Time for Raine

by C. Barry Denham

  He didn’t give her much of a choice, so she followed him into his room. As she left the safety of the central room, she glanced through the dim light of Raine’s bedroom. The little girl was motionless, apparently worn out from the long day’s events. She stepped into Sean’s room, and he quietly closed the door. She felt awkward, unable to decide what to do with her hands. She tried not to look, but the bed loomed in the background. It seemed larger than it had a right to be, and an image of her in it, lying beside him, flashed through her mind. She moved quickly to a small desk and pulled out the chair, facing the escape route to her own room, which now seemed an impossibly long hike. He stood on the other side of his bed, next to two chairs, but did not sit.

  Instead, he walked to a small refrigerator and opened it. “Would you like something to drink?”

  “No, thank you,” she replied, with hopes the words sounded steadier than they seemed coming from her mouth.

  He retrieved a bottle of water and took a sip. He stood for a moment looking at her, as if he hadn’t a clue what he would say next. He took another sip of the water. Was he buying time? He studied the bottle for a moment, took a deep breath, and looked at her. Her heart skipped a beat as his gaze burned its way into her heart. He wore a little boy vulnerability that softened her into mere putty. She could meet his eyes for only a moment, and then had to look away.

  “I’m not one for speeches.” He seemed to have trouble swallowing. “But there are some things I have to say.”

  Okay, play it cool. Don’t look at him. Remember the real world. Remember the real world. Men don’t really know how to love you back. Relax.

  Her palms grew sweaty as her resolve slipped with every word. She forced herself to lean back in the chair and cross her legs and arms, silently cursing for allowing herself to feel so uneasy. Her self-control waned. Every fiber of her body and mind wanted this man. Options other than totally giving in to her love for Sean quickly dissipated before her eyes. He looked as if he wanted to bolt and run more than she did. He again studied the water bottle while twisting it in his hands.

  “I’m in love with you, Noelle Victor. I—There’s no use in saying anything else at this moment, because I am totally and idiotically in love with you. Like I’ve never been in love before—”

  She couldn’t remember getting up from the chair. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and her arms surrounded his shoulders. Her mouth found his as her tears flowed. His arms took possession of her as her breathing became erratic. The taste of him sent a jolt through her. “I want you,” she whispered. He immediately turned toward the bed. Some sanity returned, and she whispered in his ear, “The door.”

  “I’m in love with you, too.” She managed to utter those words as the door closed behind her.

  He didn’t have to say a word. She felt his smile on her shoulder—he had acknowledged her words in the only expression she needed.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Hanging by his fingertips, Sean tried desperately to keep from falling into the darkness of the bottomless abyss. Raine was on a narrow ledge above, calling for him, just out of his reach. A tall, sinister stranger, dressed in a suit and shades, edged along the ledge toward her. If Sean loosened his grip and reached out for his daughter, he would fall and there would be no one to save her from the Castle Man. He refused to panic at the hopelessness of the quandary, and instead was determined he’d find a way to save her and himself. Then they needed to get the hell away from the man who so desperately wanted to get to his daughter.

  “Sean?”

  He could not determine where the woman’s voice came from. As he looked around, searching for a way out, he became aware of the futility of the situation. Then, when he closed and reopened his eyes, the ledge was gone, as was Raine and the man in the dark suit. He awoke, lying on his stomach with his fingers wrapped tightly around a corner of the mattress. He sat up, his body in a cold sweat and looked around at unfamiliar walls.

  Noelle shook his shoulder. She stood next to the bed, searching for her clothes. “Sean, wake up.” She pointed to the door. “Raine’s calling for you.”

  He jumped from the bed and struggled to dress.

  “Daddy!” The call from behind his closed door became frantic.

  He unlocked the door and expected to see his daughter walk through, catching him in the room with Noelle. Instead, still in a stupor, he hurried into the adjoining room and saw his daughter thrashing around in her bed. Noelle donned a robe and followed him. When he got to the bed, Raine’s eyes were closed. She rolled back and forth under the cover. Her face was beet red.

  “Honey, Daddy’s here.” He took her into his arms. She was blazing hot.

  Noelle returned quickly with a wet washcloth. “Do you have a thermometer?”

  “Yes, it’s in the small plastic zip-bag next to my shaving kit.” Before he could turn to look at her, she was gone again. She returned in a matter of seconds with the thermometer. He switched it on and placed it gently in Raine’s ear. In seconds, numbers were displayed.

  “Jeez, 104.6.”

  Noelle had a bottle of children’s ibuprofen in her hand. “I found this with the thermometer. How much? The directions say up to two milliliters.”

  “That’s fine.” He took the plastic syringe and lifted his daughter’s head. “Here, sweetheart, open up.”

  With her eyes still closed, she opened her mouth enough to take the red liquid. He squeezed the syringe, and she swallowed.

  She moaned and opened her eyes in alarm. “Daddy, did you see the Castle Man?”

  It took every bit of strength in his arm to maintain his grip on her. “Yes, sweetie, but he’s gone. Daddy told him to leave.”

  “Thank you, Daddy.” She smiled.

