Sliding (The Stone Series)

by Kitty Berry

  “Have you ever inserted anything into your vagina or maybe your boyfriend has?” she inquires. I turn bright red and shake my head yes.

  “Okay then this shouldn’t be too strange. I’m going to insert my finger to do the exam and when I’m done you can get dressed.”

  She is wearing gloves and she squirts some jelly stuff onto her finger then she gently inserts it into my vagina. “Are you okay?” she asks. “It’ll only be a minute. Good. All done. Go ahead and sit up. You can use this to clean up.” She hands me a wet one saying, “I’ll see you in my office next door when you’re dressed and we’ll talk about the pill.”

  I lay there for a few minutes just thinking how different it felt when the doctor did the exam in comparison to when I’m with Tate. When it’s with him it feels good, I feel close to him, connected somehow. I feel a little weird after having the doctor exam me but I can’t put it to words.

  I clean myself off, this stuff is disgusting and slimy, and I get dressed. I enter the doctor’s office and she explains the pill to me. I have to take it every day at the same time of day and I can’t skip any. If I miss one I can take two the next day but I shouldn’t miss more than one or it won’t be effective. She says I should make all my partners use condoms even though I am on the pill because the pill doesn’t protect against diseases. I listen all the while thinking I am not having “partners” I’m just having Tate and he doesn’t have any diseases.

  I leave with the prescription in hand and can’t make eye contact with my mother. She goes to the pharmacy drive through and hands me the package without saying a word, she just sighs. When we get into the driveway she hesitates before getting out of the car and when I open the door she stops me.

  “Brook, can we talk for a second? Please?” she asks and I close the door but still don’t look at her. “Brook, I’m not happy about this. I think you are way too young, I think you can get your heart broken, catch a disease or get pregnant and I know you are not ready for any of those things to happen. You need to be very careful. What you are thinking about doing is not something you should be heading into lightly. I think we should talk about this more before you and Tate…you know.”

  “Thanks mom, I talked to the doctor and I have health class. I’ll be fine and Tate is not going to break my heart or give me a disease. We’re not doing it yet anyway I just want to be ready okay? Now can we please just drop it?” I open the car door and run into the house.

  I call Tate and he says he’ll meet me for a run to tell me about his talk with Steve’s brother. I tell him I am leaving; I get my walkman, change into my workout clothes and head to meet Tate. I run extra fast until I see him, I have to get off those pounds I put back on. Tate smiles when he sees me in my pigtails and already sweating.

  “Are you sure you’re going to be able to keep up with me? You look kind of sweaty already… but hot, don’t get me wrong. I love those fucking pigtail things you do. Maybe instead of a run we can fool around” Tate suggests.

  “No, I need to run to stay in shape. Now, come on and maybe after we run we can fool around if you’re a good boy!” I tease.

  Tate has made us matching tapes to listen to and we make sure to start them at the same time. Tate is amazed that I am able to keep up with him, it’s not easy and I feel like I’m going to die but those couple of pounds should be off by the time I get home.

  We run three miles and by the time we are done we are both covered in sweat. It’s about ninety degrees outside and the sun is blazing hot. We collapse on the grass and hold hands. Tate asks me about my appointment and I describe what the doctor did to me.

  “Well, I’m happy to hear that your doctor doesn’t compare to me. It’s weird but I think I’m a little jealous of her touching you. I want to always be the only one who does those things to you.”

  I assure him that doctors don’t count and he rolls over and kisses me.

  “You’re so cute Brooklynn. I love you.”

  I respond, “I love you too, Tate and you’re cuter!”

  I ask Tate what happened with him and Steve’s brother. Tate starts his tale of earlier today.

  “I called Bobby and Eric took us over there. I rang their doorbell and Chris answered the door. When he saw me he smirked knowing full well why I was there. He actually admitted it to me before I even said a word to him. He said, “Looks like I might get a piece of ass from an Adams girl before you do pussy.” He actually had the fucking nerve to say that to me. Can you fucking believe that asshole?”

  I am looking at Tate with my mouth wide open.

  Tate continues, “I punched that fucker in the stomach, grabbed him, dragged him out of his house and told him if he lays one God damn hand on your little sister I will beat the fucking living shit out of him. Eric and Bobby each gave him a shot and told him if he didn’t stay away from Katrina they would kick his ass too. He stayed on the ground and didn’t even try to fight back, fucking pussy.”

  I don’t know how I feel about all of this. I don’t want Tate fighting but the fact that he is standing up for my sister touches me. She had better be single when I get home or I am telling my mom and my dad, that’ll fix her for good; my dad will have a heart attack if I tell him what Chris said to Tate.

  When I see her in those pigtails she wears and her sports bra and short shorts and I get hard before she’s even standing next to me. I’ve no clue how I am going to be able to run in this condition. I can’t help where my mind is going. Thinking about fucking her hot sweaty body is a huge turn on. Watching her run and keep up with me is an even bigger turn on; I am amazed that she is able to keep up with me as well as she does. Not even Bobby is able to keep up my pace for long but Brook is so competitive that she won’t admit to being near death. She keeps running alongside me sweating and looking super-hot, it’s very distracting.

