Not the Girls You're Looking For

by Aminah Mae Safi

  “What?” Dane’s eyes were still hazy, looking at Lulu with a pressure she found troubling. He leaned his head in toward her.

  “No.” Lulu pulled her head away, wiping the sides of her mouth with the back of her hand.

  “What?” His voice didn’t carry over the music, but Lulu could read his lips and feel the surprise rippling across his body. He hadn’t let go.

  “No.” Lulu shook her head, trying to disentangle herself.

  Dane gave Lulu a hard stare. She did her best not to flinch. Disappointment and annoyance danced across his face. He shook his head, dropped his hands, and turned on his heels, stalking away without anything else to say.

  Lulu looked around. No one else seemed to notice what had happened. They were, themselves, lost in their own miniature dramas. She was glad to not have had an audience. The dance floor began to close in on her, and she didn’t think she could breathe. She pushed her way to the back door, desperate for air.

  * * *

  Outside, Lulu crouched low, her back against a concrete platform at the rear of the building. She’d escaped the dance floor as her vision blurred. The area was isolated, and she found solace in the idea that she would not be found. An acute pang in Lulu’s chest threatened to split into a giant chasm. She had done what she had sworn to herself she would never do. She had given Dane all the power, and left none for herself. She had violated her only rule—Never Dane Anderson. And he had proved her right for making the rule in the first place. And she had proved his taunting right. Lulu took deep, deep inhales. But they didn’t help. She had done this to herself. She closed her eyes, but that only intensified her feeling. She felt her cheeks—they were wet. Unbidden tears streamed down her face.

  She sat there as silent sobs shook her body. Lulu curled into herself. A few more minutes and she could get this out of her system. Her body fought with her desire to master her emotions. But her body wouldn’t win. Her breathing steadied again. She was already wiping under her eyes, trying to minimize the evidence of her feelings.

  Then she heard a light cough. Lulu whipped her head around and, catching sight of the source, groaned.

  Sitting beside the door, in the space where the door would swing open and cover, was James. Lulu stared, wide-eyed. Her secret was now also his. That did not settle well with Lulu. He cleared his throat, and then, with unsure movements, scooted halfway between her perch and his seat by the door.

  “Are you okay?” He paused, arresting the boyish hopefulness in his face.

  “Yeah.” Lulu beamed an overly bright smile, her blotchy face be damned. “Super.”

  But her sarcasm did not deter him. He moved, slowly, closer.

  “Do you wanna…” James clearly had no idea how to finish the last of that thought.

  But Lulu knew how to end it. “Nope.”

  A silence loomed over them, threatening to never end.

  James stood and started feeling through his pockets. “We went out for barbecue earlier.”

  Lulu didn’t understand the gibberish he was rambling. She wanted him to go away, and leave her alone, like she’d never been found to begin with. He didn’t even go here. How did he possibly get a ticket to the party, Lulu wondered. She fought back more tears, these of pride.

  He wasn’t looking at her, though. Finally, he seemed to have found the object of his search. “And they always give us these.” He closed the space between them in two perfunctory steps, handing her a small square packet.

  Lulu saw what he offered—a moist towelette. She stared.

  “I thought. You wanted to clean up. I think. I don’t care. I thought you might want it.” He must have noticed her wiping up her face.

  Lulu didn’t know what to say, so she took it. He sat beside her without further comment. She mopped under her eyes, clearing what must be a mass of mascara and eyeliner pooling there. She slapped her cheeks lightly. She took a deep inhale and turned her face to him—her sparkling, charming smile plastered across her face again.

  “How’s it look?”

  “Better. I think. I mean, your nose is red. But the rest of your makeup looks good.”

  Lulu ought to have been affronted by the honesty, but she wasn’t. She appreciated it. “It couldn’t. Not after.”

  James tilted his head, then, motioning to her. “May I?”

  “What are you going to do?” Lulu leaned away, mistrusting both him and herself in such a moment.

  He curled his fingers back, unsure. “You. You have a … thingy. Just there.” He touched a lock of her wig resting by the outer corner of her eye. His hand retreated. “I’m sure you can get it.”

