Tananarive Due
Page 43
I am here in a strange land, among strangers, broken in health and spirit, but happier than I have been for months. If I get well I mean to start life anew.
I don’t ever want to see Dora Larrie’s face in life, as she is the cause of all my sorrow. Our lives together have been a complete failure.
—C.J. WALKER
* * *
June 5, 1914
Dear Mr. Walker:
I assure you, I have passed your letters on to Madam Walker. You may have heard that she is currently on a very busy tour of the Northeast, so she has been unable to provide a response. She is very sorry you have been ill, and we both wish you a speedy recovery. I hope in the future, however, you will refrain from any mention of reconciliation with Mme. Walker, as she becomes very irate when you speak along that line. She has made her thoughts on this matter very clear, I think. In the future, I would suggest you limit your inquiries to business.
Respectfully,
F.B. Ransom
* * *
July 31, 1915
Dear Mr. Ransom,
Am writing to let you know I have given a check for $1,381.50 to the Cadillac Motor Co. Won’t you see to it that the check is cashed. If there isn’t enough in the bank place it in there out of your reserves. I guess you think I am crazy but I had a chance to get just what Lelia wanted in a car that had been used a little. It was worth $2,650 and I got it for $1,381.50. Since I was going to give her one for Xmas I thought I had better snatch her one, as it would save me money. Just received a letter from Willie and he can’t find any work to do. Would you think about me letting him come there? He could work for me and he and his mother live in the house, since I am not going to be in Indianapolis. I would rather that than always sending him money, as it makes him so dependent.
Write me how everything is getting along. Also what my balance is. Love to Nettie and babies. Best regards for yourself. Am leaving today for Colorado Springs.
Yours,
Madam
* * *
August 2, 1915
Madam C.J. Walker
Salt Lake City, Utah
Dear Madam,
To answer your question, I don’t fear for your sanity, but I do worry about your bank balance. My only consolation is the knowledge that you cannot possibly find anything else left to buy! Ha, ha.
Regarding your nephew Willie, I share your relief that he is finally free, but I do not believe you should invite him to have such close contact with you. His mother is already behaving as if your home is her palace, and I fear Willie would adopt the same attitude. He is an adult, and he should find a job on his own. If he’s having difficulties where he is, then he should move. There is no good reason he can’t support himself. I know you will act as you see fit, but I felt it was only fair to warn you. Sometimes, Madam, your heart is too kind.
Nettie wanted me to let you know she is bored silly when you go traveling. Frank B., who is proud to remind anyone who will listen that he is your godson, hardly opens his mouth without mentioning “Ma Walkie’s giant car.” And your gift to your daughter will make her look exactly like the heiress she is! We all send our love.
Respectfully,
F.B. Ransom
* * *
September 1, 1915
Dearest Mother,
I am thrilled to hear your news! You seem to have had so much fun entertaining and showing slide presentations of your travels that I feared you would never want to leave Indianapolis. I hoped you would finally see the difference in people for yourself and decide to come here. All other cities are so backward compared to New York. I am already spreading word that you will make your home here, and you should see the excitement! Many people find it hard to believe you have 20,000 agents making a good living, all due to your hard work, but we both know it is the truth. How many others can say the same thing?
I still laugh when I imagine us frantically mixing up the formula in your kitchen. It is all so long ago, and yet not long ago at all. There are many days I want to pinch myself to make sure it is not just a dream. Money comes and goes so fast, it’s almost like it isn’t real at all. Yes, I am trying to be careful. And with you here to watch over me, I will have no choice!
Love,
Lelia
P.S. Enclosed are details of further expenses. I need the money right away.
* * *
LELIA COLLEGE
FOR
TREATING AND TEACHING
MME. WALKER’S
METHOD OF
HAIR GROWING
The Mme. C.J. Walker Mfg. Co.
BRANCH OFFICES
640 N. West Street
New York City
Indianapolis, Ind.
108 West 136th Street
New Phone. 5232-K
Phone. Morningside 7883
Old Main 7256
Pittsburgh, Pa.
MANUFACTURING OF
6258 Frankstown Ave.
Mme. Walker
East End
Wonderful Hair Grower
Phone. Hiland 5409
1449 West 35th Place
Los Angeles, Calif.
September 9, 1915
My Dear Mr. Ransom:
All of your letters received. Thank you very much for your prompt attention. I also received Nettie’s letter yesterday; also from F.B. Jr. Bless his little heart. I am so anxious to see him; but I fear I will not be able to reach home before the latter part of November, as there is a great demand for my work throughout the West.