  Sean glanced at Noelle, who wore a confused look. She handed him a plastic cup with ice water. He managed to get a few sips down his daughter before she gagged. She mumbled something, and closed her eyes again, and smiled. In a matter of seconds, she was asleep. He lowered her head gently onto the pillow and adjusted her cover. He left the lamp on dim and stepped back into his room, giving Noelle an evasive look before he walked past her. She quickly followed him.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” he said, but he couldn’t hide the feelings that gripped him.

  “Sean, don’t do this.” She closed the door behind them.

  “Do what?”

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s okay, you didn’t do anything wrong. You couldn’t have known she was sick.”

  “Oh, yeah? Well, I look at it differently. Hell, I couldn’t wait to get her in bed, so I could get you in bed. You don’t see anything wrong with that?”

  “No. No, I don’t.” Her voice broke. “Wanting me doesn’t make you a bad father, and this doesn’t make you negligent. Children get sick, Sean. No matter what you do after you put them to bed.”

  He paced for a minute and then stopped and took a deep breath. He couldn’t stop the tears as he moved toward her. She met him halfway.

  “I’m so sorry.” He held her close. “You’re right. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to cheapen what happened—”

  “Shhh,” She placed her finger over his lips. “It’s all right.”

  They stood next to his bed for several minutes, holding each other. He drew away from her and kissed her passionately. He tasted her tears as his lips pressed against hers.

  “I think we’re going to need some coffee.”

  He nodded and yawned.

  The digital clock on the table by the bed displayed 2:30. They had been asleep only a few hours. Sean fell into one of the chairs on the other side of his bed. She switched the coffee maker on and sat in the other. He reached for her hand.

  He smiled. “I’m really sorry.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “Thanks for helping me with her.”

  “Sure.”

  “And thanks for the reality check.”

  She smiled.

 
“I wonder what brought the fever on,” he said and rubbed his eyes.

  “Probably just a bug or something. I noticed she was cranky while eating her dinner. I thought she was just tired.”

  “Yeah.” He frowned. “Her face was red even then. Never thought about her getting sick. She hardly ever does. Can’t remember the last time she had so much as a sniffle.”

  “I’m sure the ibuprofen will help bring her fever down.”

  “Yeah, we’ll give it an hour and check again.”

  “So, do you want to talk about it?”

  “About what?” he asked.

  “The Castle Man.”

  He nodded. “Ah, the Castle Man. I’m really not sure what to say about this. That’s why I haven’t mentioned it before. I’m not real comfortable with situations I can’t explain.”

  He told her about the incident in Raine’s room, about her asking him who the Castle Man was, as well as about the dream he had. Noelle was quiet during the entire time. It was a coincidence, wasn’t it? The coffee machine finished. Noelle walked over to it. “You know, I don’t even know how you like your coffee.”

  He yawned. “Black.”

  She poured two cups, handed one to him and sat again. They sat in silence, sipping the steaming brew. He couldn’t help but admire how she looked, even at that late hour, and especially after all they had been through in the past few hours. He couldn’t seem to get enough of her. Even now, he couldn’t take his eyes from her.

  “What?”

  “You look beautiful.”

  She scoffed. “I’ll bet.”

  He knelt in front of her chair. She kissed him. In a husky voice, she said, “I guess I have been a bit of a distraction to you lately.”

  “What? No, not at all. You can’t be distracted unless you want to be.”

  “And I’m sorry I didn’t notice her getting sick, either.”

  He smiled. “Well, I guess it’s true. I have had a one-track mind most of the day.”

  “It was certainly a good track, though.”

  “Yeah, I thought about it a lot on the airplane and was determined to tell you how I feel.”

  “I felt the same way. I guess I wasn’t through feeling sorry for myself.”

  “How so?”

  “Well, I’m not very good at relationships.”

  “I find that hard to believe.” He returned to his chair.

  “No, it’s true. I guess I’ve always spent a lot of time trying to be the best doctor I can be, sometimes to the detriment of everyone and everything else in my life. The relationships I’ve had have not ended well.”

  He fought jealousy but refused to feed it by asking a lot of questions. “I can’t imagine anyone walking away from you.”

  “Funny you should say that. I must admit it was always me who walked away.”

  Sean frowned.

  “I guess that sounded suspect, huh?”

  “Well, it did give me pause for concern.”

  “I should probably explain.”

  “Really, it’s not necessary.”

  “No, please. I want to. I don’t want you to think I’m a love ’em and leave ’em type of girl.”

  He raised his eyebrows.

  “Wow, I’m the analyst.” She shook her head. “And I’m talking to you like I’m the one on the couch.”

  He held his hands up in defense and grinned. “What you say can and will be used in a court of law―”

  “And I can’t believe I’m pouring it all out to you.”

  “Please. I want to hear what you have to say. You might have noticed I’m somewhat interested in you.”

  She glanced at the floor. Her expression became somber. “I’ve had two serious relationships. The first one was while I was in college.” She gave him a pained expression and took a deep breath. “My first love. He was my professor.” She spoke fast. “And he was married.”

  Sean nodded but remained quiet as he processed the information.

