Tender Trust

by Tanya Stowe

  2

  Somewhere in the endless void, Penny sensed the cold and shivered. Then she was warm. After a few moments, her trembling stopped. She felt cradled, pampered, and safe. How long had it been since she’d felt protected?

  Not since Alex, and that was so long ago. She’d forgotten what it felt like to be held. Wonderful. Soul-filling. Reveling in the unique sensation of warmth and safety, she sighed.

  In her dreams, a man’s hand traced a path over her ribs, sore from too much time in the corset. His palm was wide, his fingers deft. His soothing touch made her sigh again.

  He nuzzled his face into her neck and the sensation of moist lips and warm breath sent a jolt down her body. But it wasn’t right. Her kisses belonged to Alex. Only Alex.

  She opened her eyes. A man’s arms were around her, his lips on her neck. She started to push him away and then she remembered. It was Alex.

  Alive! Alex in her arms. She grasped him to her with a cry.

  “It is you,” she whispered. “It is!” She cupped his face to look at him. It was his lips. His hair. He was alive. Tears flowed down her cheeks unheeded. “I’d thought I’d lost you for good!”

  Penny knew that even though he was born and bred in the South, Alex had not taken up the cause of the South at that time. Still, when war was declared, he’d been forced to flee from Union held territories twice, barely escaping with his life both times. The last time he had to leave Penny behind, pregnant with their first child.

  Alex smiled tenderly. “I was just a little lost.”

  He was trying to make light of it to tease her and make her smile, but Penny was having none of it.

  “You were gone five years. That was not a little lost.”

  He’d crossed the desert to Tucson in the Arizona territory where he joined the Confederate campaign headed back to California. He was determined to reach Penny any way he could.

  “Your last letter said you were going to Louisiana. Then all mail and telegraph communications stopped.”

  Alex leaned his forehead against hers. “They sent us to Glorieta.”

  Penny gasped. She’d read about the battle in the newspapers but never dreamed Alex was part of the doomed campaign. Defeated Confederate troops were forced to march back to their headquarters in the south, a two-week death retreat through unforgiving desert heat and Apache warriors.

  “Oh, Alex. I didn’t know…”

  He buried his face in the long lengths of her hair. “How could you know? Even after I was shot I tried to find a way to get word to you.”

  “Shot!” She realized then that his left arm had been oddly still as he touched and explored her face.

  She grasped his left hand and pulled it around in front of her. There were no marks, no sign of injury except his fingers were unusually stiff.

  “A bullet shattered my forearm,” Alex said, his voice low. “By the grace of God, I still have it, but it’s not good for much except holding things in place.”

  With that, he pulled her close. The gesture and the stilted movement brought fresh tears.

  Penny clung to him and wept.

  Alex kissed the top of her head and held her with his left arm.

  At last, she drew a ragged breath. “I knew something had happened to you. Otherwise, you would have come back for me. I thought you were dead,” she breathed.

  He nodded. “So many times, I almost was. The only thing that kept me alive was my faith and the need to get back to you.”

  Penny froze.

  Alex had become a man of faith?

  All the while, she had owned a saloon. How different their paths had been. How far apart.

  He seemed to sense the same thing because he kissed her hands. “Oh my love, we’ve lost so much time. Why didn’t you stay in Los Angeles where I could find you?”

  Penny tried to ignore what sounded like censure in his voice, but it was impossible. “I ran out of money, and I had to have a way to support Lexie.”

  “Lexie?” he whispered, his voice full of wonderment.

  Penny smiled. “Alexa Marie Marsden. Oh, Alex, you’ll be so proud of her. She’s smart and brave like you.”

  “Does she look like you?”

  She smiled again. “She has my hair and eyes.”

  “Beautiful and smart. There’ll be no stopping her.”

  Penny chuckled. “There’s hardly any stopping her now. I don’t know where she gets that strong will of hers.”

  “I can’t wait to see her. But why didn’t you send word to Royce and Lacy Darnell? They would have helped.” There it was again, the criticism and censure.

