A Will To Change (Hope)

by Beth Rinyu

  “Oh, Callie asked me if I could work for her.”

  “Again? And when were you planning on telling me this? That girl needs to learn that when she’s on the schedule, she needs to work and not find someone else to do it for her!” Rochelle said, raising her voice a bit.

  Rochelle was the nursing supervisor. She ran a tight ship, but she had to in order to make things flow smoothly. I loved her to pieces. She was my “work mom”. Oh, who was I kidding? She was the only type of mom that I had. Period.

  “She called before you got here. I told her that I would tell you.”

  Rochelle shook her head. “She knows the rules. She is supposed to speak to me directly.”

  “Well, don’t get mad at her. If you’re going to get mad at anyone, get mad at me. I told her it was okay.”

  The scowl on Rochelle’s face slowly turned to a smile. “Well, I could never get mad at you, Gabs. You are my best worker.”

  “Oh, Rochelle. I don’t care what everyone else says about you. You can be sweet!” I teased.

  “Girl, I wouldn’t go that far!”

  We both began to laugh and finished up eating. I went into the locker room and grabbed my cell phone. I needed to text Evan and at least let him know that I wouldn’t be home tonight. Not that he even cared. The only thing that he would remotely be concerned with would be the fact that he wasn’t going to be getting any.

  Working a double. Won’t be home tonight. There’s leftover chicken in the fridge.

  I sat down on the bench in the locker room, awaiting his reply as the self-pity began to take over once again. How did you get to this point in your life, Gabby? You should be with someone that you love and that loves you back. What those little voices in my head failed to recognize was that finding a good guy, even a halfway decent guy, was hard to come by these days, especially one that could help you split the rent. I looked down at my vibrating phone to read his text message that had just come through.

  Whatever.

  Halfway decent guy. Evan was slowly losing even that title and falling into the someone to split the rent category.

  I finally rolled out of bed when I could no longer ignore the fact that I had to piss like a racehorse. After going into the bathroom and pissing for what seemed like an eternity, I headed in to the kitchen and grabbed the carton of orange juice from the fridge. I couldn’t get to the kitchen sink fast enough to spit it out after taking a swig and realizing that it was sour. Picking up my phone, I saw that it was filled with texts and voicemails that I didn't feel like dealing with at the moment. Ignoring all of them, I dialed my mom's number. I was hoping for the answering machine because I didn't feel like being grilled by her about my personal life. After the third ring, I was pretty sure that I was in the clear.

  “Hello?” Shit, even worse, it was my dad.

  “Hey, Dad. It’s Will.”

  “Oh, nice of you to finally call at four-thirty in the afternoon and wish your mother a happy birthday.”

  And here we fuckin’ go! “Yeah, well, sorry. I’ve been kinda busy with work today.” What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

  “Yeah, well, it takes two minutes to call your mother and wish her a happy birthday. I’m sure you could have done that in between putting out fires.”

  What the fuck?! “Dad, I didn’t call to get into it with you or even talk to you, for that matter. Could you please just put Mom on the phone?”

  I listened to the silence on the other end as he went to get my mother. “Will, thank you so much for the beautiful flowers, honey,” my mother said when she finally came to the phone. “They made my entire day and you remembered that Gerber Daises are my favorite!”

  What the fuck were Gerber Daisies? “Oh, you’re welcome. Did you do anything special today?” I asked.

  “No, not really. We’re going out to dinner with Jamie and Hope tonight. I wish you were able to come. It would have been so nice to have all of my children with me on my birthday.”

  And the guilt trip begins. “Yeah. I wish I could go, too, but I’m working.” I hated lying to her, but me being anywhere near my dad was just a recipe for disaster. I didn’t want to ruin her birthday, not to mention that I still felt like total shit, even after sleeping it off the entire day.

  “Well, I’ll let you get back to work. I know that you’re busy. But thank you so much, sweetie, and thank you for the phone call.”

