by L. C. Giroux
She started to undress and put her clothes away. Once she was naked she felt oddly shy. She was just being silly. No one would come in without a key and the only person that had the key would be Allain. She pulled the silk scarf from her coat pocket and folded it into a strip. She carefully tied it around her head over her eyes. She almost laughed out loud at the picture she must present. She felt for the arm of the chair and settled herself down to wait for Allain.
Allyn paced outside the door, fuming. He tried to calm himself, there had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for her meeting Smith. Maybe she was going to tell him it was over. She hadn't acted like that was her intention earlier but maybe she had reconsidered. He couldn't breath and undid his tie and unbuttoned his collar. He ran his hands through his hair as he took a few deep breaths. He was sure that at this point he looked as out of control as he felt. He still had no idea what he was going to say to her.
When he opened the door he heard her gasp.
"Smith? Is that you?"
"Were you expecting some one else?"
"Non, it is just odd to sit 'ere without being able to see." He had forgotten about the blindfold but he could see it clearly now that she had turned toward the sound of his voice.
"I have missed you, Monsieur Smith." She was making his blood boil. To be so blatant in her affection for someone else drove him crazy. He loved her and thought she loved him. She had said so. Would she tell Smith the same thing? He stalked toward the chair and then stood stunned when he saw her. She sat there stark naked in a clear invitation to Smith to enjoy her body. She hadn't come to say goodbye, she intended to continue their relationship. "What are we going to do this evening, Monsieur?" Allyn ceased to recognize himself. The restrained gentleman was gone, all that remained was the primal animal defending his turf.
"Stand up." it came out as a growl but she must have understood him because she did as he asked. "Turn around." He tore the tie from his collar and quickly tied her hands behind her back. He ignored her gasp and the acceleration of her breathing.
"Monsieur, I liked the more sensual game we played last time. This one is a little rough, non?"
"New rules." He lifted her hands, not enough that he could really hurt her but enough that she couldn't fight him and had to do as he demanded.
"eh, that is uncomfortable. I don't know..."
"Quiet! You will only speak to answer my questions do you understand me?" He whispered this last part in her ear but she had to be able to hear the malice in his voice. He used her tied hands to push her forward to kneel on the couch. Then he turned her so that she faced the narrow end and forced her shoulders down. Now she was completely vulnerable. He stood beside her his breath rushing in and out of his mouth. He even sounded like an animal.
"You will answer my questions." He caressed her ass. "What did you do this weekend?"
"I went... Why are you doing this?"
"Not an answer." He gave her a light slap on the cheek of her ass. He saw her go rigid.
"I do not like this. Stop now." She was shaking. Allyn seemed to come back to himself some.
"Just tell me, do you love me?"
"I want you to untie me now!"
"Answer the question! Do you love me?" She seemed to crumple before his eyes. He could see tears escaping from behind the blindfold.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Do you love me?"
"Yes! Oui, I love you." Her words ended in a sob. Allyn leaned close to her ear.
"Pity, you mean nothing to me." Now she truly did start sobbing. Allyn stood and tugged on the tie binding her hands, pulling it off her. Then he turned on his heel and left. As he caught his breath outside the door, he heard her scream his name. My God! What had he done? He ran down the stairs as if he could escape from himself as easily as he could her.
Allyn got into his car and drove, not really paying attention or caring where he was going. He was numb. What had he done? Had she known it was him? Was that why she had smiled at him as she ready the note. He was horrified at how he had treated her. He knew he hadn't physically hurt her with the way he had touched her. Still, his intent had been to intimidate her and he had succeeded. As the miles ticked away he desperately wished for a way to turn back time. She would leave him and it was his fault. He deserved to lose her.
Marie pulled the blindfold off and curled into a ball on the couch. As much as she tried to stop the tears, the harder they came till she was sobbing and had the hiccups from crying so hard. Eventually it started to get dark out so she got dressed and called Harold to come get her.
In the car she stared out the window in a trance. Allain didn't love her. Maybe he never did?
"Mademoiselle? Ça va bien? I have never seen you look so sad." She took a big breath that seemed to rattle in her chest.
"'arold, I... 'ave you ever been in love with someone and you knew, like breathing, that they loved you and found out you were wrong."
"I've only been in love once. There was a jolie fille I loved once in Haiti. My family didn't approve so they sent me to live with family in the Bahamas. When I finished school I went back to find her but her family had left the city. No one seemed to know where they had gone. I still think of her. If I could take back the years I would have fought my family harder, I would not have let her go so easily."
"Mais, did she love you?"
"I always thought so, we certainly told each other so, and showed each other love. Still she was gone when I came back so maybe she found someone else. I'll never know."
