Close to His Heart

by Carolyne Aarsen

  Jace thought back to the material he had studied, not sure what angle to take. He was about to explain when Tess spoke up.

  “Spousal abuse, rape victims, and victims of other crimes,” she answered. “The kinds of situations requiring intervention and cooperation with police yet also maintaining privacy, discretion, and often protection for the victim.”

  Jace stared at her. He didn’t think she knew anything about the center. Then his mind ticked back to the books he found on her table and desk, the tiny glimpse into another part of her life.

  Then Helen asked another question, which Tess answered. Charlie interjected from time to time; but Jace sat back, watching Tess, more than happy to let her speak for a change.

  She was leaning back, her hands gripping the coffee mug with an unfamiliar glint in her eye and a surprising hardness to her features. Where had that come from? What did it mean?

  The talk moved from the center to Sweet Creek. Helen asked Tess about the town and the people.

  “It’s a great place to live,” Tess replied. “I moved away for a while, but the city didn’t appeal to me. Too many people and bad memories of work I didn’t want to do anymore.”

  Her words, spoken in an icy tone, were like a douse of cold water to Jace. He was a part of those memories, and the work she didn’t want to do anymore was his future.

  He tried to catch her eye, hoping for just a hint of the past, but she avoided his gaze.

  He couldn’t sit here anymore. Helen or no, he had to get out.

  “Excuse me,” he murmured as he stood.

  He didn’t know where his jacket was and didn’t care. He stepped outside, shivering. Winter was over, but chill remnants lingered in the night air.

  The dogs got up with tongues lolling, happy for the diversion. Jace patted their heads absently then shoved his hands in his pockets. He trudged down the driveway, the dogs’ exuberance a stark counterpoint to his own funk.

  When he got to his car, he leaned against the hood and stared up into the inky blackness spangled with stars. He remembered Tess’s astronomy lessons and found the North Star. From there, he traced the Big Dipper, then found the Little Dipper. Just like Tess had taught him.

  Stop thinking about her, he told himself. She doesn’t seem to want to think about you.

  He reached back for memories that didn’t contain her essence, and the words of a Psalm drifted into his mind.

  “When I consider the heavens,” he murmured, “the moon and the stars which you have ordained...”

  Jace stopped there. He couldn’t remember the rest.

  Once again, his thoughts drifted back to Tess, the woman he couldn’t forget. The woman who had just implied that her time with him held bad memories.

  He slammed his hand against the hood of the car. Why couldn’t he let go? Why did he insist on hanging on? On trying to figure her out? She hadn’t let him in previously and she surely wasn’t about to let him in now.

  He drew in a long, slow breath and kept his eyes on the stars. He just had to stick around Sweet Creek a little longer, then he could go back to Vancouver.

  “You okay out here?” Charlie called out as he approached Jace.

  “Yeah. I’m okay.” Jace pushed away from the car and turned to face Charlie, who was holding Jace’s coat.

  “I thought you might want this.”

  “Thanks.” Jace shivered then slipped the coat on. “It’s cooler out than I’d realized.”

  “Thought I would join you. Let the women have some time to gab.” Charlie leaned against Jace’s car, his arms folded over his chest, looking as if settling in for a chat. “Peaceful out here, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah. I missed this.”

  “I couldn’t live there. Being here—away from people, away from noise and expectations—keeps me sane.” He gave Jace a quick smile.

  Jace didn’t reply, sensing none was needed. For a moment, they stood side by side, silence surrounding them save for the occasional howl of a coyote shivering into the night.

  “Helen and Tess seem to be hitting it off,” Charlie said, finally. “I’m glad. Helen could use some company.”

  “How does Helen like living out here?” Jace let loose one of the less pressing questions that had been spinning around his mind.

  “She likes the quiet and the privacy.” Charlie sighed and looked up at the stars as well. “She’s had a tough go the past few years. Lots of pain. I think she’s healing now.”

  His ambiguous reply raised more questions, but Jace wanted to respect Helen’s and Charlie’s privacy.

