by J. Bengtsson
“What impression is that?”
“That I’m interested.”
“You’re not?”
“I mean, she’s cool and all but,” I hesitated. “It’s just not a good time to get involved with someone, you know.”
“Who says?”
“I say.” I sneered at Keith. “I’m insanely busy, Keith. I just don’t have time for a relationship right now.”
“So tell me exactly when will be a good time, Jake, because for the past seven years you’ve been perpetually busy. If that is going to be the deciding factor then you might as well prepare now to be alone forever.”
I stared at Keith. I wanted to argue with him but we both knew he was right. I was always making excuses, using my schedule as a reason for not wanting to get close to a girl, but the truth was…God…the truth was so much more depressing. We sat in silence drinking our beer.
“So if you aren’t interested,” Kyle broke the quiet moment, “Can I have a go at her?”
I gave Kyle a death stare. He loved pushing my buttons.
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’,” Kyle smirked.
Chapter Five
Casey
I had trouble sleeping that night. All I could see when I closed my eyes was Jake’s face, Jake’s smile, Jake’s hair. I liked everything about him, including his awesome family. I was hopelessly smitten with a guy I would probably never see again after tomorrow.
When I woke up in the morning, the only thing on my mind was Jake McKallister…and I couldn’t stop smiling. I ran our conversations over and over in my mind, laughing to no one. God, I had it bad. I was seriously crushing on Jake. How had this happened? How had I become one of those horrible clichés…the love-struck groupie who fell for the rockstar? Stupid! This guy was gorgeous, talented, rich and famous. The girls in his world were models and singers…not waitresses. Yet, Jake gave off all the signs of being interested. Of course maybe he was only interested in a booty call; but if that were the case, then why didn’t he push for it. Obviously he had to know I was into him. It wouldn’t have taken much to sway me. No, I’d convinced myself that Jake was into me and no amount of self-doubt could break me of that belief.
Chapter Five
Jake
“Wake up, dipshit!” Kyle’s voice broke into my dreams.
I bolted upright, unsure of where I was or what was happening. Kyle was standing in the doorway grinning.
“Your alarm is going off,” he said.
“Oh God. What the?” I reached over and turned it off. “I’m so out of it. Fucking jetlag! What time is it?”
“Eight. You’re fine.”
I’d been having quite the dream when I was so rudely interrupted. I turned so Kyle wouldn’t catch sight of my morning wood. Kyle remained in the doorway.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Are you waiting for a tip?” I asked grumpily.
“I wasn’t but I wouldn’t turn one down if you offered.”
“Well then here’s my tip…if you don’t leave now, you’ll see dick.”
Kyle made a gagging sound then walked out of the room.
I rubbed my tired eyes and thought about the dream I’d just been having. She was even invading them. A smile spread across my face as I thought about all the funny things Casey said yesterday. Damn she was smart and feisty and fun. Keith was right. I liked her. There was no denying it.
I yanked off the sheets and walked to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and took a piss while the water warmed up. I stepped into the steaming flow and let it roll over my tired body before dunking my head under the steady stream. Water saturated my hair and ran down all sides of me. I shampooed then soaped up. My hands slid over the rough, raised skin that crisscrossed my body, a reminder of the childhood horrors I’d survived. I had long ago come to terms with how those scars came to be but that didn’t mean I openly discussed my past. It was one of the main reasons why I pushed women away. I hated revealing my scars because that meant having to explain them. That was why my ‘groupie-sluts’, as Keith so eloquently put it, where so perfect. The encounters were quick and impersonal. No girl was ever around long enough for me to have the conversation. Hell most of the time, they weren’t around long enough to even see me without a shirt on.