  “I was so young and naïve. Not to mention stupid.” She shook her head and laughed. “There was nothing special about him. He wasn’t good-looking. He was short and dumpy and rapidly balding. But he certainly knew the right things to say and when to say them. And in spite of his sleazy intentions, he made me feel special.”

  “You are special.”

  She gave him a grateful smile and sipped her coffee. “Thank you.”

  “So, did he promise to leave his wife and run away with you?”

  “Yeah, the whole nine yards. Hook, line, and sinker.”

  “You were in love.” What he’d intended as a statement ended with the inflection of a question.

  She shook her head. “No, I don’t think I was. I guess I loved him, sure. But I wasn’t in love with him. I figured that would come later when he left his wife and we had a quote, normal, unquote relationship.”

  “But of course he never did?”

  “Right. He never did, which turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  Sean was puzzled again and must have shown it.

  “If he had made good his promises, I would probably have dropped out of school and be raising three or four little balding professors by now.”

  “Three or four?” He couldn’t hide his surprise.

  She took his hand. “Does it surprise you I love kids and that I might want children one of these days?”

  “No, no. In fact, it’s obvious you do love kids. And they love you. I mean, look how Raine adores you. And your other patients do too. You can’t be as good as you are at what you do without loving the ones you do it for.” As much as he tried to hide it, the realization she wanted more kids brought a measure of sadness.

  “Did I…did I say something wrong?”

  He was trapped and forced into a position to make a choice. Should he come clean with her, or was it too early to tell her why he and Patty had chosen the adoption route? He deferred. “You said two. You said you had two relationships?”

  “Yes, I did, didn’t I?” She took another deep breath. “And then there was Scott.”

  Sean remained silent as she seemed to be lost in memories.

  “We were together four years. Scott’s a urologist and was attending a medical convention in Atlanta—one similar to the one where we first met. I had gone with him each year, but that year my caseload was especially heavy, and I couldn’t get away. It was the first day of fall, and a mean and nasty stomach flu cleared my schedule for a couple of days, so I decided to surprise him. I caught an early flight, rented a car, bought a bottle of champagne, and made it to his hotel before the first morning session.” She seemed to choke up somewhat and paused.

  “You really don’t have to—”

  “No, no. I’m fine.” She took a sip of coffee and continued. “There I was, getting off the elevator on his floor and about to step around the corner to his room, champagne in hand. I heard a bellboy knocking on a door, and peeked around the corner to discover he was outside Scott’s room with a breakfast tray. I was about to step around the corner and work a deal with the bellboy to stand in for him when Scott’s door opened. And there she was—a blonde in one of the hotel robes.”

  He frowned.

  “Well, naïve me, I thought I had the wrong room. But before I could round the corner and head to the hall phone to call the front desk, Scott appeared at the door, dressed in a matching robe.”

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

  “You know, the relationship was on the brink for quite a while anyway. In fact, I don’t know if it ever really got started. At least not to a point where the magic was there, you know?”

  Sean had no response.

  “Then again, I don’t guess you would know. You had a great relationship with Patty.”

  “I’m so sorry,” was all he could offer.

  “It’s okay.” She took a deep breath. “I think it was over before that day anyway. The whole miserable day confirmed it. At any rate, I flew right back home, dumped all his stu
ff outside the apartment, and had the locks changed. I haven’t seen him since. The next morning, all his stuff was gone.”

  He took her hand.

  “So you see? I haven’t had the best of luck with the men I’ve known.”

  “Raine’s mom and I couldn’t have children,” Sean admitted after an awkward moment of silence. It came out blunter than he intended. How absurd the words sounded. He laughed. She smiled and joined in the laughter. “That’s probably the strangest statement I’ve ever made.”

  “It was a double shock, I must admit. But it doesn’t matter.” She squeezed his hand. “I know what you meant.”

  After another moment of silence, Noelle’s expression lightened. “Ahh, now I understand your reaction to my comment about children.”

  “Well, you did say you wanted to have children, as in more than one.”

  “I said I wanted children. I didn’t say I necessarily wanted to give birth to them myself.”

  “Touché.” He needed to clarify his statement. “The doc said she was most certainly infertile. But it most probably would not have mattered anyway, because there was some question about my ability to father a child. At any rate, the doctor was quite certain the combination of those conditions would never permit success in making a baby.”

  She leaned toward his chair. He pulled her onto his lap and kissed her.

  “You know, you’re going to have to stop doing this if you don’t want me to attack you again.”

  “Doing what?” She batted her eyelashes playfully. “And who said I don’t want you to attack me? And why would you think I want you?”

  “Well, for one thing, looking at me like that. And for another, just coming near me.” He couldn’t help but laugh as his thoughts took him back. “Last time you came at me, you got a good jump start.”

  “You know, I don’t remember what happened. I only remember jumping you, wrapping my legs around you, and—”

  “Okay, okay. Don’t remind me.” He gave her another kiss. “Hold that thought. Let me go check on Raine.”

  He deposited her in the other chair, picked up the thermometer, and stepped into Raine’s room.

  ****

  When Sean returned from Raine’s room, the look on his face spoke volumes. Something was wrong.