  “How would they have helped? With charity?” She kept her voice low. “I didn’t have any skills, at least, not respectable skills like dressmaking or cooking. The only thing I knew was…this. I was certain I could run a good saloon. I wanted to work while Lexie was still young. That way I could make enough money to start a good and proper life.”

  “I thought when we married you’d leave saloons behind you and never have to deal with them again. I never dreamed I’d find you in a place like this.”

  Cold swept through her. “I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

  “Don’t talk like that.” His tone was abrupt, impatient. “It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you. I should have been there for you.”

  If he’d meant to mollify her, he didn’t.

  She’d done a good job of taking care of Lexie and herself…until a few moments ago. Now she wasn’t so sure. “Why weren’t you?” Irritation edged her tone. “Surely you weren’t injured for all of that time.”

  “When I was better, I tried to cross the California border at Yuma. Union soldiers caught me and kept me a prisoner at the garrison.”

  “A prisoner, too? Oh, Alex.” Fresh tears spilled over.

  Alex wrapped his arms around her again. “It wasn’t so bad. They treated me decently and the commander was a good man. The worst part was wondering what happened to you. I didn’t know if you were alive or dead, if I had a son or a daughter.”

  “So much, Alex. So much has happened.”

  He grasped her hands and squeezed. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. It’s over now. We’re together. We’ll start fresh, begin again. You’ll sell your saloon and we’ll go away.”

  Stunned, Penny slipped her hands out of his. Go away. It was what she wanted. What she dreamed of, but somehow, hearing it from Alex’s lips made it sound wrong.

  “What makes you think I want to sell my saloon?’

  “There was talk of some properties for sale at a gathering Andy invited me to attend. That’s where I was when I heard about you.”

  “Andy? You mean Andrew Ardmore, the banker?”

  Alex nodded. For the first time, Penny took note of his clothing. He had on a fancy dress jacket. She lifted her hand off his sleeve almost as if she might dirty it.

  Ardmore was not just a banker, but one of the leading citizens of Bodie. One of the group of men who had refused to give her a loan just a few short weeks ago, claiming her business was too risky. What they really meant was she was too risky, a woman who probably took the title of Mrs. to cover up a questionable past.

  They wouldn’t give her a loan, but they didn’t mind discussing her business at their social gatherings.

  The distance between her path and Alex’s suddenly became a chasm. The shawl slipped off her shoulder and she realized she was clad only in her chemise. She felt exposed and vulnerable.

  Sliding her arms through her dress sleeves, she pulled them up and wrapped the shawl around her shoulders. As she tied it, her hands shook. Then she stood and faced the man she had once loved more than her own life.

  “Well, they were wrong,” she said. “I’m not selling to one of them.”

  She could see her statement surprised Alex. Not just because of her vehement attitude, but also because she never used to disagree with him. She had been so happy just to be loved, she always agreed with him. But she wasn’t that hope-filled,
innocent young girl anymore. That girl was gone. “Did you tell them about me…us?”

  He didn’t seem to notice the inflection she placed on the word, ‘them.’

  “I wasn’t even sure there was an ‘us.’ I just heard the name of your saloon, The Copper Penny. I’ve been searching for so long, that at first, I didn’t dare hope. But the name seemed like too much of a coincidence. I left the party and came straight here.”

  She bit her lip and considered his words for a moment. “It might be best if you don’t tell your friends.”

  Alex stared at her. “They’re not my friends. They’re business associates. I came here to meet them and to create new clients for Darnell Lumber. It’s my job. What I do. Build a warehouse, hire a manager, and move on. That’s all I’ve done for two years. Find new places. I searched everywhere for word, even rumors of a copper-haired woman and her child. Now that I’ve found you, nothing is going to stop me from telling the world.”

  Penny didn’t miss the determination and edge to his tone.

  “You might want to reconsider. I was a dance hall girl when you met me, Alex. That’s who I am, what I am. Your business associates don’t like what I do.”

