Beneath Your Beauty

by Alexa Keith

  We sat silent for a few minutes, enjoying the morning Texas air and the rising sun.

  “You love him,” my mom said softly.

  Even though it wasn’t a question, I nodded my head. “Yes.”

  Lifting her mug, she asked, “Are you happy?”

  “Yes,” I said with a smile.

  I was happy, even with all this shit piling around me. Steele made me laugh, smile, and love life for what it was, even while he was a pain in my ass half the time, and he had ways of making me agree to stuff that I really didn’t want to. I’d lived my life to please others for so long, and it was my turn.

  My mom broke through my thoughts, “Then, all will work out in due time, my dear.” She smiled at me. She leaned over the arm of the chair and picked something up off the deck. “Here.” She handed me a small red hardcover book.

  I took it and opened it.

  I gasped at the first page, which read, My Diary, in Mary’s handwriting. “Wow…” I uttered, almost speechless.

  Mom puffed a laugh, “I know. Who knew? Never thought she would have kept a dairy.”

  I glanced up at my mom. “Did you read any of it?”

  “No,” she said. “I want you to have it. I don’t think I can handle reading it. If you want to, that’s your business.”

  Looking back down at the book, I ran my fingers over the battered cover. “Maybe one day, I will.”

  At that moment, Steele appeared in the doorway. He poked his head outside. “Am I interrupting?”

  A flash of admiration took over my mom’s expression as she took morning Steele in. His hair was slightly wet because he’d splash water on his face every morning and run his drenched fingers through it. Silky gym shorts hung off his trim waist, and he wore nothing else. All the rest of his glorious body was on display for viewing. I knew what she was seeing, and it was a sight I didn’t think I would even get used to.

  “No.” My mom cleared her throat. “Come on out. I want to talk to you.”

  Steele

  I walked out onto the dewy wood deck. I sat next to Kayden, my left arm resting behind her back on the couch with my left leg tucked underneath me, and I snuggled up against her right side. Her head turned to me.

  “Good morning, Princess,” I said.

  “Morning.” She leaned over and kissed me.

  This was how I wanted every morning to be. With her puffy and sleepy eyes, no makeup, her cotton sleep shorts, and a T-shirt, she looked amazing. Girls that wore heavy makeup always surrounded me. That was scary. I never knew what laid beneath all that foundation. At a party at a friend’s house, I’d fucked a girl, and she’d stayed overnight in a different room. When I’d woken up, I’d gone to the kitchen, and I hadn’t even recognized her. Now, that was fuckin’ sad to wear that much makeup.

  And that was one of the things I loved about Kayden. She had pure and effortless beauty.

  I looked over to Lisa. “Good morning, Ms. Brewer.”

  She waved her hand in the air. “Lee. Call me Lee, please, and good morning. Did you sleep well?”

  “I did…when I finally got to bed.”

  “Oh!” Kayden voiced loudly and twisted.

  When she bounced on the cushions, I held my mug out not to spill any coffee on her or me.

  “I saw you and Dalton on the pier. What happened?”

  “We talked,” I said. When Kayden and Lisa nodded at me, I went on, “It was good. We patched a few potholes. Might take some time, but we’re getting there.”

  “Good. I like the sound of that. And that’s one thing I don’t have to worry about,” Lisa said. She continued to tell me, “Dalton is a hothead, who is not fond of change, unless he’s the one making the changes.”

  “I got that, and I fully understand. He reminds me of myself when I was younger,” I informed the women.

  “I’m glad you two talked,” Kayden said right before she took the last sip of her coffee. She started to rise, asking, “Refills, anyone?”

  “Please,” Lisa said, holding her mug out to Kayden.

  I watched Kayden until she closed the door, and then I turned my eyes toward Lisa.

  She was watching me. “You love my daughter.”

  “More than I can even put into words,” I told her honestly.

  She smiled at me. “You hurt her, and I’ll get Sally after you.” She finished with a chuckle, but it came out more as if she witnessed it firsthand.

  Then, I thought of what Sally might be capable of in a fit of anger, and it was not pretty. I smiled. “Deal.”

