Madness

by Sorcha MacMurrough

  Lucinda said miserably, "He used phalluses, I think you call them. Dildoes. I thought I was going to die on my wedding night. I never knew--”

  "No reason for you to, dear," Gabrielle said, stroking back a stray tendril from her sister's cheek. "You wanted a good, loving husband. Instead you got a man who doesn't know the meaning of those words."

  Simon looked as ill as Gabrielle felt at these stunning revelations about the extent of Oxnard's depravity. They both patted her shoulder, and Simon said gently, “Thank you for confiding in us, my dear sister. What you've endured, well, it's terrible, but you're safe now. And it really is all over. You're never going to be anywhere near him ever again."

  "But what if the child is as depraved as—"

  "It will be an innocent babe, free from the sins of the past. It doesn't matter who the father is, what happened to cause him to be conceived, only that he has been. With a new life, comes new hope. The main thing is that you’re the mother, a good, decent woman, and we all have a bright future ahead of us. Your son Christopher will be good and kind and loved because he is a tender child, and no one can blame him for anything Oxnard did. Or anything you think you’ve done.

  "You’ve been sinned against badly, but that doesn’t make you a sinner, do you understand? You’re a wonderful woman. You just made a bad mistake. There's no need to pay for it for the rest of your life. You've already paid. And out of that Hell you are going to rise, with a wonderful child who will bring you joy.”

  “Pain, and happiness. Why does joy always have to have a price?” Lucinda asked with a sigh.

  “I wish I knew, pet,” Simon said, dashing the droplets away from his cheeks with the cuff of his shirt.

  “I want to forget all about the past. I just pray he will be normal, with all ten fingers and toes. Not hideous, the product of lust and sin and the most evil things any human could do to another. It was torture.”

  “But you’re safe now. He didn’t get your mind in the end,” Gabrielle said firmly. “You protected yourself, saved that from him, didn’t allow him to debauch you.”

  “Yes,” she said with a nod. “You understand. I went into a little dark closet he couldn’t reach. I’ve been there ever since. But you and Simon and the Avenels have brought me out of myself. You do understand though, why I don’t want to remember, and I don’t really want to go on feeling so tainted, poisoned.”

  “You did nothing wrong!” Gabrielle said vehemently. “You surrendered to survive.”

  Lucinda looked doubtful. “He made me do the most awful, degrading things,” she confessed in a choked whisper.

  “Those are just actions. They aren't you," she said firmly. "And though you may not want to hear this now, if you had truly loved him, you might be willing to do some of those things.”

  At her sister's doubtful stare, she admitted, “I’ve, er, kissed Simon in all sorts of different ways, for example, and he’s kissed me. Talked to me intimately about the things that give me pleasure. It doesn’t all have to be shocking if it’s done mutually and with love.”

  To her surprise, her sister nodded. “I know. I’ve heard you through the walls sometimes, giggling, sounding, well, very happy. Like you’re really enjoying yourselves.”

  The couple blushed, but both smiled at each other.

  “It doesn’t all have to be brutal or disgusting. Matthew Dane’s wife Althea was subjected to something similar to what you've endured. Eswara Jerome helped her a great deal. When you’re feeling up to it, you ought to—”

  She looked alarmed. “Oh, no, I could never tell anyone.”

  “You’ve just told us,” Simon pointed out quietly, “and you’re going to have to tell any kind man you meet who is interested in your for yourself.”

  She shook her head at that, her blond curls tossing to and fro. “No one could possibly want someone as unclean and defiled as me.”

  “Who could possibly want someone as mad and dangerous as I was supposed to be? But Gabrielle loves me.” He smiled at her, and reached out to stroke her cheek.

  She beamed back. “I do indeed, for all time. So just stop fretting now, Lucinda, and concentrate on the baby and your bright future. Anyone who really loves you will understand you were not to blame. Be patient with you.”

  “It isn’t about blame, in any event,” Simon said with a shake of his head, mopping her sweating brow. “It’s about trying to help you and understand you, to make sure you have a happy life in the future.

  "Anyone who loves you has to take this side of you and help you forget it. Just as Gabrielle helped me forget the hell of Bedlam. I could almost be grateful it happened, for we might never have met each other otherwise.”

  Gabrielle stroked his cheek. “Oh, I feel sure we would have. We were destined for one another. We had met in Dorset, or so you said.”

  “That’s true, yes, I remember the first time now,” Lucinda agreed.

  Gabrielle stared. “What do you mean? How could you—”

  Lucinda had a huge labour pain at that moment, and let out a shout that startled them both.

  Gabrielle’s eyes widened at the red pool creeping down her sister's partly bare legs. “Oh God, the baby's coming, Simon. What do we do?"

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Gabrielle’s stared in horror as the redness spread inexorably. .“Oh God, what do we do?"

