Change of Heart

by Jennifer Moore

  Ruby handed Val what Nathaniel assumed was a seashell, and the three of them took turns holding it, talking about it, lifting it up to study at different angles.

  Eventually, Val put it into her pocket. The treasure was quickly joined by another she made an equally grand production over.

  Finn handed an object to Val and while she turned it over in her hands, Ruby screamed.

  Nathaniel’s heart flew into his throat as he clenched his muscles, ready to bolt toward the beach.

  Val ran to Ruby.

  Ruby continued to scream.

  Val followed the girl’s pointing finger. She hurried in the direction she indicated and picked up a crab that was large enough Nathaniel could see it from the house. She glanced at it and tossed it into the sea with a flick of her wrist.

  He knew from firsthand experience that those black crabs could be nasty. It had probably been running toward Ruby, its claws opening and closing, making a clicking sound that most likely terrified his daughter. Val hadn’t hesitated for an instant. His confidence in the suitability of his nanny rose another notch.

  As they explored, Val stopped and pulled on what looked to Nathaniel like some driftwood. With some effort, she dislodged what turned out to be a battered rowboat that was missing half of its boards, and set it upright. She helped the children climb inside and their laughter carried toward him over the swish of the waves as they played in the boat.

  Nathaniel was amazed Val didn’t seem worried about dirtying her clothes or getting splinters. She somehow managed to be a playmate, as well as someone his children—and he, for that matter—could trust. His phone buzzed, and he realized he’d been watching Val and his children play for nearly an hour. They would come in for lunch soon, and he hadn’t gotten any work done. In spite of his lack of professional productivity this morning, he was at ease, his body feeling light as he walked back to his office, reassured that hiring Val had been the right move for his family.

  ****

  That evening, Val pulled up the blankets around Finn’s shoulders, pushing his still-damp and shampoo-smelling hair off his forehead. He was asleep before she even turned off the light.

  “Ruby, did you get on your jammies?” Val walked into the room next to Finn’s. She picked up the damp towel from the floor and laid it over the back of a chair.

  Ruby sat in her bed wearing a blue silky nightgown. “My mother used to read me a book before bed.”

  Val would have gone crazy for that nightgown when she was a six-year old girl. “Do you want me to read to you?”

  “No.” Ruby spoke quickly and then raised her gaze to Val’s, her lip quivering. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry.” Seeing the sadness in the little girl’s eyes made her heart ache. She knew all too well the hurt of losing a mother. “Reading a bedtime story was something special between you and your momma. It’s okay that you don’t want to share it with someone else.”

  Ruby was quiet. She bit her lip and twisted a ribbon from her nightgown around her finger.

  “Do ya wanna know what my momma did at bedtime?” Val sat at the foot of Ruby’s bed and scooted back to lean against the wall. “She would pretend to put me under a sleeping spell. She waved her fingers above my toes, and tell me my toes were asleep, then my feet and legs. Once part of me was under the spell, the rule was, I couldn’t move it. My eyes were the very last thing. She kissed me good night and waved her fingers over my eyes, and I closed them and fell asleep.”

  Ruby pulled at the stitching on her bedspread. “Sometimes, I’m worried I’ll forget my mother. I have a picture of her, but I don’t remember what her voice sounded like.”

  Val watched her for a moment before she made up her mind. “I’m going to show you something that I never showed anyone, not even my sisters.” She slid off the bed, careful not to rub her sore leg along the bedspread, and then hurried to her room. When she returned, she sat cross-legged on the bed, facing Ruby. “This is a book I made after my momma died. I was afraid, just like you, that I would forget things about her, so…well, let me show you.”

  Val opened the book between them and turned it around to face Ruby. “This here’s a picture of me and my momma when I was a baby. She was pretty, don’t ya think?” She turned the page.

  Ruby leaned forward.