  Hours later, people began scampering around at Sally’s commands. Operation party setup was well under way with three hours before go time.

  Kayden, Jeff, Dalton, and I were put on ice duty. We had to carry fifty bags at the minimum from Bear’s, one of Sally’s co-workers, truck to the large coolers sitting behind the portable bar. None of us was blind to see that Sally had put us all on the same task. We were about thirty bags in when Kayden said she couldn’t feel her arms.

  Dalton came up behind her as I was rubbing the cold skin on her red forearms. His eyes connected with mine, and I smiled. I knew what he was up to, and I was so on board with it. Kayden screeched as soon as the ice hit her bare back.

  Turning and shaking out her shirt, she narrowed her eyes at Dalton. “I’ll get you!”

  Dalton laughed and ran away. He’d started the all-out ice war between the four of us. It was every man for himself. As we were all stalking up on one another, shoving ice down shirts and pants, Sally came after us.

  “All of you!” She pointed to us.

  We all stood in a line with smirks on our faces.

  “Get out of here. Y’all are wasting my good ice,” she chastised us.

  Jeff burst out laughing. I grabbed Kayden, threw her over my shoulder, and jogged toward the pier. She was shouting while pounding my back the whole time. The boys trailed, keeping up with me the whole way. I jumped into the lake with Kayden, and the boys followed. Shortly after, we were all splashing and dunking each other. At one point, I looked out over the yard, and Lisa, Sally, and Bull all stood on the deck, watching us, with big smiles on their faces.

  It was one of the best times I’d ever had.

  After we played around in the water for half an hour, we all went inside and showered.

  I had just shut the water off, and I was drawing the curtain back when Kayden came storming in. Her expression held complete shock and horror.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, quickly wrapping a towel around my waist.

  She held a small red hardcover book in her hand. She clenched it to her stomach. “Kaid?”

  I hadn’t heard that name in some seventeen years.

  My face fell, and my mouth went dry. An involuntary shiver roared through my body as I lowly said, “What?”

  “Kaid? Are you Kaid?” she asked in a panic. Her eyes flew to the book in her hands as she started quickly flipping the pages. She found what she’d wanted and held it up. The white pages scribbled in red ink read, Kaid.

  “What is that?” I asked with aggression lacing my voice.

  “Mary’s diary.” Kayden inspected me with her eyes. “Are you Kaid?”

  I hung my head and answered in a whisper, “Yes.”

  Kayden turned the page and shoved the diary into my stomach. “Read this,” she said, and then she bit out, “Kaid.”

  I took the book from her and told her in a calm voice, “My best friend, Robbie, used to call me that, and it became a nickname.”

  She ignored what I had to say as she gestured roughly to the book. “Read.”

  I opened the book to the page I’d bookmarked with my thumb. Looking down, I read the small paragraph. All the blood left my face. An icy chill engrossed my body, and I slowly sat on the edge of the tub as my legs grew weak.

  I read the words again aloud, “I’m five months pregnant today. It’s not much different than the first time, but I hate that I have to sit here for nine months like a good little g
irl. Kayden is always shoving vitamins and food down my throat. Mom and Dad are always watching me like a hawk. I can’t wait to be free again. I think about Kaid from time to time, and I wonder if he knows that I’m carrying his baby.”

  The book slipped from my hands as the words finally penetrated my mind. I grabbed my hair and fisted, hoping the pain would go away.

  This can’t be happening.

  Fuck!

  “Aren’t you going to say anything?” Kayden shouted.

  I looked up at my beautiful girl. The happy light in her brown eyes that had been there before I went into the shower was now gone. I had no words to say. I was in complete and total shock.

  “A test!” Kayden flew from the room, loudly rambling, “Test. Get dressed. We need to get a test done.”

  When I knew my legs weren’t going to give out on me, I stood and went into the bedroom.

  Kayden was flinging clothes from her suitcase and babbling, “We go to the hospital…oh God…Dalton…” Her breaths became heavier as she spoke, “We’ll tell them it’s an emergency—”

  I grabbed her by the shoulders and stopped her. “Calm down,” I said in a whisper even though I was fuckin’ freaking out on the inside. “I don’t know if they’ll do it at a hospital.”