  “No problem. Happy birthday, Mom. I love you.”

  “I love you, too, honey,” she said as she hung up. It amazed me how a simple phone call and flowers that I didn’t even order totally impressed her. She either had really low expectations of me, or it didn’t take much to please her.

  I decided to scroll through my plethora of messages. Cathy, Janelle, Tabitha. I half-listened to all of them until I got to the one from my station. “McAdams, if you can get your ass in here tonight, do it. Kroger got injured today, and Thompson just called out.”

  Karma. That’s what I get for lying to my mother on her birthday. I called the captain on duty and let him know I would get there as soon as I could, which meant after I ate the frozen pizza that seemed to be the only edible thing in my apartment and showered. I tried to look at the positive of going in on my shift off. At least I wasn't lying to my mother or the women that I had just texted back, letting them know that I wasn't available tonight.

  “What's up, douche bag?” Brian…or Peterson, as I referred to him…said as he walked into the locker room to change.

  “Yeah, I am a douche bag for coming in to help you douche bags out on my day off. I could be getting some serious ass right now, you know.”

  “Didn't you get enough last night? You left Clancy’s with Delia, or were you too drunk to remember?”

  I smirked. “Don't remember a thing. Just waking up in her bed and having her flip out on me.”

  “Ha. What the hell did you do?”

  “I told her we needed to cool it. She was gettin’ way too possessive. You know I don't do that.” He shook his head and laughed. “Oh please, Peterson, like you aren't the same way.”

  “I'm not saying I'm not, but Delia, man? That body alone would make me consider becoming a one woman man.”

  “Yeah, well, she's not all that. I'll give you her number and you can see for yourself.”

  “You are a dog, McAdams.” He grinned.

  “Aint a damn thing wrong with that, my friend. At least I’ll die a happy man.”

  I had just finished changing into my uniform when the alarm sounded. “Ah, fuck, really? And I was hoping for an easy night!” I shouted, slamming my locker door shut.

  I geared myself up and jumped in the truck. We got to the scene of an abandoned two-story building billowing with smoke. Peterson and I entered first, moving toward the back of the building where the fire seemed to have started.

  “Hold on. The hose is snagged!” I shouted as we approached the flames.

  I stepped back two feet to remove the hose from the piece of wood that it was wedged under. Looking up, I realized that the ceiling right above Peterson’s head was about to cave in. “Peterson, get the fuck out of the way! The ceiling’s gonna give!” I screamed. He tried his best to move out of the way just as the ceiling came crashing down, pinning his leg. I ran to him, dragging him out from under the debris as the flames came dangerously close. “I can’t move my leg, Will. I think it’s broken.”

  “Flynn, Jackson, get him out of here!” I said to the other two guys that had just reached us.

  They dragged Peterson out of the way just as Flynn looked up at the ceiling. “Will, look out!”

  Exhaustion was finally setting in after working sixteen hours straight. I couldn’t wait to crawl into my bed, trying my best to forget that I had to be back at the hospital in twelve hours. I walked into my apartment just as Evan was exiting the shower. “What the hell happened to you? You look like you got run over by a truck.”

  “Yeah, I feel like it, too,” I said, placing a gentle kiss on
his cheek. He stared at me with his piercing green eyes and pulled away as I went to wrap my arms around him.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked in defense.

  “Nothing!”

  I knew it was something, but I was just too tired to care. I looked at the clock. 6:23. Only thirty-seven minutes to go and he’d be on his way to his cushy job at his father’s advertising firm that he worked at where he would get to sit around all day and bark out orders to everyone else. Then he would come home and get mad at me for not wanting to go out because I was too tired from my long day at the hospital. He was clueless about anything going on in my life. He was clueless to a lot of things. Even though he was totally gorgeous on the outside, it didn’t make up for what he lacked on the inside and, to me, that’s all that mattered.