  “She’s like Tess,” Charlie continued, his voice thoughtful. “That’s why I thought I would come out here. Let them talk.”

  “How is she like Tess?”

  Charlie turned to Jace. “You and Tess used to date, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah. How did you know?”

  “This is Sweet Creek. Your secret is my secret and all that.” He paused a moment. “You’re not the one who hurt her, are you?” he asked.

  Did Jace catch the faintest hint of aggression in the soft-spoken man’s voice?

  Jace sighed. “I don’t think so...but I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean, you don’t know?”

  “One day we were dating, everything was fine. I had no idea anything was wrong. Then one day, I try to call her and she’s gone.”

  “Gone?”

  “Gone. Not at home. Not at school. A day later, I’m panicking, thinking something horrible happened. I’m about to round up a couple of friends to go looking for her when her mom calls me. She tells me Tess is in London.” Jace lifted his hands in a gesture of frustration as his long-repressed words spilled out. “I didn’t even know she knew anyone in London. And what was she doing there anyway?”

  “Did you try to go after her?”

  “I would have, except I didn’t have enough money, so I tried to call her. Text her. Sent messages via her sister, Claire, and her parents. Nothing.” He pressed his lips against the unexpected anger. He pulled in a steadying breath, reaching for calm. “So, yeah. I tried.”

  “How long did she stay away?”

  “Six months, I think. Then she came back here to Sweet Creek. I never heard from her again.”

  “She still means something to you, doesn’t she?”

  Jace stared into the night, testing his feelings. “It’s been too long with no explanation. Whatever we may have had is over.” He was lying, but he hoped that if he said it enough times, thought it enough times, it would be true.

  Charlie nodded. Jace slanted him a sidelong look, surprised at what he had just told a virtual stranger. But Charlie seemed to be no stranger to Tess, and Jace harbored a faint hope that Charlie could enlighten him.

  “Relationships are a source of frustration; but they can be one of great security, as well,” Charlie said.

  “How did you and Helen—sorry. That’s none of my business.”

  “How did we get together?” Charlie laughed. “Don’t worry, I thought the same. I’ve known and admired the great Helen Lennox for years, and when I met her, I was as tongue-tied as anyone else. Then when we got to talking about music, I was more comfortable.” His tone softened. “When I looked deep into her eyes and saw the hurt, she became a lonely woman in pain. And I knew I could help her.”

  “How?”

  “I asked the right questions. I listened. I had to work awful hard to get her to trust me,” he said quietly. “I didn’t think I’d be able to help her since she was hurt so badly. Thankfully, with God’s help, Helen found peace and value in herself again.”

  Jace wondered what had hurt Helen, but despite Charlie’s forthright answers, he knew better than to pry.

  “I hope Tess and Helen can help each other,” Charlie continued. He threw out his ambiguous comment so casually, Jace almost missed the undercurrent of concern in Charlie’s voice.

  “What are you saying?”

  Charlie rested the palms of his hands on the car behind h
im, focusing on the stars above. “Tess has the same look Helen does.”

  “What look is that?”

  Charlie drummed his fingers on the hood of the car, then pushed himself away. “Like her trust has been broken.”

  The words sent a chill through Jace’s body. He felt as if he should know what Charlie was talking about. He was about to prod Charlie when the dogs howled and diverted Charlie’s attention. “Hush, you two. It’s only coyotes.” He glanced at Jace. “We better get them inside before they get all wound up. Once they do, they don’t quit.”

  Charlie whistled and headed toward the house. Jace followed him inside, letting the warmth chase away the chill of the night, questions lingering.

  Tess and Helen were still talking, their murmuring conversation creating a welcoming sound. Tess laughed, which generated an answering twinge of melancholy for Jace. Tess used to laugh all the time.

  He and Charlie stepped into the living room as Tess got up from the couch, smiling at Helen. She hadn’t seen him yet.

  Her face was animated, her eyes bright. As she talked, her hand sketched vague pictures in the air. “I’ll talk to the organizers and see what we can arrange.”

  Tess caught sight of Charlie first, and her smile deepened. Then her eyes fixed on Jace. Had he imagined that flicker of haunting pain in her blue eyes?

