Kris Longknife - Admiral

by Mike Shepherd

  “Nelly?”

  “The corporal is standing outside.”

  “Good. Ask the corporal to give you a quick lesson on using the commlink. Oh, and leave the door open when you go,” she told Coth.

  It seemed to surprise him, or so his gills showed, but he left the door open on his way out.

  19

  “Nelly, this room is too damn big. I’m not trying to intimidate every visitor. I don’t have time for them to waste half a day just getting from the door to here.”

  “I’m sorry, Kris. I thought the more space, the higher your place in the pecking order.”

  “You’re right, Nelly, but I’m not worried about pecking order with people I work with here. If we need to impress the natives, you can knock together a throne room. Maybe drain the pool and use that space.”

  “Yes, Kris. I’d folded up your wardroom to give you this space. I’ll recreate a wardroom across the hall from your day quarters.”

  “Good, Nelly, now I need to do something about my embassy. Please invite Abby, Amanda and Jacques, Jack, and . . . Nelly, get me Ambassador Tsusumu. I think he’ll be a good one to talk for the other ambassadors.”

  “Kris, I have asked all of them to be here in fifteen minutes. All will come. Ambassador Tsusumu says he may be a bit late. May I ask if it is wise for you to pick him yourself? The other ambassadors seem to have accepted the Earth ambassador as the dean of their association.”

  “Yes, I expect some trouble, Nelly, but Ambassador Tsusumu saved my life. I know him and I trust him. The rest will just have to accept him as their conduit to me, or I’ll make my decisions without their input.”

  “Yes, Kris.”

  “Nelly, how are things among the merchant princes?”

  “Not so good, Kris. The Iteeche custom officials, and they do have custom officials charged with examining cargo transported within the empire, are not happy with some of the products our merchants have brought. For example, the don’t understand the working of a commlink or computer. They only use land lines. They also don’t see the need for twelve different models of commlinks. They’re not sure they want to allow our cheaper TV’s in. There’s a lot of electronics and labor-saving household appliances that they aren’t very keen on. And that’s before we get to wines, fancy foods, and pharmaceuticals.”

  Amanda and Jacques arrived with Abby just in time for the economist to exclaim, “Someone brought pharmaceuticals? That’s ridiculous! We don’t even know what makes their bodies tick.”

  “Actually, we do,” Nelly said. “There were Iteeche POWs that needed health care and we did figure out some ways to heal them. Believe it or not, aspirin relieves their pain even better than it does ours. A lot of the stuff they shipped out here, like bolts of fine silk, wool and cotton cloth, artistic rugs and wall hangings, are just shots in the dark.”

  “How’s the shooting gallery going?” Kris asked.

  “More misses than hits,” Nelly answered. “Mainly, those lord high mandarins don’t want to let this stuff in.”

  “Why should they?” Amanda said, bringing an economist’s education to the wandering debate. “We have no idea what they want. They have no idea what we have to give or, more importantly to them, what we may want in return. I think their resources are stretched very thin. They may fear that we will drain critical materials from the Empire.”

  Amanda paused, then shook her head. “It’s a wild guessing game, Kris. Remember, you said you’d set up meetings between our merchants and theirs. How soon can that start?”

  “Nelly, please get me Ron.”

  “Yes, Kris,” Ron said only a moment later. “Are you planning another military parade through our lady’s quarters?” the Iteeche jabbed at her.

  “I’ll only bring female Marines next time,” Kris said, not at all humbled by the intent of every Iteeche to hit her on that bit of perambulation.

  “Please, by all that has risen from the deep, do not take women warriors where our clan’s senior ladies can see them. I don’t know how long it will take us to get rid of this idea of taking up arms and fighting like a warrior.”

  “Good luck on that, Ron. We humans have had women warriors since before histories were written. And lots of them for the last four hundred years.”

  “You humans are like a hurricane out of season.”

