Aspen's Blaise

by Sarah Markel

  Aspen sucked in a breath as her heart dropped to the floor. “What! Why do you say that?” she asked fervently.

  Jenica shrugged. “Gibson and Nora were our outlets. When you argue with someone, it’s because you have conflicting views on a situation. Cordy didn’t think she was doing anything wrong, and I felt she was trying to repress my independence. Cordy vented to her best friend, Gibson, while I vented to Nora. After getting it all out, Gibson and Nora were able to help us see the other’s point of view.”

  “Nora helped me see that my wife didn’t see me as incapable or delicate. She saw it as her privilege and honor to be allowed to open a door for me and let me precede her into a room. Gibson helped Cordy see how I felt about it, and that allowed us to calm down and talk to each other. Do you understand why I’ve told you this, little one?”

  Aspen nodded, wrinkling her nose at Jenica’s English translation of her nickname. It sounded much less childish in Maori. “You want me to tell you about the fight so you can help me see Lorelei’s point of view.”

  “That’s part of it,” Jenica confirmed, “I also want you to tell me about it, because not talking about the things that are bothering you can have serious consequences. I remember what it was like being eighteen, and I know that none of your friends can possibly relate to what you’re dealing with. I might be an old fogey to you youngsters, but I have been in your shoes before. Well, maybe not at eighteen, but I’ve been in the first year of a marriage before.”

  Aspen ducked her head and gnawed on her lip as tears prickled at the corners of her eyes. “I lost my temper with her,” she admitted, lifting her head to meet Jenica’s eyes, “We haven’t had sex in weeks; hell, she’s barely kissed me beyond hello and goodbye.”

  Jenica patted Aspen’s hand and gathered their cups. “You don’t have to tell me why; Lorelei explained that to us,” she said as she stood to pour them some more tea, “Why don’t you tell me about the fight. Tell me what it was that finally made you lose your temper.”

  When Jenica turned her back, Aspen excused herself to the restroom with a promise to continue the conversation when she returned. Aspen wanted to open up, but despite Jenica’s assurances, her father’s words still niggled at the back of her mind.

  “Maybe if you and Mother had talked to someone, your marriage wouldn’t just be for show, Daddy,” Aspen said quietly as she stared at herself in the mirror.

  Aspen knew her parents had loved each other once; it was obvious in photos and old home videos. The way Ambrose and Talia looked at each other; like every sleight, every hurt, every trial and tribulation was worth it because they had each other, was something Aspen was very familiar with. It was the way she looked at Lorelei.

  Aspen wet her hands and used her fingers to clear away the faint mascara smudges from her cheeks. She was grateful she hadn’t gone for the full palette that morning, but the impending test had made her too nauseous to stomach the smell of her makeup table. Once she was composed, Aspen returned to the kitchen and the woman she was coming to look up to as more of a mother figure than a friend.

  “I was studying for my math test,” Aspen said, diving right in as she claimed her seat.

  Jenica noted the young woman had cleaned up her tear-streaked face, and assumed she’d needed a moment to compose herself. Without a word, Jenica sipped her tea and nodded for Aspen to continue.

  “I’ve been cramming for that test since Halloween. If I’m not at school or cheerleading practice, I’m studying. If I’m not studying, it’s because I’m asleep. Even on Lorelei’s days off, we don’t get any time together, because all I do is fucking study!” Aspen grimaced in silent apology.

  “Oh, please,” Jenica laughed into her tea, “Have you met my wife? I’m not sensitive to curse words, iti, and you’re an adult; you can curse all you fucking want to.”

  Aspen laughed. She wasn’t used to hearing Jenica use vulgarity, although it did seem to be the Lieutenant’s native tongue.

  “Anyways,” Aspen went on, grateful for the momentary distraction, “Last night, I got to a point where I just couldn’t study anymore. It was like, when I looked at the pages, all I saw was gibberish. I was as ready for the test as I was going to get, so I went out into the living room to let Lorelei know we could go to bed.”

  Aspen paused to take a sip of her tea, her mouth suddenly dry as she recalled the way her body had reacted to seeing Lorelei.

