In Search of Satisfaction

by J. California Cooper

  Yin had met Sally briefly; they had smiled and were prepared to like each other, then Yin started down the narrow stairs to go to Carlene’s rooms. “Mrs. Befoe must not like her sister very much to put her up in these quarters. Hell! She must not like me either! But this house does not half belong to me like it must her sister. If I was the sister, I wouldn’t stay up there. Of course, I’m not going to stay up there long myself.”

  Richard Befoe was nowhere to be seen.

  Yin passed Minna in the hall near Carlene’s rooms. “Minna, will you bring an extra sheet to Mrs. Befoe’s rooms?” Minna sighed, “Yes’m” and was gone. Yin knocked on Carlene’s door and heard the answer, “You wait a minute, Minna!” Yin did not knock again.

  When Minna returned with the extra sheet, the two of them stood in the hall, waiting. Minna spoke first, smiling, “My gramma say she was there helpin when you was born.”

  Yin smiled back hesitantly. “How does she know that? I have not seen her.” Minna made a little laugh. “Oh, Miz Yin, this such a little ole town, everbody know when someone new comes here. Everbody know a strange pretty lady is in town. She members your name is Yinzang.”

  Yin smiled thoughtfully, then, “It’s Yinyang. Yinyang Krupt. I will have to meet your gramma. There are some things I would like to know about.” Minna smiled, said, “Yes, mam.”

  Then they heard Carlene’s voice calling them in. Carlene stood frowning as Yin spread the sheet across the bed. “Will we really need that? This is not a hospital.”

  Yin continued her preparations. “This is how I do. Please lie down.” Carlene started to lay down in her underwear and nightgown. Yin laughed and said, “You must take that gown off and all those clothes. Leave your underpants on if you like.”

  Carlene bristled, “Well, I say! I don’t like being naked without clothes.”

  Yin put her hands on her hips. “Oh! Pish-posh! I am a woman, you are a woman! It is not a pleasure of mine to look at naked ladies. If I am to relax and work on your … body, I must be able to touch it!” She reached for one of the extra sheets, “Here, wrap this around you and lie on your stomach across the bed.”

  Carlene wrapped the sheet loosely around herself, saying, “This had better be good!”

  “Mrs. Befoe, you demanded this. I did not force it on you.”

  “Well, continue then. And what must I do now?”

  Yin settled the sheet, lightly pushed and pulled Carlene’s body in place. “Now … just relax. I have a lotion here Minna was good enough to heat for me. It is warm and will be relaxing to your muscles and bones. Which is what we want.” Yin moved firmly about the business of massage. “We will have no talking unless I am hurting you, which I am sure I will not.”

  Carlene’s face was buried in a pillow. “Certainly not!”

  Yin had removed her suit when she settled in her new room upstairs. She was wearing a long, cream colored skirt and crisp blouse with the sleeves rolled up. Her hair was still pulled back in a severe fashion. She warmed her hands at the small fire in the fireplace and began at Carlene’s neck. “Now … we begin,” she said.

  Carlene’s muffled voice came, “It is my hip and my legs, not my neck!”

  Yin was becoming aggravated. “Do you want me to continue?”

  “I’m not sure.” Muffled.

  “I do not have time to waste or time to coddle. I have other things I must be doing!”

  From deep in the pillow, “I am not accustomed to being talked to in that manner.”

  “And I am not accustomed to giving massages.”

  “You’ve never told me what you are accustomed to doing.”

  “Mrs. Befoe, I have not heard your life story either.” Yin pressed down hard on Carlene’s shoulders.

  A gust of breath flew from Carlene’s mouth, “Whooff.”

  Yin smiled, “We begin again.”

  Still Carlene complained, “I am sorry I allowed this to happen.”

  “I can stop. It is your hip.” Yin did not stop the smooth movement and pressure of her hands. It did feel good to Carlene.

