Once he called her name, Marissa felt silly and foolish for coming to see him on such a whim. In a sense, she felt closer to him than a lot of people in her life. But at the same time, they hadn’t known each other long enough or well enough to simply drop by without warning. So instead of feeling like a woman, which she had felt the previous evening, she felt like a little girl about to be reprimanded for doing something naughty. It was an awful feeling.
“Hi Marissa,” said Nick at last.
“Hi Nick,” said Marissa shyly.
He studied her for a minute before saying, “Is something wrong?’
Marissa could feel her eyes welling up with tears. She bit her lip then said in a low whisper, “I uh, just needed to talk to someone.”
Nick nodded and said, “O.K., let me see if I can take a break.”
He left her standing there for a couple of minutes. She felt completely ridiculous as if she had just overstepped an invisible boundary. She nervously ran her fingers through her hair a few times before he came back. Then she felt the sudden urge to light up but was too embarrassed to smoke in front of Nick.
“O.K., do you want to go out to my truck and talk?” Nick suggested.
Marissa nodded her head and followed him outside. Once they were inside the truck, she turned to face him and blurted, “I’m really sorry for coming to your work. I shouldn’t have come.”
Nick shook his head, “No, don’t worry really. So what’s up?”
Marissa told him all about her talk with the guidance counselor and with Daniel. But she omitted the part about Brogan.
Nick nearly laughed when she was finished. “Is that it? I thought you were going to tell me something more serious.”
Marissa was taken aback. “Yeah but this is serious Nick. This is my future, my plans, my goals…”
Nick cut her off, “Marissa I’m not saying it’s not serious but you have control over your decisions. Even if the decision is difficult, you always have a choice. And even though you may not feel like you are in control, you are. But at times you have to surrender and let things happen.”
At those words Marissa broke down crying. Nick took her in his arms and let her cry for a while. “I’m just so frustrated. I’ve always known what I would do and how my life might turn out. But lately, I’ve been so confused. It’s scary.” Marissa took a deep breath to try and regain composure.
“Why don’t you try and live in the present? You haven’t received any rejection letters yet. Daniel hasn’t written you off yet. Try not to get yourself worked up.” Nick suggested tenderly.
Marissa looked in amazement at this beautiful man who was only a few years older than her. “O.K., are you always this calm? Don’t you ever freak out or anything?”
Nick chuckled, “Yeah, like all the time, especially when a certain eighteen-year-old student pops in to see me unannounced.”
Marissa smiled. “So how do you handle it?”
“I meditate, a lot. I take deep breaths or write,” Nick answered sincerely.
They stared at each other for a few moments.
“So tomorrow night, dinner and a movie?” asked Nick.
Marissa stared back at him in surprise. “So you still want to see me after seeing what a mess I can be? I come to you in this total frenzied state and you still want to be with me?”
“Well, is this the worst of it?” asked Nick jokingly.
Marissa pressed her lips together and thought before answering, “Well, probably.”
“If I’m going to accept you for you, then I need to take all of you. Not just the bits and pieces I like. So if your total frenzied state is the worst of it. I think I can handle that,” Nick said squeezing her hand in his.
Marissa felt a pulse of electricity run through her whole body. At that very moment she wanted to rip all of his clothes off.
Coming home had a very sobering effect on Marissa’ mood. Barbara was insanely crazy over her daughter’s momentary disappearance. Marissa left before Barbara came home and she hadn’t told Pamela where she was going. Barbara had already called all of Marissa’s friends. None knew where her daughter might be.
Marissa didn’t have to guess what her mother’s state might be as she returned. Barbara was waiting impatiently by the door as she pulled into the driveway.
Barbara tapped her foot on the pavement while Marissa got out of her car. “Where have you been young lady?”
“Out.” Marissa answered matter-of-factly.
“Where exactly?” Barbara insisted.
“I was out. O.K. I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Well, you can just hand over the keys,” Barbara ordered holding out her hand.
“Mom, it’s my car. I paid for it. You can’t take it away from me. It’s in my name and I’m eighteen,” Marissa said coldly.
“I don’t care if you’re eighteen Marissa. You still live under my roof. So you are to obey the rules of this house. You know you are not allowed out on a school night unless you ask permission,” commanded Barbara.
“It’s only six-thirty. What’s your problem? I’ve only been gone an hour,” Marissa yelled as she walked toward her room.
