Falling Too Deep

by Shay Lee Giertz

  “You’re only jealous.” Heather matched her sarcastic grin. To me, she said, “I’m a long-distance swimmer because when I was eight years old, I nearly drowned.”

  Paige and Sierra leaned in to listen to her too.

  “I didn’t know that,” Paige said. “You never told me.”

  “I haven’t told anyone,” Heather said. “Only Lucas and my parents know.”

  “What happened?” Sierra asked.

  “Lucas and I ran into the water and jumped in. Our parents hadn’t caught up to us yet. I remember laughing and running around, trying to get away from him. What we didn’t know was that there was a steep drop off point. I was running trying to get away from him when all of a sudden, the bottom of the lake was gone. I sank immediately. I knew a little about swimming, but not much. And I panicked which I’m sure didn’t help. Lucas couldn’t get out to me because he couldn’t swim that well. I heard him yelling at Mom and Dad. But I blacked out. When I came to, I was on the shore puking up the lake water. Dad had given me CPR while Mom knelt beside me crying.”

  “I had no idea,” I said as if seeing Heather for the first time.

  “Yep. It was a miracle I didn’t die. You know what happened after that?” she asked me. When I shook my head, she said, “I vowed never to let that happen again. I signed up for swim lessons, and I pushed myself. Every time I felt fear, I pushed harder. Before long, I was on competitive swim teams. I remember the first time I had to get back into water that was over my head. I was around thirteen, and our team was practicing long-distance drills. We were still super close to the shore, but far enough away that we couldn’t quite touch the bottom. It didn’t matter that we had life jackets on for protection, I was terrified. But I got in the water.”

  “How?” I asked. “How did you push past it?”

  “I made a decision. Either the water would own me, or I would own the water. Guess who won?”

  None of us said anything for a moment. Their fashion magazines had been forgotten. The slushies had turned to liquid sugar.

  “So, you wouldn’t even think twice about jumping in the water to save someone?” I already knew the answer.

  “That’s why I joined the Coast Guard. I want to save as many people as I can. My goal is to jump out of helicopters or go on dive missions. I don’t know. As long as I’m helping other people not drown, then it’ll be awesome.”

  “Coast Guard?” I knew I was doing a lousy job of hiding my shock. Heather Fairchild had joined the military?

  “You didn’t tell us you made up your mind!” Paige said. “I thought we talked you out of it.”

  “It’s what I want to do,” she said with a shrug. “I signed before we came here. I fly out to boot camp the second week of September.”

  The three of us stared at Heather, shocked into silence. This was evidently a surprise for Paige and Sierra too.

  “Your mom must be flipping out,” Paige finally said.

  “She’s calm about it now. I mean, what can she say? I’m eighteen. It’s my choice, and I’ve already signed on the dotted line.”

  “I would have never in a million years connected you with the military,” I said, still trying to wrap my head around the idea that Heather Fairchild joined the Coast Guard. “I thought, well, I don’t know what I thought.”

  “That I’d go to some college, party it up, and enjoy my daddy’s money?”

  Um, yeah, I wanted to say. But I kept my mouth shut.

  “My family didn’t believe me either. Just because I joined the Coast Guard doesn’t mean I won’t have any fun. I will be surrounded by guys. The only thing I’ll enjoy more than flirting with every single one of them is beating them at everything.” She stood up. “I’m done talking about all of this. I’ll be right back.”

  As she walked up to the concession stand and started talking to Jayce, Paige said, “Her mom must have freaked out.”

  “That’s probably what pushed her to make a decision,” Sierra said. To me, she added, “Heather never responds well when she’s told to do something. She’ll do the exact opposite just to show you that you can’t tell her what to do.”

  I watched as Heather talked with Jayce, and once again, felt like I was seeing someone clearer than before. She was nothing like I had assumed her to be. Sure, she was rich and spoiled, but she was also tough and talented and fearless.

  And I realized that in the previous summer, I had been quick to judge, and I had shut her out just like I had done with everyone else.