  There was a vulnerability in him in that moment that Lulu couldn’t resist. She tilted her face toward him. “This help?”

  “Sure,” he said, his voice maddeningly steady.

  James clamped his lips as he made a hesitant move toward her. Lulu closed her eyes. She felt a light tickle at her temples. Curiosity got the better of Lulu. Her eyes flashed open, and they made direct contact with his. Lulu shut her eyes again quickly.

  He stayed his movements. “Hold still, please. I’m not sure what this is. I think. I think it’s fuzz.” His fingers grazed the edge of her wig. They pulled delicately through her false hair. “Got it.”

  Lulu’s eyes fluttered open. She cleared her throat. “Is it better?”

  He placed one set of her false eyelashes into her hand. “Wasn’t all that bad to begin with.”

  Lulu couldn’t look him in the eye anymore. The moment was too strange, too intimate. Looking down, she caught sight of a sliver of his exposed stomach, between his shirt hem and his pants. He didn’t look particularly muscular there, but she envisioned the ways she might graze her finger across the patch of skin. Then she froze. An image from earlier flashed into her mind. All she could think about were strong hands moving across her body against her will. All she could think about was remembering to breathe steadily again.

  “Lulu,” he said.

  She looked up. His face hovered beside her, staring at her. Concern played across his face. She leaned in, ready for the comforting feeling of lips against her own. But instead of leaning in, he stood quickly. And, without further ado, he fled.

  Lulu hardly could process what had happened, when Lo flew out the back doors. “We have to go.”

  “What?” Lulu was still in a mental haze. She couldn’t react as quickly as Lo needed.

  “Audrey.”

  In that one syllable Lulu knew what had happened. She could have kicked herself for getting so wrapped up in her own silly drama that she forgot about Audrey. The sinking feeling in the bottom of Lulu’s stomach returned with a vengeance. “Oh no.”

  “Oh yes,” said Lo. “You go by the car. I’ll get her.”

  “You?” Lulu asked.

  “Shut up and go.” And Lo was off again, as quickly as she had appeared.

  * * *

  At the sight of Lulu still standing by the back door, Lo’s eyes went wide. She was stooped under the limp weight of Audrey. “I told you to wait by the car.”

  “And how are you planning to get her to the car without the chaperones seeing? You need two people to get her to the edge of those trees.” Lulu pointed to a copse along the perimeter of the building. Then she hoisted up Audrey from the opposite side as Lo.

  Lulu looked over her shoulder in case of a supervising eye, then, seeing the coast clear, walked a path closest to the shadows and the trees. It took a minute to finagle the door open without causing the car to beep. But eventually, Lulu got it, and without dropping Audrey in the process. She and Lo shoved Audrey into the car, propping her up against the door frame. Audrey slumped down across her crossed forearms. Lo shoved Audrey up, pushing her back, then sat herself in the passenger seat. Lulu started the car and drove off into the night.

  “God, what happened?” Lulu fired at Lo, trying to assess the damage.

  Lo raised her eyebrows at Lulu. “I never got my flask back.”

  “Do
you have it now?” Lulu did her best to steady herself as she drove. She couldn’t risk being pulled over with her friend sitting in her back seat in such a state.

  “No, she left it somewhere in the hall. But I’m pretty sure she drained it.”

  Lulu groaned. “Jesus, what was in it?”

  “Everclear,” said Lo. “And now I’m totally out of booze.”

  Lulu glared at Lo. “Perspective.”

  Lo shrugged.

  “Did you know,” Audrey mumbled in the back seat, trying to prop herself up unsuccessfully.

  Lo turned around. “Do I know what?”

  “Did you know.” Audrey tried staring at her friends, but her eyelids were too much of a burden for her current state. She blinked heavily several times, then squinted. Eventually, she found her point again. “That. The air speed velocity. Of an unladen swallow’s ’bout whether or not it’s carrying a coconut. Coconuts. Nuts.”

  “No, it’s not,” said Lo. She caught Lulu’s glare and barged on, regardless. “Seriously, if the swallow is unladen, it, by definition, is not burdened with any cargo. What really matters is the velocity of the wind. Then the bird has to be converted back in terms that can be understood as ground speed. Plus, the speed and velocity of an object are two different equations. Related, but different. You so know that, Audrey.”

