Lussuria (New Version)

by SJ Molloy

  Noise, commotion, horns and shrieks but I tune out completely. Then in a complete momentary silence, a chilling cold darkness veils my sight.

  Am I in shock? What’s happening to me?

  I think I’m hallucinating I hear my mother singing Eva Cassidy ‘Over the rainbow’; it’s interrupted with car horns tooting, screeching.

  Blackness

  ****

  Michael Parks is chasing me. Running behind me, catching up. He is going to kill me. I am going to die. My life will be taken forever. There is no one to help me. I scream, but no one hears me. I scream some more. It’s dark and cold, moss, dampness, I am petrified. My mother has stopped hushing me; she has stopped singing. Why has she stopped singing?

  Wake up. Mum, wake up.

  I wake up.

  My mouth is dry and I can’t open my eyes. I can’t move. What has happened to me? Where am I?

  “She’s waking up. Get the doctor!” I think it’s Hazel.

  I try desperately to open my eyes, but I can’t.

  “Thank God you’re awake. Lexi, speak to me, talk to me. Are you okay?”

  Light—bright and intrusive. I flicker my eyelids in response. My eyes are stinging, my head is pounding, my whole body is screaming in pain.

  “Can you hear me? Can you blink your eyes?”

  I blink my lashes slowly. I hear paper turning.

  “You are a lucky girl, Miss Robertson. You were nearly run over.”

  I focus on the clinical bright light above my head, trying to acclimatize to the penetrative shining light, blinking furiously.

  “Lexi, talk to us. Doctor, why isn’t she talking? What is wrong with her?”

  It’s all muffled. I’m so disorientated.

  “She needs time. She came around from the general anaesthetic and responded well to the surgery, but she’s in shock, severely dehydrated, and has suffered major trauma. She’ll be tired and drowsy from the drugs. Once she responds to the morphine, she’ll not feel as much pain. Her feet were severely lacerated. I had to remove glass and stone from the soles of her feet, then stitch her open wounds. I’ve stitch her head, and glued a flesh tear on her shoulder—that appeared to be an old wound which had reopened. She had a compound fracture to her wrist, and we had to surgically fix the bones by placement of a metal pin. A sling will do for now, but it will take a few weeks to recover. We’ve performed an x-ray and her head is fine with the exception of bruising and inflammation.”

  “Thank you Doctor. Can you keep me appraised with any changes? I would like to stay here with Lexi while she is being treated.”

  What? No!

  I don’t want him here. Not. Happening.

  “Very well, Mr. Caruso. I’ll have arrangements made. If you’ll excuse me.”

  I hear a door shut.

  Lucca’s voice is broken; he rests his head on my chest, silently crying into it holding a hand gently over my weak wrist. I feel helpless and wish I had my mother here with me.

  “Lexi, we’re going to go and get some coffee. Will you be alright here for a little while?” Hazel says.

  I force myself to speak, parting my dry lips. “Yes.”

  “Thank God, dolcezza,” Lucca sobs, hearing me speak.

  “Well, Missy, you are on a roll this week with the injuries and the drama. I never thought my holiday would be so eventful. I came here to relax and you’ve aged me a thousand years. I nearly had Lucca holed up in prison while you were in surgery.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  “Well, you should be. Dominic promised me sex in the Jacuzzi this morning, but I had to rush over here.” Hazel’s tone is good-humored with a sense of relief. I want to laugh, but I don’t have the energy.

  “You two have a lot to talk about. See you in a little while.” She places her hand on Lucca’s shoulder while walking away, but he doesn’t move off my chest.

  “Lexi, I need to talk with you. I feel sick. I’m disgusted at my behaviour last night. Look what’s happened to you because of me. I hate myself, Lexi. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry I acted and spoke the way I did. For not finding you in time, for causing you so much pain, for not being more understanding, for being such an asshole, for being so blinded and selfish. I will never forgive myself for this. Please don’t leave me, please fight for us, please forgive me.”

