by Tina Leonard
“There’s not much point in dragging things out. We made a deal.”
“A deal?” His brow puckered.
Why did this have to be so hard? It was taking all her strength to appear in control when inside she felt as if she was shattering. It was supposed to be fun. No strings. Chemistry. She should have known better. She had known better, but she’d chosen to lie to herself instead.
“We agreed that, if at any point it wasn’t working, we’d could call it off, no hard feelings.” She met his gaze. “It’s not working for me, Duke.”
Only not in the way he thought. It wasn’t that she didn’t care. It was that she was in way over her head. Heart, body and soul.
“You don’t mean that. Maybe if we just gave it more time... It’s a lot to get used to.” He reached for her again, putting his palm against her cold cheek. “Being with you is...amazing. I’m not ready to call it quits yet.”
She closed her eyes, enjoying the caress for a brief moment before saying what she needed to say.
“I’m sorry, Duke. That’s not enough for me.” She took a step back. “I’ve got to get back to work.”
She was six feet away when his voice followed her. “I’m not giving up, Carrie.”
She turned around and faced him so he’d be sure to understand her words. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Duke,” she said, then turned again and forced one foot after the other as she left the barn into the cold December morning.
She didn’t cry; she was pretty sure she didn’t have any tears left after the past several days. She’d made her point, said what she’d needed to say. They’d had an affair and it had been great, but it was time to get back to real life. And that meant freeing Duke to make the decision he needed to make without her being in the middle, confusing the issue.
The house stood before her, homey and welcoming with the decorations they’d put up for the holidays. Carrie nearly wished that she’d never followed him out of the Silver Dollar that night. She’d realized then that actions had consequences. If only she’d known what her consequences would be, the amount of hurt that she was about to put herself through, the way her life would change...
She nearly wished it, but not quite. Because deep down she couldn’t find it in her heart to be sorry for finding love after all this time—even if it wasn’t returned.
Chapter Fifteen
The weather forecast for December 23 was looking grim, with blowing snow due to hit midafternoon and linger into Christmas Eve. Quinn let the hands go at noon, but he and Carrie stayed to finish out the day—at least until the snow started. Then they’d go home—Quinn to pick up Amber, Carrie to her little house, and they’d hunker down until the storm passed. Duke was at the ranch to look after the stock in the barn.
Shortly after their lunch break, a car rolled into the yard. Lacey, arriving right on time for the holidays. Quinn stared across the barnyard as Lacey waved in their direction. Carrie waved back, then watched as Lacey took a bag from her car as well as a sack of presents and made her way up to the house.
It looked as if Duke was going to have his family Christmas after all. Carrie still wasn’t sure what she was doing for the big day. She knew her invitation from Duke was still open. But he’d done exactly as she’d asked. He’d given her distance.
“You okay?” Quinn asked quietly, right by her shoulder.
“Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” She pasted on a smile for his benefit and reached up, pulling her hat down over her ears.
“Oh, I don’t know. The past while you and Duke have hardly said two words to each other. Trouble in paradise?”
She met Quinn’s eyes. “Something like that.”
“You want to talk about it?”
She chuckled. “You’re a guy. You don’t want to hear about girl drama.”
“Carrie, you’ve got less drama than any woman I’ve ever known. If it’s bothering you, it must be important.”
She teetered on the edge of confiding in him, but held off. So far the only person besides Duke who knew about the baby was Kailey. She wasn’t sure Quinn wouldn’t try to curtail her activities, as well. “I’m okay for now, but thanks for the offer,” she replied. She nudged him with her elbow. “Besides, I saw you staring at Lacey.”
“Hmph.” He grumbled and turned his back on the house. “I know Duke wasn’t keen on coming home, but Lacey doesn’t even pretend to like the ranch. Whatever.”
Carrie laughed. It was good to bug Quinn and take her mind off herself for a bit.
“Listen, I’m going to take Sage and go give the herd one last check. You go, pick up Amber, have a lazy afternoon.”
“Are you sure? I could go with you. Snow’s not far off, Carrie. You don’t want to get caught in it.”
But Carrie had been doing this long enough that she could read the weather. “It’s a good hour, hour and a half out. And I’m just going to be at the near pasture. First sign of flakes, I’ll boot it for home. Promise.”
Quinn shrugged. “Best get going, then.”
At least one person at Crooked Valley had confidence in her abilities, she thought. Quinn didn’t worry about her overdoing or showing bad judgment.
Quinn also didn’t know she was pregnant.
She had Sage saddled in a jiffy, and she pulled up her collar against the stiff wind as they started out. This was going to be a quick check indeed. With any luck, the cattle would already be taking shelter from the wind in the treed areas that climbed the foothills. Then she could go home, unwind with some cocoa, a hot bath and a holiday DVD.
* * *
LACEY HAD BROUGHT not only presents for everyone but bags of groceries, too. “I’m a decent cook, you know,” she asserted, and began unpacking supplies. Tomatoes, ground beef, ricotta cheese, fresh pasta and herbs. “I’m going to make a lasagna for dinner that will make you weep with gratitude.”