  Were Charlie’s words making him see something that hadn’t been there before?

  Then Tess turned to Helen and held out her hand. “Thanks so much for your hospitality. I so appreciate the visit.”

  Guess we’re going already.

  Jace glanced at Charlie, wondering if he should ask again about him singing at the fundraiser. But he didn’t want to seem like he was nagging, so he let it go. Now that he had met Charlie again, he could ask with a follow-up phone call.

  “Thank you,” he said, also shaking Helen’s and then Charlie’s hand. “I enjoyed myself.”

  “You two come again,” Charlie said, shooting Jace a grin. “You’re welcome any time.”

  “Yes, please, come again,” Helen added, giving Tess an extra warm smile.

  Tess returned the smile, took her coat from Charlie; then, with a final goodbye, left the house. She slipped her coat on, then walked ahead of Jace with her arms crossed over her midsection and head down.

  They had driven in silence for a few minutes when Jace thought he heard a muffled sniff coming from across the car. As he glanced surreptitiously over, he saw Tess’s hand sneak up to wipe moisture from her cheeks.

  She was crying.

  What was he supposed to do? He had never been good with a woman’s tears, let alone the sadness of a girl who was once so important to him. He kept silent, however, fairly sure she wouldn’t want his attention. When she dabbed her cheeks a moment later, he couldn’t stand it any longer.

  “Tess, what’s wrong?”

  She became stock-still but said nothing.

  “Are you okay?”

  She drew in a shuddering breath and looked ahead, a small concession.

  “No. I’m not.” Her admission was an anguished whisper.

  Jace’s heart flipped. Finally, he thought. She’s finally ready to open up. He was about to press her for more information when she spoke again. “But I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” She drew in a ragged breath.

  Jace glanced at her, but she kept her gaze directed ahead and her posture stiff and unyielding. He couldn’t let this sit. Couldn’t leave it at this. “Why not?”

  She sliced the air between them with her hand, cutting off further conversation. “No, Jace. No more questions.”

  “But, Tess—”

  “I can’t, not now. Please.” Her voice broke on that last word, and Jace’s heart ached. He wanted to stop the car, reach over, and pull her close. Instead, he kept driving, clinging to her last comment. In spite of her reluctance, he felt as if he had witnessed a breakthrough. A glimpse into whatever Tess was hiding.

  He clung to that all the way back to Sweet Creek. He wasn’t letting things go now. Not after this.

  Chapter 5

  “I’ve got this great travel mug I can donate.” Chester at the Farm and Feed Supply held up a plastic bag with a silver mug inside. “It’s got the name of the business on it,” he said, setting it down on the counter in front of Jace. “Will I get more advertising out of the deal?”

  Jace eyed the cheap metal mug and mentally groaned. Chester’s mug would hardly put him in the running to meet Tess’s challenge.

  “Everyone who donates will have their name put on a card on the wall in the arena and on the event program.” Jace pulled out his cell phone to make a note. “Would you like to buy tickets, as well?”

  “I heard if you donate something, tickets are free.”

  “Not true,” Jace said decisively, glancing at the mug that might bring in five dollars.

  “How much are tickets?” Chester asked.

  “Seventy-five dollars apiece.”

  Chester whistled as he leaned his elbows on the counter. “You won’t get many people coming at that price.”

  “It’s a fundraiser,” Jace explained patiently.

  “I pay that to go to a concert. Don’t think it’s worth my while to pay that much to eat half-baked food.”

  “We’ve got a great caterer,” Jace replied. “The food will be amazing.”

  “Yeah, well. I’ll see.”

  “Don’t wait too long,” Jace said, picking the mug up off the counter. “Tickets are getting scarce.” Which was patently untrue. Ticket sales were sluggish at best, but Jace hoped the big rush would come the last couple of weeks.

  “We’ll see,” Chester said, drumming his fingers on the scarred wooden counter.

  A voice came from behind Jace. “Hey, Jace, you going to resurrect the old ranch? Get back into cows like your daddy did?”

