his head. “Well, that’s just not true. Many, many people don’t have mommies. But tell me, what can a mommy do that a daddy can’t?”
Mickie paused in stroking the cat, which was now curled contentedly in Mickie’s lap, sniffing the box of treats as Mickie stroked her. “Make chocolate coconut cakes?”
Bill frowned, hard. “I dunno. Seems to me your daddy has made that cake once or twice for us.”
Mickie nodded slowly. “Buy me dresses?”
Bill shook his head again. “I was with your daddy last year when he bought your Christmas present.”
She fell silent for a long time. “Mommies can make daddies happy when daddies are alone,” she finally said.
Bill was stunned. “Well, there you got me. But, honey,” Bill said carefully, not wanting to hurt this little girl, “do you think your daddy is lonely?”
“Oh, no. He has me. That’s just what Mrs. Winters said to a friend of hers. I just wish, sometimes, I had a mommy so she could go with me to plays and stuff, like the other kids.”
Bill sighed. “Yeah, so did I. But my dad loved me. I was much luckier than others. At least I had a daddy.”
Mickie looked confused. “If you didn’t have a mommy, then you had to have a daddy, didn’t you?”
Marcy and Sarah were coming into the room and Marcy was lugging a photo album. Bill was happy when Marcy spoke up.
“Oh, no, sweetheart. I didn’t have a mommy or a daddy. I had several. My mommy and daddy both died when I was six years old. I had three different sets of parents raise me.”
Mickie was intrigued. “What do you mean?”
Marcy sat down and for the next hour she and Mickie laughed over pictures of Marcy when she was a little girl. She told Mickie how she’d bought a camera with some money her first set of parents had given her. Then, when she moved from foster home to foster home, she took pictures. She did admit there was one foster home she didn’t like, but that the third set of parents kept her until she moved out after she was grown.
Mickie was astonished, then happy when she realized other people besides her didn’t have a mommy or a daddy. She was especially happy when Marcy mentioned someone at church who didn’t have a mommy, a young girl she knew. Mickie told Marcy very solemnly that she would talk to Missy next week and explain that not everyone had mommies.
Sarah was satisfied with the day’s events. But she wasn’t surprised, when, after looking at the pictures, having another snack and finally preparing to leave, Mickie said, “But I still want a mommy.”
What did surprise Sarah was when Mickie started her next sentence.
“I can’t wait until Christmas because—” The little girl suddenly clamped a hand over her mouth.
Sarah stared quizzically at the child. “What Mickie?”
“Oh, no, Santa won’t bring me what I ask for if I tell.”
She stroked the cat again, then said, “I do wish I had a cat, though. Do you think Daddy might get me a cat?”
Sarah stared at Mickie. Was that what she had wished for? Oh, dear. She’d have to tell Justin because she was certain that wasn’t on his Christmas list.
They started toward the door. Bill and Marcy escorted them out. But as Sarah started to get in the car, Bill stopped her. “Though you brought Mickie here today to talk, something is bothering you. Marcy mentioned you wanted to speak to me but said it could wait.”
Now she knew what they’d been whispering about on the porch as she’d helped Mickie into the car. She shrugged. “I do have a problem and thought maybe to ask you about it.”
Bill nodded. “I’m glad you came to me. Can you meet me for lunch tomorrow at the little restaurant near where Justin and I work?”
She knew which one he was talking about. He ate there all the time. Or he used to. She doubted he did much eating away from home since he’d married.
“Sure. It’s nothing really serious,” she said, her smile leaving her face as she thought about just what she’d wanted to discuss with Bill. “But if you’re busy maybe I should—”
Bill took her shoulders. “You’re like my sister, Sarah. When I didn’t have anyone, you were there. I’m never too busy for you. If you’d only stop letting your pride get in the way when I offer help.”
“But Marcy might not like—” she began, only to be cut off.
“Marcy knows you’re nothing more than a friend to me. She loves you for what you did during our teenage years.”
Sarah shrugged, feeling uncomfortable with the praise. “I didn’t realize you’d ever told her how close we were. And I love Marcy dearly but was afraid she’d feel threatened by an unknown.”
Bill chuckled. “We love each other too much for there to be any mistrust between us.”
Sarah shook her head. “You’re one of the lucky few, then. Okay. I’ll meet you around noon tomorrow.”
He gave her a peck on the cheek, then waved to Mickie. Marcy was just coming down the steps after having gone back into the house to answer the phone. She hugged Sarah, too, and gave her a peck. “Take care, Mickie. And next time you see Jimmy, don’t forget to tell him about the woman you met who had three mommies!”
Mickie giggled and w
aved bye.
Sarah got in the car and left. She could sigh in relief that she had accomplished two missions today.
First, Mickie knew she wasn’t the only one in the world without a mommy. Sarah wasn’t sure how much it would help. Maybe it would only open the door for Mickie to ask more questions, or maybe she would be satisfied completely. Still, it was a step forward.
And second, she had taken a step forward facing her fears about her infertility. She would talk to Bill and share with him the secret that she’d shared with no one except André. She would tell Bill what had really caused her breakup with André, tell him her fears and see how he reacted, then maybe she could figure out just how to tell Justin about her inability to have children.
She would decide if a relationship with him truly was a lost cause and she should just drift away, leaving him to find someone else to fill the empty space in his heart.
And she knew it was there. She’d glimpsed it in the short time they’d become closer. Oh, yes, Justin was just as lonely as she was. And if she wasn’t wrong, she thought he might be seriously considering asking her to live happily ever after with him.
But could he be happy after her secret was discovered?
Chapter Eighteen
Sarah glanced around nervously, straightening the collar of her top, then smoothing her skirt.
“Relax, I’m sure Mickie’s teacher has explained everything.”
Sarah watched all the people mingling in the school auditorium, moving back and forth, finding seats, laughing, shaking hands, rushing children toward the back of the closed curtains on the dais. “Why did I come?” she asked, more to herself than anyone around her.
“Besides the fact that you’re like me and obviously love to be embarrassed,” Justin joked, then grinned, “you have a niece who would have been very upset if you hadn’t shown up.”
Sarah glanced up at Justin, who was in a pair of jeans and a pullover sweater, looking as if he hadn’t a care in the world. “I’m sorry,” she said in a low voice. “I didn’t realize you’d be embarrassed, too.”
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