Simple Man

by Lydia Michaels

  He watched as she nosed around his home. She stopped in front of the pile of empty beer cans and made a note. She made more notes after opening his empty fridge. When she looked in his cabinets and found the many bottles there she turned and faced him.

  “Do you have a drinking problem, Mr. Martin?”

  He drew back at her audacity. “Uh, no.”

  “You barely have any food.”

  “My friend just ran to the store. If you’re hungry I can heat you up some of that Chinese in the fridge.” The three-week-old Chinese.

  “No, thank you.”

  He forced his lip not to curl. She was judging him hard and he had to take it. She looked like a total bitch. He’d wanted to ask her about the child care situation, get some more details on that, but there was no way he was asking this snob for any help. He’d figure it out on his own.

  “Clearly you were not prepared for my visit.”

  “I told you, my friend’s at the store. I’ve barely had time to adjust to all this. It hasn’t even been a week since I found out about my sister and learned I have a nephew. You’ll have to excuse me if I’m not doing a stellar job yet.”

  She looked like she was about to offer condolences, but then dropped her gaze and scribbled more notes. “I’ll take you at your word and overlook what I’ve seen here today, because honestly, Mr. Martin, it’s not good. I’ll give you another day or two to adjust and then I’ll be back. Hopefully you can pull it together by then. But be warned, the only reason I am giving you a little more time is because I can appreciate how you’re able to soothe the baby. If it weren’t for that…”

  He was speechless. Not since he was a kid had someone talked to him like that. He wanted the lady gone and he wanted to see about getting another caseworker. Logan suddenly ripped a juicy fart and heat seeped through his Zeppelin shirt. Shane winced. See, Logan didn’t like her either.

  Her nose crinkled. “I’ll let you handle that.”

  He watched her leave, calling her a hundred unkind things as she went. Duce, of course, pulled in right after she pulled out. Figured. He climbed out of the car, arms filled with bags of baby paraphernalia, and turned back toward the caseworker driving away.

  “Who was that?”

  “My caseworker. She’s a stuck up brat.”

  Duce shrugged and Shane stepped aside so he could come in. “Holy crap, it stinks like shit in here.”

  Chapter Six

  Shane traded cars with Duce in order to go to his first parenting class. The roller skate had a back seat and that made it safer than his truck for Logan.

  After Duce’s trip to the store, Shane felt more in control. He had a stockpile of wipes, diapers, and Logan had a few new duds. He was currently rocking a pair of button up jeans and a Rolling Stones baby-T for their first day of school.

  He flipped the front seat forward and smiled at his nephew. “You ready, little man. Now, no pooping in class. There might be other girl babies there you’ll need to impress.”

  He carried Logan into the building, baby purse slung on his side. The class was being held at the local YMCA. Shane went to the registration desk and a young girl directed him where to go.

  “You just head down that hall there and the classroom is on your left.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Your son’s real cute.”

  “Thanks, but he’s not…” He looked back at the girl and smiled. “Thanks.”

  He found the classroom right where she said it would be. It was a simple white room with a dry erase board and a conference table. Three women sat at the table with bored expressions on their faces. Self-consciously, he pushed himself through the door. None of the other women had kids with them.

  “Is this the parenting class?”

  The three women glanced at him and nodded. Where were their kids?

  He found a seat at the end of the table and stowed Logan’s seat on the floor. At the moment Logan was having a love affair with the dangly bumblebee rattle attached to the handle of the carrier, so he left him there.

  An older woman entered and smiled. “Hello. I’m Dr. Haughenschlaugger.”

  Wow, that was a mouthful. Shane tried not to laugh. Seriously, who has a name like Haughenschlaugger?

  She dropped a binder at the head of the table and went to the board where she wrote the date and Baby Basics. She returned to the table and pulled out a sheet of paper. “You all are going to have to sign in for the courts.”

  The paper came around and he signed. The teacher took a seat and folded her hands. “Okay, gang. I’m here to teach you the basics of caring for a baby. How are ya’ll making out so far? Any major debacles?”

  She looked at each one of them. The girls seemed to avoid eye contact. Shane was there to learn. He’d set another goal that afternoon. He wanted to prove to that stuck up caseworker that he knew what he was doing.

  Dr. Haughenschlaugger glanced at the sign in sheet then back at him. “Shane? Any issues?”

  “Uh, we had some diaper problems earlier, but after a serious talk Logan’s agreed to try to keep his movements to a minimum.”

  She laughed. “Negotiating with an infant, you let me know how that works out for you.”

  She sat back. “The first thing I want to tell you about child rearing is that it’s ninety percent common sense. If baby is happily cooing he’s likely healthy. If he doesn’t appear himself, seems sick, he’s likely not feeling well. You know your child best, so trust your instincts. Do y’all have a pediatrician for your babies?”

  The girls nodded and the doctor zeroed in on him. “Shane?”

  “I haven’t gotten to that step yet. I just met Logan yesterday.”

  “Oh, well, congratulations. I can give you a list of pediatricians I refer new parents to after class if you like. You can call and see if they accept your insurance.”

  “Thanks.”