  "It's all right," Simon soothed. "You know what to do. You've worked at the clinic. You're trained for this."

  "But we're here all alone miles from the nearest doctor and—"

  "I know she's your sister, but really, it will be fine. Take deep, steady breaths," he said, rubbing her back in wide circles as she kneeled next to her sister's prone form and raised the hem of her chemise higher.

  "Gods above, she’s bleeding really badly. I think the baby is coming too quickly. She hasn’t opened up yet fully and something’s torn.”

  “Don’t panic,” Simon said calmly. “We will be fine. Really. Blood always looks worse than it is.”

  Gabrielle gasped.

  “What is it? What?” Simon asked urgently.

  “The head! I can see the head!”

  “I’m ready, love. Just tell me what you want me to do.”

  She gestured to him with a quick incline of her own head. “Come down here to hold it, and I’ll tie off the cord and get her cleaned up.”

  He dropped to his knees and did exactly as she asked.

  Just then, Lucinda gave one last push.

  The baby glided into his huge hands, a perfect fit. Simon laughed in amazed delight, and held the slippery child carefully as Gabrielle worked on cutting the cord and dealing with the afterbirth.

  The child gave a watery cry, and then proceeded to look around it as though lord of all it surveyed.

  "He's beautiful," Lucinda said, straining upwards to have quick look before lapsing back onto the pillow with a relieved sigh.

  "He certainly is. Well, my lad, I can see you're going to be a good boy for your mama," Simon said to the baby, who to his shocked delight began to gurgle and coo.

  "Look at him. So small, but so perfect."

  "I know," Gabrielle said with a smile of sheer relief.

  "Just like you," he added. "I've never seen you more lovely than you are now."

  "Nor you, my love. We did it. Did it together. You really are my hero, darling."

  They gave each other a smacking kiss before tidying the baby with some warm water in a basin, which he happily splashed, to their delight, before wrapping him in swaddling and bringing the baby up to Lucinda’s breast.

  She bared it to see if he would try to eat, and he promptly latched on, sucked so heartily for a moment that Lucinda gasped in shock, and then feathered down his long lashes and began to drowse.

  “Oh, he’s so lovely,” she wept.

  “Like his mother, and auntie,” Simon said with a sniff.

  “Have you got a name for him?" Gabrielle asked with a loving smile.

  “Christopher Simon
Randall Howell. I want nothing from that bastard Oxnard, not even his last name.”

  Simon and Gabrielle looked at each other.

  “Christopher it is then. And thank you, Lucinda. I’m really touched and deeply grateful,” Simon said, bending to give her a kiss on the brow.

  “Thank you, thank you both.”

  Gabrielle tidied up the last of the dirty linens and made sure Lucinda was as clean and comfortable as could be, and joined Simon at the head of the makeshift bed, where they looked down at Lucinda as she nursed the infant. She was as tender with it as she had been with her little kitten in Bedlam. It seemed a lifetime ago.

  Gabrielle shivered for a moment, and prayed for the souls of Spence and Kit. She hoped this new Christopher would have a much better ending than the last poor baby.

  “We really are a little family now,” Simon said, beaming as proudly as if the child were his own.

  “So you have no regrets about not finding your rightful family?” Gabrielle asked softly.

  Simon smiled at her, and she noted there wasn't a single shadow in his golden gaze. “I have found them. They’re all right here with me, or waiting back for us at Barkston House. You told me yesterday that I was more than enough for you, that I filled your life. Don’t ever doubt that you do the same for me, my lovely Gabrielle. It’s all been so new and sudden and, well, wildly passionate. But this is love, pure, solid and simple.” He looped his arm around her waist and held her close in the way she loved, one that made her feel as if they fit perfectly together. And as if nothin could ever separate them, not even death.

  “Thank you for helping. Like Antony said the first time we ever met, you’re always a useful man to have in a crisis.”

  He drew her into the circle of his embrace fully now with his other arm. “You know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you or your sister. There may come a time when I shall have to prove that to you—”

  She shook her head. “You never have to prove anything to me, darling. And yet you’ve proven your love time and time again.”

  Lucinda cuddled the baby to her and sighed. “Tired now. Why don’t the two of you get some rest as well?”

  “You don’t mind?”

  “Not at all, Sister. Go on, off you get behind the screen, and give him a big kiss for me.”

  Simon laughed. “You can do it yourself. I won’t be offended.”

  “One for me and one for baby." She smacked her hand twice, and blew. "Good night, Simon.”

  She rolled onto her side, with the baby slumbering happily beside her, and closed her own eyes.

  Gabrielle and Simon did their best to scrub themselves, Lucinda and the baby, and the whole area clean, lest the owners of the house come home and find their lovely drawing room looking like a hospital.

  When they were satisfied that all was as orderly as they could manage in the circumstances, she checked her sister one more time, and then joined Simon on their pallet bed behind the screen.