  Her face became red, and she yelled, “We are going—now!”

  I didn’t know how the fuck we did it, but we calmly grabbed the boys. We told them and everyone else that we’d forgotten to get Sally a gift, and we hauled ass out the door.

  It wasn’t until we were all in the Mustang that Jeff questioned, “I thought we got Aunt Sally a whiskey-of-the-month club membership?”

  Kayden twisted in her seat and faced the back. “I don’t know how to say this…” She handed Dalton the diary and told him what page to turn to. “It was your mom’s diary,” was all she said.

  I watched in the rearview mirror as Jeff leaned over and read at the same time as Dalton.

  “You’re Kaid?” Jeff questioned.

  I nodded, not being able to speak.

  “Holy fuck,” Jeff voiced quietly.

  Dalton’s wide eyes met mine in the mirror.

  We held eyes for a few seconds, blue on blue staring at each other, before I realized I needed mine back on the road. It wasn’t until that moment that I grasped he was the only one in the family with blue eyes.

  My blue eyes…

  His gaze went to Kayden, and he asked lowly, “Where are we going?”

  Kayden didn’t miss a beat as she answered, “We’re going to the hospital and demand they do a paternity test right away.”

  “Will they do that?” Jeff asked.

  I stated, “We’ll make them.”

  Two hours later, we were back in the car. With some screaming and yelling from Kayden and me offering all the money in the world, we had gotten the test done. We’d paid an arm and a leg for rushed results, which should be back within forty-eight hours.

  We were all silent during the car ride back to the house. There was nothing to say, nothing to do, until we knew for sure. We could sit and play the what-if game, but it would only make our anxieties explode.

  I didn’t know what to make of all this.

  A son…

  I might be a dad.

  An eighteen-year-old son, which means he’s an adult.

  He could make his own decisions. I couldn’t force visitation rights or any shit even if I wanted to. I just had to sit with a twisting ache in my gut for the next forty-eight hours.

  The more I thought about it, the more I gathered that I wouldn’t mind a son.

  But how would Dalton feel if I were his father?

  Would he be pissed?

  Would he resent me?

  He hadn’t shown any emotion at the possibility, and I didn’t know what to make of that.

  Fuck…

  This was going to be the longest two fuckin’ days of my life.

  I fit the car through the mob of vehicles covering the driveway and lawn. I parked on the grass at the side of the house, out of view, and I shut the engine off.

  Kayden spoke first, “Okay, guys, smiles on. We have to work as a team here. Don’t show fear.”

  Jeff snickered. “Sounds like we’re going into war.”

  Then, the silent tension lifted as Dalton finally spoke, “Well, Aunt Sally’s birthday and war—it’s all about the same.” He chuckled and then clapped my shoulder. “Let’s go…Dad.”

  Kayden

  Once we all took a deep breath and exited the car, we headed for the house. We all went directly upstairs and changed into our party clothes. This consisted of jeans, T-shirts, and sneakers or flip-flops. Then again, some of the men and women wore cowboy, motorcycle, and work boots. That was the great thing about a backyard party—casual dress.

  I shooed Steele downstairs as soon as his faded blue jeans, gray Burn T-shirt with the saying, Ride It Hard, on the back, and sneakers were on. I figured one of us needed to show up since we were an hour late. In addition, I needed time to process what had just happened. It had all transpired so fast that it hadn’t even sunk in yet.

  Steele…Dalton’s father…

  Holy shit.

  This would forever change us. I’d raised Dalton, and I didn’t know how I felt about this. I’d been both his mother and father, and now, Steele might be his dad. This whole situation was not sitting well with me.

  Bitterness rose to the back of my throat. I swallowed it down hard. “Breathe,” I told myself.

  My future would endlessly change. I wouldn’t be the one to bear Steele’s first child. I would be the second one, like always. Whenever it came to Mary, I was constantly put last. Even now, with her six feet in the ground, she was still one step ahead of me.