  “She, um,” Aspen cleared her throat, blushing when she heard the soft chuckle Jenica tried to stifle, “She didn’t hear me call out to her, because she was engrossed in her video game. I tried a couple more times, but gave up and decided to get her attention a different way.”

  “I figured since I was done studying, and my test was in the morning, there was no reason we couldn’t put an end to that stupid agreement. It wasn’t going to get in the way of my test, so what was the harm?”

  Aspen looked to Jenica for affirmation, receiving a shrug and nod of understanding in return.

  “So, I stepped in front of her and started trying to seduce her. It was starting to work, but she fought it, and me. She pushed me away, like she has been for the last month, and I lost it. I told her how I was feeling; that I was sick of the routine we were in, of always being on the go, and studying all the time, and not getting time with her, and that I was especially tired of her rejecting me.”

  “I didn’t really give her a chance to say much,” Aspen admitted, cheeks pinking with the admission, “I just told her that I was going to finish my chapter, and that I would lock up and she could go to bed. She was trying to say something to me; I’m not sure what it was, though, I was too upset to really listen. I went into the office and locked the door on her. She beat on the door for a minute, but then she left.”

  “I don’t know when she came home, but I went to bed about an hour later and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up this morning, she wasn’t in bed with me, and that hurt worse than being rejected last night. I’ve been able to deal without the intimacy, barely, but last night was the first time since we got married that she hasn’t slept in bed with me. Unless she was out with the Hotshots, I mean.”

  Jenica watched Aspen for a moment, noting the sad, defeated set of her shoulders. Aspen wasn’t being dramatic or playing the victim for a sympathetic ear. Jenica had been concerned for her friends all day, but was unsure how to approach the situation. She didn’t have children, or experience with teenagers, so she was ill-equipped to handle one on an emotional level.

  On a hunch, Jenica had turned to the one person she knew that might be able to help; her boss. When Jenica knocked on Alex’s door on her lunch break, it had been sheer luck that Dr. Kelly Walker, Alex’s wife of nearly twenty-years, was also in the office. The two women had graciously offered Jenica their insight and advice on how to approach the situation.

  “There’s two things to watch out for with teenagers, even when they’re eighteen,” Alex had warned, “drama and playing the victim. Most teenage girls will use one, or both, to get you on their side. They want to feel vindicated, because no one wants to admit they are in the wrong. You can’t play into that. You need to call them on their bullshit, and make them see their mistakes. Otherwise, they’re going to turn into spoiled adults who don’t know how to take responsibility for their own actions.”

  Kelly had given Jenica examples of what to look for, to indicate if Aspen was being honest or manipulative. Jenica hadn’t given names or details, but the women were happy to help and wished her the best of luck as she left the office.

  “Aspen,” Jenica set down her tea cup and folded her hands on the table in front of her, “Why did you agree to not having sex until after the test?”

  Aspen shrugged. “I didn’t. The agreement was that I would focus more on my schoolwork and that we would wait until closer to bedtime to have sex.”

  Jenica narrowed her eyes and canted her head in confusion. “Closer to bedtime? What does that mean?”

  A wicked grin spre
ad across Aspen’s face. “Meaning we wouldn’t start as soon as we both got home.”

  Jenica’s caramel colored cheeks flushed, eliciting a chuckle from Aspen. She’d never seen the older woman blush before, and Aspen found the look quite endearing.

  “So, if the agreement didn’t forbid sex, how did you lot end up abstaining?” Jenica asked, pushing past the momentary embarrassment of forgetting the biggest perk of a new marriage.

  This time Aspen’s sigh was sad. “Lorelei,” she replied, the corners of her mouth drawn down as she took a sip of her tea. “When my math score didn’t come up as fast as my father wanted it to, Lorelei changed the agreement so that we were only having sex every other day. When it still didn’t improve fast enough, the agreement changed to only on weekends. Then it went to none at all, until after the test.”

  Color rose to Aspen’s cheeks as anger began to bubble in her gut. They were getting to the real source of the young woman’s ire, and Jenica could hear as much in her voice.

