Granny patted their heads, headed to the refrigerator and took out her ice cream and donuts for her dinner. She put the rest of the vegetables, the fruit and the yogurt that Penelope had brought her in Fish and the little white poodle’s bowl. After all she had to keep her pets healthy.
Granny was glad tomorrow was Saturday. It had been a puzzling week. A weekend of rest and relaxation was just what she needed to rejuvenate for the next week.
After dinner, Granny visited her exercise room in the basement. While she lifted weights, Fish walked on the treadmill. The cat seemed to be in another world pretending he was hunting prey while he was on Granny’s treadmill. Little white poodle investigated the exercise ball and kept trying to crawl on top of it. She would bark with excitement when the exercise ball would hit her nose and try to roll over her.
After checking on her neighbors with her binoculars, Granny crawled into bed wearing her purple leather PJs and promptly fell asleep to the sound of the pet door swishing as Fish and little white poodle went out for the night.
Chapter Seven
Granny woke to the sun shining in her eyes. She had slept late. It was almost 7:00 a.m. It was Saturday so Granny pulled out a box of chocolates and settled down to read in bed for a while. She was deeply entranced with her new novel Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James, when she heard her front door open.
“Mom, Mom where are you? We’re all here. Mom?” Then Granny heard more door banging and more footsteps.
Granny quickly hid the chocolates under the bed, stuck her book in between the mattress, and pulled up the covers so her purple leather PJ’s could not be seen, just as her bedroom door opened. Penelope, Starshine and Thor walked into the room. Starshine and Thor were Granny’s second and third born children.
“Mom, what are you doing still in bed?” Penelope asked.
Thor looked at her concerned. “Aren’t you feeling well?”
“Can you not get out of bed?” Starshine whispered afraid.
“I’m fine, just a little tired after my hard week of watching television. Those programs wear you out more than you know,” Granny replied. “What time is it?”
Penelope replied, “It’s 10 o’clock.”
Wow, the time sure passed quickly from 7:00 a.m. She was so engrossed in her book and her chocolates she had forgotten to get out of bed to check on the neighbors. “What are you all doing here?” Granny thought to ask.
“We’re going to clean your house. Thor is going to work on the outside and Starshine and I are going to work on the inside.”
Granny looked at Penelope and said, “I think I’ll rest in bed while all the hoopla of cleaning is going on. I don’t know if I can take that much excitement.” Granny gazed at them with a feigned tired look.
“You rest, mom; let us take care of you. That’s our job now. You took care of us, so we need to help you.” Starshine answered with a soft voice.
Penelope continued on where Starshine had left off. “Mom, we know you’re getting up there in age and things are getting difficult. We want you to think about moving in with us. We’ll talk about that on another day. Just think about it.” She left the room, not seeing Granny’s look of horror.
Thor was the last to leave the room. “Ok, lock the door; hide the chocolates and whatever book you’re reading that will shock your daughters. I only came along to see that my sisters don’t get carried away. And I’ll tune up your car but we’ll let them think I’m disabling it so you can’t drive.”
Thor winked at Granny and walked out of the room.
Thor was a good boy. He was the youngest and had been the hardest to raise. Her late husband Ferdinand Fiddlestadt’s last words on his deathbed had been about Thor.
“Don’t cut him any slack, Hermiony; he’s just like you, crazy and out of control. It took a firm hand like mine to keep you in control and now you have to take over and use a firm hand with Thor,” Ferdinand Fiddlestadt raised his head, raised his arms and muttered, “God help her.” And he breathed his last breath.