“Don’t you talk to me in that tone of voice young lady!” screamed Barbara. “You will tell me where you are going and whom you are going with and that is that or you don’t go out at all. Do you understand me?”
Marissa wasn’t in the mood for arguing. She was seething with hatred for her mother but she just wanted out. So she answered, “Yes, I understand,” then zoomed straight to her room and slammed the door.
A few minutes later Marissa heard soft knocking at her door.
Pamela whispered, “Can I come in?”
Marissa opened the door just enough to let her sister in then shut the door quickly.
“Mariss, you have to tell me what’s going on. This is so unfair,” Pamela whispered. “Mom is badgering me with all of these questions and I have no idea what to say. I want to protect you but it’s hard if I have no idea what you’re up to.”
Marissa looked tenderly at her sister. “Oh Pam, I’m so sorry! I will tell you, I promise. I just can’t tell you right now. Barbara probably has the room tapped or something,” she said glancing around the room.
Pamela crept closer to her sister and said even quieter, “I need to tell you something. It’s something I heard at school. But I can’t tell you here or there. Let’s see if we can get out of the house for a few minutes.”
“That would be impossible tonight. I’m like on house arrest,” Marissa sulked.
“Maybe it won’t be so impossible,” explained Pamela with a twinkle in her eye. “I was supposed to start dinner tonight and I haven’t had a chance yet since I’ve been studying for three tests. Mom is not mad at me so I could suggest we order pizza. Then I’ll suggest that you and I pick up the pizza to give her a break.”
“Well, it’s worth a try,” whispered Marissa. “But if it doesn’t work, you have to tell me somehow.”
“It’ll work,” said Pamela optimistically.
To Marissa’s amazement, Pamela’s plan worked. The girls had about ten minutes alone in the car to talk.
“O.K., this is like so crazy,” said Pamela excitedly, “but there is like a rumor going around that you are going out with a teacher. I know it’s crazy and completely untrue. And I’ve told everyone who tells me that it’s a total lie. But isn’t that nuts!”
Marissa swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Her fists gripped the steering wheel.
“Mariss,” began Pamela, “It’s nuts, right? I mean there’s no truth to this rumor right?” She stared at her sister waiting for a reaction.
Marissa felt a tight knot in her stomach. She hadn’t told anyone but Brogan. Brogan would not have told anyone in the school. There was no way.
“Pam, I, uh…” Marissa began.
“It is true!” squealed Pamela. “But you love Daniel. Like you guys are going to get married. How could you cheat on him?”
>
“Well, I haven’t really cheated on him, unless you call a kiss cheating. But it’s way more complicated than that. I just can’t figure out who started the rumor. Pam, did anyone say who the teacher was?” Marissa winced.
“No but everyone is sure it’s the art teacher,” Pamela slapped her hand to her forehead. “Oh, now I get it. The day, um, the day the newspaper came out, you came to the art room. The way Mr. Smith looked at you was totally not the way a teacher looks at a student. I noticed when he said that I didn’t look like your sister; he was totally checking you out. I sort of noticed it then but I didn’t really think much of it. But now I get it.”
“O.K. Pam,” Marissa started, “You are way overreaching. That day, the newspaper came out, we hadn’t talked but a couple of times. We just sort of started bumping into each other after that. But I can’t tell you everything now.”
Pam smiled dreamily at her sister, “So you kissed him?”
“Well, actually, uh, yeah,” blushed Marissa.
“He is so gorgeous. Is he a good kisser?” Pamela asked.
“Yes. Now enough questions, can you get the pizza?” said Marissa as she shooed her sister out of the car.
As she waited for her sister, she tried to figure out who had started the rumor. If Brogan had told John and he told Tim Kowalski, it could have gotten started that way. There was no way. Brogan just found out and rumors take time to spread. But if Pamela noticed Nick was looking at her differently then maybe other kids noticed too. A few times Nick had caught her eye in the cafeteria and they had spontaneously smiled while looking away. But only the observer who was watching both she and Nick at the same time could have caught on. Or perhaps a student or teacher had seen them together in public. Whoever it was, she had to find out. And she had to stop the rumor before it hurt Nick’s career.
Pamela climbed back into the car with the pizza.
“Pam, you’re going to have to help me,” pleaded Marissa. “You are going to have to lie for me. You have to convince everybody that I’m not going out with Mr. Smith.”