  Audrey smiled, then went limp.

  Lulu breezed through a list of profanities, thankful again that the sun was down. “How the hell are we supposed to get her up and home? I mean, do we need to take her to the hospital?” Panic rose in Lulu’s throat. It took more and more energy to steady her own breathing.

  “I don’t know. What about to your house?” Lo said.

  “God, no. Not if we called on Audrey’s behalf. Especially not after the swimming pool incident. Mrs. Bachmann will see through that immediately. Plus, if she’s asleep, then we’d for sure wake her. And then she’d want to talk to Audrey.”

  “Bad idea.” Lo nodded.

  As if on cue, Audrey’s face squeaked against the windowpane—cheek slipping down glass.

  “Can you get back there and wake her? If she doesn’t wake up, I’m going to the hospital.”

  Lulu expected more of a huff, but Lo crawled through the center console and into the back seat easily and without fuss. She shouldn’t have doubted her friend. Lo lightly slapped across Audrey’s face in an attempt to jiggle her awake. Audrey moaned once roused.

  “Quick. What’s the square root of pi?” Lo asked.

  “1.772,” Audrey answered in a murmur, but at least in an immediate one.

  Lulu breathed out a sigh of relief. “Is that right?”

  “How am I supposed to know? Audrey’s the math wiz.”

  “Jesus, Lo. Ask her a question you know the answer to!”

  Lo rolled her eyes but acquiesced to Lulu’s barked request. “Audrey, who do you wanna be when you grow up?”

  Audrey gave another quick murmur in reply. “Not my mother.”

  “See, she’s fine,” Lo said.

  Lulu couldn’t possibly argue with that kind of logic, so she didn’t try. They drove silently the rest of the way to Audrey’s house, tense with the anticipation of what they might find there. Soon they were parked. Lulu hoisted Audrey by her shoulders. Lo grabbed her feet. Audrey’s head lolled about disconcertingly, but her eyes were, at least, open. The kitchen door, which they predicted would be unlocked, creaked slightly, but otherwise the house was soundless and asleep. Every breath that was too loud gave Lulu pause, but Lo kept moving slowly and steadily until they all reached Audrey’s bedroom. Lo let go of Audrey’s feet onto the bed, and Lulu lost her grip on their friend, nearly dropping her on the floor. Lulu shot daggers out of her eyes. Lo ignored her.

  “Audrey, honey. Audrey,” Lulu whispered. “How’re you feeling?”

  Audrey’s eyes were still slits. “No good,” she mumbled.

  “Okay, let’s go over here,” Lulu carried her friend over to the bathroom and set her head against the toilet.

  She went in and out of the room, pulling pillows and covers from Audrey’s bed as Lo watched over Audrey. Lulu rushed back in, pillows in hand, when she heard Audrey retching. Lo held back Audrey’s hair, stroking her back.

  “See, she’s fine,” Lo said. “Her stomach’s pumping itself.”

  “You have the darkest optimism I’ve ever seen.”

  “Aw, thanks.” Lo gave a sloppy grin.

  Half an hour later, the damage was done. Lulu attempted to get Audrey to gargle with mouthwash but ended up with a good amount across her face from Audrey spitting it out at her. Lo did her best to help Lulu ready Audrey for bed, but her movements were far less coordinated than Lulu’s. In the end, Lulu wrangled Audrey out of her dress and into a pair of shorts. She set up a place for Audrey to sleep by the toilet, propping her friend up on her side for good measure. That should do for one night.

  As soon as Audrey was settled, Lo grabbed one of the pillows and blankets permanently dotting Audrey’s floor. She curled up and went immediately to sleep, her makeup still on her face and a tutu still wrapping around her hips. After washing her own face off, crawling into an enormous T-shirt out of Audrey’s dresser, and climbing into Audrey’s bed, Lulu had a single thought—she never wanted to celebrate Halloween again.

  8

  Woke Up Like This

  Audrey groaned. She winced as she opened her eyes. Morning had come and, in Audrey’s case, had come viciously and without warning.