  “We humans live in the hurricane season, year-round,” Kris said as a smiling Ambassador Tsusumu thanked a Marine escort at Kris’s open door and began a much shorter walk to Kris’s conversation circle. A comfortable chair rose from the floor. He bowed to Kris. She gave him a small, distracted nod from where she sat, and he sat down.

  Ron was now talking. “Kris, you don’t need to brag about that. It is a horror to any right-thinking Iteeche.”

  “Speaking of right-thinking Iteeche, I have merchant princes who want to talk to your traders. How do we set this up and get it going?”

  “You don’t forget anything, do you?”

  “I’m not allowed to forget something like this.”

  “You got your admiral, right?”

  “Admiral Coth arrived early this morning. He’s out recruiting staff just now. By the way, can you arrange for the captains of the battlecruisers who survived the last two big battles, only to be sent off to shovel shit, to report to my palace. I’ve set up an Iteeche Navy annex to my castle for them and Coth’s staff.”

  “Yes, I heard that your castle was expanding. So, you are giving some of your tower over to the Iteeche Navy?”

  “If we are to defeat the rebellion, I must have Iteeche warriors willing to fight with me. The staff is a start. Now, about my traders and those thousand ships I asked for and your Eminent Chooser promised.”

  “Do you need all thousand ships immediately?”

  “I would settle for ninety-six just now.” If she was to fight outnumbered three to one and win, she might as well start outnumbered no more than three to one.

  “So, your present human flotilla can fight them outnumbered three to one and win, huh?”

  “Something like that. Hopefully, our next practice exercise will not be with fully powered lasers firing at each other.”

  “I think the way you blew away your assailants will discourage that from happening again.”

  “Good. It is nice to know that Iteeche rebels can be educated.” Kris knew that what she said could be applied to all Iteeche, but it was a conclusion she was not averse to Ron drawing.

  “I will see about finding you ninety-six ships with no admirals. By a sheer coincidence, we have forty-two ships that recently lost their admirals as well as their captains. Would you mind if we included them among your first draft?”

  “Can they be trusted?”

  “I fear that they, and most of the ships you blew to gas were just following orders. You can talk to the newly promoted captains and see if they are committed to trying to kill you, but I don’t think you will find that they are.”

  “Very good, Ron. I’ve got forty-two Iteeche battlecruisers. Now, how do I get the next fifty-four?”

  “You are, what do you say, dogged?”

  “Dogged for my ships. Oh, and dogged for some Iteeche merchants to be allowed to meet with my merchants. They brought a lot of human goods they want to trade for Iteeche goods. Until they can open negotiations, our guys are chomping at the bit.”

  “As you are chomping on my ass. Okay, Longknife. Okay. There are some merchants that do business with my clan. Some of them have expressed some interest in seeing what you humans have to offer and what you will take in return. However, Kris, I must warn you that many of our clan leaders doubt that you humans will be interested in what we have to trade in return. Many Imperial Counselors fear that all we can offer you is gold and other raw materials. Materials that are in short supply within the Empire. If we trade them to you, what will we have to build our own economy? We must expand to provide more jobs. So many Choosers want to choose more young. To increase their families, septs, or clans, and gain mo
re prestige.”

  “This is the first you have told me of your population pressures.”

  “You have seen our capital planet. You must know already how numerous we are.”

  “I was advised that you must ship a lot of foodstuff in as well as export people and dung.”

  “Your advisor is wise.”

  “We have had experiences with runaway populations in our past. We might be able to offer you ways that would allow choosers to compete in other ways than the number of young they have chosen.”

  “That is something we can talk about later, assuming someone does not gas this planet and bring in their own population to repopulate their new Imperial capital.”

  “Has that happened before?”

  “Since deep in our past, three times, Kris. There are reasons why clan leaders do not want to be the last to join the winning side.”

  “Good lord,” Kris muttered.