  She nodded. He liked this teacher slash doctor. It was a shame she wasn’t also a caseworker.

  “It’s very important your babies see their pediatricians on a regular basis for check ups and immunizations. Your child’s pediatrician is there to answer your questions and, as new parents, I’m sure y’all have lots of questions.

  “Next let’s talk about a routine. How many of you have managed to get the baby on a schedule? Darla?”

  The girl who looked about ready to pass out sat up. “She’s started sleeping through the nights.”

  “Good. It’s important you get your sleep too.”

  Shane listened as the doctor went on about how to establish a healthy routine. He wished he had a piece of paper to take notes. He was getting tons of good tips, but was afraid he’d forget what he learned.

  They discussed the benefits of clean water versus wipes, the dangers of talcum powder, and the fact that creams were sometimes nice, but not necessary. She discussed how easily babies got sick and recommended not taking the baby around crowds of people in the beginning unless absolutely necessary, and if it was necessary, ask friends to wash their hands and not touch the baby’s face.

  At the end of the class Dr. Haughenschlaugger asked for questions. The girls had none. Maybe he had so many questions because he was a guy. He asked about bathing the baby, heating bottles, which he found out he’d done right, and about the vomiting. Apparently Logan was spitting up because Shane hadn’t been burping him.

  The doctor complimented his determined attitude and assured him he’d be fine with some practice and confidence. When he left his confidence had improved. He stood and shook the doctor’s hand and smiled on his way out. He could do this!

  “Shane?” Dr. Haughenschlaugger called as he left the classroom.

  He looked back. “Yeah?”

  “Forget something?”

  Shane frowned and then saw Logan sleeping in his carrier by the chair he’d vacated. “Oh crap!” He flushed and quickly went to retrieve his nephew. The doctor laughed. He gave her a pleading look. “Please don’t tell anyone I did that,” he begged.


  She tried to hide her smile. “Your secret’s safe with me, Shane. I’ll see you next week.”

  * * * *

  The following morning he took Logan to the Laundromat while he still had the roller skate. Logan really got a kick out of the spin cycle.

  Shane read up on what to expect during the second month. This was the month the book said Logan would be showing signs of his own personality. Shane got that. If someone tried to explain to him a week ago that a two-month-old baby was more than a drooling blob, he would have told them they were full of crap. But he was starting to recognize signs of Logan’s personality.

  For instance, he really liked his bumblebee rattle. He also preferred the blue blanket to the green one, which wasn’t as soft. He also really liked to suck on his fist, which he was going to town on at that very moment.

  According to the book, he should be doing something called tummy time with the little guy to strengthen his muscles. “We’re gonna buff you up, big guy,” Shane informed him. Logan babbled back at him. Shane wasn’t sure if he was agreeing or arguing.

  When they left the Laundromat Logan was sound asleep. Shane took time to make a few necessary phone calls. First on the list, finding a pediatrician. He referred to the program Logan was enrolled in and found a doctor right near Sunny Acres. He scheduled a check-up for the following month.

  Next, he called the Care Works people and asked about childcare. That was when his mood dropped. Even with assistance, childcare would take a huge chunk of his paycheck. He’d barely have enough money for food after he paid his lot rent.

  He considered how expensive formula was. In two months Logan would be on solids too. Between the costs of groceries, gas to get to work, childcare, and rent, there’d be nothing left. He calculated how much he usually spent on beer and take out. His life as he knew it was over.

  He needed to work out a serious budget. The more he crunched numbers the more impossible it seemed. He wasn’t even taking into account how hard it would be when there wasn’t work. When he thought about the three days of work he missed that week he grew sick to his stomach.

  If he believed things couldn’t get worse, he was wrong. There was a knock at the door. He stood and frowned when he saw the little Volkswagen bug. Great.

  Shane opened the door and faked an unconvincing smile. “We meet again.”

  “Hello, Mr. Martin. Is this a better time?”

  “Sure.” He turned and let the caseworker show herself in.

  She frowned as she glanced around his place. What now?

  “Where’s the baby?”

  “Logan’s napping in his crib. Babies do that.”

  “I’m aware babies nap, Mr. Martin. How are you managing today?”

  “Fine.”

  “May I sit down?”

  He waved an arm toward the sofa. She grimaced and chose the chair again. Today she wore a black pencil skirt and a turquoise cardigan, with simple black slippers on her feet. She was pretty in a stuck up kind of way. Nothing like the girls he was attracted to.

  “Did you attend your parenting class last night?”

  “Yes.”

  “And how did that go?”

  Aside from almost leaving Logan there… “Great. Logan’s top of the class.”

  She jotted down notes, but didn’t smile. “Have you selected a pediatrician?”

  “As a matter of fact, I did.”

  She looked surprised, but said nothing, only jotted down more notes. “Have you been shopping?”

  “Yes, would you like to look around?” Go ahead. I dare you.

  She glanced around, but didn’t get up to look in his cabinets. “What do you plan to do about work, Mr. Martin?”

  His expression fell. She’d found his kryptonite. “I, uh, I have a job.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Construction.”

  “What sort of hours do you work? Every time I’ve come by it’s been the middle of the work day and you’ve been home.”