My thoughts turned back to Casey and I wondered what she would think of my scars. She was different than the others but that didn’t mean she would be any less curious. At some point she would want details and I knew that I couldn’t give that to her. What had happened to me was something I would never share with anyone. It was just the way I dealt with the trauma. But unfortunately, people always wanted more from me. My pleas for privacy were never accepted. This had always been the major deal breaker when it came to women. One or two trysts in bed and they were, all the sudden, my personal therapists, prodding me to open up and share my feelings. Fuck that! That part of my life was off-limits to everyone…including any woman who tried to get close to me.
But then, I’d never really been too invested in those relationships to begin with. There was no real trust. The few “girlfriends” I’d had were really just about sex for me. There was no emotional connection. We didn’t have light, fun conversations. We didn’t laugh together. We just got together often for sex and then, by default, we hung out in public occasionally. I guess I could see why the girl might consider us ‘together’ but I never did. My past relationships never went deeper for me emotionally. In fact, I spent most of my last ‘relationship’ just trying to get out of it. But Casey excited me in ways that went beyond just sex. She made me feel, I don’t know, normal, and my attraction to her was undeniable. So then why did I feel so conflicted? Why couldn’t I just let go? Why couldn’t I just allow myself to be happy…just this once?
Later that day, after arriving at the church with my family, Mitch came up and said, “Hey Jake, if you want you can just hang out back here until the ceremony. Having you as an usher might be counterproductive to getting people to take their seats. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Yeah, that is probably best,” I replied, more than a little relieved. I’d actually been a bit worried about that very thing. I waited in the groom’s room by myself for a while playing on my phone until I got bored and started thinking about Casey. Once I did, I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I still had 45 minutes to kill so I decided to go looking for her.
I walked out of the church and was heading over to the rooms in the other building where I knew the bridal party was getting ready, when I saw a group of teenage girls lingering. They weren’t dressed for a wedding and they had cameras and cell phones at the ready. Crap. I froze in place and contemplated going back inside the church but by now I was already halfway there. I had not yet been spotted so I made the split second decision to keep walking. I’d only covered half the remaining distance before a girl screamed my name. I looked up, smiled, waved then, like a coward, ran the rest of the distance. I quickly ducked inside the building, feeling instant relief but also worrying that the entire hoard of excited teens would follow me inside. I turned around and locked the door. If anyone was coming behind me they were screwed but I figured that was preferable to an invasion of enthusiastic teenage girls.
I wandered from room to room looking inside for Casey. I passed an older woman and I asked if she knew Casey. She didn’t. Finally I rounded a corner and there she was. I stopped dead in my tracks and gazed at her in awe. Casey was wearing a shimmery, flowing bridesmaid dress. The color was so unusual, a greenish-yellow mix but it was perfect with her skin tone and hair color. The dress fell just above her knees and I was treated to a view of her perfectly toned legs. Holy shit! I gulped. I was awestruck by her beauty. My eyes scanned upwards. Casey’s hair was again pulled back into a ponytail but now it looked glamorous, slicked back tightly, with curls cascading down her back. A couple of small flowers were pinned into her hair. Even the makeup she was wearing, more than last night, was still subtle and radiant. The sunlight from the window ill
uminated her and I swear she reminded me of a meadow full of wild flowers. I just stood there and stared at her, mesmerized. Casey was smiling as she chatted easily with a young girl. She was arranging flowers in the child’s hair. She must have sensed my presence and looked up. When she saw me, a bright smile crossed her face. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever seen anyone as beautiful as her in all my life.
Chapter Six
Casey
I tried to keep my mind off Jake by throwing myself into the wedding preparations. It wasn’t until I was at the church that I actually saw him again. I was helping one of the junior bridesmaids put a flower crown in her hair when I looked up and there he was staring right at me.
“Oh, hey,” Jake said, “I was looking for you.”
You were looking for me? I wanted to blurt out but instead I just I smiled widely and gazed up at him in all his gorgeous glory. Jake was dressed in a black, tailored tux that fit him to perfection. Good Lord was he fine! “Wow.”
Jake smiled.
“Oh God. Did I say that out loud?”