  “Yes. Now, I will send merchants to talk to your merchants. They should start arriving by midday. Even as we spoke, the disgraced captains have been ordered to report to your palace. They should start arriving tomorrow. As for more ships, we have asked for volunteers. It is not easy to persuade other satraps to give up ships, but I hear that some hotheads are indeed trying to get their shahs to persuade their pashas to release them for a while to see what you humans have to offer. Between the way you tricked the rebels into fleeing before an inferior force, then stomped so hard on those that attacked you, and finally that show you put on, landing a star ship within spitting distance of the Imperial Palace, people are starting to think that you may actually be a worthwhile ally.”

  “I am glad to hear that. Now, I am in a meeting here and a fine old friend joined me while we talked. I cannot continue ignoring him. I must leave you to your work as I must go to mine.”

  “I had a lot less work before you came here,” Ron spat.

  “Take it up with the fool who tricked me into coming,” Kris shot back.

  “Good-bye, human.

  “Good-bye, Iteeche.

  The line clicked off and Kris turned to greet her old friend and life saver who now was an ambassador under her umbrella.

  20

  “Ambassador Tsusumu-sama,” Kris said, “it is so good to see you.”

  “Grand Admiral, or should I address you as Royal Emissary to the Court of the Iteeche Empire, or must I use your other title these days, Imperial Admiral of the First Order of Steel?”

  “If you call me anything else but Kris, I will be insulted, counselor. We who have gone through death and life together could never be so formal.”

  “Ah, those were great days. When we receive reports from our battle fleet defending the birds of Alwa or those cats at that unpronounceable place, we all remember you and your proud stand and that it was warships from our own shipyards that took you back to find your long-lost great-grandmother.”

  “I smell the butter. Will there be garlic in this sauce you are trying to drown me in?” Kris said, through a grin.

  “Ah, yes. Ever alert to spot the trap. You are truly a Longknife-sama.”

  “So, how are things among the diplomats?”

  “There are those who thought they had snookered you when they snuck aboard your convoy to here. They thought they had outmaneuvered you when they managed to acquire all four sides of the palace. That you and your staff would have to come begging, hat in hand, asking for this or that square meter of space back. I warned them that they should never try to snooker a Longknife, certainly not this Longknife. I see that you have now risen above all that petty bickering and are gazing down on us from your palatial quarters.”

  “So it seems,” Kris said, allowing herself a proud smile.

  “I always do love a good fireworks display, and the laser lights were spectacular. Such a greeting for you! Is my military attaché correct that that was an attempt to cause you to crash and kill us all? A very colorful attack on us?”

  “I’m afraid it was,” Kris said, now deadly serious. “They did not, however, plan for the likes of Nelly and two of her children piloting the lander.”

  “There was never any risk to you on the ground,” Nelly said. “I would not have let the children die. If matters had gone ass over teakettle, I would have broken 75,000 tons of Smart Metal up into tiny landers and let them finish their descent in one kilo packets with parachutes to slow them down sufficiently.”

  “I should have known the Magnificent Nelly would be prepared for all eventualities,” the ambassador from Musashi said jovially. “But heads will surely roll, Kris.”

  “You have been reading the reports my office has been distributing to all of you.”

  “I have read every word. There are far too few of them, and they tell me very little. Certainly, you can tell your old friend more.”

  Kris shook her head. “Really Tsusumu-sama, I have told you all I have learned. The Iteeche Empire appears to be made up of feudal clans held together only by their allegiance to an Emperor, who, at the moment, is a young lad. Many now see this as a chance to reach for the purple. I know there is much infighting among the clans here in the capital. We are supported by one of the larger clans. It is lorded over by my great-grandfather’s old friend from peace negotiations of ninety years past, Eminent Roth'sum'We'sum'Quin of the Chap'sum'We clan. I understand that pashas for twenty-two of the three hundred some satraps in the Empire are drawn from this clan. They are powerful, but there are others just as powerful and many of them fear the rebellion only slightly more than they fear what we humans are doing to the good old ways.”