  He’s sobbing broken, masculine tears, holding nothing back and more poignantly distressed than he was at the villa last night.

  It’s all too much, just too much.

  “I found it extremely challenging yesterday being with Fran, confessing to her I’ve moved on when she is still very much stuck in the darkness of her past. It roused all of those disturbing sorrowful memories again, and took me back to a place I’ve worked effortlessly to leave behind. When I realized you were not being honest about your mother, it emphasized how angry I was at Fran because of her closed dishonesty in the past.

  “I just don’t want to lose you, Lexi. I don’t want you to shut me out like she did. I love you, dolcezza. I love you, and I’m sorry I used my own personal issues as an excuse for me to get drunk and behave the way I did.”

  “You scared me, really frightened me.” His discolored dull eyes meet mine with torn anguish. “I couldn’t swallow the sight of you last night….I had to run, I needed to get away from you. It stirred too many horrible memories. I was petrified.” I choke on the lump in my throat.

  He looks up at me with pools of muggy water in his eyes.

  Distressed.

  “I’m the fuck up, Lexi, not you. You are pure, caring, loving and kind; you did not deserve those crass words. You know, I would never hurt you intentionally. I was so wasted and lost my balance. I fucking hate myself for putting you at risk. You know it was an accident, right? I’d never, and I mean never, intentionally hurt you.”

  “Yes.” I close my eyes, embarrassed I ran into the dark.

  “When I saw you on the ground and realized what I’d done, I froze. I went into complete shock. By the time I got up, you were gone. I saw the blood smeared over the glass...I vomited everywhere. I ran outside to find you, but you were gone.”

  “How did I get here?”

  “A driver nearly hit you just as you collapsed on the main road. You were on the wrong side of the fucking road, Lexi. God, you were facing the traffic. His car skidded and overturned right off the road.”

  “Oh my God. Is he alright?” This just got a whole lot worse.

  “Yes, just some bruising and cuts. Nothing serious, I believe. By the time I reached the road I thought…well, I cradled you in my arms, praying for a goddamn fucking miracle. When the ambulance arrived, they gave you smelling salts and oxygen and you looked into my eyes and panicked. You begged for me to let you go. Lexi, it took the air from my lungs. I pleaded with the paramedics but they would not allow me come with you.” He sobs into my chest, heaving his shoulders up and down.

  “I called Marco to come and get me. By that time, someone had called Fran, to ask if she knew you. I guess they found her business card in your skirt pocket. She called me right away.”

  I feel sick. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, No baby. This is my fault. You never would have left if I had not treated you the way I did. I will understand if you don’t forgive me because I deserve it, but I’m begging you to please try. I love you, I love you so much.” His thumb brushes my lip and he bites down on his own, closing his eyes with trepidation.

  He looks terrible, unshaven, and stubbly with yesterday’s clothes on. He is shaking and shivering. My heart is crushing for him, seeing him like this, after everything we have been through. I need to be honest.

  “Lucca, I am truly sorry for lying about my mother. I decided yesterday that I was going to open up to you, to be more honest, You need to know, this is really hard for me to speak about to anyone, but I want to confide in you.” My throat throttles coarsely, and my own tears fall. I can’t turn my head as yet so the salty water drips to the back of my nec
k past my ears and jaw.

  “Confide in me when you are ready to tell me.” He runs his hand over my forehead and tucks a stray curl behind my ear.

  “I wish I never said it. You know about my mother, the day we went to the Chapel, I asked God for forgiveness,” I sob. He leans over and kisses me on my lips, I close my eyes. “I love my mother unconditionally, more than anything that’s why I find it so hard to deal with and talk about and I promise I will make this right.”

  “Baby, you don’t need to do anything other than get yourself better. I need to make this right; I need to take care of you and love you…properly love you… I promise I will make this right. How do you feel just now?”

  “I could be better.” I sigh.