  “Well, we have gone this far …”

  “Alright then.” She smoothed Carlene’s shoulders and back with the warm cream and firm touch. She took a long time rubbing the shoulders, spine and sides with a steady, long stroke, sometimes a short, firm one. Carlene was soon totally relaxed. The begging, stiff muscles were slowly letting go, not fighting stiffly anymore. As Yin moved down to the buttocks in firm round strokes and more warm cream, Carlene moaned with pleasure a few times. Yin began to think of the pleasure Carlene was having. An idea came into Yin’s mind. She spoke softly, “Mrs. Befoe, you must know allll these muscles, nerves and bones are connected. Related. You have … certain nerves that must be touched.”

  Carlene sighed with relaxed pleasure in answer.

  Yin continued softly, “Your body is very private and there are places I will not touch … but you must.”

  Carlene roused herself a little, said with a muted voice, “What private places?”

  Yin smiled. “In the front of your body, where the pelvis bone is located, place your hands in that area.”

  “What?”

  “Do it. For your hip. I want to teach you something that will help you.” Carlene hesitantly did as she was told.

  Yin continued, “Now … feel the bone?”

  A muffled reply, “Certainly.”

  Yin smiled. “Now, move your hand slowly in the direction of your feet to the lowest part of the pelvis bone … stay in the middle of the bone … until you feel what feels like gristle.”

  There was silence.

  Yin waited, then asked, “Have you done that?”

  Muffled, “Yes … what is this for?”

  Yin answered seriously, “That is the center muscle, bone and nerve between your hips. If you hold down on that, not hard, but firmly … my massage will communicate to the bones and muscle pains better, with more balance. It is like a conductor.”

  Silence. Yin waited, then said, “I am going to occasionally touch another place. Don’t jump. You have your underpants on.” Still massaging with one hand, with the other she touched between Carlene’s legs at the center between the buttocks and her vulva. She explained, “This spot here is also a conductor. That is why they are as well protected as they are. You can’t reach this spot so I will have to help you, not too much, just a little.

  Carlene’s voice was still muffled, “I … don’t know if … I want …”

  Yin interrupted her, “It must be done right for the greatest effect on the pain in your hips. Now, hold on to that spot.” She continued to massage with long, firm strokes. Carlene’s body moved slightly, involuntarily under the pressure. Yin moved to the thigh slowly, returning at regular times back to the buttocks, stopping only for more warm cream. A half hour passed. Carlene said, “I do feel this in my hips. The pain is not so sharp.”

  “Good! Now turn over. Keep the sheet wrapped around you where I am not working and keep your privacy. Oh! You can’t let go of that spot, can you? Here, I will hold it until you finish turning. Now, use this towel to cover your eyes for complete relaxation. Mrs. Befoe, I simply can’t keep holding this nerve. I have to use my hands to rub you. Here, take your one hand and spread your fingers … you have to open your legs more, dear, to get the right spot again. You have panties on.”

  Carlene spoke, unmuffled, “I feel like a fool.”

  Yin soothed, “The medical profession is not always decorous, Mrs. Befoe. This is a massage.” She covered Carlene’s eyes completely with the towel as she started at her chin, working slowly to her shoulders and breasts.

  “Do you have to touch my breasts?”

  Yin answered softly, “Your body is a whole piece … all connected.”

  Carlene spoke from beneath the towel, “I will not subject myself to this again.”

  Yin smiled to herself, “As you like.” As she stroked and rubbed the old, drying skin, withering from age and no exercise except malice, the
muscles responded gladly to the soothing, firm pressure of Yin’s warm, moist hands. Carlene relaxed even more. The nerves over her body were stimulated, awakened. Beneath Carlene’s fingers the nerves were also stimulated by her own pressure and Yin’s strokes on her body. The pleasure moving out from the center of her body to all points. Yin’s hands moved in circular motions on the unloved bulge of layers swelling her belly. Yin watched the muscles beneath her hands. She pressed … and pulled … with soft firmness as she rounded the thighs, moving frequently back up to the dried breasts and around the now glistening belly, soft with compliance. Carlene’s fingers held firmly in place as Yin did the lower limbs and finally the feet. Carlene made small sounds of pleasure. Yin heard a mixture of tones in Carlene’s sounds now. She watched the stomach muscles contract. She stopped. “We are near the end. Turn over, for the last time, on your stomach. Then we’ll be through.” Carlene did as she was told without a whimper. Her fingers never moved from below her pelvic bone.

