Simple Man

by Lydia Michaels

  “Yes. He was vaccinated last week. That sucked.”

  She scribbled, the sound of her scratchy pen abrading his nerves. “Has he moved to cereal?”

  “Yes. He loves it. I think that’s part of the reason he’s sleeping better. He isn’t as hungry as often as when he was only on formula.”

  “Did you get your certification in the mail from your class?”

  “Yeah, a few weeks ago.” He frowned. She still hadn’t looked at him.

  “There’ve been no other incidences I should know about?”

  He raised his brow. “Like what?”

  “Any accidents? Trouble with childcare? Injuries?”

  “Are you asking if Logan’s been hurt?”

  Her mouth opened and closed. “I…no. I just need to know if there’s been any incidences.”

  His eyes narrowed. She knew he’d never place Logan in a dangerous situation. Didn’t she? “No. No incidences.”

  She nodded tightly and placed her pen in her book and shut it. Looking to her left, clearly avoiding eye contact, she said, “I need to check the cabinets.”

  His molars locked down. He stood. “Go ahead.”

  He watched as she silently walked through his kitchen. The cabinets looked nothing like they had during her first visit. The shelves were stocked with canisters of cereal, bottles, and tiny plastic bowls. The drawers were organized with bibs and baby spoons. The fridge was filled with milk, eggs, and fresh deli products and other necessities.

  “Are you using the food stamps?”

  His lip twitched as his manhood withered. “Yes,” he rasped. His hand coasted over his hair. Did she have to ask him about that?

  She nodded and returned to the table. Her hair was in a low ponytail. She wore no nonsense brown pants and a coral colored sweater set. “Your court date’s scheduled for less than two months from now. You’re required to fill out this questionnaire. Next time I visit I’ll get it from you. It talks about how you’re adjusting to your guardianship and asks questions about various parts of parenting.”

  “Is it a test?”

  “More of a survey. There are no wrong answers.”

  He found that hard to believe. She packed away her book and stood. Was she leaving?

  “You’ll be seeing me again sometime over the next two weeks.”

  Two weeks? That was bullshit.

  She pulled the strap of her bag over her shoulder and headed to the door. He panicked but couldn’t think of anything to say that would make her stay. You’re losing her, asshole.

  She paused without looking directly at him. “Do you have any questions?”

  No way. She was not leaving like this. “How was your date?”

  Her gaze finally met his. Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t, Shane.”

  He stepped closer. Her hand fidgeted with her bag. “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t do this.”

  “Do what?”

  “You know what.”

  He stepped closer again, crowding her in his doorway. “Tell me. What is it I’m doing?”

  She looked down. “You’re making me uncomfortable.”

  He hesitated a second, but his instincts told him she was just scared, not of him, but of how he might make her feel. “How?”

  She frowned, her gaze fused to the floor. She had plain brown shoes on. Shaking her head she whispered, “We can’t do this.”

  “What are we doing?” He lifted his hand and slowly traced his thumb along the delicate line of her jaw.

  “Please don’t,” she whispered.

  “Why?” If she didn’t like him, fine. But he felt their chemistry. She had to feel it too.

  “Because it’s inappropriate. I could lose my job.”

  And he could lose Logan. “Do you feel nothing for me, Kate? Am I really just another case to you?”

  Her throat worked as she swallowed. “I can’t lose my job.”

  “I have something on the line too.”

  “Exactly. It doesn’t matter what we feel. This is wrong.”

  Was she using ethics as an excuse? Maybe she realized he was just a loser who could barely support himself. “Tell me the truth.”

  “The truth is irrelevant. The only truth that matters is that I’m your caseworker and this can’t happen.”

  “I’d never sabotage you. I like you, Kate. I like you a lot,” he whispered, bringing his lips a breath away from hers.

  Her chest rose and fell as her breathing became labored. Her eyes slowly shut. If he wasn’t standing so close, he never would have heard her. She breathed his name. “Shane.” There was so much longing in that one word. It was the confession he needed.