  He shifted uncomfortably. “I took a few days off to get Logan situated.”

  “When do you plan on returning to work?”

  I don’t know. “In a few days.”

  “And when you return, who will be caring for Logan?”

  “I’m looking into various options now.”

  “What kind of schedule do you work?”

  “I usually go in around six and I’m home by four. I also play a few gigs a month for some extra money.”

  “Gigs?”

  “I’m a musician.”

  She frowned and jotted down more notes. He really was developing a strong dislike for this woman.

  “Have you filled out the paperwork for food stamps yet?”

  His jaw locked. “I don’t think that will be necessary.”

  She eyed him and his pride smarted. “Mr. Martin, with all due respect, yesterday your cabinets consisted of dust and Wild Turkey. A baby requires more sustenance than that.”

  “With all due respect, Ms. McAlister, I’ve been to the store and I’m more than capable of filling the pantry.”

  “How much is your annual income, not including your gigs of course,” she asked patronizingly.

  Who the fuck did this broad think she was? Talk about kicking him right in his manhood. “I make decent money when there’s work.” There was no way he was reporting his income.

  She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. She had very pretty lashes, golden almost. The fact that he noticed only made him dislike her more. “These programs were recommended to you for a reason. I could summon the court and request proof of your wages.”

  “Be my guest,” he called her bluff.

  She scowled at him. Suddenly Logan began to cry. He stood. “Are we done?”

  “If you don’t mind, I’d like to stick around for a little while and observe.”

  He did mind, but he couldn’t force her to leave. Why couldn’t he have been assigned to someone like Joanne or Haughenschlaugger? They liked him.

  He turned and went to get Logan.

  “Hey, big guy.” He reached down and scooped him up. He was already becoming more comfortable with holding him.

  Logan immediately began to settle once in his arms. Shane carried him to the living room and sat him in his car seat while he heated up a bottle he’d had on the ready from that morning.

  “Aren’t you going to latch that?”

  Shane stilled. “I’m coming right back.”

  “It only takes a moment for a baby to get injured, Mr. Martin.”

  He scowled at her. She was really starting to piss him off. “Maybe you weren’t aware, but Logan’s two months old. At his age, he’s just learning to hold up his head. I think catapulting out of car seats is a little advanced for him—even if he is at the top of his class.”

  “Do you think you’re funny, Mr. Martin?”

  What. A. Bitch.

  He gave up. Sighing, he went to the car seat and removed Logan. Collecting the bottle, he sat on the sofa and proceeded to feed him. Mentally, he asked his nephew, if he had to puke to please project it in the bitch’s direction. Logan blinked and Shane took that as confirmation he understood the plan.

  Her gaze weighed on him. How much longer would she be there?

  “Did you get a new car, Mr. Martin?”

  “What?”

  “Your truck, it’s gone.”

  “Oh, no, I just traded with a friend for a day or two.”

  “Perhaps you’ll consider purchasing a vehicle with a higher child safety rating.”

  Did this woman have an off switch? Like he hadn’t already considered that. Unfortunately, the money tree was dead, so he had no fucking clue how that would ever happen. “I’ll consider it.”

  “I’m sure on your salary, what with your gigs and all, you could afford it.”

  His gaze jerked to hers. That was it. “Are you new?”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “Are you new? I was wondering if we were maybe your fir
st case or if your social skills were just this bad all the time. If it’s a disability of some sort I’d be willing to overlook it, but if it’s something personal you have against me, maybe I should ask to be reassigned.”

  She stiffened. “I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. You get who you get.”

  “So I guess at social work school they don’t really teach a social graces class.”

  “Mr. Martin, I’m sorry you find my presence so insufferable, but truth be told your feelings are not my concern. I’m only concerned with the well being of that little boy.”

  “Well, this little boy’s well being is just fine. He’s usually rather pleasant when he isn’t being hassled by stuck up harpies.”

  She jumped to her feet. Her mouth opened and closed. He was done being intimidated by this shrew. “I’ll be talking to my supervisor about this.” She marched angrily to the door.

  “Go right ahead. Be sure to tell her that you don’t like babies.”

  She stilled and turned on him, her eyes furious. “I love babies! It’s you I can’t tolerate. Good day!” She left the trailer and let the screen door slam behind her.

  “Shit.” This wouldn’t end well. Gritting his teeth, he went after her.

  Chapter Seven

  Shane popped the bottle out of Logan’s mouth and stuck it on the table before he followed her outside. She was sitting behind the wheel of her little lime green bug, looking overly frustrated. Incidentally, she looked cute when she was knocked off her high horse. He held Logan to his shoulder and knocked on the driver’s window.

  She ignored him, obviously aware of his presence, so he knocked again. Her lips formed a thin line as the window lowered. “What?”

  Shane patted Logan’s back. If the kid wound up going through with their puke on the caseworker plan, things would only get worse. “I’m sorry. That was rude of me to talk to you like that.”

  Her chin quivered. She still wouldn’t look at him. Fuck, was she crying? “Are you crying?”

  “No!” she barked then sniffled.

  Shit, he really fucked up. “Look, I’m apologizing. Please come back inside.”