My sister-in-law and the girls accepted the offer, and Anjetta and Mattie are here now; the other girls will come later with their mother. I just sent them their fare. I know you think I am awful, but this has cost me more than I planned; yet, I think it best as I have to help them, and I had just as well put them upon their feet so they can make good for themselves.
Just had a letter from Lela and she has informed me that she found that her renovation will cost ten thousand dollars. She has asked for an additional loan of four thousand. I have sent her the check. Will you kindly go to the bank and get my balance; see if there is sufficient amount to cover the same? If not, you make arrangements so they will honor my check.
Concerning loans, I am glad you notified all persons against whom I am holding notes, and I do want you to enforce payments. At the rate Lela is going, I won’t be able to build my house this year, unless I have the money.
I am sure that this trip is going to add two or three thousand per month to my income. I am getting invitations from many of the ministers of the surrounding towns, asking me to come give lectures. I am succeeding in making agents wherever I go.
I leave Saturday night for San Diego; then will come back here after a week, and will then make two or three other little towns before leaving for Frisco.
With best regards to Nettie and Frank, and all the home crew, I am:
Respectfully yours,
Madam
* * *
October 24, 1915
Now, Madam, I know you are still sore but that is no reason to pretend you do not care if I live or die. I am hurt you have not written me back even once to ask after how I have been doing. I hope you will let the past be the past and still be a friend in my life, which is nothing without you. You are still my Black Rose. Every time I read notices about you in the papers I puff up with pride. And I know you still care for me, too. Just thinking of you.
Yours,
C.J.
P.S.—I am four months sober.
* * *
LELIA COLLEGE
FOR
TREATING AND TEACHING
MME. WALKER’S
METHOD OF
HAIR GROWING
The Mme. C.J. Walker Mfg. Co.
BRANCH OFFICERS
640 N. West Street
New York City
Indianapolis, Ind.
108 West 136th Street
New Phone. 5232-K
Phone. Morningside 7883
Old
Main 7256
Pittsburgh, Pa.
MANFUACTURING OF
6258 Frankstown Ave.
Mme. Walker
East End
Wonderful Hair Grower
Phone. Hiland 5409
November 1915
Dear Mr. Ransom,
Your letter containing the report of Booker T. Washington’s funeral received. So glad you were able to get there in time. I knew if anyone cared it would be you.
It gave me much pleasure to know even though I was so far away I was represented so beautifully. His death touched me so forcibly that I am sure or I fear that I would have acted unwomanly at the funeral. I have never lost anyone, not even one of my own family, that I regret more than I do the loss of this great and good man, for he is not only a loss to his immediate relations but to the race and the world. Even yet I can’t picture him dead. And to think he was a young man, only fifty-eight, with so much yet to accomplish, but God knows best and we must bow our heads in humble submission to his will. Peace be unto his ashes.
Yes, I, too, will miss Thanksgiving dinner with you and your family. I guess it will be a long day before we have another Thanksgiving dinner together again since I am going to be so far away. Thank you very much for having sister over for dinner. Give Nettie and the babies my love. Tell little Frank I will soon be home.
I am suffering now with a dreadful cold, the first I have had since leaving home. I have been in bed two days. I had a lecture last night. Tried to get out of it, but the minister would not hear of it. He said if I would only put in an appearance he would be satisfied, for the people were so very anxious to see me.
Love to you, Nettie, and babies from Mae and I.
Sincerely,
Madam
* * *
September 1, 1916
Dear Lelia:
Really! What’s all this I hear about your being in debt and unable to pay? I would have thought that by now you would be better able to balance what you spend with what you owe. You really do have to learn to be more responsible! You did so well with Pittsburgh for a while that I had started to think you had finally matured, but these reports from New York are disappointing to me. Tell me how much is still owed and I will pay it, but after this I want to take control of your mail-order business and begin processing ALL orders through Indianapolis. This is much easier for me to keep track of and will be less of a hardship for you. I am thinking the house in New York must be too much of a burden to you. Have your brains been addled by too much drink?
Not much time to write now, but we will discuss later.
Mother
* * *
HEADQUARTERS, INDIANAPOLIS, IND.
WALKER’S HAIR PARLOR
NEW YORK CITY
110 West 136th Street
Phone. Morningside 7883
BROOKLYN OFFICE
782 Fulton Street
Phone. Prospect 9410
LELIA COLLEGE
November 16, 1916
Mr. F.B. Ransom
19 E. Market St.
Indianapolis, Indiana
My very dearest Friend:
Your consoling letter received just this minute, and I am answering immediately. Mother reminds me of the story of the cow who gives the good pail of milk and then kicks it over. If I am to be confronted with this house or threatened with the loss of it every time it pleases Mother I cannot enjoy it and would rather not have it. Mother is just like an impulsive baby. I am no Breedlove. I am a McWilliams and that impulsiveness does not run in my blood.
