by P. J. Fiala
“I’m so sorry, Ryder. He told me he would kill you if I didn’t get rid of you. I couldn’t let him hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
Ryder shushed Molly and began crooning soft words to her. “It’s alright, babe. Please don’t cry. We’ll figure it all out.”
But the most important thing Ryder said to Molly was, “I love you, Molly, so damn much.”
Molly looked up at Ryder. She stared into his eyes, trying to see if he meant it. After what she had done, she couldn’t blame him for being mad at her. But, she would do anything she could to make it up to him. She wasn’t letting this man go. Not now. Not ever.
“I love you, too. I’m so sorry.”
Ryder looked at the bruise forming on the side of her face. With gentle fingers, he touched the purplish skin on her cheek and with a whisper-soft touch kissed the spot his fingers had just touched. Ryder leaned down and kissed her.
Tammy came pushing forward. “You can have her to yourself later. Right now, I need to hug my girl.”
Tammy grabbed Molly and hugged her so hard Molly had trouble breathing. Tammy pulled away after a bit and looked at Molly. “Are you okay, Moll? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
Molly shook her head no. “Something snapped in me. I just couldn’t let him touch me. He threatened to kill Ryder if I didn’t do what he wanted. I just couldn’t let him touch me again. I just decided I wasn’t going to be his victim anymore. I wasn’t going to hide while he hurt other people.”
Tammy hugged Molly again and then pulled back. “I told them, Moll. Ryder wanted to know and I felt I had to say something. I’m sorry I broke your confidence, but you should have told him a long time ago. Secrets hurt people.”
“I know, Tammy. I’m sorry to make you go through that awful story. Don’t worry, I know you wouldn’t have said anything unless you felt it was necessary.”
Before any more words could be said, Joci pushed her way forward and pulled Molly into a hug. Jeremiah followed as well as JT, and finally Gunnar.
“Glad to see you back, sis. I was worried about you. We all were.”
“I’m glad to be back. I’m sorry I worried anyone. It wasn’t my intent.”
“Let’s sit and talk, shall we?” Joci was already pulling a chair out to sit down. They needed to discuss this. Then, Molly and Ryder would need to have a private conversation, just the two of them. That discussion would either make or break them.
They sat at the table and listened while Molly told them about Lancaster and what had happened. She knew Tammy told them the whole sordid story.
“I owe you all an explanation, please ask any questions you want me to answer. I’ve just learned, for the second time in my life, how dangerous secrets can be. I want to get everything out in the open and not have anyone speculate on anything.”
Tammy reached across the table and took Molly’s hand. “How did he find you Molly?”
Molly’s lips thinned into a straight line. “He found me from my name and picture on the Rolling Thunder Veteran’s Ride DVD. I don’t know how he came to see that, who knows how many people have that DVD and sent it to people they know. It doesn’t matter. The first time he called he told me how he found me. He called my business number.”
Tammy gasped. “I’m so sorry, Moll.”
Molly’s head was shaking before she got the words out.
“No. You do not say that. How could you know? Since he didn’t go to prison for raping me, I wouldn’t be on the police list for them to notify me of his release. And, I should have been a little more mindful of the time he spent there and the fact that he would be getting close to release.”
Joci asked, “What about your mom, Molly? Does she remember him?”
“He went to see her. When he called me I asked him not to go to her, but he did anyway. I don’t know if she remembers him. He’s the reason she started drinking in the first place. She felt so bad about his abuse of me, she just couldn’t forgive herself. I want to go to the nursing home tomorrow to make sure she’s okay and speak with the staff to see what her reaction was to him.”
Ryder gave her a gentle squeeze to let her know he was here with her. His throat was thick with emotion and he couldn’t say much. They spoke for a couple of hours, but it didn’t feel like it’d been that long. Molly had to admit, it felt so good to get everything off her chest. To be able to tell people that loved her, what she had gone through was so freeing. The only person she ever had was Tammy. Cara and Suzie only knew that she had a tough childhood, but nothing more than that.