  20

  The front door was open, and I noticed Mom already in a lounger, sipping from her glass and outlining a pencil sketch in her drawing pad. I poured some iced tea for myself, grabbed a blueberry muffin, and went outside to sit with her. “Is this seat taken?” I pulled up a chair.

  “Hey, sweetie,” Mom said, without taking her eyes off the scenery in front of her. “I don’t think I could ever get bored of this view.”

  The water might have been beautiful and serene to observe, but the nightmare flooded my mind. Then I thought of Heather and her fearlessness, so I studied the view for a moment. Maybe one day I would conquer it. Turning my attention back to my mom, I said, “Your picture’s nice.”

  “Thanks. Yesterday I penciled in a sketch of that fat blue jay that’s always crowding our feeder.” She flipped a page and showed me. Mom might be an art teacher for our local elementary school, but her real talent was her sketches.

  “Amazing.”

  “You think so?”

  “Definitely.” I paused, then asked, “Mom, do you know anything about one of the restaurant workers extorting money from Mr. and Mrs. Fairchild about an accident?”

  “Yep. Madison Longfellow. I guess Heather nearly hit her with her car, and the girl fell off her bike and got a concussion. But there’s more to the story. I don’t know all the details, other than George and Diane lawyered up and hired a private investigator to see if what this girl says is true.”

  “Is that why they let her keep working at the restaurant?”

  “Oh no. George has wanted her off yacht club property all summer long. Heather feels guilty about what happened and has begged George to let her keep the job. Something like that.” Mom glanced up and smiled at me. But not for long. “Why are you in uniform? Aren’t you going out with Lucas tonight?”

  “I got called in. Miguel’s down two servers and Jayce is training tonight which will take a lot of Tracy’s time and energy.”

  “You need a day off, Brooke.” Mom set her sketchbook on the outdoor table.

  “I don’t mind working.”

  “You’d rather work than go on a date with Lucas Fairchild?”

  I had actually been relieved when Miguel called and asked if I’d come in.

  “You know you can talk to me, right? I’m here for you.”

  I looked over at Mom and smiled slightly. “Yeah, I know. I don’t want to burden you with boy problems. It’s not a big deal.”

  “You’re not a burden,” she said. “You’re my daughter, who has worked so much this summer that I’ve barely got to spend time with you. Come on,” she patted my leg as if to encourage me. “Talk to your old mother.”

  I didn’t know where to start. I had so much I couldn’t tell her that I questioned what to say about anything.

  “How about if I ask a question, then you answer.”

  “You know I don’t like questions.”

  “Newsflash, Brooke, no one likes questions, but sometimes questions need to be answered. So, do you like Lucas?”

  I shrugged.

  “That’s not an answer.”

  “Yes, it is. It’s an I-don’t-know-how-I-feel-about-him answer.”

  “So then you don’t like him,” she said. “If you did, you wouldn’t have shrugged. Trust me, when you like someone, you know.”

  I stared at my hands and thought about Jayce. “That’s true.”

  “I’m guessing there’s someone.” When I didn’t look up, she said, “Yep. You like s
omeone other than Lucas. Are you going to make me guess?”

  “Mom, stop.”

  “Don’t shut me out. I can be obnoxious, you know.” She poked at my ribs.

  “Ow,” I said with a laugh. “Fine, yes, there is someone. It’s not that I don’t like Lucas. He’s hot and everything, but he’s not the one I like.”

  “Does this other boy know you like him?”

  “No, and it’s going to stay that way.”

  “Why? You need to give yourself a chance. You’re a very pretty girl, but more than that, you’re smart and funny and kind.”

  “No, I’m not,” I said. Before Mom refuted, I continued, “I wasn’t kind to Bobby when I dodged out of his sixth grade awards night, and I wasn’t kind when I purposefully picked a restaurant I knew he hated.” When Mom didn’t respond, I kept going, “I wasn’t kind to Jayce when all he’s ever been is kind to me, and I haven’t been kind to Heather. No, I’ve been judgmental and rude. I haven’t even been kind to you, my own mother. So yeah, don’t say what’s not true.”