  “You were a singer when I met you, not a dance hall girl. I know that better than anyone.”

  He did know better. He was her first. She had managed to avoid the fate of other girls in her position. It always amazed her, but didn’t change the opinions of others.

  “The last time you tried to make me respectable,” she said, “it turned the townspeople against you. They drove you out of town.”

  “Hatred for the South drove me out.”

  “You and I know that was just their excuse. You were already a target because of me.”

  “One man, Penny, one man caused that. Emotions were high because of the war and he was able to sway them. That won’t happen again.”

  “It wasn’t one man in Los Angeles. A mob drove you out there, too.”

  He lifted his hands, frustrated. “It was the war, Penny, the war.”

  “And an injury,” she said. “Then you were a prisoner and afterwards, I left Los Angeles. Something always keeps us apart, Alex. Always.”

  He frowned. “What are you saying? That God doesn’t want us together?”

  “God has nothing to do with it.” Her tone was flat, dead.

  Alex’s features set into a hard look. Slowly, he rose to his feet and faced her with the bed between them. “You’re overwrought.”

  She didn’t know if her defiance of him or her reference to God had made him angry, but his voice was as hard as his features.

  “This has been a shock for both of us. Maybe I’d better leave for now. Tomorrow, after you’re rested, after you’ve had time to think, we’ll talk more.”

  “We’ll talk, but I won’t change my mind. I won’t sell and run. We can’t hide from who I am and what I’ve done. I won’t even try.”

  Alex’s eyebrows rose and he was quiet for a long while. “What have you done, Penny?” His voice was just above a whisper.

  She knew he was asking if there had been other men. There hadn’t been. But that didn’t matter to the rest of the world. They treated her as if there was. Alex needed to realize that.

  “I did what I needed to do to keep my daughter safe and alive.”

  His lips parted in surprise.

  She could see the seeds of doubt take root as a dozen emotions washed over his features. Good. He had to see things as they really were, not how he wanted them to be.

  He took a slow, measured breath. “Get some sleep. I’ll be back in the morning.”

  Penny didn’t move.

  Alex walked to the door then paused. His hand lifted in a fruitless gesture. “I love you, Penny.”

  “I love you, too,” she murmured.

  It wasn’t until the door had closed behind him that she said, “But that won’t fix everything.”

  ****

  Alex rose early the next morning after a sleepless night. In all of his wildest imaginings, he never anticipated he’d spend his first night reunited with his wife in his own empty bed.

  He’d handled things poorly. He’d said things he never should have, but he’d been just as shocked and surprised by the circumstances as Penny. Even now, as he thought of her as he’d last seen her, standing straight and so determined, her eyes glassy and her lips puffy from crying, she looked magnificent. All he wanted was to pull her back into his arms and kiss her until the confusion and misunderstandings were forgotten.

  If they could be forgotten. There were too many unanswered questions. Their past rose up to haunt them. It had made Penny fearful for their future. And exactly what had she done that made her seem so ashamed?

  After all their time apart, had she succumbed to the comfort of another’s man’s arms? Had she sold herself to survive? Or worse, had she been forced or brutalized?

  Unbidden, the image of the dark-haired woman by Penny’s bedside flashed in his mind. She’d been frightened and trembling, afraid he would hurt Penny.

  His fists clenched. If someone had hurt Penny…

  Lord, help me!

  He prayed and prayed, but for the first time since that fateful day beneath a hot desert sun, no answering peace came to him.

  He and his small troop of men had fallen behind the main column when they heard gunshots from the direction of a small ranch where they’d resupplied on the march north. Now that the Federal troops were engaged in battles with their own kind, Apaches had begun raiding again.

  The rancher had a wife and two small daughters.

  Even though the Union troops were just behind him, Alex and his men couldn’t abandon the small family.

  They road into the clearing and drove the band of Apaches away…just as Union soldiers rode over the hill.