  “A napkin I found in her purse. See here, is a smear of her lipstick. I kept it so I could remember what color she wore. And this is a picture I cut out of a magazine. I stuck it in here to remember that we saw this movie at the drive-in. A gum wrapper. She loved mint gum, but not peppermint.” Val continued explaining to Ruby about the things she’d taped in the book. “When I remember something, I write it down.” She ran her finger over a lined page covered in handwritten words. “These are the lyrics to a song momma used to sing.”

  Ruby studied the book, turning the pages gently.

  The way she pinched her brows together and pursed her lips made her look more like a small adult than a young girl. As she watched Ruby, Val pulled her knees to her chest. “If you want, maybe we could buy ya a book in town, and I’d help you write down things about your momma. Things like her reading you a story at night. Then you won’t forget. What do ya think?” She hoped she wouldn’t upset Ruby’s father by offering such a personal activity.

  “Can we do it tomorrow?” Ruby looked up and her eyes widened.

  The sight of her hopeful expression melted Val’s heart. “I’ll ask your daddy.”

  She turned her gaze down to the book and ran her fingers over a page. “Daddy doesn’t like to talk about Mother.”

  “Maybe it makes him too sad.” Val brushed her fingers over Ruby’s arm. “Or maybe he thinks it will make you sad.” She took the small hand in her own. “I have a brother, Manly, who never wants to talk about Momma, ever. He doesn’t even like it when one of us talks about her. But his attitude doesn’t mean he didn’t love her. It’s just his way of keeping her memory special. Just like this book is my way.”

  Ruby furrowed her brows.

  “Now you better go to sleep, or you’ll be too tired to have any fun tomorrow.” Val moved the book off Ruby’s bed and tucked the blankets over her body.

  “Will you put a sleeping spell on me, Val?”

  “Of course I will.” Val’s eyes blurred and her throat tightened as she wiggled her fingers above Ruby, putting parts of her body to sleep. The memory of her mother combined with the love she was starting to feel for this child filled her chest with a warmth that she wasn’t prepared for. She kissed Ruby on the forehead and wiggled her fingers in front of her face.

  Ruby closed her eyes.

  “Sleep tight, Miss Ruby,” Val whispered and closed the door behind her.

  Val’s phone beeped, and she checked her messages. Just Seth making sure she took the pain medication he’d sent over and reminding her to apply some anti-bacterial ointment before she went to sleep. She smiled at the thoughtful gesture, even though she was feeling a bit smothered by all the attention. Hadn’t any of these people ever had road rash?

  She called home, checking on her daddy and sisters, and then left the memory book in her room before walking downstairs and out to the back balcony. All day she’d been hoping to sit in the quiet and listen to the waves. Even though the time was well past 8:30, the sun was just dipping below the horizon and the sky was still bright. She rested her forearms on the railing. The view was amazing. The blues and grays in the water carried golden shimmers of light, and Val wondered how she would capture the effect with paint. The cottage was surrounded on three sides by water, and the other by forest. Val felt as if they were in their own world. Isolated, and yet exposed at the same time. “It’s magical,” she said softly into the wind.

  The sound of Nathaniel clearing his throat startled her and she gasped, spinning and banging her bruised hip into the railing. She spread her fingers over her collarbone, trying to recapture her breath.

  He sat in on one of the wooden chairs behind her, his hand aroun
d a bottle of Lighthouse Lager on the armrest. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to surprise you. Just thought I should warn you that you’re not alone.”

  “No harm done.” Val placed both palms on the railing and leaned her lower back against it. “Am I invading your privacy?”

  “Hardly.” He spread his hand toward the chair next to his. “Can I get ya a drink?”

  “Y’all got a jigger of moonshine?” She crossed the space and eased into the chair. The Adirondack style hadn’t appeared particularly comfortable, but once she sat and leaned back against the smooth wood, she changed her mind.

  His mouth pulled in a half-smile. “Just beer.”

  Val hadn’t seen an unguarded smile from Nathaniel, and the sight surprised her. Maybe the alcohol was responsible for loosening him up, or maybe he was more relaxed in the evening after the kids were safely in bed. The expression was a welcome change from the buttoned-up serious lawyer she’d known for the last two days. “I’m only teasing. I don’t drink at work.”