  “They never gave me a real chance, Jenica. Two weeks; that’s how long they gave me for the grade to improve before they started making changes. That’s not even how the grading system works! By the time Lorelei and my father got my grade reports, they were already deciding what I should and shouldn’t be doing with my time.”

  “I tried explaining that they were getting the grades a week late, but neither of them wanted to listen to me. Daddy’s an adult; he’s my father and he knows best. Lorelei’s an adult; she’s my wife and she knows best.”

  The venom dripping from those last two words gave Jenica the clarity she needed to see the full picture. She’d already deduced most of Aspen’s concerns, but it was the real reason behind her anger that had eluded the older woman.

  “You feel they’re treating you like a child, don’t you?” she ventured.

  “They are!” Aspen snapped, her eyes flaming with conviction as they met Jenica’s. “Does Cordy decide what you do? No, because your wife trusts and respects that you are a grown ass woman that can make her own decisions! My wife sees me as a little girl who needs to be put on a reward system.”

  Jenica started to interrupt, but thought better of it. Aspen needed to say her piece, and nothing Jenica said was going to get through until then. Patiently, Jenica sat back in her chair and listened as Aspen went on.

  “Do your homework, Aspen,” the blonde mocked, her chin trembling as she spoke, “You need to study, Aspen. You have to get your grades up or you won’t graduate. I’m so sick of hearing it, Jenica! I’m getting to the point where I don’t care if my parents get the damn money. I just want Lorelei to treat me like her wife again.”

  Tears trekked down Aspen’s cheeks once again and the blonde dropped her head in disgust. She hated being an emotional wreck, and breaking down like this in front of someone she respected was embarrassing.

  Jenica, sensing the younger woman’s distress, stood and moved to stand in front of Aspen. Without a word, she crouched down and wrapped her arms around Aspen’s shoulders.

  Aspen’s composure crumbled and she turned within the embrace, accepting Jenica’s freely offered comfort. Jenica remained silent, allowing Aspen to relieve herself of the stress that had been weighing her down until the sobs quieted.

  “Feel better, taku iti?” Jenica asked, gently brushing the wetness from Aspen’s cheeks with her thumbs.

  Aspen sniffed and nodded, smiling weakly as she met Jenica’s kind eyes. “Thank you, Jenica. I guess I didn’t realize how much I needed to do that. I’m sorry for crying all over your sweater.”

  Jenica chuckled. “It’s just a sweater, iti, it’ll wash. Have you met my wife? I’m fairly certain she’s used this sweater as a hand towel after working on her car. I don’t think your mascara is going to hurt it.”

  Aspen’s eyes widened and her gaze dropped to admire the lovely black cashmere sweater. “Why would you let her near your clothes?” she asked, aghast at the idea of someone using the beautiful garment as a towel, “I’ve seen what she wears.”

  Jenica tipped her head back and laughed, the sound swiftly lifting Aspen’s spirits. “I learned, years ago, that nothing I did was going to make my wife appreciate expensive clothing. I thank God, every day, for my dry cleaner. That man is a miracle worker with fabrics.”

  “Michael Wong?” Aspen guessed, naming the dry cleaner that people all over Marilynn flocked to.

  Jenica smiled. “The one and only,” she replied, pulling her phone from her purse when Cordy’s ringtone sounded.

  “Hello, Aroha,” she said, a smile lighting her eyes, “whoa, love, calm down. Aspen is fine, Cordy, she’s right here. Tell Lorelei to relax, and I’ll send her home. Yes, I promise, everything is fine. I love you, too.”

  Aspen let out a deep sigh as Jenica hung up the phone. “Lorelei’s worried, huh?” she ventured.

  “Cordy said she’s panicking,” Jenica nodded, “You should probably go home and let her know that you’re okay.”

  Aspen sighed and stood from her chair. She wrapped her arms around Jenica and hugged her tight, thanking her profusely.

  “You don’t need to thank me, iti,” Jenica assured as she and Aspen gathered their coats and shoes, “that’s what friends are for. Just stay calm and explain your stance to Lorelei. Tell her why you’re so upset, and that you won’t stand for it anymore. Communication is important, Aspen, especially in the first year. It sets the tone for all the wonderful years that come after.”

