by J. Bengtsson
It took us about two minutes to get to the front of the church, I raised my arms in victory and whispered, “Tah-Dah!”
“Congratulations, you got me across a parking lot,” Jake smiled then pointed toward a group of people filing into the church. “…into an even bigger group of people. What now, Bond?”
“Now we blend,” I instructed and started walking nonchalantly toward the entrance. I looked at Jake who was smiling down at me. “Try to look uglier if you can,” I whispered, pretending to be serious. Jake nearly snorted out laughter. We casually merged with the people filing into the church. Once in the building, guests started noticing Jake. I grabbed his hand and walked him around a corner. When we were out of sight, I squealed and started running with him down a hallway. I was giggling like a little girl. Jake gamely followed me. I led him to the back room where the bridal party was supposed to gather in exactly 6 minutes time. I pushed him in and shut the door behind me. There was no one there yet.
I smiled widely at Jake. “Whew, that was close.”
Jake shook his head in amusement. “You’re crazy fun, Casey.”
At that moment I was insanely happy. Jake just seemed to get me…and all my quirky humor. I felt like I could be myself with him, snorts and all. I stood on my tippy-toes and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
Jake looked surprised. “What was that for?” He asked.
“For being a good sport,” I replied.
A wide smile spread across his face. He stared down at me for the longest time, breathing heavy from our little excursion. Finally he said, “so where were we when Sarah so rudely interrupted?”
I took a step forward until we were nearly touching. “I think we had gotten to about this point,” I revealed, placing my hand on his chest.
“Oh yeah, I remember now,” he said then leaned down like he was going to kiss me. At that very moment footsteps could be heard coming from the outside corridor. Kate and the others were coming. We looked at each other.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Oh good lord…this way.” I grabbed his hand again and led him to the back door. I opened it and instructed, “Follow the corridor to the end. You’ll come to the groom’s room.”
“Okay.” Jake acknowledged as he brushed past me and started walking away. “Maybe we can finish this later.”
“I’m counting on it,” I smiled.
Chapter Six
Jake
Every time I was with her I felt like I was on top of the world. She was just so much fun…and sexy…and beautiful. I could feel myself falling under her spell and, in the moment, I could imagine all the possibilities. I felt like I was in control and I knew exactly what I wanted. But then I would walk away from her and be plagued with self-doubt. This girl had easily broken through the barriers it had taken me so long to erect. It happened so fast and without warning. Casey was the first girl I’d ever been attracted to that made me feel something. My pounding heart was proof of that. Honestly, I didn’t think it was possible. I’d always viewed myself as a lost cause when it came to love and affection but with Casey the promise of living the normal, simple life that I’d always craved actually seemed possible.
But then reality would set in. I knew myself and I knew my limitations. It wasn’t just the scars that held me back. There were demons that lived inside me, ones that rarely surfaced in my everyday life, but they were still there, lying dormant and waiting for the right trigger. And usually that trigger was sexual intimacy. A certain touch, a simple phrase, a breathy whisper…any of those things had the potential to elicit flashbacks so realistic that I would be transported back into the nightmare of my youth. It had happened before. I never wanted it to happen again. And the only surefire way I knew of preventing a flashback was to not get too emotionally close to women…to not let my guard down around them…and to never trust anyone on an intimate level. I would rather die alone and lonely then to have to relive the horrors.
But I was young and still had needs. I liked women and I liked sex. So, over the years, I’d figured a way around the problem. If I was horny enough and kept my sexual encounters to quick, impersonal romps, I could outrun the flashbacks, so to speak. But Casey was already affecting me on an emotional level that went so much deeper than anything I’d ever experienced. I didn’t know if it was possible to just have a casual encounter with her. And, honestly, I didn’t want that anyway. I’d already had my fill of casual. I wanted more. I needed more. I couldn’t have more. No matter how perfect Casey was for me, there was never going to be a white picket fence and a beautiful wife and a team of kids running around. Not for me. There could never be a future with anyone because the minute Raymond Lane put that gun to my head he stole any chance of me ever living a normal life.
So I knew I had to cut her loose before things got too complicated. It wasn’t just for my sake but hers as well. It was unfair to pull her into my life when I knew, full well, that I couldn’t give her what she deserved. The longer I pretended that I was someone else, someone whole, the more attached we would become and the higher the chance of me destroying her life once the flashbacks destroyed mine. I had to stop being stupid and selfish. I had to stop leading her on. How could I break this off before it ever really started? What would I even say to her? Clearly she knew I liked her so, really, anything I said would be confusing. Should I make excuses? Should I lie? Should I tell her it’s for her own good? In the end, I chose the path of least resistance…I chose to just ignore her. She would think I was a total jerk but it was better that way. It was only one day. I could ignore her for one goddamn day and then I would be back in Europe and I would never think of her again.