  When Carlene was settled on her stomach, Yin said, “I must put the greatest pressure on your hip bones. I am going to straddle your legs for better leverage. No, no, keep them open. You see, I am too small and do not have the weight to place the proper pressure on your hip bones which we must do for the greatest results.” She crawled upon the bed, placed one knee between Carlene’s legs and leaned with both hands on her lower back, then raised and massaged the round buttocks.

  For the next ten minutes the massage continued in silence. Then Yin leaned close and could see Carlene straining, unaware of Yin any longer, straining to keep from having an orgasm and straining to have one at the same time. Perspiration broke out over her face, her lips parted. The feeling gathered, swirled around her body, went back to the points and gathered, swirling again. At last it swirled faster, faster, faster, so that she could hardly keep it down. With Yin’s knee between Carlene’s legs for balance, Carlene’s feelings could be held back no longer.

  The feelings ran large, huge, back and forth over Carlene’s body, then gathered and drifted throughout her. She wanted to squeeze her legs shut, but Yin’s knee was between them. She held to Yin’s leg with her own. Hating the feelings in her body even as she held on to them. Frustrated that it had happened to her in such a manner and situation. She did not allow herself to make a sound, burying her face in the pillow at the end. But her body was fully spent, relaxed, soothed, and she lay, smothering her ending gasps as Yin got up to cover her and go wash her hands.

  Looking for a towel to dry her hands, Yin lifted the one Carlene had placed over the pills, salt and packages. Yin picked up the original prescription container and read that it was for Richard Befoe. She saw that some were empty. She tasted the medicine and then the salt. Yin knew something was wrong. She took one capsule still in the original bottle and one that had been opened and refilled, put them in her pocket and placed the towel back over what was left. She finished wiping her hands and came out, unrolling her sleeves.

  At that moment, Carlene remembered the pills and jerked her head up, looking around at Yin to see if she had noticed anything.

  Yin spoke first, “You need to rest. I am going to rest. Minna can clean up when you are ready.” She stood at the door. “May I do anything for you before I go?”

  Carlene, satisfied there was no question in Yin’s face, relaxed and turned away from Yin, saying, “I don’t believe you.”

  Yin was confused. “What?”

  “I don’t believe you have to … press down on those two … places.”

  Yin did not smile. “In any event, I will not be able to do the massage again. It is too hard on me. It takes too much out of me. Perhaps I will teach Minna or whomever you say … how to do it for you when you are in pain.”

  “I don’t believe you have to press those two places.”

  Yin sighed heavily. “Then when you next have it done, don’t touch them. Leave it out. See if there is any difference. Now … is there anything I may do for you before I go?”

  Still looking away from Yin, Carlene replied, “No … no.”

  As Yin turned to go she said, “We can settle our business later tonight. I have had the papers prepared.”

  In a low voice, Carlene said, “I know that you are half Negro.”

  Yin turned back to face the woman whose face was turned away from her. “Not that it makes any difference what you know, you were not in my mother’s womb when I was conceived. I was. How could you KNOW anything?”

  “I know your … alleged … father was too old … too drunk, to make a baby. I’m sure he was impotent.”

  “How sure are you?”

  “I have brains.”

  Yin stepped closer to the bed. “Might there not be something to know about you?”

  Silence. Both of them wondered about the same thing. But Yin said, “Do you know who was in your mother’s womb when you arrived there?”

  The face Carlene now turned to Yin was filled with malevolence. “My mother was a pure woman. I know my father was white.”

  Yin was suddenly more tired. Taking a deep breath, she said, “You were not born knowing everything. Everyone can have a … secret. Did your parents tell you who put them in their mothers’ wombs? You THINK they were white.”

  In a softer tone, for she had too much to lose, Yin said, “We are here. Red, yellow, black, brown, white, whatever. According to the Bible, you are even supposed to be my sister, at least my cousin.” She turned back to the door. “I don’t care what you or anyone else knows. I am me.” Before closing the door behind her, she said, “Sleep now, madame, sleep now. Your body has been set to rest and heal. Heal your mind.”