  A large hand dropped on Jace’s shoulder, and he turned to face a heavyset man whose worn plaid shirt strained at the mismatched buttons. The stained cowboy hat on his head was dented and frayed, but his blue jeans were so new they were still stiff.

  “Aiden Ochremchuk. Good to see you again. How are the kids?” Jace shook Aiden’s hand, or rather had his hand shook—his old friend did nothing by halves.

  Aiden released Jace’s hand but kept his other hand on Jace’s shoulder. “Driving me nuts. That’s why I had to get out.”

  Jace still had to smile. Though he’d kept in touch on Facebook with his high school friend, he still struggled to reconcile that the class clown of his high school years was a settled father of three children. He was a lot further ahead of the game than Jace was.

  The thought gave him a momentary pang. Had things gone the way he had planned, he and Tess could have had at least one child by now.

  “I heard you’re doing some serious canvassing for this big shindig comin’ up?”

  “Yes.” Jace nodded, pushing the memories away. “Would you have anything to donate?”

  “Already talked to your partner in crime. Tess finagled a trip for four down the river in Dad’s jet boat. I’m driving.”

  “Is that safe?”

  Aiden waved away the concerns. “I’m a responsible father of three kids with another one on the way. There’s no way I’ll jeopardize their future. Besides, Sally would kill me if something happened to me.” Aiden laughed. “But that Tess, she’s quite the bargainer. She even got Dad to throw in a filet of beef barbecue at the Sweet Creek campground on top of it. And Sally is making dessert.” He laughed again, shaking his head.

  Jace smiled weakly. “Then I guess you’re tapped out. Thanks so much for your generosity.” This boat trip was exactly what he’d been angling for. It was unique, interesting, and something an ordinary person couldn’t purchase anywhere else.

  “Don’t worry,” Aiden said, pulling out a wallet from his back pocket. “Tess let slip about your little game.” Aiden pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper and handed it to Jace. “I was talking to Mark Andrews, and he said to gi
ve you this.”

  Jace glanced down at the scribbled writing on the paper. It said that Mark and Sheryl Andrews would host a weekend for two at the ranch, complete with home-cooked meals and a horseback trip into the mountains.

  “This is fantastic, Aiden,” he said with a huge grin.

  “Got to keep things even. Can’t have Tess thinking she’s got one over on my good friend. Besides, I wouldn’t mind seeing the two of you together again.” Aiden adjusted his battered hat as he shook his head. “Always thought you would have been married by now.” He shot him a meaningful look, as if hoping Jace would expand on the remark. “Always thought you would take over your dad’s place.”

  “Not a chance,” Jace said. “No way I’m ending up living like my dad.”

  “In what way? Your father was a good man.” Aiden’s voice was curious.

  “Sorry, that didn’t come out right. I was thinking more of working and living on the ranch. What a drain it was on him.” And how little money they made on it.

  “Didn’t help that he got hurt so bad, I’m sure,” Aiden said. “And prices took a real dive about that time when he had to sell the cows. And, just between you and me, I don’t think your father ever really liked ranch work.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Aiden waved off his question. “Sorry. Just...you know...coffee shop baloney. I’m running off at the mouth. The usual. I don’t have the right to say anything negative about your father.”

  “No, it’s okay. I know my parents fought about money, but maybe other things were going on?”

  This netted him another shrug as Aiden looked away.

  “Please. Tell me,” Jace encouraged.

  “Like I said, it’s only coffee shop scuttlebutt, things my dad said about your dad, that he didn’t really put his heart and soul into it. Rich inherited the ranch from his dad, who was a real go-getter, but your dad was more relaxed. I think he could have made a go of the place, but, you’re more like your grandfather. I think you could make it pay.”

  Jace didn’t want to allow the idea any space in his mind, but despite his resistance, it settled. Raised questions.

  “The cattle business is going real good now,” Aiden continued. “There’s always the tourist angle. You should talk to Mark Andrews. He’s got all kinds of people who want to be taken up into the mountains on horseback. He’s not interested in expanding, but it could be a good side business for a ranch like yours. You’re in a real good location for mountain trips.”