“Right,” Duke said, raising an eyebrow. Then he laughed and scooped her up into a hug. “I’m glad you’re here, Lace.”
She smacked his shoulder. “Hey, put me down! What did you do with my grouchy brother? Jeez.”
He put her down, but the mood was light as she started making a mess around the stove.
Quinn stomped in, and Duke heard voices behind him. He went down the hall to check things out and stopped short at the sight of his mother, Helen, and her husband, David, standing in the foyer. “Mom!”
His mother had grayed a bit since he’d last seen her, and had a few more wrinkles around her eyes, but she was the same mom. Only...he looked at her closer. She looked more relaxed than he remembered seeing her before. Happy. So did David, who stood just a little behind her, dressed in a stylish wool winter coat with a matching scarf and leather gloves.
He was different from Duke. He was different than Evan had been. But he was a nice guy, a stable guy, who had made his mother happy. Duke went forward, gave his mom a hug and then held out his hand to David. “Glad you could make it. Wasn’t sure you would with the forecast.”
“We left this morning to get ahead of it, like you suggested. Hope you don’t mind having us an extra day.” Helen looked cautiously hopeful, and Duke realized he hadn’t hidden his feelings very well.
“Of course I don’t mind.”
“I’m glad we got here when we did,” David said, unbuttoning his coat. “We hit the first flurries as we came through town.”
Quinn, who’d said nothing to this point, stepped in. “Carrie’s out doing one last check, but she won’t be long. I’m going to finish up here and pick up Amber from day care before it gets too hairy, if that’s okay.”
“Sure...” Duke only half heard what Quinn had said at the end, but then it suddenly came clear. “Wait, what did you say about Carrie?”
“She wanted to check the herd one last time before the storm. Went
out on Sage about thirty minutes ago. The pasture’s close, Duke. She’ll be back any moment.”
“You let her go out there alone?” Fear pummeled his heart, along with anger at Quinn. What on earth were they thinking? “Knowing there’s a storm coming?”
Quinn frowned. “She’s your foreman, Duke. Have a little faith she knows what she’s doing. She’s been at this job a long time. She wouldn’t go out if she thought she was in danger.”
Duke wasn’t so sure.
“I’m taking out Badger and going to find her.”
“Right. And then I’ll have to worry about both of you being out there.” Quinn sighed. “Damn.” He checked his watch. Looked out the window.
The radio at his hip crackled.
“Quinn, you there?”
Lacey had come to the foyer. They were all clustered there now while Quinn picked up the radio and answered. “I’m here. You’d best come in, Carrie.”
“I’ve got a dead heifer. Damn coyote’s been here and there’s just enough snow up here that I’ve got his tracks.”
“Don’t go after him, Carrie. That storm’s on its way in and you need to get back here.”
“Fifteen minutes. I haven’t been this close before. I promise. Fifteen minutes.”
“Carrie...”
“I’ve got the rifle. Don’t worry. Just...don’t tell Duke.”
Duke grabbed the radio from Quinn’s hand. “Too late.”
There was a pause.
“Carrie, get your ass back here. That’s an order.”
“I have to try,” she argued. “We can’t afford to lose any more.”
What he wanted to say was I can’t afford to lose you. Instead he barked into the radio, “Don’t be stupid!”
“Over, Duke.” Her voice was harsh over the slightly staticky connection. “And out.”
Duke swore.
Helen’s eyes widened and Quinn let out a hefty sigh. “Cats and dogs, you two. I swear. I’d bang your heads together if I thought it would do any good.”
“Well, she won’t listen to me, that’s clear,” Duke snapped, handing back the radio. “Maybe you can talk some sense into her while I get dressed.”
“Duke, you can’t go out there. At least she’s familiar with the land....”
Duke pulled on wool socks as he spoke. “I’ve been riding this land for two months now. Just about every day. I’m not as unfamiliar as you’d think.”
“At least take one of the quads. I’ll take the other one. The headlights will help if it starts to snow.”
“You need to get your daughter.”
Lacey stepped up. “Bring her here. We’ll watch her.”
Duke shoved a heavy hat on his head and pulled out thick gloves. “Go, Quinn. Your kid comes first.”
Just as his did.
Hard little snowflakes stung his skin as he crossed to the shed where the quads were kept. He’d filled both with gas and backed his out when Quinn jogged up beside him. “What the hell are you doing?” Duke shouted over the sound of the engine.
“Kailey’s going to pick up Amber and bring her here. I’m coming with you.”
Duke nodded shortly. He wasn’t about to argue. Within two minutes they were on the dirt paths heading to the pasture.
The snow wasn’t heavy yet, but the raw feeling in the air and the icy sting to the pellets told Duke it was going to be a doozy when it hit. When they reached the crossroad, Duke pulled up beside Quinn and idled for a second.
“Let’s take the perimeter, meet at the northwest corner,” he shouted. “Then we’ll circle back to here. You find her, you call on the radio.”
Quinn nodded, gestured to his left, indicating he’d go in that direction. Duke gunned the engine and headed straight down the path along the east side of the pasture.