  He rested his head against the back of the chair and studied her through half-lidded eyes. “How was your first day with the kids?”

  “Honestly, this job is a dream.”

  “That’s a description I don’t hear too often from my employees.”

  “I’ve never been to a place like this. And let’s face it, if it weren’t for y’all, I probably never would. It’s beautiful, the kids are perfect, and I’m being paid to spend the summer in the most wonderful house I’ve ever seen.” She shifted on the low chair, pulling her knee to her chest and resting her foot on the seat so her raw skin didn’t stick to the painted wood. “My room, the ocean…everything. I can’t thank you enough for this arrangement, Mr. Cavanaugh. I should have told you earlier.”

  “I love this cottage, too. The first time I saw it, I couldn’t wait to bring my family up here.” He turned his head to look out over the water.

  “I still can’t believe y’all call this a cottage. In Millford Creek, it would be considered a mansion. My friend, Twyla Fay, lives in a house that used to be a motel. Every room opens to the outside. I always thought how fancy her place was, but this…” She swept her hand around to include the house and the view and sighed.

  “I know exactly what you mean.” He turned to her and a small smile played over his mouth. “Except that part about Twyla Fay, and how in the world do you convert a motel into a house?” He closed his eyes as he rested his head back again. “But you’re right. This place is special.”

  Chapter Four

  Nathaniel allowed the sound of the waves crashing into the rocky shoreline to lull him into a blissful stupor, assisted in part by the alcohol. He planned to spend every evening precisely in this spot, with the cool sea breeze blowing, a local brew in his hand, and his phone’s power turned off.

  “Mr. Cavanaugh?”

  He opened his eyes, remembering that Val still sat next to him. The setting sun put golden highlights in her hair and sparkles in her eyes. He thought maybe he should re-think his evening beverage consumption if his nanny made his heartbeat speed up.

  Val picked at her nail polish. “I hope I didn’t overstep my bounds, but Ruby talked to me a bit about her momma. I told her I’d help her make a scrap book to record some of her memories.” Her gaze moved to his. “I hoped that would be all right with you.”

  Nathaniel didn’t answer. The truth was, he’d overheard the entire conversation between Ruby and Val, and that was part of the reason he was on his fourth beer. Val had made him sound like a hero, or a tortured widower, when the truth was, Nathaniel was neither. The familiar ache of guilt wrenched his stomach, and he took a deep drink in hopes of dulling it.

  I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to make you…I’m sorry.” Val reached toward him but drew back her hand. She stood, wincing when she shifted her weight.

  Still, he said nothing. What was there to say? Would he spill his deepest secrets to this person he’d met yesterday? Tell her the truth about his marriage? Tell her she had no reason to worry about his feelings because he wasn’t a devastated husband?

  Val shifted from foot to foot and scratched her arm. A few awkward moments later, she spoke. “I’m truly sorry. I…Good night, Mr. Cavanaugh.” She turned and hurried into the house.

  Nathaniel continued to stew over the thoughts he’d mulled over for months. What if he had brought home the divorce papers a day earlier? Or later? Would everything be different? Would Clara still be alive? As it turned out, he’d ended up with the pity of everyone he met, looking like a poor, heartbroken man when he was actually the reason his wife was dead.

  He took his guilt out on those around him, pulling away from family and friends, and now he’d offended this woman whose only crime was helping his daughter. Even though she was gone, Clara still managed to make him feel like nothing he did was ever good enough.

  When he met Seth for their run the next morning, he was still dwelling on the way he’d acted toward Val. If he hadn’t known his friend would be waiting where the road branched, Nathaniel would have slept in and nursed his headache.

  “Morning, Daisy.” Nathaniel scratched Seth’s golden retriever behind her ears.

  “Late night?” Seth asked as they set a pace through the forest.

  Daisy bounded along next to them.

  “Do I look it?”

  “Red eyes, pale…I’d guess you either had a few too many, or your new nanny has already brought you to tears.

  “The former. And I might have brought her to tears.”