  “Brooke,” she started. “You’ve been through a lot. We understand that.”

  “Then that makes you a better person than me. Because you’ve been through a lot too, and all I’ve been is selfish and a jerk.” Now that the words were out, I felt compelled to keep going. Who knew when I’d have another chance to talk to my mom like this? “I’ve been having those nightmares where I’ve been remembering.”

  “I know. I’ve been trying to give you some space.”

  “Dad tried to save me,” I said. “I was stuck upside down in that kayak, and Dad got me out then debris got loose and a big log flew at him. He had just enough time to push me to the surface.”

  Mom grabbed my hand and squeezed.

  “He saved my life, and all I’ve done to repay him is to push everyone away.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Mom said softly. “You couldn’t remember what happened. I was pushing you, and I’m sorry for it. Our family has been floundering a bit these last couple of months, but we’ll get through it, Brooke. I know we will.”

  “I hope so. I’ve learned a lot this summer. I hope I get a chance…” I kept out the part that this was the second chance I had at living through it.

  Mom didn’t say anything at first, but then, she had no idea what I was talking about. Eventually, she said, “Okay, fine, we all have character flaws. And on top of that, we’re grieving. But you still deserve to be happy. At least take the risk and find out what happens. This boy might like you too.”

  “Not in the way I like him. If I tell him, I risk losing what we already have. And I can’t do that.”

  “Hmm…what you already have? Like friendship?”

  “Let’s not talk about it anymore.” I could see that her gears were already working, and she was putting the pieces together.

  “If it’s who I think it is, then you need to tell him.”

  “Mom…”

  “Could it be possible that the two of you are pining away for each other, both scared to confess your feelings? One of you needs to take the chance.”

  “I doubt he’s pining for me. He has a steady stream of girlfriends.” I stood up. “Thanks for the advice. I’ll think about it. See you tonight after work.”

  ***

  Jayce set a plate of leftover desserts in front of the restaurant’s crew. I was the first one to dive in. If the end drew near for me, calories were the least of my concerns. “How much?” he asked me, indicating the pile of ones and fives that lay on the bar’s counter in front of me.

  “Not quite 150,” I said with a shrug. “Slow night.”

  Tracy set a pile of ones in front of Jayce. “Your share. You did well.” She winked at him.

  “Hey, don’t wink at my man,” Maddie said, standing on her toes to kiss Jayce. I looked away. It upset me that she offered to work tonight because Jayce was on the schedule. Now that I knew more of the story, I realized Maddie wasn’t as nice as I thought she was. Which made me even more annoyed that Jayce liked her.

  Jayce started telling everyone an elaborate joke, as I counted out the bussers and bartenders’ portion. Coming to work had been a welcomed relief. One thing about this summer that I had enjoyed was getting my mind off my problems for a little bit every day. At least for a few hours a night, I could forget how heavy the grief felt, or how I screwed up the previous summer with my negativity and dark mood, or how I pretty much misjudged a bunch of people, or how my water dreams were nightmares leading to my death. My world might be spiraling out of control, but the restaurant had its own rhythm, and it was constant.

  Maddie came over to me. “Lucas Fairchild is here for you. He’s waiting outside the front doors.”

  Everyone’s head snapped over at me, and there were quite a few raised eyebrows.

  “We’re friends,” I said in defense.

  “It’s a good thing I’m mad-crushing on Jayce, or I’d be upset,” Maddie teased.

  “Oh please,” Tracy said. “You never had a chance with Lucas. His family made sure of that.”

  “By the way,” I said. “You know how you told me that Lucas saved your job.”

  “Yeah,” Maddie answered.

  “Well, it wasn’t Lucas. It was Heather. She told Mr. Fairchild not to fire you because she felt it was her fault.”

  No one said anything for a few seconds. Then they started laughing.

  “What?” I asked. “It’s true.”

  “Never,” Maddie said. “Not in a million years.”

  “Yes, she did.” I felt weird defending Heather. “Even though you’re trying to get money for your injuries a year later.”