  Our relationship didn’t start out that way. Three years ago, when we first started dating, we actually did get along, but now we were lucky if we could be in the same room for five minutes without getting into an argument. Of course, my mother adored him because he came from money and since that was all that mattered to her, she thought that he was a great catch. On a few occasions, she actually expressed her confusion over what someone like him would be doing with someone like me.

  Once Evan was gone and out the door, I changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed, falling into a much needed deep sleep. I woke up eight hours later, feeling totally rested and ready to face the world once again. When I hopped out of bed, I was happy to see that it was only three o’clock and I had three-and-a-half hours all to myself before I had to leave for work. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal as I checked my emails. I looked up in surprise to find Evan walking through the door. He wasn’t due home for at least another three hours.

  “Hey, what are you doing home so early?” I asked.

  “I have that awards dinner in Long Island. You did remember that you’re going with me, right?”

  “Oh, shit! Evan, I am so sorry. Rochelle needed someone to fill in some hours and I –.”

  “Damn it, Gabby! What the fuck?!” he shouted, throwing his keys on the counter and storming into the bedroom.

  Even though I didn’t want to go, I was still feeling pretty bad. He had asked me to go weeks ago, and I had been so busy that it totally slipped my mind. I got up and put my bowl in the sink. Evan was in the closet getting his suit together when I walked into the bedroom. I stood behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I’m sorry,” I said, kissing him on the shoulder.

  “Yeah, whatever, Gabby!”

  I took a deep breath, figuring that I would accomplish two things at once. I would fulfill my weekly sexual duty and, at the same time, try to ease the blow of not attending his work function with him. I stood behind him as my fingers unfastened his belt buckle, then his button and zipper. I slid my hand down his pants, stroking him up and down until I felt him becoming harder. He turned around, wasting no time lifting my pajama top and bottoms off, wrapping his lips around my breast. We slid down to the floor and had our normal methodical sex that we had been having for the past year. It lasted for about five minutes, with me faking it like I did ninety percent of the time just to have it end.

  Evan quickly rolled off of me and pulled away when I went to kiss him on the lips. “Hey, do you care if I jump in the shower before you?” he asked as he quickly stood up and grabbed his clothes, not even waiting for my reply.

  “No, not at all,” I answered after he was already in the bathroom with the water running.

  I lay on the floor, listening to the running water and staring at the ceiling fan. “Someone please tell me that there is more to life than just this,” I whispered.

  It felt like I had just left the hospital and here I was again. It still beat the alternative of spending the night with Evan’s boring co-workers, pretending to have a good time.

  “Hey, Gabs,” Callie said. “Thanks for covering for me last night.”

  “No problem,” I replied, looking up at the board and my list of patients.

  Callie took a sip of her soda and smiled. “Hot fireman in room three seventeen. Got burned pretty badly on his arm last night. Tall, dark hair, beautiful blue eyes, great smile. He was transferred here this morning and he’s all yours!”

  I picked up his chart and lightly smacked her with it. Will McAdams. Thirty-four-years-old, third degree burns to his right arm.

  “Is he due for his dressing change?”

  “Yup, hasn’t had it done yet. Poor guy doesn’t know what he’s in for,” Callie sighed.

  “Oh, sure, make me be the bad guy.”

  “But you do it so well, Gabby.”

  “What? The dressing change or playing the bad guy?”

  “Both,” she giggled.

  I rolled my eyes at her and gathered his meds that he was due for, preparing myself for the torture that I was about to inflict on mister tall dark, and handsome.

  Man, being stuck in this hospital for God knows how long was going to suck big time. I hated being cooped up anywhere. Add some needles stuck in my hand and a million different medicines coursing through my veins, and it became a thousand times worse. Not to mention that my arm hurt like hell. I had just gotten off the phone with my brother and was hoping that he would keep his promise and not tell my mother what had happened. He reluctantly assured me that he wouldn’t say anything, but I knew that once he told my sister-in-law, all bets were off. The last thing I needed was my parents coming here to see me and hearing my dad telling me “I told you so” about my career choice.