  When Yin had gone, Carlene relaxed and stretched, smiling, feeling her body which had been quiet for so many years. She had loved the massage. She wriggled her old toes and ran her hands over the satin pillows. Finally, placing her hands on her stomach, she slept more soundly than in a long time.

  While all this had been going on, by instinct the black spider had chosen this time to cross the white walls to the corner where lush plants were placed to their best advantage near the windows. The spider smelled and reached the moist dirt, scampering hastily, for this was where she prefered to live. The decaying wood, the moist dirt, the cool plants for food. She backed in, watching the movements on the bed, and made herself a permanent home.

  Yin sat in her room, looking out the windows of the tall house. “Now … why did I do that? I hadn’t planned to do that. I want to go on that yacht trip. Surely there will be rich men there.” She sighed, looking at the beauty of the sun setting. Then, remembering, she took the pills from her pocket. The beauty of the sky pulled her back with its radiant colors. Moments later, she regarded the pills in her hand again. She sat there a long time. Until the sun was gone. Thinking.

  Satan almost smiled.

  the papers were signed, the money paid by Yin (which Richard gave back to Yin), repairs and cleanup work on her property began. Mr. Creed did much of the carpentry and hiring of laborers for the cleanup and yard. He was good at the job, having been Richard Befoe’s estate carpenter for years. In their daily talks, Yin learned that Richard had helped to get Creed’s son admitted into a law school which had at first declined him because of his color.

  “My son didn’t want to be no lawyer or doctor,” Creed laughed. “He want to be a farmer! I tole him he be a fool to waste a chance like this. I saved my own money, so Befoe didn’t have to help wit no money. But he still takin agriculture on the side though. Just ain’t got no complete sense in that boy of mine. But this war here now, what’s startin up. I hope he don’t go.”

  Yin smiled at Creed as she moved about industriously, lifting, wiping, shifting things. “Well, I certainly hope you are right. It is good to have something you can be that will make you independent. And this war should not last long, Mr. Befoe said.”

  Yin liked Mr. Creed. He made her think of Josephus, but she never mentioned Josephus to him. She had not made up her mind about her half-
sister’s family yet. And now, with all the work to do in apron and head cover, washing, cleaning, planting bulbs Luke gave her from the Befoes’ garden, time passed quickly. Soon she would be able to move into her own house or part of it. She sighed. There was so much to do and she didn’t want to spend all her money until she knew where she would get more. And … a colored family could not help her now.

  In the evenings when she had quit working for the day, Yin sat in the back garden at the Befoes, watching Richlene and Luke working there. Richlene loved the earth and flowers. She seemed to adore Luke, also. She had known him since he was a little boy coming to work the gardens with his father Joel. When Joel had died several years later, Luke was young, but he knew the work and needed the money desperately, so Richard had let him take over the job. Yin imagined it was innocent because Richlene seemed so innocent. Luke did, too, she decided. Emily, the young daughter of Richlene, sat and watched her mother, sometimes bringing a tool to her or a glass of water. Yin liked them, all three. She also liked Sally, the quiet efficient woman who always seemed to be writing letters to her children who seldom answered except to explain why they could not have her visit at one time or another. She tried to talk to Sally, but Sally seemed wary of others’ closeness even while she seemed to need a friend. “She is a handsome woman even though she must be over forty,” Yin thought of the slim, neat, sad but truly attractive Sally.

  Yin tried to keep as unobtrusive as possible in this household so that she could stay as long as was needed. So many things seemed to be happening in this house with the melancholy feeling in it. Yin wanted time to think about them, but now she was absorbed with her own house and eager to move there. She thought of Richlene. The child-woman was slow but not dull witted. She seemed to have such common sense. Reasoning.

  Evening meals were formal for the most part. Richard and Sally talked a little. Carlene spoke the most, complaints, and she was seldom answered. She was not ignored, there was just nothing to say to whatever she said. Richlene did not speak unless spoken to, her father often patting her hand. Emily, naturally quiet, ate and watched her mother, hastily reaching to help when she felt her mother wanted something. When Carlene rebuked or scolded Richlene for little mishaps, Yin saw hatred in Emily’s eyes toward her grandmother.