After everyone hugged Molly again and told her they loved her, she and Ryder were left alone to discuss what had happened. This was the hardest conversation of all because Molly didn’t know if Ryder still wanted to be with her after this. She had treated him terribly. Of all of the people in the world that deserved to be hurt, this man did not. Molly felt her own heart break at what she had done to Ryder.
“Where should we sit to talk?”
Ryder motioned to the living room and took a deep breath. “Why don’t we sit on the sofa? My ass is sore from sitting on those kitchen chairs all day.”
Molly smiled and nodded. She grabbed a bottle of water and motioned to Ryder. He held up a bottle he already had in his hand in answer. They sat on the sofa, each turned facing the other.
“Did you want to break up with me?”
“No. I didn’t want Lancaster to hurt you. I didn’t know what to do, he’s a terrible man and I know firsthand that he doesn’t have regard for his actions.”
“Why did you leave a note, Molly? Why didn’t you talk to me in person?”
Molly scrunched up her face, tears threatening behind her eyes. “I knew I couldn’t say it in person and be convincing. There was nothing in the world I hated doing more than leaving that note, but in the end, I was so afraid. I thought once you knew about my past, you wouldn’t want me anyway, so I thought it was probably already over.”
“Molly…” Ryder swallowed. “I would never not want you. You were a kid for crying out loud. Why would you think I would ever hold anything against you that happened to you when you were a kid?”
Molly didn’t think she had any tears left; she had cried them all out today. But, hearing his sweet words just now, made her feel like crying. She stared into his eyes, a thousand thoughts running through her mind at once. She loved this man before her. She never dreamed she could love someone so much.
Ryder leaned forward and cupped her face in his hands. “I love you, Molly Bates, with my whole heart and my whole soul. The shitty things that happened to you as a child are over. But, right now, I need time away from you.”
Molly nodded and swiped at an errant tear trailing its way across her bruised cheek. “I…understand.”
“You didn’t talk to me. You should have told me a long time ago. If you can’t trust me with your deep dark secrets, how can we move forward?”
“Ryder. I’m so damn sorry. Of all the people in the world who don’t deserve to be hurt, you are that person. I…” Swallowing hard, Molly looked down at her hands as they twisted together, knuckles white with strain. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I know you are, but you broke my fucking heart, Molly.” Ryder stood to leave. He walked toward the kitchen, then paused and looked back at her. “I just need some time to think.”
Molly looked up as he rounded the corner. She heard the door to the garage shut. It seemed like minutes went by before she heard his truck start. She got up and walked to the window and watched as Ryder pulled out of the driveway and, without looking back at the house, drove away from her.
Ryder lay in his old bed at Gunnar and JT’s and stared at the ceiling. He didn’t know how long he’d been lying there. He felt numb. He hadn’t eaten in two, no, three days. It didn’t matter, time just crawled by. As he lay there thinking about Molly, he jumped up and walked over to his dresser. Sliding the top drawer open he pulled out his notebook. Turning and crossing the room, he flopped down into a chair
and threw his legs up on the bed. Taking a deep breath, he opened his notebook and started writing.
***
Molly paced back and forth in Tammy and Danny’s living room. “I wish you would stop that pacing. You’re driving me crazy.”
Molly stopped and looked at Tammy. With a heavy sigh, she walked to the love seat in front of the big picture window and flopped down. “Sorry. He won’t return any of my calls. It’s been four days. I’ve left hundreds of messages. Well, dozens, anyway.”
“He said he needed to think. You hurt him bad, Molly. He’s sensitive and shy. This was a real blow to him. You should have seen him; he was wrecked.”
Molly let her head fall back against the back of the sofa and looked out the window. The beautiful flowers were all gone for the winter now. Brown, shriveled and dried up. Just like she felt. Lifeless. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and pulled it out. When she saw Gunnar’s picture on her phone she pursed her lips, touched the “answer” icon and lifted the phone to her ear. “Hi, Gunnar.”