Chapter Seven
Casey
As I walked down the aisle holding my flowers, my eyes focused on Jake. My stomach did a little flip. He was so gorgeous. There was this strange raw chemistry…a powerful connection that I couldn’t explain. I’d liked plenty of guys before him but had never experienced anything close to this. It was almost like a magnetic force field attracting me to him. I couldn’t see anything or anyone else in the church. Just him. He stared straight ahead with that same detached look on his face that he had when I first saw him. Was it because he was in front of a bunch of strangers? This definitely wasn’t the guy I knew. I tried to catch his eye but he was all business. So distracted was I with Jake that I tripped on the first step, falling to the side. I caught myself with one hand and managed to push myself upright in one quick motion. I attempted to suppress a giggle but it was too funny to hold in. Jake caught my eye and his facial expression softened. A slight smile crossed his face but then he looked away again and the mask went back up. I got an instant feeling of unease. What was going on?
The ceremony was followed by almost an hour of pictures. Jake stayed close to his family the entire time. I tried to get his attention once or twice but Jake refused to engage me. Even when I was standing next to him for a picture he still didn’t talk to me. It wasn’t like I was expecting him to flirt with me in front of his family but he could at least look at me and acknowledge my existence. After pictures we moved into the reception hall. Dinner was not starting for an hour so the guests were all wandering around and chatting. Jake stayed next to his parents. I wondered if they had asked him to hang out with them for the wedding. I thought it was a little odd that a twenty-three-year-old man would stick next to his parents as they mingled with other people but what did I know about their relationship? Still why didn’t he even look in my direction? I had an uncomfortable feeling that Jake was actively trying to ignore me. I just couldn’t understand why? He’d been so flirty with me and had even said that we would continue our conversation later but then nothing. Weird.
Dinner began. Jake was assigned to sit with his family and I was with the bridal party. I glanced at him several times, okay every minute or two, throughout the evening but he never once reciprocated. The longer this went on the more I realized that I needed to accept the truth…Jake McKallister was definitely n
ot into me. I felt crushed. I didn’t know why. I had just met him so why would it hurt this much?
After dinner and during the speeches, my friend and co-worker, JD, came over and sat next to me, thankfully taking my mind off Jake. Of course, JD started up with his incessant flirting. He always felt a need to sweet-talk me even though he and I both knew it was never going to happen. JD, with his black wavy hair and chiseled good looks, was the biggest player I’d ever met. His booty count was in the fifties and he loved bragging about it. I had no interest in being another notch in his belt. Still, I found his efforts entertaining. We talked and laughed for a while. At one point I looked up to check on Jake for the thousandth time and was shocked to find him staring right at me for the first time all evening…and he actually looked annoyed. It took me a second to realize why. JD. He was…could it really be? Was Jake McKallister seriously jealous of JD Owens?
I wanted to laugh out loud at the preposterous assumption that Jake had made about JD. Did he really think that any guy, much less JD Owens, was on an equal playing field as him? Did he not realize that he was in a league all his own? But the look on his face was clear. Jake McKallister was jealous. I smiled and waved at him as if nothing at all was amiss. His frown turned upside down and he tentatively waved back. He then turned back to his sister, ignoring me once again.
“Whoa…you know him?”
“Sort of. We were paired for the wedding, remember?”
“I know but you guys weren’t interacting or anything. I just assumed he was keeping to himself.”
“No. We actually met yesterday at dinner. I hung out with him and his brothers later at the hotel too.”
“Oh, you hung out at the hotel,” JD nodded.
“Yeah, wipe that smirk off your face. Nothing happened,” I said.
“Uh-huh,” JD joked.
I laughed and wagged my finger at him.
“So what’s he like? He seems stand-offish.”
“Yeah he seems that way but when you get to know him he’s actually really nice.” I must have voiced it with googly eyes because JD picked up on it right away.
“So wait…hold up here…do you, or do you not, have something going with Jake McKallister?” JD asked in surprise.
“No…I mean…I don’t know. We kind of hit it off last night but…yeah…I have no idea what’s going on. He has pretty much ignored me since the wedding started.”
“Well, he’s not ignoring you now,” JD said. I glanced back and Jake quickly turned away like he didn’t want me to know he was staring. Something told me that I now had Jake’s full and undivided attention.
“What the hell?” I mumbled. “He made it pretty clear that he wasn’t interested so then why would he even care if I’m talking to you?”
“Probably because I’m devastatingly handsome.”
“Oh yeah, right. That must be it,” I smiled.
“Seriously though Case…he seems legit pissed that I’m talking to you.”
“Well too bad,” I responded, feeling a little pissed myself. Jake had spent the better part of the day ignoring me…he didn’t have the right to be jealous.
“Shall I continue to irritate him?” JD asked.
If Jake wanted to play games, then so would I.
“Please,” I smiled. JD put his arms around me and I laughed loud enough for Jake to hear. He turned around again upon hearing me enjoying myself and saw me in JD’s embrace. His eyes instantly met mine and I swear he looked hurt. I quickly pulled out of the hug feeling strangely guilty.
Then suddenly the sound of tapping on the microphone broke the moment. Mitch said, “I just want to thank everyone for being here tonight. You’ve all given Kate and I a day to always remember. We are so grateful for our amazing friends and family. Here is to all of you!”
Glasses are raised in celebration.
“And to my beautiful wife…I feel so lucky. You made my heart beat faster from the moment we met. Now I know why….you were the one, Kate…you’ve always been the one. I’m so excited to spend the rest of my life with you.”