  “I’m not letting you out of my sight. Hazel and Dominic interrogated me. He has a good left hook, I’ll give him that. I worked tirelessly, apologising and confessing what happened, declaring my love for you until they eventually calmed down. We decided that Hazel will return home on her normal flight with Dominic next Tuesday, but I’d like to reschedule your flight to allow you time to recover. If you agree, we’ll stay until you’re fit enough to go home.”

  “Dominic punched you?”

  “Yes. I’m thankful you have such protective friends, Doc. Hazel spoke with Cameron. He wanted to jump on a flight over because he’s worried sick. I’ll call him to let him know your surgery went well and that I’ll do everything in my power to look after you and make you comfortable.”

  He softly kisses me on the lips...on the shoulder...on the wrist...on the side of my head, sending a crazy rush of blood around my body.

  I forgive him.

  Chapter 21

  Something Special

  Bubbly nurse advises she wants to get me up on my feet soon and into a shower. I just don’t have the energy yet for this. I listen to Lucca negotiate with her, hearing her giggle. He’s charmed her.

  Smooth.

  She opens the door to the wet room and sits a shower chair near the shower and shows Lucca how to work everything.

  “Don’t worry about her dressings on her feet getting wet I’ll redress them.” The nurse caps off the venflon used for my drips. Lucca scoops me up gently and carries me into the wet room area. He sits me on the shower chair still in my gown.

  “Okay, I’ll leave you to it, please pull this cord any problems,” Bubbly nurse walks out leaving Lucca to shower me, after she is satisfied. I sit in the chair slumped to the side looking at my feet covered in cream dressings. I winch when I see the blood soaking through them. Lucca removes his clothes and shoes and sits them on a vanity shelf. My eyebrows rise at this vision of his brawny naked glorious body standing in front of me.

  Perfection.

  It’s distracting me from the pain because now I have little flutters in my stomach. He puts the shower on then unties my blood stained gown and throws it to the side.

  He looks at me, inwardly gasping, then sighs and closes his eyes.

  “Am I that frightful?”

  “No, don’t say that. You are beautiful, I love you so much, I just can’t believe I harmed you. You’re perfect.” Fumbling, he wheels my chair over to underneath the water. He kneels down in front of me, the water hitting off his muscular physique, running down all the defined contours and soaking his long hair.

  Sexy. Virile, yet vulnerable.

  Fuck!

  File C for cold. Cold water required to cool down my libido.

  I’m in no fit state for passion and lust. He wraps his arms around my waist and places his head onto my chest listening to my heart beat. He looks up at me “Please forgive me, Doc. I promise I will never hurt you again.”

  “I forgive you… Lucca I was so angry with you last night, I felt so betrayed but…” he’s about to say something, I place my finger on his lips and frown when I see the venflon in the front of my hand.

  “I felt betrayed because I have fallen in love with you and I felt crushed to see you like that, I wanted to hold you, to tell you the truth and to tell you I love you but you wouldn’t let me in.”

  His eyes widen and electrify restoring some of that sparkle. “You love me? Even after I was so terrible to you? You love me?”

  “Yes I love you, I told you I would give you my heart, and I am hanging onto yours for the time being. Now can you wash the blood out my hair before I faint again under this steam. I’m not doing too good here.” He relaxes and claims my mouth owning my tongue and sucking my lip. Moaning in his husky deep voice “I need to get you out of here before I take you and you’re in no fit state. You are something special, have I told you that?”

  “Yes.” I giggle. “Lucca, quickly do my hair, please. I feel light headed.”

  He carefully massages shampoo into my scalp, allowing all the hardened blood to rinse away. I lean back letting the water assail over my breasts while my hair flows down the back of the chair.

  “Fuck, you’re giving me a storming hard on” he groans. “Forget it, Romeo, keep washing,” I say to hear a ruffled gruff from behind me. I smile, knowing he still desires me even in my awful position. Once we’re washed, he picks me up and he sits on the chair holding me tightly into his chest wrapping his protective arms around me while the hot water cascades over us.

  We stay like this tightly embraced.

  Reflecting.

  Forgiving.

  Trusting.

  “Lex, talk to me. Are you okay?”