“Hang on there, I have to get over the excitement in your voice before I can continue.”
“Sorry. I always want to talk to you. I was just hoping Ryder would finally be ready to talk to me.”
“That’s why I’m calling. He hasn’t left his room since he came back here. He hasn’t eaten, nothing. JT and I are worried sick about him and my mom is going crazy trying to get him to open up. He called in sick to work today again. Something has to be done. I have an idea.”
“Okay, what can I do?”
“Come over to the house. JT and I will leave when you get here and give you two time to talk. You’ll have to force the issue. Make him talk to you.”
“I can do that.” Molly sat up straight. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
***
Ryder turned his head to look at the back of the bedroom door. Someone was knocking again. “What?” Taking a deep breath, he said, “Leave me alone. Fuck! Please, just leave me alone.”
“No can do, brother.” Gunnar stuck his head in the door. “JT and I are heading out to the Barn. We’ll see you later, okay?”
“Yeah. Later.”
Gunnar stepped back and motioned for Molly to enter Ryder’s room. When Ryder saw her walk in, he sat up and looked at Gunnar, narrowing his eyes at his brother. Gunnar smirked and walked out the door.
Molly stepped further in and closed the door behind her. “I couldn’t wait any longer to see you. Please talk to me.”
“If you don’t trust me enough to tell me everything, we can’t possibly have a solid relationship when only one of us is giving everything.”
Molly gingerly sat at the foot of the bed and twisted her body so she was facing him. “I’ve learned my lesson. I’m here to swear to you there will never be secrets between us again. Except maybe Christmas and birthday presents.” Flashing her brightest smile she focused all of her attention on his eyes.
Ryder scraped his hands down his face and around to the back of his neck. He rotated his head in an effort to relieve the stiffness that had formed over the past few days.
Molly leaned forward and laid her palm on Ryder’s shin. Squeezing gently, she took a deep breath. “I know I hurt you. If I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat. I’m not used to having so many people care about me. All I’ve ever had was Tammy and she is with Danny now, so…I thought I was protecting you, Ryder. I really did.”
Ryder stared at her. Molly saw him swallow the lump in his throat. The clock ticked in the corner of the room, the tree outside the window swayed gracefully as a breeze swept by. “Molly.” Taking another breath, Ryder tried again. “I still love you, but I can’t go through anything like that ever again. It’s the worst feeling in the world, thinking you’re not good enough for the person you love. I thought I wasn’t good enough for you to tell me the truth.”
Molly shook her head as he was talking. “I know all too well what it feels like to think you’re not good enough for the person you love. Look at you and your family. They’re amazing. Even though you’ve all dealt with shit, it’s nothing like my life. I didn’t come to you a virgin. I felt dirty and unworthy. I was afraid every damn day that you would find out about me and dump me because I was filthy.” Molly swallowed. “I know what that’s like more than you ever will.”
Wiping at the tears that streamed down her face, Molly stood to leave. She paused with her hand on the doorknob and turned. “You know, you don’t tell me everything either,” she said, pointing to the top of his dresser, where his notebook sat. “You write your deepest, darkest thoughts in the journal over there, and you never share them. You’re no different than me when it comes to keeping secrets. Granted, my secrets caused other people to get hurt. This time I hoped it would be different and no one would get hurt. I was wrong.”
Molly climbed in her car surprised that the tears had stopped. She’d tried everything she could; this was her last stand. He simply didn’t want her anymore. She drove home to her little house with a heavy heart.
Molly walked into her small house feeling lost. She hadn’t been back here since the night Ryder left. The house felt creepy to her now. She began emptying the dishwasher when the kitchen door flew open behind her. She jumped and spun around and froze as her eyes met Ryder’s. Gently laying the plate in her hand on the counter so she wouldn’t drop it, she smoothed her blouse with her hands and waited for what Ryder came to say.
“Are you always going to run away from me when things get tough?”
“No…I didn’t.” Molly stammered.