  His lips pressed to the corner of her mouth and he kissed her softly, but implying that he wanted more. He tried to coax her lips apart, but they didn’t budge. He continued to kiss her anyway.

  “Please stop.”

  He stilled. He didn’t want to manipulate her. He only wanted her to admit she felt a quarter of what he felt for her. She sounded as if she were about to cry. Easing back he looked at her. Her brow puckered, a pained expression weighing on her face. “Why?”

  “I told you why.”

  “Give me a better reason.”

  Suddenly her lashes lifted and she glared at him. “I’m not interested.”

  His breath seized in his lungs. He suspected she was lying, but he wasn’t completely sure. It irritated him that she might lie to him, yet he didn’t have the confidence to one hundred percent trust that a girl like Kate could actually like him. It made more sense for her not to be interested. That hurt.

  He stared into her eyes and saw nothing but certainty. He stepped back. “Because you’re my caseworker?”

  “Because of a lot of things, but yes, that’s the main reason.”

  He considered that for a moment, refusing to accept she had zero interest in him. Maybe it was complicated and that was tricky, but she had to feel something. Giving her some space, he said, “I think you’re full of shit.”

  She gasped. “You don’t know me well enough—”

  “I know you just fine.” It wasn’t fair she could judge him based on a few meetings and a peek in his cabinets and assume he wasn’t making his own observations. “I see what you’re doing. Coming in here all buttoned up like you did that first day. You never answered my question. How was your date?”

  “That’s none of your business.” Her nose tipped up and though she was several inches shorter than him, it implied she was looking down at him.

  “Was he everything you dreamed he’d be? I bet he was, in his designer polo with his parted hair. Let me guess, Ivy League graduate, probably majored in something dreadfully dull, but highly lucrative. He speaks at least one other language. Doesn’t like spicy food and only does it missionary—on Tuesdays—with his socks still on.”

  He nearly shit himself when her palm collided sharply with his face. She slapped him. She fucking slapped him.

  Her eyes burned with anger. “You’re a pig.”

  “I’m real, which is more than I can say for that Sears mannequin you went out with last week.”

  Moment over, she glared at him. “Who I go out with or what I do in my free time’s none of your business.”

  “What about when your tongue was in my mouth only a few weeks before you started playing bachelorette with Tobin County’s most lame bachelor? Was it my business then?”

  She shifted her bag and tried to get by. He blocked her exit. He’d obviously overestimated her affection. It hurt and he probably shouldn’t provoke her, but if she was going to lay him out he was gonna call her on it. “Just admit it, Kate. You think you’re better than me. Well, you’re probably right. You’re also better than that douche bag you were out with the other night. But if you’re going to act like you don’t feel the chemistry between us, you’re a liar.”

  She was stressing over her job security, but in two months when he proved he was the right guardian to the courts and she was no longer his case
worker, none of that would matter.

  “I don’t go out with guys like you.”

  He drew back. Okay, maybe it was more than her job security. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She was clearly exasperated and no longer choosing her words carefully. “You’re a child. You sleep all day and play video games all night. Your balanced diet consists of Slim Jims, beer, and God knows what else. You have tattoos and long hair and work in bars singing and playing guitar.”

  Every word was like a punch to his manhood. “So fucking what? And half that shit isn’t even true. I’ve changed since Logan—”

  “But for how long? I’ve seen where you live. I’ve met some of your friends. We’re too different, Shane. All this…” she waved a hand, encompassing his trailer. “This isn’t me. It’s you.”

  His lips pressed together. He could have said a million things to put her in her place, but the truth was the truth, and her words killed him. Rather than continue to argue, he quietly admitted, “I’m a simple man, Ms. McAlister. I don’t go around pretending to be someone I’m not. All I want is my own quiet piece of this world. You come here and look in my cabinets and think that’s enough to decide what kind of person I am, but you’re wrong. When I was younger I did a lot of dumb shit, but I never hurt anyone. I just wanna live my life and not be judged for being who I am.”