Jake laughed. “You did.”
“Well I stand by my observation,” I smiled, then shook my head and announced, “you clean up nicely.”
Jake laughed. “I’m not really sure how to take that.”
I smiled coyly and shrugged my shoulders.
“Well…puke green is a good color on you.”
I laughed out loud but it came out more like a snort. I covered my mouth quickly and both Jake and I laughed. The pre-teen flower girl looked up at me in horror, like I’d committed some mortal sin. How could I snort in front of a guy like Jake McKallister?
“You like this, huh?” I said as I stood up and twirled in my dress. Jake nodded.
I turned to the girl, who was staring in awe at Jake. “You’re all set Kayla.”
“Oh…okay, uh…thanks,” Kayla replied without even looking at me. Still looking at Jake, Kayla started to walk out of the room. Then she stopped, gathered her courage and asked Jake, “Can I get your autograph?”
“Sure,” Jake smiled easily, “what do you want me to sign?”
“Oh, um…let me…” Kayla started looking around the room for a pen and some paper. While we were waiting Jake glanced at me. I smiled. He smiled back. A tingle shot through my body. I could not have been more attracted to Jake if I tried. Kayla eventually found something for Jake to sign. He wrote her a little note and then handed it to her. Kayla took it from him never taking her eyes off Jake.
“Thank you so much,” Kayla said. “You’re so nice. I wish I had my phone so I could take a picture but my mom made me give it to her for the wedding. My friends would be so jealous.”
“Find me at the reception tonight and we can take a picture then, okay?”
“Really? That would be so cool. Okay…thanks!” Kayla rambled as she walked out of the room. Then from down the hall we could hear her squeal, “You’re hot!”
Both Jake and I looked at each other and laughed. He shrugged like he was saying, ‘what do you want me to do about it?’
“Oh my God, Jake, you’re so hot!” I exclaimed in my best preteen voice. “Can I get your autograph?”
“I can do better than that,” Jake stated then bent down and kissed my cheek.
I gasped in mock adoration. “I’ll never wash this cheek again.”
Jake wrinkled up his nose and said, “Gross.”
I smiled at him. He was just so cute staring down at me with that twinkle in his eye and the adorable lop-sided grin on his face. He was clearly flirting with me and it was making me weak in the knees. I wanted to jump him and give him a proper kiss but I wasn’t nearly bold enough.
“Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere? Like ushering?”
“I was told my help was not required.”
“Really?”
“Yeah…apparently they felt I couldn’t handle the inherent pressures of being a wedding usher,” Jake shrugged.
“Well it’s a tough job…walking people to their seats and all,” I teased.
“Right, because ushering is so much more demanding than performing in front of thousands of people every night.”
“Exactly,” I laughed. “You know Jake, have you considered that maybe Mitch and Kate don’t want you distracting their guests.”
“I wasn’t planning on breaking out in song,” Jake remarked, shrugging.
“You don’t need to sing. You’re just a walking distraction.”
“Oh really? Are you distracted by me?” Jake smirked and took a step closer to me. There was obvious suggestion in his voice. Damn he was hot.
“I meant you’re a distraction to other people. You have absolutely no affect on me at all,” I grinned.
“No?” Jake said as he stepped right up to me. “Are you sure?”
“Yep. Totally sure,” I lied.
“What about now?” Jake asked as he put his hand on my hip. He was so close to me now that I could feel the heat of his presence creeping through my body. I actually trembled. Jake didn’t seem to notice, thankfully.
I fanned myself. “Nope, nothing.” I grinned as I placed my hand on his beautifully dressed chest. He was staring down at me, our eyes locked.
“Hey guys! What’s up?”