  “Val?” Seth whipped around his head. “What happened?”

  Nathaniel didn’t sense any disapproval in Seth’s tone, but knowing his friend, that didn’t necessarily mean he felt as casual as he sounded. Seth was likely one of the least judgmental people he knew, which was one reason Nathaniel found confiding in him to be so easy. But based on his reaction, Seth also had a soft spot for Val. “She asked me if it would be all right to help Ruby with a scrapbook of memories about her mother.”

  “And…” Seth prompted, raising his hand.

  Nathaniel shrugged. He lifted the hem of his T-shirt to wipe sweat from his forehead.

  “You didn’t know how to handle it and so, you…”

  “Didn’t.”

  Seth skirted around a dip in the road and rejoined him. “And Val thought you were hurt, or angry with her action.”

  “Val’s managed to connect with my daughter in two days better than I have in six years. I should be down on my knees thanking her for getting Ruby to open up about her feelings. Instead, I…”

  They ran several yards in silence before Seth spoke.

  “Val’s a big girl. From what you’ve told me, she’s known loss herself. She doesn’t seem like the type to hold a grudge.”

  “So, you don’t think I need to…”

  Seth nodded once. “You definitely need to.”

  They turned onto the main road, running along the tops of the sea cliffs until they reached a path that led down to a long, flat stretch of beach.

  Nathaniel knew Seth was right. He owed Val an apology. The entire conversation was making him uncomfortable, and he redirected it back on his friend. “You seem to understand her pretty well. Are you going to start dating my nanny?” He tried to keep his voice light, but he definitely didn’t like the idea. His friend having a relationship with his employee was unprofessional, and he…he just didn’t like it.

  “Nope. Val’s not my type.” Seth picked up a branch and threw it down the beach. He increased his pace as he ran over the rocky shore.

  Daisy ran through the surf to retrieve it.

  Nathaniel felt a confusing mix of relief and disbelief. He nearly stumbled over a piece of driftwood. “What do you mean she’s not your type?” He matched his pace to Seth’s. Was she too friendly? Too beautiful? Too happy? Too easy to talk with? What was wrong with Seth, and why was Nathaniel suddenly so defensive?

  “I’m a caretaker. Val won’t let anyone baby her. She’s too independ
ent for me.”

  Nathaniel was surprised by his friend’s honesty. Since the men had reconnected, Seth listened to him spill his guts about everything about his wife’s death, his feelings of inadequacy when it came to rearing his children, and stress about the direction his career was taking him. The morning runs became more of a therapy session for Nathaniel, and this was the first time Seth spoke about himself so personally.

  They reached the end of the flat beach and took another trail.

  “So, what do you have to say for your Red Sox after last night’s game?” Seth glanced back to make sure the dog followed, and the men switched into an easy dialog on neutral topics as they re-entered the shade of the forest and ran back up the gravel road.

  When they reached the turnoff to Seth’s house, they used the rails of an old fence to lean against as they stretched out.

  “I may have to go back to Boston for a few days next week.” Nathaniel pulled his arm across his chest. “Mind checking in on Val and the kids?”

  “Sure.” Seth held on to a rail and reached back to grab his ankle as he stretched his quad. “And you’re going to…”

  “I’ll talk to her today.”

  ****

  When Nathaniel returned to the house, he found Val and the children in the kitchen. Ruby and Finn worked in their notebooks at the table while Val wiped down the counter.

  When he saw his father, Finn jumped up and ran to him.

  Ruby waved her fingers in front of her nose at Nathaniel’s sweaty smell.

  Val glanced up when he entered and turned to rinse her cloth under the tap.

  Nathaniel complimented Ruby on the words she was writing, told Finn to keep up the good work on coloring shapes, and walked to the sink.

  “Mornin’ Mr. Cavanaugh. Me and the kids had yogurt and toast for breakfast. Can I get you—”

  “Val, can I talk to you for a moment?”

  Her gaze darted to his, and she blinked quickly. She dried off her hands on a dishtowel, glanced once at the children who were bent over their books, and then followed him out to the porch.