  “Ah, the old ways were never so good, though they are now much beloved and held on to so very tightly even as they pass from our lives. How well I know of that trait. So, how does that affect us playing nine pins with the heads of those that thought to dig a huge hole with your lander?”

  “They do not have the electronic financial system we have. Cash money does not leave much of a trail. We could lop the heads off the Iteeche who lit the fuses to the fireworks, or even those who sold the fireworks, but they were hired to celebrate our arrival. They did not know that their fireworks or lasers had been weaponized. Do you want such heads for your game?”

  The wise counselor scowled, and nodded. “I see how the big wolf uses rats and mice to do the deed and is nowhere to be seen when the butcher’s price is to be paid.”

  “There are Iteeche who would gladly have those poor peoples’ heads on pikes. I have specifically asked that these little people not be punished. Both because I have a soft heart, and because I would rather all the Iteeche think of it as a true celebration, rather than an attack. A few know what they tried to do. The rest saw only colored lights.”

  “That is better. Much better. Still I would like to have the correct heads on pikes.”

  “Me, too.”

  “So, I am an ambassador. I am here to build bridges to the Iteeche Empire for my Imperial master. Instead, I sit in my office and twiddle my thumbs. Or, I go to tea with other ambassadors and we talk about better ways to twiddle our thumbs. There are only so many ways to twiddle thumbs.”

  “I assure you, Tsusumu-sama, if you commanded a fleet of battlecruisers, I would keep you busy day and night.”

  “Is that what we are reduced to?”

  “Tell me, if I threw a ball for the royal birthday, whatever the date that it is here, how many Iteeche clan leaders do you think would come to celebrate with us?” Kris said, bringing up one of the easiest ways to arrange a diplomatic soiree in human space.

  “None.”

  “Just so,” Kris said.

  “But there is this question of thumbs?” he said, making a show of twiddling his.

  “The Iteeche Empire is old and inertia keeps it going. Let me win a battle or two, and then we can see how the clans react. Right now, most of them are looking for the right side to choose. Many think we have been brought in by the losing side. A few minutes, ago I found out that the winner may gas the planet from orbit, an
d kill everyone on the ground so that no one will remember the names of the ancestors whose ashes are interred here. Then they will bring in their own clansmen to seize the planet’s wealth and repopulate it.”

  “By the Emperor, I hope you are wrong.”

  “I trust the Iteeche Navy officer who told me that. It concerns him greatly.”

  “It is one thing to twiddle my thumbs. It is another thing to risk annihilation while doing so.”

  “Rest assured, I will let you know when it is time to run. Remember, my own children are here with me. Also, I am the one that commands the Iteeche Battle Fleet.”

  “Such as it is, and such as they obey you.”

  “There is that.”

  “You speak like you have a plan, though.”

  “I have one. It will take some while to implement. In the meantime, I have arranged for several Iteeche merchants to meet with our merchants this afternoon. Our men of business may begin to see just what this 'huge' Iteeche market is really worth to them.”

  “That will be happy news.”

  “The Iteeche merchants will be few. I suggest you diplomats decide how the opportunities will be distributed. I would suggest a lottery.”

  “That seems fair to you and to me, but I doubt it will be thought of in the same way by your representative from Alexander Longknife.”

  “I leave it to you and the ambassadors to arrange the trade opportunities.”

  “You have once again dropped a hot sweet roll in my lap,” he said, standing, “I will need all the time allowed me to make arrangements so that there are no duels fought over access.”

  “Be prepared. My Iteeche sources do not think that there will be much worth trading. They know little uses for our products. All their communications are landline. They have no commlinks. There are many, many disconnects between our different technologies and life styles.”

  Ambassador Tsusumu bowed to Kris. “Until we can talk again,” he said and turned to go.

  “Oh, Ambassador. If the other ambassadors question why it was you I talked to, tell them if they save my life, I will talk to them just as much.”