Hermiony, who had kept all the impishness hidden inside of herself for a long time, realized she didn’t have her momma or daddy or Ferdinand to remind her of how a proper lady should act. For a brief instant Hermiony’s face broke out in a mischievous smile. Hermiony sat quietly for a moment and then snuck over to her closet, turned around to make sure Ferdinand was really in a higher place and upended a loose floorboard. Hermiony started to open the floor board but quickly thought twice. She grabbed a scarf and scurried back to Ferdinand’s permanently sleeping body and draped the scarf gently over his face. ‘Sorry, Ferdinand, sorry momma, sorry daddy; I hope you can’t see me.” Hermiony hesitated, bowed her head in a silent prayer and then ran back over to the loose floorboard and pulled out a tiny pink mini-skirt from underneath the floorboard. She’d kept it hidden for years, only taking it out to gaze at it longingly, knowing she could never wear it. Hermiony made sure the door was locked, checked Ferdinand’s face to make sure it was covered and donned her pink mini-skirt. Hermiony savored the moment. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and imagined she was out dancing and laughing and taking risks. Hermiony opened her eyes, whisked off the mini- skirt and donned her respectable, mother clothes, took the scarf off of Ferdinand’s eyes, touched Ferdinand’s cheek with a kiss and said, “I won’t let you down.” With that, Hermiony put on a somber face, opened the door and prepared to raise her girls and keep Thor under control on her own.
Granny snapped her thoughts back to the present day and quickly got out of the bed, grabbed her clothes and opened the trap door in the back of the closet built into the wall. She stashed her chocolates, her Fifty Shades of Grey book, her flashy night clothes and her manual on how to catch a crook when he doesn’t want to be caught. She shoved the shoe rack over the secret door and proceeded to make her way to the living room to watch the progress of the house cleaning.
“Mom, why do you have four empty bowls on the floor?” Starshine asked.
Granny answered quickly with a meek face, “I was scrubbing the floor and I decided it would be easier for me to use small bowls of water.”
Penelope put the bowls in the dishwasher. We need to close up that old pet door that’s been here since you bought the house too. It’s been a long time since our pets darkened your pet door. May Ooky and Booky rest in peace.” Penelope put her hands over her heart while thinking about the twin beagles they used to own.
Thor, walking in and hearing the conversation, said “I’ll do it another time; it’s not going to hurt anything. No intruder could fit through that door and if I were a critter I wouldn’t attempt to get one over on mom by trying to sneak into this house.” Then he winked at Granny. Granny winked back.
Granny read a magazine and watched as her house was cleaned from top to bottom. Granny hoped Thor would buy the groceries to restock her refrigerator because he’d sneak in her candy and ice cream and donuts. After they all left with warnings that they’d be back in a couple of weeks, Granny pulled out the pet bowls, refilled them with food and water and headed for bed after checking on her neighbors. It had been a long day. Fish and the little white poodle hadn’t been back but Granny wasn’t worried. Fish knew enough to stay out of the way when her family was here or he might be thrown to the dogs at the pound. They would like a tasty cat.
Chapter Eight
Granny woke Sunday morning, checked on her neighbors, donned her best respectable Granny clothes, hopped into her red Corvette and headed to church. We Save You Christian Church was across town.
We Save You Christian Church was the only church in town. It catered to everyone––Lutherans, Presbyterians, Methodists and even Catholics. It didn’t matter what denomination you were when you moved to Fuchsia, you ended up at We Save You Christian Church. Some weeks you got a Lutheran Service, some weeks you got a Methodist Service and some weeks the Priest from Allure popped over to do a Catholic Service. Some weeks you weren’t sure what denomination you were practicing. It was always a s
urprise when you got to church. You never knew what you were gonna get, but you knew it was gonna be good. As long as you had faith, that was good enough for everyone in Fuchsia. Maybe the element of surprise was the reason the church was always so full, standing room only most Sundays.
Granny got there just in time to greet Preacher Hester Snicks and slide into the pew next to Tricky Travis Trawler.