  Maddie, normally bubbly, froze, her eyes turning into angry slits. “Excuse me that I don’t have health insurance and that my medical costs have been huge.”

  “When was the last time you went to the doctor for a concussion from a year ago?” I demanded.

  “Brooke, what are you doing?” Jayce said in a low voice.

  Maddie’s anger turned to tears. “Screw you, Brooke. You’re just like all of them. I wondered what side you’d choose. If you’d be a true club slave or if you’d be a princess just like them. Well, I guess we see what side you’re on.”

  “I’m not on any side.” I raised my voice. “I only wanted you to know that Heather protected your job. Now excuse me. I have a date with Lucas Fairchild.” I made sure to glare at Jayce as I walked out.

  I noticed Jayce had become quiet. Oh well, I was mad at him too.

  I marched outside, anger still bubbling with me. I took one look at Lucas and demanded, “Who protected Maddie’s job? You or Heather?”

  He acted unsure of the answer. He looked from me to inside the restaurant. “We both did, but Heather mostly. Why?”

  “Why did you make Maddie think that it was all you?”

  “I didn’t. She assumed it, and then told everyone it was me. All the club slaves see Heather as a real witch, so it was easy to believe. I guess I could have done a better job refuting it, but I didn’t see what the big deal was. Heather doesn’t care if people like her or not.”

  “Is Maddie bribing your family for money?”

  “Not really bribing, but yeah, we paid for her medical expenses last year. She wants more, but my father needs proof it’s legit. That’s why I decided not to pursue anything this summer. I mean, I like her. She’s fun and a happy personality, but I think she might be using me too. I don’t know.”

  I studied Lucas for a moment, then sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have stormed out here and snapped at you. I’m annoyed, but mostly it’s at myself.”

  “Want to go for a walk along the boardwalk?” He extended his hand.

  I took it. “Sure.”

  We walked for a few minutes in the direction of my cabin. “So, why are you annoyed with yourself?”

  “Because I made assumptions about people that weren’t true. And now, it’s probably too late.”

  “How is it too late?”<
br />
  I couldn’t share what I meant. I was pretty certain he’d not understand the whole redoing summer and probably dead explanation. “I’m being melodramatic. It’s been a long day.”

  “Yeah, I was bummed that you had to go into work. We can still do that date. You’re off tomorrow?”

  We stood outside the cabin. I pressed my lips together then exhaled loudly. I knew I needed to be honest with him, but I didn’t know what exact words to use. “Lucas—”

  “Here it comes,” he said with a sigh. “Heather told me that you liked someone else, but I didn’t want to believe her.”

  Of course. I hadn’t thought that Heather would tell her brother, and why wouldn’t she? “I don’t get it either,” I blurted, feeling confused. “I don’t understand myself at all. You’re a great guy, and you’re easy on the eyes. It shouldn’t be complicated.”

  “Well, liking someone else sort of makes it complicated.”

  “I know.”

  “Does the other guy know you like him?”

  “No. I probably won’t tell him. He doesn’t like me like that.”

  “Brooke,” Lucas said real quietly. “Trust me, he’s probably already smitten. It’s hard not to be. Especially if it’s the guy I’m thinking it is.”

  I hugged Lucas and seriously questioned myself. But not for long. I knew what my heart wanted.

  Saying good night, I entered the cabin. Bobby sat in front of the T.V. with a big bowl of popcorn. “What are you watching?” I sat next to him and grabbed a handful of popcorn.

  “Scream 4.” He didn’t take his eyes off the screen.

  “Should you be watching this?” I grabbed another handful of popcorn and leaned back to watch the horror flick with him. “She’s gonna die,” I said, pointing at the blonde. “The blondes always die.”

  “You can’t watch it with me if you’re going to spoil it.”

  “Fine,” I said, eating more popcorn. “Where’s Mom?”

  “She just got back from playing cards. I think she said she was gonna jump in the shower.”

  Eventually, Mom came out of the shower and sat down beside us. “Hand me the popcorn.”

  About halfway through the movie, someone knocked on the door, and all three of us jumped. “Who’s coming over past midnight?” Mom looked at me.