  Tears hit my eyes, and I fanned my face quickly. “Don’t cry,” I chanted. “Don’t cry.”

  The boys’ futures would change also. For Dalton, I didn’t think it had even sunk in with him either. The way he’d been so quiet and the joke when he had slapped Steele on the shoulder and called him dad. We’d all fallen silent. No one had known whether to laugh, cry, or in my case, scream.

  I’d wanted to yell, No, this can’t be happening!

  How would Jeff feel if Steele was Dalton’s father?

  He would be the odd one out.

  Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it to the boys.

  I should have gone all private investigator on them and stolen a piece of Dalton’s hair from his brush.

  What was I thinking, going all loony and dragging everyone into it?

  I straightened my magenta-colored shirt. It was one of my favorites. I could dress it either up or down, depending on where I was going. It draped off the shoulders, gathered underneath my boobs, and stayed fitted down my torso. It was light cotton, perfect for a Texas evening outside. I paired it with fitted indigo jeans and black flip-flops with red and pink flowers covering the V-straps. I put on a few silver bangles, a silver chain with a heart pendant that the boys had gotten for me for Christmas three years ago, and small diamond stud earrings.

  Before we had left for the hospital, I had thrown my hair up into a messy damp bun. Therefore, when we returned, I had taken out the hair tie, and a mess of curls had fallen. With a little hair spray and some scrunching, my hair was all done. Some mascara and lip gloss were all I used.

  I walked over to the window, witnessed the throng of people milling about the backyard, and I took a huge deep breath before exhaling. “I’m ready to party.”

  The movement of people flowed throughout the house and out into the yard. The joyful relaxed vibe of guests became instantly contagious. I loved Aunt Sally’s birthday parties. It was always a time when I could let loose and enjoy the company. So, even with all the shit filtering through my head, I needed to put it aside and have some fun. I needed to—at least for my mom. Anyway, I was one of those people who showed emotions clearly on my face. If I didn’t wipe this holy-shit look off, I would have a lot of lying to do later.


  I snaked my way through the people crowding in the kitchen. I walked out onto the deck and headed for the bar, exchanging hellos along the way. I ordered a margarita from the tall, dark, and handsome bartender. Turning my back to the bar, I waited for my drink. While skimming the gathering, I smiled as people laughed as Bear, told a joke.

  One of Aunt Sally’s young coworkers, Josie, came bouncing over to me. I’d never been fond of Josie, but she always seemed to feel the need to talk to me as if we were best friends. I was sure her intentions were good, but I just couldn’t find any small piece inside me that liked her.

  “Kayden, oh my God,” Josie screeched, “it’s so great to see you.” She grabbed me by the shoulders and drew me into a huge hug.

  I patted her on the back. “Hi, Josie. It’s nice to see you, too,” I said nicely.

  A deep voice said from behind me, “Ma’am, your drink.”

  I turned. “Thanks,” I acknowledged as I grabbed the cup, and took a big gulp.

  “Maybe later when I get a break, I can get you to dance with me,” the flirty cute bartender said.

  Josie gave me wide eyes and a smile.

  I overlooked her and turned to the great margarita maker. “Thank you. That’s very nice of you, but I have a boyfriend, and I don’t think he would like that very much.”

  “Oh my God…” Josie shrieked.

  The great margarita maker, and I both viewed Josie.

  “You have a boyfriend?”

  “Yes,” I said quietly, feeling the heated blush fill my cheeks.

  Josie’s head rotated left and then right. “Is he here?” she whispered as if a killer was on the loose and he’d just shown up.

  “Yep,” I said quickly and moved to the railing. I scanned the mass of folks on the lawn, and I began to bounce on one foot as “Jump, Jive an’ Wail” blared through the speakers. Josie came up beside me.

  Damn, I thought I got rid of her.

  “Where is he?” she asked curiously.

  My eyes landed on the circle of people around the dance floor. In the center, Steele was swinging Aunt Sally around to the music. I had no idea he could dance like that, but there he was, fluidly twirling and spinning Aunt Sally. A warm fuzzy sensation landed in my belly.