  Alex took a bullet in his arm.

  The Union soldiers left him for dead. If not for the rancher, Caleb Stanger, and his wife, Mary, he would be dead. They took him in, meticulously picked the shattered bone from his arm and side, and watched over him. They shared their roof, medical supplies and food. And their faith.

  Alex had always been an indifferent believer. Separated from his wife and in mortal pain, he was belligerent, angry with God.

  But every day, Caleb and Mary prayed for him, over him, and with him. As he grew delirious, he talked of Penny and the baby. Caleb and Mary added them to their prayers.

  When Alex was at his lowest, Caleb said, “You will not die, Alex Marsden. God has a plan for you. You will return to your wife and baby.”

  Many months later, he left the ranch armed with new hope and a Bible. But before he could reach the California border, Union troops picked him up.

  The commanding officer didn’t know what to do with a disabled Confederate soldier so he sent a cable back east. When word finally arrived, Alex was to be shipped back east to the nearest prisoner of war camp, far away from California.

  Consumed with anger, he began to doubt his newfound faith and made plans to escape.

  Then, word reached them that Lee had surrendered.

  Because he had earned the commander’s respect, Alex was released without question, given his horse, and sent on his way. Alex’s faith in God’s plan for him was renewed.

  In Los Angeles, Alex questioned the landlady where he and Penny had lived. He inquired of the stage drivers, everyone who would listen, but found no sign of Penny and his baby.

  Desperate, he traveled to the stage stops around Los Angeles and scoured those towns. Finally, out of money, he was ready to give up.

  Royce Darnell caught up to him. He’d followed Alex over half of Southern California to offer him the job he now had. Travel the boomtowns, build the Darnell lumber business, and search for Penny.

  Three times Alex had almost given up, and three times the Lord provided a way for Alex to keep going. The Lord hadn’t given up on him, and he couldn’t give up on the Lord, especially now that he’d found Penny.

  Fait
h. He had to have faith. But his gut clenched as image after image popped into his mind.

  He lunged out of bed and strode to the washstand. The water in the pitcher was near frozen. He splashed it into the basin and washed his face. As he prepared to shave, the questions returned.

  Why were all the women in Penny’s establishment so mistrustful? And most of all, how had their attitudes impacted his daughter?

  Alexa Marie. Lexie.

  Alex smiled just thinking of her. No matter what issues he and Penny had, he was going to meet his daughter today. Nothing would stop him.

  Anxious to get going, he dressed. When he’d finished, he cleaned out the pockets of his clothes. In the jacket pocket he found Penny’s tortoise shell hair pins. He didn’t even remember putting them there. He fingered them and remembered how her hair had cascaded down around her. How soft it was and how it glistened like copper in the lamp. In his other pocket he found her black, lacy garters.

  Thinking of another man—maybe men—touching her nearly tore him in two. He cinched his thin tie too tight and had to start again.

  For a short time, he’d considered cancelling the meetings he had this morning and re-scheduling for later in the week. But he wanted to keep things as normal as possible, and that meant staying on track with his project. He hurried down to the breakfast room of the hotel.

  In spite of his concerns, he found he had an appetite, and ordered biscuits, bacon, and eggs. He’d just finished when his first appointment arrived.

  Like Alex, Robert Jackson Preston had fought for the South. Afterwards, he’d come west to leave the war behind. He had a good reputation, as did the other man Andy Ardmore had recommended.

  So Alex was surprised at the low bid Preston had offered to build the Darnell Lumber warehouse. He thanked Robert and met the next man, Hubert Wolcott. Once again his bid was extraordinarily low.

  Alex asked a few questions and told both men they’d have his decision by the end of the week.

  He examined the bid details after they’d both gone. Of course, their largest expense was the lumber. Bodie was in short supply of that commodity. Constantly expanding mines needed wood supports. The mines, combined with the growing town’s need for building material, made Bodie the ideal location for a new lumber warehouse. Darnell Lumber would do well here.