  “I’m so tired,” I say slumping my head further into his chest with exhaustion.

  “I’m taking you back to bed. You need to sleep.” He stands, lifting me up and wrapping a towel around me. He dries my hair, then sits me down on the bed near the side and positions himself next to me with his arm wrapped around my towel.

  Sleep.

  ****

  I wake up after a terrible nightmare. Lucca still has his arms around me, nuzzled into my neck. I have silk sleep shorts, underwear and a vest on. Lucca has clean clothes on also. I look around the room; there are flowers and balloons, cards and gifts everywhere. I think I must have slept through my birthday or something worth celebrating.

  “Lucca, what day is it?”

  “Its Tuesday morning. You slept on and off most of the day yesterday”. Smiling, he kisses me and strokes my arm with his fingertips. “Morning baby, do you feel better?”

  “Yes a little.”

  “You’ll need to eat something today and get hydrated, if you don’t, they won’t let you home with me.”

  “Okay, I will, I can’t stay here, it’s too uncomfortable.” Lucca laughs, “I’m desperate to get you back into our bed and look after you properly by myself.”

  “What is all this stuff?” I look around at the gift bags and flowers. “You had lots of visitors yesterday. Hazel and Dominic, Mamma, Papa and Anna were here. They brought you some new sleepwear, slippers, toiletries, make up, and a new outfit for wearing to go home in.

  “That’s so thoughtful. I’ m very lucky, and grateful for their generosity.”

  Lucca kisses my lips. “You’re fucking adorable. They love you…I love you,” he then trails sweet kisses up my neck to my lips. “My grandparents were here too and brought over a hamper of stuff and a gift of some sort, I’ll let you open it. You had flowers delivered from Donita and Fran, and also a bouquet from Vincenzo and Lorenzo. Hazel has brought your e-reader and some magazines.”

  “My goodness, I’m overwhelmed. You really have lovely friends and a great family.”

  “Well as you’re mine, they’re your family now, so get used to it. I‘ve charged your phone, and have you pills here. Marco brought your bag over.” Lucca kisses me, then stands off the bed and stretches.

  “I missed my pill yesterday. This is Tuesday, I was here yesterday, and my last one in this pack is today.”

  Shit!

  “I’ll need to speak to the doctor,” I add. Lucca doesn’t seem fazed by this, but I most definitely am.

  “Lucca I might ask them for advice on
an implant or something, just to save me worrying about pills. You know, something more permanent.”

  “Sure, baby, whatever is easiest for you, but don’t go getting harassed by it. It’s not necessary. What do you want to eat? I’ll have someone bring it to the hospital”

  Bloody well is necessary.

  “Can I not just have something to eat here?”

  “No, you’re not eating hospital food, Annalisa can prepare something for you and Sofia will bring it over.”

  “Okay, butternut squash soup then.” I give in to his persistence.

  Bubbly nurse redresses my feet after Lucca showers me again. She removes the saline drip and anti-biotic drip from the venflon as I am now drinking fluids and have been prescribed a course of antibiotics. Sofia and Franco show arrive with my soup, some focaccia, juice, little truffles, fruit and a box of goodies for Lucca.

  The soup is lovely, although my appetite isn’t great. I watch Lucca tip the bowl up and drink the rest of my soup. “Done, tell them you ate it all, so I can get you home.”

  “Have you opened your gift yet, Lexi?” Sofia asks.

  “No, sorry, I will now. I never got peace today from the nurses being so attentive.” I open a delicately wrapped heavy rectangle. It’s a mahogany wooden box with a gold catch on it, carved with lots of detail.

  “Go on, open it,” Sofia encourages. Inside there is an old cookbook, a very old cookbook, barely held together and discolored slightly. It’s thick with pages and pages of Italian traditional recipes with italic fountain pen writing in English and Italian.

  I’m speechless, it’s priceless, just so special. “Sofia, this is wonderful, really, but I can’t accept something so treasured. It must have been in your family for generations.”

  “It has been in my family for years and years, we pass it down, and I want you to have it.”