  ************

  I refocus my attention to our session when Drew asks, “Let’s talk about why you decided to wait so long to start a family. Was it because of your careers?”

  Tate and I make eye contact and watch as Bernie and Drew do the same. I sigh and quietly say, “Tate didn’t want to have children. I wonder if he still doesn’t, if he’s only agreeing now for me because he doesn’t want to lose me.”

  Drew looks at me, “Should he be afraid of losing you if he doesn’t want to have children?” he questions. I shrug my shoulders, “No.”

  Drew then looks to Tate for confirmation of my accusation and Tate puts his head down embarrassed and mumbles, “I don’t like sharing her, sharing her attention. It’s fucked up, I know. It’s an only child thing.”

  Drew tells Tate this might be an issue to explore first in more depth in their private sessions so we move on to my concerns about my miscarriage. I feel responsible for it because of my eating disorders but at the same time I blame Tate. I have never admitted this to him but I think now might be the right time.

  “I blame myself for not taking better care of my body but I also blame Tate for his drinking and drug use and his reaction when I told him. It was bad.” Tate looks up at me as if he’s surprised I knew about the drugs.

  “Yes Tate, I’m not an idiot. I know you were or maybe you still are doing coke. I knew what was going on when you would come home at three in the morning and never go to sleep then crash and be done for days. I remember the signs; I remember what it does to you. I wasn’t innocent when we were younger, don’t you remember?”

  Tate puts his head down again and quietly says, “I’m so sorry, Brooklynn. You have every reason to hate me, you should leave me. I’ve been telling you since the beginning that you deserve better than me.”

  “Why are you saying that? Why do I deserve better than you? What have you done that is so bad that I should leave you? Are you having an affair?” I ask through blurred vision because I am sobbing my heart out on that last question.

  I want an answer but I don’t want it to be yes and I’m so frightened that it will be. Tate comes to me and grabs me into a
hug.

  “There isn’t anyone else. No one could ever compare to you. I have been in love with you my entire life baby, I wouldn’t know how to love another woman” Tate says as the timer clings and our session ends. I momentarily wonder if Drew and Bernie are thinking the same thing I am; Tate never really answered my question.

  As I listen to Brook during our therapy session something nags in the back of my mind. Then I am taken aback by my own discovery. It had never really occurred to me until just then. She is all I’ve ever needed but I am not enough for her, I’ve never been. First it was her friends, then cheerleading then her career. She has always been enough for me in my heart.

  We go out to lunch and sit in silence until we order. I feel as if Tate has been watching every morsel of food I put in my mouth since I admitted to my eating disorder, I guess it is only fair, I do the same to him around drugs and alcohol. I order a salad with dressing on the side that I pretend to use but never really let touch my lettuce. Tate has a baked chicken sandwich with a side salad; he’s never going to let himself get fat either so I’m not sure why he’s so worried about my eating habits.

  We make eye contact and smile at each other while we eat and finally Tate breaks our silence while he takes my hand in his, “Brook, talk to me. We can work this all out can’t we? We can just talk; we don’t need Bernie and Drew. Talk to me.”

  So I talk, I talk to my husband.

  “Do you want a baby Tate yes or no. I mean really want one, not want one because I do.”

  Tate sighs, “If it was just up to me then honestly no, I wouldn’t want one. But yes I want a baby for you, because you want one. Of course I’m going to love our child it’s not like I’m going to be a fucking absentee father or anything Brook. It’s just my father” Tate lets that hang in the air for a moment before he continues. “I’ve always liked our life; you’re all I’ve ever needed. I’m just not enough for you, I get it.”

  I roll my eyes at Tate, “You’re enough for me Tate but a family, a baby will complete us, make us better. It’s not going to make me love you less or change us.”

  Tate frowns, “It will change us Brook, it will. How could it not. And now with what happened the first time. What if it happens again and you’re not as lucky as last time? What if something happens to you, Brook I would kill myself if I allowed myself to agree to this and it caused me to lose you.”

  I feel like we are spinning in circles. Before I can say another word Tate gets a text and his face goes white.

  “Let’s go” he commands and throws money on the table and leads me to the car.

  “What’s going on?” I ask him.

  “Have you spoken to anyone, told anyone exactly where we are?”

  I’m scared now but I answer quickly, “No, well only Heidi and our dancers but I was planning on calling Asia later today and maybe asking her and Ted to come out and stay with us for a while, why? You’re scaring me. Tell me what that text was about.”

  Tate rushes me into the car and doesn’t answer me. Instead he calls Dominick. “Dom, what the fuck is going on? You said all this shit would go away. You said you had it all under control. Well, get it fucking back under control… now. This cannot…just fix this!” Tate hangs up.

  “Tate, tell me what’s happening, I’m scared.”

  Tate puts his hand on my knee and gives it a squeeze.