Granny got her umbrella ready. She had this all planned out. Every Sunday, Tricky Travis tried to pilfer from the collection plate. Every Sunday, Granny found a way to stop him and this Sunday was no exception. He tried to crawl out of the pew when Granny sat down next to him, but Granny blocked his way with her umbrella. When he tried to crawl the other way she hooked his pants. If he would have continued crawling he would have been crawling without his pants. Since Travis didn’t want to be noticed all he could do was quietly sit back down on the pew. When the collection plate was passed, you would think, because Travis knew Granny was watching, that he wouldn’t try his pilfering, but common sense wasn’t one of Travis’ better known qualities. This Sunday when he reached his hand into the plate and came out with a handful of money, Granny put down the pointy end of her umbrella hard on the top of his foot. Travis rose up a good yardstick off of the pew and his hand instinctively unclenched and let go of the money.
Granny felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around. It was the red headed old woman, Gram Gramstead. “Good job, Granny; I couldn’t have done it better myself.” Gram got up, turned and walked out of the church.
Granny stared after her. This time Granny had got a good look at her face. There was something about her in between her wrinkles that looked familiar. Granny quickly put it out of her mind and concentrated on Pastor Snick’s sermon.
As Granny was walking out of church, she looked up to see the same young man who she had seen in every store that she had been patrolling staring at her. Granny blinked and he was gone. Was he a figment of her imagination?
Granny tripped over her umbrella as she was trying to locate the young man. She started to fall head first into the crowd, when strong arms held her up. She looked up into the face of the handsome older man who she seemed to always fall for.
“Falling for me again; it seems it’s getting to be a habit.” The handsome man steadied her on her feet, winked at her and walked out the church door.
Granny straightened her clothes, tried to control her blush and followed him out the church door. Where was her car? She was sure she drove it to church.
Granny walked to the spot in the parking lot where she knew that she’d left her car. She turned in a full circle to see if she could spot her car. There weren’t many cars left in the lot and a red Corvette would certainly stand out.
Pastor Snicks came out of the church and walked over to Granny. “Is there a problem, Granny?”
“No, no, I was just looking at the cracks in the cement. It seems we need to do something about this parking lot,” Granny answered in a weak voice, wondering what he would say if he knew she’d lost her car.
“I’m sorry you had to park so far away. I was late getting to the service because of an emergency nursing home call. I noticed your car parked behind the church a couple of blocks away. We need to expand our parking lot. Do you want a lift to your car? That’s one of the perks of being Pastor. They give you your own parking space.”
Granny’s face lit up. “I can walk. Actually that’s why I left it there. Exercise is good for the soul. Don’t you agree, Pastor?” With that, Granny took off at a fast sprint and then remembered she didn’t want anyone to know she could walk so fast. She plunked the tip of her umbrella down on the ground, slowed down, used her umbrella for a cane and limped off.
When Granny saw her car, she raised her hands to thank the Lord. Except she didn’t remember parking there and she was sure she’d left the top up on her car because it looked like rain. Maybe her kids were right. Maybe it was time for her to give up and move in with them. Granny shuddered at the thought and drove home.
When Granny walked in the door, a huge and furry something leapt into her arms and started licking her face. “What, aahh, no!” screamed Granny as she fended off the attack, finally getting the creature back on the floor. After Granny’s heart quit pounding out of her chest, she looked down to see the biggest fur ball she’d ever seen sitting next to Fish and the little white poodle.
“Fish, you need to quit bringing home animals. I’m going to call animal control.” Granny started to pull out her cell phone when Fish started meowing, the little white poodle started barking and the big fur ball started hissing. They were right. If Granny called animal control, her kids might find out she had Fish and Fish was here to stay if Granny had her way.
She’d have to hunt for the owners of these other creatures on her own. Granny looked closer at the big tan fur ball. She had blue eyes, was bigger than Fish, her ears had tips of black and so did her tail. Granny knew she was a she because Fish had an eye for the ladies and wouldn’t have let a he cat in this house. But this creature was so round and so covered with long fur that it was hard to find her eyes in the midst of all that fluffy stuff. If you looked closely, you could see two little blue points staring out at you.