Jake and I jumped. So focused were we on our little flirt-fest that neither one of us knew that we had company. We each took a step back. I looked over to see Sarah was standing in the doorway, trying to act casual in the face of what she’d just witnessed but I could tell she was pissed. Sarah had staked her claim on this guy months ago and I basically pulled up at the last minute and started building a house on her land. Sarah strolled in. Each of us bridesmaids wore a different color. She looked beautiful and confident in her light blue dress. Although the color I chose complimented my skin tone, I suddenly felt frumpy and very green. Sarah smiled radiantly to Jake as she stepped between us. She turned to me, away from Jake’s line of vision and flicked me the meanest ‘get lost’ look imaginable. “Um Casey…Kate is looking for you. She needs your help with the veil.”
I knew this was a lie told to make me disappear. With me at a safe distance, Sarah would be free to work her charms on Jake. And if that happened, our burgeoning flirt fest would be over. I agreed with Sarah on one point, Jake was something special…and I was not going down without a fight.
I said in my sweetest voice, “actually Sarah would you mind helping Kate with the veil? I was just about to take Jake to the church and coach him on what he needs to do for the wedding. Kate actually asked me to do that but I haven’t had a chance yet because I’ve been helping the flower girls.”
“Kate asked specifically for you, though,” Sarah said, not giving up easily.
“I’m sure she will understand. She has her mom and her sister to help. I know Kate would want Jake up to par with all the wedding plans,” I countered. Sarah flashed me the look of death. She knew what I was doing but it would make her look like a bitch if she denied me. Then I turned to Jake who seemed mesmerized by our conversation. “Are you ready?” I asked. Jake jerked his head up and nodded.
“See you later,” Jake said politely to Sarah. She smiled sweetly at him. Inside I knew she was fuming. Jake and I walked out of the room. Neither of us said a word until we were far out of hearing range.
“How close did we just come to a girl fight?” Jake whispered, “cuz, I’m not gunna lie, that would have been hot.”
I looked up to see that he was smiling.
“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you?” I replied. “Girls fighting over you?”
“Let’s just say I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”
I rolled my eyes like I was annoyed with him but in reality; I loved his flirty little banter. It was so incredibly charming. I walked with him to the exit.
Jake stopped suddenly. “Not that way.”
“What?”
“We can’t go that way.”
“Why?”
“Fans.”
“What?”
“There are teenage girls out there…I promise you…you don’t want to go that way.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously Casey.” Jake said, looking exasperated.
I laughed.
“What’s so funny?” He asked as a smile spread across his face.
“I don’t know. It’s just funny to me.” I replied, still laughing.
“I’m glad I could amuse you.”
“Oh don’t be so dramatic. I’ll save you,” I said as I grabbed his hand and led him in another direction.
“Where are we going?”
“I know another way out.”
We came to a door that I’d used yesterday to bring in the dresses. I opened it slowly and peaked out. Jake was right. There was a group of girls, not from our wedding party, who were milling around. These were probably youths from the church that got wind of Jake’s presence and were waiting by the back exit where the bridal party would walk out under the covered awning into the church.
“Okay, on my count,” I whispered like I was a spy on some mission.
“What?” Jake laughed.
“I don’t know I just always wanted to say that. One, two…three,” I grabbed his hand, yanked him out of the building and led him behind some bushes.
“You didn’t even tell me what the count was,” Jake complained.
“Oh…sorry…it was three,” I whispered.
Jake laughed. “Yeah, I get that now.”
“Shhh!!” I gestured with my eyes towards the fans.
“What exactly are we doing?” Jake whispered.
“Getting you to the church without you getting mobbed,” I explained. “It’s okay, I’ve done this before.”
“You’ve done this before?” Jake laughed. He was enjoying the silliness of the situation.
I put my finger to my lips and we tiptoed and ducked at the appropriate moments. I made all these ridiculous gestures with my hands as if I were on some covert mission. Jake just looked at me with amusement in his eyes. At one point, he narrowly missed stepping in a pile of cat poop, which, most definitely, would have taken the fun out of our little game. We were both whisper-laughing. It was fun…like playing spy.