  “Look. Sleeping Beauty’s up,” said Lo.

  Lulu entered from the connected bathroom, adjusting her contacts. “How you doing there, killer?”

  To that, Audrey could only grunt.

  Lo laughed. “Dude, you owe me a new flask. And a bottle of Everclear.”

  “Everclear?” Audrey’s voice sounded graveled and throaty—like she’d gone through half a pack of cigarettes last night.

  “Yeah. What did you think you’d been drinking?” Lo said.

  “Vodka?”

  Lo laughed again.

  Lulu gave her an ominous look. “Lo—lay off. It isn’t funny.”

  “At least she didn’t drink that much Everclear on purpose last night.” Lo went into the bathroom, then with a few clattering noises, reentered the bedroom. She shoved a pill cocktail into one of Audrey’s hands and a glass of water into the other. “Here. Tums should help. There’s also some Advil there and a gummy-vite.”

  Audrey took the pills and chewed her gummy-vite in complacent silence.

  “Yes,” said Lulu. “It was the Everclear that was the problem, not the draining of a flask in less than two hours.”

  Audrey blinked. “I did what?”

  “Dude, you killed my flask, dropped it somewhere on the dance floor, and then puked your fucking guts out. I think you vomited for like twenty minutes straight. It was foul. Lulu had to undress you.” Lo snorted.

  At that, Audrey looked down. She was still half-undressed, half–in costume.

  Lulu, however, couldn’t laugh at Audrey’s state. It would have been comical had last night not inflicted a great deal of pain on everyone involved. If she hadn’t nearly had to take Audrey to the hospital. “Audrey. Last night was terrifying.”

  And Lo, having finished all practical concerns here, got up and went downstairs. Lulu, knowing Lo had reasons for everything, said nothing as she left.

  “It’s fine.” Audrey pushed herself out of the bed with as much force as she was able. “I haven’t had a night like that in ages.”

  This dismissal was worse than anything. Lulu had to make Audrey see how serious last night had been. “I nearly took you to the hospital. I can’t believe I didn’t. I should’ve.”

  “It turned out fine. Everything’s fine.” Audrey shuffled into the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face and rinsing her mouth out.

  “But what if it didn’t and you weren’t?!” Lulu’s voice cracked.

  “But it did!” Audrey’s tone brooked no what-ifs or
hypotheticals. “And you’re one to talk!”

  “Me?”

  Audrey rolled her eyes meaningfully. “You run around anyone’s house with God knows who doing God knows what, and you’re mad that I drank a little bit too much last night? You believe boys keep telescopes in hall closets.”

  “Excuse me?” Lulu croaked.

  “Come on, Lulu. You know you play a dangerous game.”

  Lulu shook her head. Her ears rang. The room grew hot. A spinning sensation took over her head, and a voice in the back of her mind reminded her to take a deep breath. “No. I’m not having this conversation right now. We’re talking about you. And the insane amount of alcohol you consumed last night.”

  “You’re so insensitive.” Audrey moved back to the bedroom and dug into her dresser, grabbing a large T-shirt to cover herself with.

  “I’m insensitive?” Lulu’s voice barely came out at a whisper—it was a stifled shout. Lulu shook off her desire to take on that argument. No reason would permeate Audrey’s conscience right now. And right now, Lulu was more concerned Audrey wouldn’t accept the realities of last night. Even if the bile clawing at Lulu’s throat warned her that Audrey was right, that Lulu had played with way too much fire last night and lost. “Lo and I were worried half to death about you. I’ve never been so scared. Not since the last time. You promised.”

  Audrey flinched. “I doubt Lo was worried. She’s been laughing at me all morning. She’d probably have enjoyed watching me get my stomach pumped.”

  “Don’t you dare, Audrey.” Lulu wielded her index finger like a sword. It was keeping the tears that threatened at bay, to focus her anger on a source outside herself. “Lo carried you over her shoulder last night, like a goddamn fireman. Lo did. While also keeping you ducked under the crowd, so no one would call your mom. Just ’cause she’s not Little Miss Sunshine doesn’t mean she doesn’t care. You of all people know that.”