  I threw my head back against my pillow and stared up at the ceiling. I would give anything just to go home. Things were finally starting to look up as my eyes focused on the cute little nurse that had just walked into my room. She was definitely doable. She didn't exude hotness like most of the women I was with, but there was no doubt that she was absolutely adorable, even wearing scrubs. She was so petite that she almost looked like a little girl. Her dark brown hair was pulled up into a ponytail and I was guessing, just from the olive complexion of her skin and her deep brown eyes, that she was either Italian or Spanish.

  “Hey, Will. I'm Gabby. You and I will be spending a lot of time together.”

  “Well, hello, Gabby.” I smiled.

  She smirked at me as if she got my sense of humor right away. She hooked up another bag of medication to my IV and sat down on the chair at the side of my bed. “So, on a scale of one to ten, where would you say your pain is at today?”

  “If I answer this correctly, do a get I prize or something?”

  She smiled and shook her head. “Well, that depends on what you consider a prize.”

  “Hmm....let me get back to you on that one.”

  “I'm going to change your bandage. I'm not going to lie to you. It’s going to be painful, but you’re a big boy, right?”

  “So I've been told.” I grinned.

  She shook her head again, trying to hold back her laughter. “Well, the medicine that I just hooked up to your IV should help you out a bit.” She began to unwrap the gauze from my arm. “So, Will, tell me about yourself.”

  I knew she was trying to create a diversion to take my mind off what she was doing. “You go first.”

  “Ah, a man of mystery, I see. Well, what would you like to know?”

  “You know, the basics. If you want to throw in your measurements, that would work, too.”

  “Well, I know one thing about you already.” She smiled at me.

  “What's that?” I asked.

  “You've got a great sense of humor.”

  “Yeah, well, you're in the minority. Most women find me crude.”

  “It takes a lot to offend me.”

  “Wow. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.”

  She let out the cutest little giggle as she carefully continued unwrapping my arm, the whole time telling me about herself. She was thirty, had been a nurse for the past seven years, lived in Greenwich Village, didn’t have any
brothers or sisters, and loved dogs. The only thing she failed to mention was her status. I looked down at her finger and didn’t see a ring, not that it mattered to me.

  “So, are you married?”

  She shook her head and smiled. “Boyfriend,” she replied.

  I waved my free hand in the air. “Oh, we could work around that.”

  She immediately busted out with laughter and, right away, I knew that I liked this girl and trusted her one hundred percent.

  “So, Will, how did you do this to yourself?”

  “How do you think?” I grinned.

  “Elaborate for me.” She smiled back.

  “Let’s see. There was a building on fire. My buddy and I went into it to put it out because, you know, that’s what I do,” I teased.

  “Oh, so you’re a wise guy,” she said, raising her eyebrow. “Continue on,” she demanded as she carried on with removing my bandage without missing a beat.

  I looked up at her and smiled. There was something about this girl. Something different that made me instantly like her, and not in just a sexual way. “Well, I’m waiting.” She raised her eyebrows.

  “The ceiling was starting to cave in, and my buddy got pinned under some wood. I pulled him out and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital with my arm and head hurting like hell. I was told that the ceiling came down on me and knocked me out. Guess that was a good thing. At least I didn’t feel my arm going up in flames.”

  She looked up at me sympathetically. “Well, you were one lucky guy. Is your friend okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah, he is. Broken leg and rib.”

  “So you’re a hero?” Her dimples deepened within her beautiful smile.

  “I wouldn’t go that far.”

  “Well, I would.” Her voice was so calm and comforting, reminding me of one of those relaxation tapes that we would have to listen to during our mandatory shrink visits after 9/11. She continued to tell more about herself and I found myself telling her a lot about me, as well, something I normally didn’t do around women, but everything about her put me totally at ease.