  He ran his hand over his hair. “Guess that’s a little hard when you’re paid to judge me.” He stepped back from the door, giving her plenty of space to leave. “I’m taking Logan to the Poconos with some friends next weekend so we won’t be here. Rest assured, he’ll be fed and cared for in a manner the state would find acceptable.”

  “Shane…”

  “Goodbye, Ms. McAlister.”

  She hesitated and then quietly left. Whatever he thought they shared no longer existed in his mind. All possibilities of getting to know her better vanished the moment she pulled away.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Over the next two weeks Shane threw himself into work. They’d gone to the Poconos where Lisa’s family had a house and it was a nice break. Lisa had four girlfriends there and they all doted over Logan. He was a lady-killer.

  Her one friend, Tammy, had really taken a liking to Logan. After he put him to bed the first night, she sat by the fire out back with Shane and asked a whole bunch of questions about babies. The second night they drank around the fire as he played guitar. Tammy stayed up later than everyone else and they talked. He even talked about Noel, which he didn’t usually do.

  She was a nice girl. It became clear she was interested in him the second night.

  Logan woke up and Shane had gone to get him back to sleep. When he came out of the bedroom, shutting the door quietly, she was waiting for him. They’d hung in the dim hallway for a few minutes and the next thing he knew they were kissing. Her kisses tasted like sweet tea and vodka.

  After that initial kiss she’d invited herself to sit by him and touch his leg the rest of the night. She was throwing out clear invitations for more, but Shane wasn’t feeling it. Using Logan as an excuse, he’d snuck back into his room and had gone to sleep alone.

  Sue was also there, but Sims had moved in on that territory. He was actually glad. Turned out Sue had an annoying habit of hitting people when she laughed. And her laugh, after a few drinks, resembled a cat’s cries when in heat. He’d dodged a serious bullet there.

  As the weekend dwindled to an end, Shane found himself anxious to return home. While everyone else made a sport out of getting wasted, he’d remained surprisingly sober.

  On Sunday he left early and forced Duce to drive with him so there wouldn’t be room for anyone else. The following week he was transferred to a new job site and looking at another few weeks of steady work.

  Logan was growing like a weed. His first tooth broke through and he was picking up new tricks left and right. His most recent thing was his awesome belly flop dance. The public wasn’t ready for it yet, but he was a trendsetter. Shane had no doubt they’d be doing it in all the cool clubs soon.

  It was mid-July and Shane’s birthday was coming up so he decided to do something special for himself. He’d arranged for Lisa to babysit so he and his boys could go out and blow off some steam. It was the first time Shane really allowed himself to drink in months, but he didn’t go crazy.

  It was difficult to let go like he used to. What if there was an emergency and he needed to be sober? Rather than throw away money on booze, their plans took a detour and he and the guys went to an establishment they’d frequented many times in the past.

  “How’s this look?” Chris, an old friend with a bright blue Mohawk and several lip piercings, asked as he held up a sheet of paper.

  Shane smiled. “Awesome. What do you guys think?”

  The guys looked at the drawing and all agreed it was perfect.

  “Where?” Chris asked.

  Shane removed his shirt and pointed to his chest. “Right over my heart.”

  “Nice,” Chris commented as he pulled his stool closer to the table.

  He pressed the drawing onto Shane’s chest and applied water, setting the ink to the skin. When he handed Shane a mirror he checked out the placement. It was awesome.

  The letters LOGAN ran beneath the wings of three abstract angels, two smaller ones set back, and one with long flowing hair resembling the virgin mother. The center angel held a harp with the word NOEL scrolled over the bar.

  When the needle drove into his skin he welcomed the familiar ache. He would forever be a part of him now. His Logan.

  When Chris finished he held up a mirror to show Shane the final product. “What do you think?” Shane asked the guys.