He drove for several minutes and saw no sign of her. Panic started to settle around his heart, but he pushed it away. He had to stay focused. Not let himself get emotionally involved in the situation and let those feelings cloud his judgment. That could wait until later. Because right now the snow was falling heavier and he could only see the dark, hulking shapes of the trees beyond, not the detail now. They had to find her, and soon.
He slowed, stopped for a few seconds and carefully took in the detail around him, looking for any sign that she’d been there. It was only when the engine was quieter that he heard it, and he jumped. The sharp report of a rifle echoing down the valley.
He closed his eyes, searching for the source of the sound, but with the closeness of the weather pressing around him and his partial deafness, he couldn’t get a good read on it. Damn it! He turned off the engine to get rid of the noise. “Carrie?” he yelled into the whiteness. “Carrie?”
Nothing.
The shot had definitely come from ahead of him somewhere, so he started the quad again and inched forward, scanning the tree line. After a few hundred yards he saw hoofprints, but they were being covered rapidly by the white flakes. He sped up and followed them as best he could—into the stand of evergreens toward the creek.
The prints suddenly stretched out, uneven and wide as they zigzagged along the edge of the trees. The creek rushed by as he followed the trail, his heart beating hard against his chest. “Carrie!” he called out again, and he heard a reply.
He instantly stopped the quad and listened. “Carrie!”
“Over here!”
The shout echoed along the little valley, but Duke cursed. The snow was thicker now. He couldn’t see the hoofprints anymore, and his disability distorted the source of the sound. Dammit. He’d never felt so helpless, so useless.
He scanned the tree line, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Why was it everything in his life lately seemed to be out of his control? He slammed his hand down on the handlebars, for the first time truly cursing the odd twist of fate that had put him in harm’s way that day. If he hadn’t been hurt, he’d be able to hear her voice clearly right now.
“Carrie!”
There was an answering shout, but it sounded disembodied in the hush of snowfall, not loud enough for him to discern words or location.
The radio crackled to life in his hand—a sound that brought with it huge relief. “Duke?” Her sweet voice was clear and he swallowed thickly.
He picked up the radio. “Carrie, I can’t see you. I can’t hear where you’re coming from.”
“I’m next to the creek, I can’t be too far ahead of you. I heard you calling.”
“I’ll follow the creek...”
“Be careful. The bank’s not as stable as I thought. Sage slipped and threw me.”
At least half a dozen curse words slid through his brain, fueled by fear. “Are you okay?”
“Winded, but okay. Cold.”
“I’m coming, sweetheart. Tell me when you see headlights.” He paused and then spoke again. “Quinn, you getting this?”
“Loud and clear.”
“I’m on the east side, not far from the top corner.”
“On my way.”
Duke moved forward, foot by foot, the lights from the front of the ATV slashing through the swirling snow.
He saw Sage first, standing at the top of the knoll, reins dangling. He slowed and then killed the engine on the quad, sliding off the bike and easing his way toward the horse. “Hey, girl,” he said, down low, hoping she wasn’t skittish or lame after her upset. Sage butted her head against his hand, and he patted her nose briefly before grabbing the reins and leading her to the quad, where he tied her before setting out for the creek bank.
“Carrie?”
“Over here!”
Her voice was close, and Duke forced himself to take slow and measured steps. They sure didn’t need both of them going for a header today. And with the weather closing in ra
pidly, he was well aware that time was of the essence.
“Keep shouting,” he called out.
Instead of shouting, she whistled, which made him smile as he picked his way over the ground. It wasn’t long until he found her, leaned up against a spruce tree, her body huddled against the cold. She was wet from the creek, which hadn’t quite frozen over yet—he could see the dark splotches of water and dirt on her jeans and jacket. He rushed to her then, kneeling beside her as her teeth chattered.
“I got him,” she said, her voice shaking.
The coyote. Right now Duke couldn’t care less about any coyote or heifer or anything other than her. “Are you hurt?” He cupped her face in his hands. “Is the baby okay?”
“I landed on my hip and arm,” she said, eyes wide. “I don’t think anything’s broken, just bruised.” She met his gaze. “Otherwise I think I’m fine, Duke. Truly.”
He gathered her in his arms and held on tight.
Quinn arrived on the other quad. When he reached them on the creek bank, he let out a whistle. “Okay, you two. You can make up at home. Let’s get out of here.”
Duke pulled back and looked into her eyes. He’d never been so afraid in his life, he realized. Now that she was in front of him, and in his arms, he let the feelings in that he’d had to hold at bay while searching for her. Anger. Fear. Love.
“Don’t ever do something like that again! You scared the hell out of me!”
“I didn’t mean to upset you....”
Quinn’s voice interrupted impatiently. “Can we table this until later? The storm’s really settling in and we’ve got some ground to cover.”
Duke nodded, knowing he had a lot to say and now was not the right time or place for it. He picked her up in his arms, adjusted her weight and began making the trek back to the quads and her horse.
“I can walk,” she protested.
“Until I know you and the baby are okay, I’m carrying you. Got it?”