  “Dominick will handle everything, there’s nothing for you to worry about. There’s been a little threat made and until I tell you otherwise you are not to tell anyone where we are exactly. Dominick is getting you security and we are switching hotels. Hey, I have a better idea. Let’s look at houses. We can buy something out here and if we decide to go back East we’ll use it as a vacation and business home. What do you think?”

  I can’t think, this is all happening so fast I can’t process any of it. Tate seems to be taking it all in stride as he has just pulled into the doctor’s office.

  “We’re still going to the appointment?” I ask confused.

  “Yes, Dominick is waiting for us here, we’ll be safe. And he has called in his team; they’re working on finding where the threat came from and if it means anything. They’ll have someone cleared to be your security in a few hours until then you don’t go anywhere without me and Dominick.” Tate demands.

  “I think we should reschedule, I don’t feel comf…” I try to finish but Tate interrupts me and shouts, “No, I will not have our lives ruined over this mother fucking shit. Now let’s go.”

  When I don’t move he reaches out his hand and says, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m a little freaked out too, okay? But I don’t want you to worry. Let’s just try to relax and forget about the whole thing and meet the doctor, alright?”

  I nod and give him my hand allowing him to help me out of the passenger seat but I’m not sure I’ll be able to forget what’s happening if while the doctor is performing a pelvic exam Dominick is hover in the corner.

  When we get out of the car Dominick comes to meet us and escorts us into the building. The office is very inviting and the receptionist is friendly. She gives me a ton of paperwork and I sit down with my clipboard and pen. Tate and Dominick take advantage of the paperwork I have to fill out and they have a private conversation on the other side of the room. When I am called in Tate takes me by my hand, gives his cell to Dominick and we follow the nurse to a room. When the nurse sees Tate approaching us she actually sighs! Thankfully Dominick remains in the waiting room for me and for this poor nurse. If she also had to endure being in his company along with Tate’s I think she might combust. The nurse reviews my paperwork and thanks me for completing it while staring at my husband. She says the doctor will look it over then be in to see us, we’ll talk first then I can have an exam. She backs out of the room to get as much eye time with Tate as possible. Tate rolls his eyes at me when she leaves. Having women make eye babies with my husband will never be my favorite thing to witness especially when waiting to speak to a fertility specialist.

  Dr. Baxter is a young woman in her late thirties. She is tall and skinny and dressed beautifully. She also notices Tate the minute she walks into the room. I always forget how attractive he is until he is introduced to a new woman who can’t help but stare for a minute and Dr. Baxter is no different from the rest. She clears her throat to settle herself and introduces herself to me first, shaking my hand and then Tate’s. I notice Tate’s hand takes longer for her to release. Tate as usual tries to act oblivious to the events occurring. Dr. Baxter says she has read my chart and would love to take me on as a patient. She says she’ll have to do an exam and run some tests but that she believes I should be able to conceive again and carry a baby to term. We review my medical history and I feel bold so I ask, “Was it my fault do you think? The miscarriage?”

  “Brook, no, honey it wasn’t, stop this. It was my fault. I never should have reacted the way I did. I caused you too much stress that’s what…” Tate starts to say but is stopped by Dr. Baxter who says, “I see this every day and you both need to stop this right now. Neither of you caused the miscarriage. They unfortunately happen sometimes and the best thing for you both is too move beyond it and look forward to a new pregnancy.”

  We both nod and she instructs me to get undressed. I do as I am told and lay on the table with my feet in the stirrups. Tate looks as uncomfortable as possible. “Should I, uh…maybe I should go see if Dominick.”

  “No, Mr. Taylor, you should stay right her with your wife. If you’re going to be a daddy, this experience will be nothing compared to the delivery. So get used to it now.”

  Okay, I like this lady now. If she needs to look at my eye candy husband from time to time so be it because she can also put him in his place. Other than his mother and me, I have never met another woman who can.

  “Uh, I’m sorry for staring Mr. Taylor but you look so familiar. Have we met before?”

  “I don’t think we have. Maybe you recognize me from the media coverage I get so
metimes. I’m in the music industry.”

  “Yes, that’s why you look familiar. Not from the media but that’s how I just placed why you look so familiar to me. You have a cousin, Damian, Damian Stone, don’t you? You look similar.”

  “Yes, you know him?”

  “We, uh, dated for a while.”

  “Huh.” Tate responds knowing that dating to his sexual Dominant cousin means he had this doctor over his knee with her ass growing pink under his palm.

  Tate looks uncomfortable when she’s doing my pelvic exam and by the time she does the internal ultrasound he looks damn near ready to die or now that I think of it…all the squirming in his chair? If he is turned on by this I swear I am going to smack him right here in this exam room. Dr. Baxter gives me a clean bill of health but says I need to have blood work done and Tate needs to leave “a sample”.

  Dr. Baxter looks at Tate and says, “Mr. Taylor, your wife can um, help or we have movies and magazines. Whatever you, however you like, well, it’s up to you.”