  He curled his body into hers and sighed as they relaxed at last after all the stress of the day.

  A moment later he whispered, “I know we really ought not to make love with your sister and baby so close, just on the other side of the screen, but well, can I sleep inside you?”

  “Do you think we can—”

  “I’m willing to try if you are.”

  He lifted the hem of her chemise, pulled her tightly to face him, and glided into her with all of the thrilling glow of love their joining always produced.

  She gasped and rotated her hips, but he shook his head. He rolled her partly onto her back so that she was pinned to the pallet by his hard body. He wrapped one of his legs around the calves of both of hers.

  “There, perfect.”

  She began to clamp her muscles down onto him, just as she had read about in the book Eswara had given her. He gasped in surprise.

  “Oh, no, we shouldn’t. I didn’t mean—”

  “Just let it happen,” she urged throatily.

  A few more tight clenches from her ring of muscles had him flowing like a river, and she right along with him, the sensations only ebbing when Simon felt as though he had been drained dry.

  “Thank you, my love. That was Heaven,” he rasped against her ear. “But now, we really need to sleep.”

  They both peered around the screen, but Lucinda was breathing evenly, as was the baby.

  Simon was almost sure the infant was making a sound like a cat purring. Or was it his own pleasure humming through his body? He mentioned the thought to Gabrielle.

  “It’s both,” she said with a loving smile. "it’s all we could ever have hoped for. A wonderful, healthy baby, and Lucinda purging her demons from the past so she can really get well."

  "Aye, that bast—"

  She sushed him with a kiss, and then began to trace his handsome mouth with her fingers. "It's over now, my love. What he did was terrible, but hate breeds hate. Out of all that dark hell, a bright new life has come into the world. Let's just take it as the gift it is, without trying to be agents of revenge."

  "Aye, you're right, of course." He kissed her on the cheek, and then asked, "How did you ever get to be so wise?"

  She smiled up at him, her eyes glowing. "From the wisest man I ever met, who gave me the gift of knowing what it is to truly love and be loved. Thank you, Simon, for everything. For tonight, and all our past nights."

  "And for all the nights to come," he said with a grin.

  "Indeed. I can't wait. But for now, we need to rest. So good night, darling.”

  "Aye, sweet dreams, my dearest love."

  He settled his weight a bit better, still pressed deeply within her. He wrapped his whole body around hers like a blanket once more, and let sleep finally overtake them.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Dr. Blake Sanderson arrived at Ferncliffe Castle just as dawn began to peep over the horizon. He stared at the building and shook his head.

  He shivered with dread at the thought of what he might find inside. Of all the places to end up…

  When he tramped into the house, he was shocked to discover the little family in what passed for the front room, sleeping as soundly as if they were in their own feather beds back home.

  He looked around and shook his head. Well, he supposed it could have been worse. Jesus had been born in a stable, after all….

  “Good morning, all. Well, I can see I’m too late,” he said loudly enough to wake them, “and I am sure you did an excellent job, Gabrielle, and were a credit to Antony and Eswara's training, but let me just have a look at mother and baby to be on the safe side.”

  Simon and Gabrielle started at the sound of the doctor's voice. She instinctively grabbed for their blanket and pulled it right over their heads as they tried to disengage their bodies from one another gently without getting so excited they lost control.

  They began to adjust their clothing quickly, and smoothed their tousled hair from each other’s faces as their lips met for a tender kiss.

  Blake talked soothingly to Lucinda, who remained silent. Then he cleared his throat.

  “You did remarkably well considering this place is the most appalling vision of Hell I’ve ever encountered. It’s a wonder you didn’t all didn’t drown or catch pneumonia.”

  “What?” Simon said, trying to open one bleary eye. His lids felt as though they were stuck together. While he had slept well, he was now feeling a bit stiff and sore.

  Gabrielle succeeded in getting her eyes unglued at last, drew the blanket off their heads, and gasped. She stared at their surroundings and shivered.

  “But, but—” Her mouth worked up and down wordlessly for a moment. “I don’t understand.”

  She had no idea what she would have said next, for Simon now distracted her shocked thoughts by having a sudden fit.

  “I’m not mad. I’ve never been mad. They know I know things. They’ve left me here to rot. Couldn’t kill me in case they needed me. Please, I have to-” He clutched his head
in agony now, and began to gurgle and choke.

  “God, Simon!” Gabrielle gasped, rolling up onto her knees to grip him by the shoulders as he flailed and thrashed on the filthy floor. He hadn't had a fit in so long….

  Blake fumbled for his bag and found a spoon.

  “Stay with me, Simon, stay with me. It’s all right. Blake’s here, we’re all safe,” she sought to reassure him as he struggled and thrashed amid the roof debris and rubble scattered all around them.