"I thought Allain loved me."
"Mr. Bellows does love you. He is so different around you than anyone else. Happier, more carefree. Before you got here, the man never looked like he enjoyed life, no- n'est pas vrai, around, Madam Dennison he would smile but everything else was a responsibility."
"Merci 'arold. I don't know the man I saw tonight but he was so different, so angry. I think I am going 'ome, back to France. I will have to talk to Violet tomorrow.
At the Maine border Allyn got coffee so he wouldn't fall asleep and turned around to drive home. He was hopeless that he could do anything to change the forgone conclusion to the disaster his life had become. Could he convince Michael to take over the foundation? Then he could just disappear for a while. Take the boat and sail off somewhere, except that he would be haunted constantly by the thought of all he'd lost.
Violet stared in shock at her cousin. "Oh Marie, I could kill him with my bare hands! I have no idea why that brother of mine acted like a complete jackass. Come here." Marie allowed herself to be folded into Violet's embrace and then the tears started all over again.
"Violet, Je ne comprends pas... 'e told me 'e loves me. I saw the love in his eyes, the way 'e touched me. Why would 'e do this?"
"Oh sweet, I don't know. Allyn has always held himself separate, especially after our parents died. I think he never really grieved for them like he should have. He lost everyone he had ever loved, even me almost. He was so young and suddenly everyone expected him to take care of everything. He was always too serious and responsible for his own good but after... He just buried himself in responsibility. Of course none of that excuses his behavior but it is the best I can do for an explanation. Are you sure you want to leave?"
"Oui, I think is is best, non? Peut être... 'e will realize it could work? I feel silly running away wishing 'e will come after me. Mais, what else can I do? You and Michel will visit and bring the bébé?"
"You know we will. I was going to ask you and Allyn to be god parents. Let you practice... Oh, I will ring his neck!" Violet held her stomach.
"Etes-vous d'accord, Violet? You look pale."
"I'm fine, I have had indigestion all morning. Don't worry about me. Go pack, I'll get Harold to take you to the airport. I'm just going to put my feet up and rest." Violet dozed in and out till she heard the front door slam.
"Allyn Robert Alasdair Bellows! You will tell me what the hell is going on right now!" Allyn walked in to the st
udy but he barely resembled himself. Violet had never seen him as destroyed as this even when she was a child in the hospital. He had always been a rock, not a hair out of place. As if he actually believed that everything really would be alright as he said it would. This man was a shell of that one.
"Is she gone already?"
"Allyn, why?"
"I... I thought I was deceiving her, the only person I deceived was myself. Oh, Violet..." He fell to his knees next to her. Violet pulled his head on top of her and held him, stroking his hair. "I've lost her Violet. She'll never trust me, and she shouldn't. I became some kind of jealous animal. I thought she wanted Smith over me."
"Allyn, she always knew it was you. From the very first night, she knew." He just moaned.
Violet doubled over almost on top of him as a new wave of nausea hit. Allyn sprung up.
"Violet, how long have you been in labor?"
"It is just some indigestion. It started in the middle of the night."
"Did you tell your husband, the doctor?"
"No, I didn't want to bother him. He had surgery this morning."
"Good, then he'll be at the hospital when you get there. How far apart are the contractions?"
“Allyn, I think you are blowing this out of proportion." When she tried to stand though her knees buckled. Allyn caught her before she could fall and laid her back on the couch. He pulled out his phone and tapped the code for Harold.
"Its time old man, think you can get her there quick? The silly girl has probably waited too long and we may have to deliver my niece or nephew in the limo. Bring it around and I'll have her ready in a minute." He ran out to the entry.
"Marie-Hélène! Violet is going to have her baby! Grab her bag, quickly." When she came to the top of the stairs his chest clenched at the sight of her. Now was not the time to try to salvage the wreck of his life; he had to get his sister to the hospital.
"I am going with you to the 'ospital!"
"Thank you. She waited too long, cross your fingers we can make it in time." They sat on either side of Violet on the way to the hospital each holding one of her hands. Violet emptied her stomach into the ice bucket on the way there. After that Allyn held her while Marie wiped the sweat from her face. Allyn had called Michael and he met them in emergency. They took Violet straight in to the birthing rooms and Marie went with her. Allyn found his way to the delivery waiting room. Marie hadn't looked at him the entire ride in. If he had thought there was any hope, the dead look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know. Whatever dream he'd had of their life together was over. Slowly, their friends began to arrive waiting for the birth of his niece or nephew. Jonah slapped him on the back and offered him a cigar. He pulled back when Allyn turned to look at him.
"Hey, she's going to be fine."
"Violet will, I'm not so sure about me."