  ***

  “You didn’t have to clean up, babe,” Lorelei said, stepping up behind Aspen at the kitchen sink. She slipped her arms around Aspen’s waist and pressed a tentative kiss to the blonde’s temple.

  “You went to all the trouble of making my favorites,” Aspen replied as she rinsed the last of the dishes, “and I feel bad for breaking my phone and worrying you. Doing the dishes is the least I can do.”

  After switching off with Cordy, Aspen had explained to Lorelei about dropping her phone, shattering the screen so badly her keyboard and dialpad were useless. Lorelei didn’t seem to believe her at first, but Aspen pulled the destroyed phone from her backpack and showed her wife that the damage wouldn’t allow her to make calls or respond to text messages.

  Aspen dried her hands and turned within Lorelei’s embrace, pressing a chaste kiss to the redhead’s lips. She’d intended to talk to her wife as soon as she got home, but she’d lost her nerve when she saw the relief on Lorelei’s face at the sight of her. Now, though, with dinner out of the way and nothing but time ahead of them, Aspen knew it was time to rip off the Band-Aid.

  “We need to talk,” she said, swallowing hard as she pulled away from Lorelei and took the woman’s hand to lead her toward the living room.

  “I know,” Lorelei sighed. She dropped onto the couch and pulled Aspen down to sit on her lap, ignoring the pang of guilt that flashed when she felt her wife stiffen.

  After falling apart in Cordy’s arms, Lorelei and Cordy had a long talk about how to approach the situation. Lorelei knew she needed to apologize, and after listening to the older redhead’s advice, she’d used the silence over dinner to plan out what she wanted to say.

  The problem was, now that she was ready to talk, she couldn’t remember anything she’d rehearsed in her head. Frustrated with herself, Lorelei maneuvered Aspen’s hips, urging the younger woman to turn and straddle her.

  Aspen obliged, resting her palms on her knees and trying her best to summon the courage to meet Lorelei’s gaze.

  Lorelei brought her hands up to cup Aspen’s cheeks. She stroked her thumbs softly over the blonde’s cheekbones, before drawing her in for a deep, passionate kiss.

  “Aspen,” she murmured when the kiss broke, “honey, I’m so sorry that you felt rejected. I never meant for you to feel that way.”

  Aspen smiled weakly and started to speak, but Lorelei pushed on. “I always want you. You are all I think about, no matter where I am or what I’m doing. I just want you to succeed, baby. You are so clos
e to proving your mother wrong, and I want you to focus on doing exactly that. If that means I had to wait a little longer before I could touch you again, then so be it.”

  Aspen’s smile grew warm. “I love you, Lorelei,” she said, claiming another kiss, “and you don’t know what it means to me to know that you are so invested in making my mother eat her words, but I think you’ve forgotten something.”

  At Lorelei’s confused look, Aspen brought Lorelei’s left hand to her lips, placing a soft kiss on the thick gold wedding band.

  “I think you’ve forgotten that I’m not a child,” she explained gently, “I realize that I’m still in high school, but honey, I’m going to be nineteen in a little over two weeks. I’ve been a legal adult for almost a whole year now, and on top of that, I’m your wife. Withholding sex in the interest of success isn’t helping me succeed, it’s stressing me the hell out.”

  “When I agreed to your deal with my father, I had no idea you were going to make changes to it without even talking to me about them. You guys didn’t even bother to listen to me when I tried to explain that the grades you were getting were a week late. I just need you to listen to me, Lorelei. I need to feel like I’m a partner in this marriage, or it’s never going to last.”

  Lorelei felt her heart clench at the prospect of not having Aspen in her life. “Baby, you are just as much a partner in this marriage as I am. I promise, sweetheart, I’ll work on communicating with you better. I know there’s a lot of things I need to work on, just please, don’t give up on me.”

  Aspen brought her hands up and rested them on her hips, shaking her head firmly. “We have a lot of things to work on, Lorelei. You aren’t the only party in this marriage. There is plenty that I need to do, too. It’s not all on you to make this work. I won’t give up on you, babe, but you have to promise to let me be the adult that I am. Don’t treat me like your kid; treat me like your wife.”