  They all smiled and nodded. “Beautiful,” Sims said.

  Duce nodded his head in agreement.

  “Come on,” Tucker said, interrupting the moment. “Let’s go before Duce starts to cry.”

  “Shut up, man,” Duce said, his voice slightly hoarse.

  The days following, Shane forced himself to stop obsessing about what Kate had said. She didn’t know him. She had no right to judge him. He could waste his time trying to prove her wrong, but the only person he had to prove anything to was himself, himself and Logan. His only concern was that she knew he was a good guardian and gave the courts a good report.

  But like an annoying echo, her words kept rattling around in his head. Some of what she’d said was true. He wasn’t offended that she’d insulted him as much as he was concerned that she saw him that way. The curious thing was that it had nothing to do with her being his caseworker, which it should have had everything to do with. He didn’t like the idea of Kate holding such a low opinion of him. The fact her opinion could influence his life only complicated matters more.

  He filled out the survey she’d asked him to complete and stuck it with his other papers for the court. When she came to visit the following Thursday she was, again, all business. She asked questions and made a shit load of notes, but never looked him in the eye.

  The longer she sat, buttoned up in her little cardigan, the more he grew uncomfortable with the distance between them. She shouldn’t have to think of him as anything more than a case, but he wanted her to. He wanted her to like him as a person and not see him as some loser. Maybe he wasn’t setting the world on fire, but he wasn’t a bad person either. He worked hard and did his best. Well, maybe not his best, but he worked damn hard.

  As he watched her write down something about Logan’s daycare teacher he frowned. Why did this bother him so much? Growing annoyed with himself, he pushed all thoughts away and tried to focus of the real reason Kate was there—Logan.

  This was good, concise, to the point, no bullshit or mixed signals getting in the way. She was here to see how he was doing as a parent and he was there to prove he was a capable adult. Convincing his conscience that this was the best solution—mainly because it was his only choice—was difficult, so he lied to himself.

  He decided—telling himself adama
ntly, but not at all convincingly—that he preferred their meetings this way, so he was surprised when she asked, “Are you still playing at the Grill?”

  He looked at her, considering if he should answer. He really couldn’t lie if it was about work. “Three nights a week.”

  “My friends were there about a week ago. They said the singer was great. I wondered if it was you.”

  He tipped his head to acknowledge the compliment, but said nothing.

  “How did Logan like the Poconos?”

  She wasn’t writing any of this down, so he assumed it wasn’t for her report. “What are you doing, Kate?”

  “What—what do you mean?”

  “Is the judge going to ask how our trip to the mountains went?”

  She swallowed and looked down. “I was just trying to make small talk.”

  “Why?” He honestly didn’t know. And it wasn’t cool to throw him off when he’d finally started to accept that she didn’t want him as a friend or anything more than a case.

  She shrugged. “I just thought maybe we should talk.”

  He frowned. About them? She said there wasn’t a “them”. He was trying to give her what she supposedly wanted. Was the distance getting to her?

  He wanted to believe she missed him, but she’d given no sign of such emotions. Her sudden interest in his personal affairs threw him. He didn’t want to get too excited. If this was just about Logan, she should be writing it down, but he didn’t know if she made notes after she left. And if this were all about the courts, she’d shoot him down the moment he trespassed on her personal territory.

  It seemed the only way to test his theory. She was allowed to ask him personal questions, but her personal business was off limits, unless things had changed. “Have you been back on any dates?”

  She met his gaze. Was she going to chastise him for crossing a line again? They stared at each other silently for a long moment until she finally answered. “No.”

  His heart raced. She didn’t shut him down. Maybe she was finally admitting to herself he was more than just a case. “Why not?”

  They stared at each other for another long while. Her mouth tightened as if she were holding a pretty serious mental debate. “You can trust me, Kate. I’d never do anything to deliberately hurt you or jeopardize your job. I’m a fairly decent friend.”