More glasses were raised.
“So I’m not sure if any of you are aware of this but my younger brother, Jake, is a minimally successful professional musician,” Mitch claimed jokingly. “And, you know, he’s still working on trying to build a fan base so he begged me to let him sing tonight.” The crowd laughed. “Okay okay…relax…I was just kidding…in reality, I begged Jake to sing Kate’s favorite song, a little tune called ‘Pride’ and he graciously agreed. So Jake.” Mitch motioned to Jake, who immediately stood up and walked over to the stage. Kate clapped happily. Quinn followed his brother onto the stage. “Jake will be accompanied on guitar by our youngest brother, Quinn.”
The McKallister boys slung the guitars over their shoulders and strummed the strings a few times as they waited to perform.
“You know, when people find out that Jake is my brother the first question I’m always asked is…can you sing? And I’m like…noooo…and people always seem so disappointed…like why?” Mitch expressed in a whine. Everyone laughed, including Jake. Mitch turned to him and said, “Anyway, I think we can both agree that you inherited your musical talents from your mother’s side of the family because our dad….” Mitch shook his head sadly.
Jake nodded and laughed.
“At least you all inherited your good looks from me,” their father, Scott called out, joking. Everyone laughed.
“Yeah, right dad,” Mitch laughed. “Anyway, lucky for us that Jake’s mom gave him a voice because we all get to enjoy it tonight…thank you for playing for us,” Mitch said, nodding toward Jake before replacing the microphone. He exchanged a few words with Jake before walking back to Kate. He kissed her before sitting down. She looked giddy with excitement.
Jake adjusted the guitar then stepped up to the microphone and, to my surprise, he glanced over at me before he started playing the guitar. His was the only instrument. The sound was sweet and gentle. Then he began singing. Jake’s voice was warm and rich and wonderful. He’d created this song out of nothing and it was simply beautiful. Quinn joined in on guitar and sang back up vocals. People around me listened and sang and swayed to the music. I looked on in amazement at how he was affecting everyone. To be able to touch so many people with such a simple, heartfelt song was really inspiring. Jake’s talent was undeniable. An overwhelming sense of pride filled my chest. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. His voice mesmerized me. His words seemed to fill the air around me. Just as he sang the last words, his eyes locked with mine. I felt a powerful electricity pass between us. It was a brief moment but it happened. Jake looked away as the song ended and the audience erupted in applause.
Chapter Seven
Jake
After the song, the dinner wrapped up with the maid of honor and the best man’s speeches. Then the bride and groom had their first dance. I glanced over at Casey. She was still sitting with that guy. I shook my head. I was pissed. It didn’t take her long to replace me. My stomach was tied up in knots. I was so frickin’ jealous. I didn’t even know I had that trait in me until tonight. I guess I’d never actually liked any girl enough to get jealous over her actions. I hated the idea of another guy getting her attention. She liked me. I knew she did. And I liked her. So what the fuck was I doing over here while that asshole was sitting with her, making his play? God, I was such an idiot. I led him right to her!
I mean, really, what did I expect? Casey was a beautiful woman with an amazing personality. She wasn’t going to be single for long. And judging by the guy hanging all over her, she might even be off the market by tonight. Just the idea of her being with another guy, and having the life with him that I wanted, filled me with anger. It was just a cruel twist of fate that put me here, watching from a distance, and him there, sitting beside her. If I hadn’t been in the wrong place at the wrong time all those years ago, my life would have been so different. A fucking twist of fate! That’s all it was separating me from the guys who had what I di
dn’t.
Yeah. Yeah. Stop with your pity party. I’d done this to myself. It was my decision to walk away. Casey had every right to hang out with whomever she wanted, especially after I’d been such a giant douchebag to her. I’d seen her staring at me. I could feel her confusion. I could taste her disappointment. What was I doing? How could I really predict how Casey would react to me and how my body would react to her? And really, why was I so worried about screwing things up. Any woman who dated me obviously knew about my past. It’s not like Casey would be going in blind. I mean wasn’t it the common assumption that I was irreversibly damaged? So it should come as no surprise to her when I fuck everything up.
I watched Casey laugh at something the douche said. Anger rose up through me. No. Sorry. I couldn’t stand another second of this shit. I might not be able to have her but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let him either. It was at that moment that I realized that it was impossible to ignore Casey Caldwell. I couldn’t when she went all ‘James Bond’ on me and ‘saved’ me from fans. I couldn’t in the church when she adorably tripped on the step and instead of being mortified, started giggling good-naturedly. And I definitely couldn’t when she was chatting up some asshole guy who just wanted to get her in bed.
Chapter Eight
Casey
“Don’t look now, but lover boy is on his way over,” JD said smiling at me. I kept my eyes focused on JD even as excitement rose through my body. “Damn, he sure knows how to command a room…no wonder it’s so difficult to score at this wedding.”
I grinned, keeping focused on JD so Jake wouldn’t get spooked and head in another direction. I felt a nudge and when I looked up Jake was standing next to me. He’d taken off his coat and bowtie when he performed and now he wore a white collared shirt unbuttoned a few notches.