Granny had enough excitement for the day. She grabbed her ice cream and chocolates and headed to bed. Her neighbors would have to check on each other. A day in bed with a good book would do wonders for Granny’s foggy memory.
Chapter Nine
Granny awoke the next morning to the phone blaring in her ear. “I’m sleeping!” Granny yelled to the unknown caller on the other end as she grabbed the phone.
“There’s something happening downtown. Do you know what it is? Granny slammed the receiver down on Mrs. Shrill’s shrill voice.
Granny peeked her big toe out of the blanket to see what kind of weather they were having today. Her big toe told her it could be a flip flop day. She squirmed and felt something sticky touch her hand. She must have fell asleep while eating her chocolates because she had just set her hand in melted chocolate on the sheets. Granny donned her flip flops, listened carefully to see if there was any unusual children noise in the house, and rousted herself out of bed.
She guessed she’d better make her way downtown and see what was happening. First she checked on her neighbors. They had made it through last night without her checking on them. George had got new boxer shorts to hang on the pole. These had red and purple stripes. Interesting.
Granny thought about her early morning phone call and a light bulb idea popped into her head. She skipped to the freezer and pulled out a package that said turkey bacon. She unwrapped the package and took out the Hormel Smoke Flavored bacon that she had hidden inside the turkey bacon package. Her kids always bought Granny turkey bacon. They meant well but she had made it to her age on whatever her taste buds told her to eat and she wasn’t going to stop now. She didn’t want the kids to feel bad so she let them think they were helping her while she still enjoyed the real stuff.
Granny fried up the bacon, singing a song while enjoying her latest plan. She tossed the fried bacon into a Ziploc bag, took out some tofu for the wild ones–– Fish loved Tofu––and put her sparkly, high top tennis shoes on. She would walk down town past Mrs. Shrill’s house.
Granny skipped down the street until she reached Mrs. Shrill’s house. Baskerville was on the lawn waiting for her. Baskerville was only fed the best diet dog food they made. Occasionally Granny would slip him something tasty, like a piece of a hamburger, with Mrs. Shrill being none the wiser.
Granny took out her bag of bacon. She hollered “You hoo, Mrs. Shrill!” When Mrs. Shrill came to the door, Granny tossed all the bacon at Baskerville. She looked at Mrs. Shrill, pointed her finger and said “Tut, tut, tut!” Granny then took off in a fast sprint down the street, chuckling all the way to Main Street.
It was quite a scene that greeted Granny on Main Street. Police were milling all around Nail’s Hardware Store. An ambulance was sitting outsi
de just like at AbStract last week, but this time a fire truck was added to the scene. Mr. Nail was standing outside his building soaking wet. The Big Guy was examining the front door.
Granny pranced over to the Big Guy and accidently on purpose dropped her pocketbook. Dropping her umbrella again might have been too suspicious to onlookers. “What happened?”
“Another heist,” Big Guy told Granny as he was helping her pick up the contents of her purse. “No locks broken, no alarm going off. Again it looks like an inside job.”
“What happened to Mr. Nail?”
“He ran to his office to call 911 and while he was waiting for the police, he decided to have a smoke. He was so upset he threw the lit match into his wastebasket which started a fire, which set off the sprinklers, which doused the fire and Mr. Nail.”
“I’ve got to get into the store before the crime scene is all cleaned up.”
“One other thing you should know Granny, another clerk is missing. Her name is Hermione. She was closing last night. All we found was one of her earrings. She didn’t show up for work this morning and she doesn’t answer her phone. We possibly have a gang with inside workers on these heists.”
Big Guy finished handing Granny her purse and in a loud voice announced to Granny, “You can’t go in there, Granny, it’s a crime scene.”
In a louder voice, Granny proclaimed, “You have to let me in. I have to use the ladies room. I’m old, my bladder will splatter. There’s no time to run across the street.”
Julie Seedorf - Fuschia Minnesota 01 - Granny Hooks A Crook Page 4