“You didn’t? Yes. You. Did. I wasn’t finished talking to you. You turned, accused me of betraying you and walked out.” Ryder’s nostrils flared. Molly had never seen him angry. It was…scary.
“I’m…I’m…” Taking a deep breath, Molly tried again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me anymore.”
Ryder closed his eyes and ran his hand down his face trying to compose himself. He was scaring her. Running his hand over his throat and around to his nape, he let out a breath. He opened his eyes and watched Molly’s throat convulse with fear. “Fuck!” He said as he stepped closer to her.
Molly stepped back as he stepped forward. Ryder halted for a millisecond. He stepped forward again, two steps, three steps, until they were almost toe to toe.
“What I wanted to say was, we should start over. You’re right. I wasn’t completely open with you, either.”
A sob tore out of Molly’s throat as she flung herself into Ryder’s arms. He held her close, one arm wrapped around her waist, his other palm pressing her head into his chest. Long seconds passed before he could loosen his hold on her.
“I love you, Molly. I have from the first day I saw you.”
Molly tilted her head back to look into his sexy face. A face ravaged by lack of sleep and food, and filled with worry. Her fingers gently brushed along his jaw and over his lips. Reaching up, she placed a feather light kiss on his lips as her hands held his head in hers.
“I love you, too, Ryder.” Molly’s voice was barely a whisper, her throat was so constricted.
Ryder kissed her. Slowly and sweetly, he touched her lips to his and softly made love to her mouth. He dipped his tongue into her mouth and swirled it around. He’d missed this woman. He slid his hands to her waist and pulled her into his body. He walked them into the living room and leaned back on the sofa, pulling her down on top of him. Molly froze. She looked back at the windows and then at Ryder.
“Lancaster told me he watched us make love under the tree. Are there cameras in here? What about the microphone from Jepson? This place feels kind of creepy now, doesn’t it?”
“Haven’t you been staying here?”
“No. I went to Tammy’s as soon as you left. She told me about Jepson.”
Ryder snorted a little. “Yeah, I have to say, it does feel creepy. Why don’t we go to a hotel? Just me and you and spend a couple of days making up for lost time?”
&nb
sp; Molly grinned.“ Actually, that sounds great. I know we have to get back here and deal with all of this…”—sweeping her hand out wide—”…stuff. Cameras, fear, everything, but a few days alone together, getting ourselves right sounds better to start with.”
“Okay, let’s scoot. I really need to make up for lost time.”
Molly stood in the shower and let the hot water pour over her. What a crazy ass few days they had. She started the day, her second without a shower, feeling dark and depressed and scared. She was going to end the day in the arms of the man she loved more than her own life. But first, she had to get cleaned up. It felt like a little slice of heaven standing here with the water flowing over her body. This morning felt like it was weeks ago with all that had happened. Molly lathered her hair up and rinsed it out. She soaped and shaved and rinsed again.
She smiled as she stepped out of the shower. She quickly applied body butter and blew her hair dry. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and stepped out expecting to see Ryder. He wasn’t there. She looked to the right, where the bed sat behind a half wall. Gawd, there he was, this perfect man. He was propped against the pillows, naked and waiting for her. She looked at him, admiring the beauty of his body and watched as his cock came to life in front of her. Molly watched in fascination as it became harder and harder. Without even thinking, she licked her lips, imagining his cock sliding into her mouth, making it twitch and grow harder still.
Molly looked into Ryder’s eyes and saw him watching her. He looked at her breasts, then lower staring at her pussy. Slowly, his eyes traveled back up her body and stilled on her eyes.
Ryder would never get enough of looking at this woman. Her small face with those sky blue eyes and her full lips, always ready to smile. He loved how her dark hair and lashes framed those blue eyes. Her pussy? Well, it was to die for. Nothing felt better than sliding into her pussy. She clenched him tightly with a velvet smoothness that brushed along the skin of his cock like nothing ever could. Usually, by the time he pushed into her, his cock was throbbing and hard and aching for release. When he slid into her slickness, he had to blank his mind for fear of losing control and coming on the spot.