"Did I miss something? Let's take a walk, you don't look good." Allyn poured out the events of the last couple of days.
"Hell, when you fuck up, you really go for it."
"Thanks, but I don't really need sarcasm right now."
"No, you need a plan. Look this kid couldn't have come at a better time. Marie isn't going to leave till Violet is home and settled and you may have a few days after that. You need a huge gesture. Something dramatic. You need to show her you are truly sorry and she can indeed trust you."
"God, at this point I'd let her flay the skin from my bones if I could take back what I said."
"Well, that is a start." They had arrived back at the waiting room that was now filled with everyone who had just been at the house for the dinner. The party seemed a lifetime ago.
Marie soon came rushing in. "Its a girl!" She pulled out her phone and started showing pictures of his brand new niece as everyone crowded around.
"Who knew she'd look like a troll doll?"
"Jonah! If you say one more thing..."
"Cam? Is our baby going to be that big?
"Sorry Evie, I'm afraid big babies run in my family."
"Oh." After a few minutes, he touched Marie's arm to get her attention and she flinched.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. Can I see the pictures?" She just stared at him and then handed him her phone. He flipped through the images. Newborns all sort of looked the same to him though he imagined he'd feel different if this was his child. The thought almost doubled him over. He had only ever wanted to have children with Marie and that wouldn't ever happen now. He stood so that his back was to everyone else and spoke quietly so only she could hear him. "Marie, I know you shouldn't ever forgive me but I'd like the chance to apologize for the last night. You knew it was me all along according to Violet?"
"Yes." His shoulders sagged.
"I do love you, not that it makes any difference now. I was insanely jealous because I thought you wanted Smith. It doesn't excuse my behavior but at least it is an explanation. I should go back and see Violet, can I go in yet?" Marie stood there appraising him. He couldn't even meet her eyes.
"Allain, I don't know 'ow I feel yet. It is all to new. I was going to leave, go back 'ome. Maintenent, I want to stay to help Violet with the bébé at least for a little while. The nurses will take you to Violet and Michel." He started to walk away when she reached out and put her hand on his arm. "Allain, you are the only man I ever loved, just you, all of you." A small flash of hope sparked in his chest. Maybe if he begged, he'd do anything for her, all she had to do was ask.
The nurse showed him where Violet and Michael were. When he got there Michael was holding his daughter like a man in a trance. Violet just stared at the two of them with a look of pure joy on her face. He turned to leave, feeling like he was intruding on something so pure and intimate but Violet saw him and called him over.
"Allyn, come meet your niece." Michael looked up at him. The poor man looked more exhausted than Violet. It was clear he was not going to let go of his daughter anytime soon.
"Violet you look better than the last time I saw you." His sister laughed and then held her sides.
"Ooh, they said I'll be better in a day or two. Luckily she wasn't huge. We finally agreed on a name for her."
"Are you going to name her after your mother?"
"No, much as I love the name, Xeniade is a bit much for everyday. No, we've decided to name her after you."
"You're naming your poor daughter Allyn?" Had she lost her mind?
"No silly! She is Allyson Rose. Now dear brother of mine, you have a namesake to make proud. Don't disappoint us. Michael let him hold her."
"I..."
"Michael, you will have to let go of her at some point. Please let Allyn hold her."
"Do you know how?" Allyn smiled at his brother-in-law. He had become fiercely protective of Violet and now his daughter. They were in very good hands.
"Yes, I know how to hold an infant. I also know how to change a diaper. You'll be calling me soon when you want advice on how to deal with your temperamental teenager. Remember I had a lot to do with raising your wife." Michael smirked but handed Allyn the sleeping child. She had filled out some since that first picture and didn't look as wrinkled. She cooed in her sleep and wrinkled her nose at him. Another woman that would wrap him around her finger. Allyn smiled down at her. She had Violet's dark hair. He carefully handed her back to Michael so the man could relax again.
"Violet, I don't know how to fix this."
"Allyn, when she told me that you were Smith -Oh, you could have mentioned that yourself, by the way -she said that she loved both sides of you, the sweet and the playful. You need to let her see that this is just another part of you. One you fight against, one that you try to hide but it came out because of how much she means to you. Does that make any sense or are the hormones making me crazy?" Allyn leaned over and kissed his sister on the top of the head.
"No, you're right. I just need to let her see all of me. If she rejects me, I don't know what I'll do but I have to try anything. I'm going to go home, I've been awake for a
couple of days now and I am going to crash."
"Have Harold drive please."
"Fine."
Allyn arranged the last of the stuff from the boat. If she didn't show up he didn't know what he would do. He looked up when he saw car lights outside. He was surprised when he heard two voices.