I do not want to be dependent on anyone. Whenever I am entirely dependent upon Mother, as you say, there will certainly be a clash. Mother rules with an iron hand and forces her opinion on me regardless of what I may think, and if Mother and I should have any controversy I would far rather move away to some little Western town, Oakland, Calif., for instance, open a hair parlor there and buy my preparations from Mother and have peace of mind and freedom.
I have never sauced Mother in my life and I did not want to have a long argument about anything. She does not know she has made me so angry about it, but her letter has made me do some tall thinking. Contentment in a two-room flat beats being pulled around by the nape of the neck, whether it be sister, brother, husband, or mother.
Tell Nettie I am sending her a fur coat. I hope it will fit her. My love to the babies and kiss them for me.
With love I am,
Sincerely,
Lelia
* * *
November 20, 1916
Dearest Lelia,
Excuse hand writing. Lottie is asleep and I am writing this myself. I have been thinking over my last note and I think I have been to hard on you. I am so happy this is my last tour in the south becuase I cannot stand the strain even in my own car instead of those awful railroad cars. There is so much hard ship and poverty every where and so many bad memories. I am gratefull I can give a trade, but no matter how many new agents I sign there are all ways so many people who seem helpless and hopeless.
I am not feeling well at all but I will go to Hot Springs to rest in a few weeks. Could you join me for the holidays?
I was in a bad spirit when I wrote you, my darling but it was not your fault. Some days I think you should be happy you never had a sister! After all I have done for Lou and Willie you would think she would be more gratefull. I have told Mr. Ransom I wish I could send them both to a small farm somwhere to raise chickens and pigs and be on there own. The more I do the more people want from me. Some days I wish I had less, except for the good I can do with the money.
I know you are not like Lou, dear Lelia, so let me take back my harsh words. I am only afraid you do not relize how easy we could lose everything we have worked so hard for. There are many more hair formulas being sold than when we started, and I fear it will only get worse.
And you would be horified by the reports I am hearing about the treatment of Negroes in the south. We had word of another lynching only yesterday. No wonder so many Negroes are fleeing to northern cities! I am treated like a queen during my lectures and then like a vermin when I want to take a room, find a meal, or have a bath. I can never forget that for all the good luck for Walker Co. there is so much hardship for all the Negroes in these times. So many things your father gave his life for are still held from us. I think sometimes I can hear his sad angry voice in my ear.
With the talk of joining the war my spirits are gloomier still. But the one good thing would be if Negro soldiers could fight and prove how brave and patriotic I know we can be. Then the whites would have no choice but to give us our respect at least that is what I pray. I miss you, my darling daughter.
With much love,
Mother
P.S. I did not want to be so mean when I wrote you about drink. But we have both seen the result on C.J. and I would hate to see you fall the same way. I want to write him but when ever I begin the words turn sour and I crumble up the notes. I feel the C.J. I married is dead. I wish nights were not so long and I did not have so much time to think. As usual I can’t sleep for thinking!
* * *
Chapter Thirty-two
JANUARY 2, 1917
HOT SPRINGS, ARKANSAS
The train.
Sarah’s eyes flew open and she heard herself gasping as she sat up in her bed. The image that had roused her from sleep was still as distinct as a photograph: the rear of a train car backing toward her, ready to crush her with its great weight and speed. She could feel her pulse fluttering in her neck, making it hard to breathe. Just a dream. It’s just a dream, Sarah.
But it wasn’t really just a dream, was it? The train had nearly taken her, and the image of the day still haunted her even all these weeks later. She’d just finished her engagement at a Clarksdale church, stirring the women in the congregation up into an enthusiastic fury, and she’d been looking forward to a home-cooked dinner that had been promised to her by a deacon’s wife. Her driver, Lewis, was taking a leisurely pace as he drove th
em across the railroad tracks, toward their host’s home. Then Lottie had heard a frantic shout. Get out the way!
Sarah saw Lottie’s head turn suddenly, and so she followed her gaze, whipping her head around in time to see the terrifying sight: A train was backing toward them at a good clip, ready to snuff out all of them. She could see the flaking paint on the rear railing, the coarseness of the train’s wooden car, even a lone white ribbon someone had tied to the railing dangling limply. Sarah would never forget those details. She’d memorized that moment because it was the exact moment she had believed to her soul that she was about to die. She’d felt a certainty like none she’d ever known, even when she’d had her premonition that she had finally lost C.J. for good.