“Marissa, why don’t you just not go out with him until you graduate? And what about Dan?” questioned Pam.
“Pam, I’m trying to figure this all out and it’s really hard for me. I do love Daniel like crazy. He was my first love and I will always love him. But I can’t promise that I won’t see Nick, uh Mr. Smith. I just can’t right now. So I need you to help me, please!”
“O.K. I’ll help,” relented Pamela, “just promise me you’ll be fair to Dan. If this gets serious, you have to tell him.
“I don’t know if I can,” Marissa confessed.
“So when do you see him next?” asked Pamela.
“Friday night. Hopefully by then the rumor will have fizzled out.”
“How are you going to make sure that no one sees you?” questioned Pam curious.
“We’ll go some place an hour away from here, just to be safe,” answered Marissa.
“You’re crazy,” said Pamela.
“Yeah, I know.
As she lay in bed trying to figure out a way to fall asleep, Marissa thought about why she was so attracted to Nick. Was it the excitement of a forbidden love affair that made her pursue him? Or was it because she was lonely and needed somebody? She kept pushing back the thought that she was actually falling in love with him because in her mind, she could only be in love with one person at a time.
Pondering the concept of love and its tangling emotional turmoil, she found herself dialing the numbers she had come to know so well. This cold, heartless channel became the only means by which they could connect instantly. Marissa felt she needed to set things right with him or she couldn’t sleep.
“Yello.” Answered a cheerful voice.
“It’s me. Is it your day off?”
“Yeah, listen Mariss, I’m really sorry about earlier. I don’t know what came over me. I’m just so lonely out here. I get pissed off when I think that it might not work out after all this time,” Daniel confessed.
“Aren’t you going out a lot? Haven’t you met any friends?” Marissa asked.
“Yeah, but you know as well as I do that it’s not the same. It takes a while to make good friends, you know, guys you can trust. Plus I get crazy jealous when I think about you meeting some other guy and forgetting about me,” He sighed heavily and stopped for a moment to take a drag off his cigarette. “You haven’t met anyone, have you Mariss? Huh? You would tell me wouldn’t you?”
Marissa swallowed hard, “Yes, of course I’d tell you.”
“Good because I think I’d have to come out there and kill the guy or something,” Daniel chuckled.
“O.K. gotta go, I just wanted to say I love you Daniel.”
“I’ll always love you Marissa, night.”
Marissa felt awful. And she realized it was in her power to stop those dreadful feelings but she couldn’t.
Chapter Eleven
Nick made her close her eyes. Marissa held her gloved hands over her eyes and giggled. She shivered in anticipation but also because the truck was slow to warm up under the first winter snow.
“O.K. open,” Nick said softly.
He had lit several candles and placed them on the dashboard. “Now come here,” he said patting the space in between his outstretched legs. “Lean against me, I want to read to you.”
Marissa crawled over to his side of the bench and snuggled onto his chest like a child about to be read to for the night. Nick leaned over into his backpack and pulled out a copy of The Tao of Pooh.
“Hey how did you get that?” Marissa yelled with surprise. “I have your copy.”
“Yes, I know,” Nick smiled. “And you probably haven’t finished it. So here is your copy,” he said holding out the book. “But first I want to read you a passage.”
Marissa smiled, “Wow, I haven’t been read to since I was a little girl.”
Nick didn’t appear particularly surprised at her comment. “I think it’s wonderful for friends to read to one another from time to time.”
He outstretched his arms, holding out the open book in front of the both of them and began, “The Pooh Way…”
Marissa listened attentively to every word soaking it all up like a sponge.
Nick continued reading, “If you’re in tune with the way things work, then they work the way they need to…Things just happen in the right way at the right time. At least they do when you let them…” He stopped and turned to her. “Do you see where I’m going with this?”
Marissa looked at him confused. “Uh, not really.”
“The other night when you came to see me at the gallery, you were really upset about a set of circumstances that were beyond your control. I had a hard time trying to explain to you what this book explains perfectly. After work, I went back and reread the book to find it. What I’m trying to say Marissa is, let things happen. They will turn out the way they are supposed to turn out without your interference. Any amount of worrying on your part won’t make any difference.”
Marissa was touched by his advice and his attentiveness. She smiled, “Thanks. I just have one question. You grew up Catholic. How did you discover Taoism? What made you search for something else?”
“I was disenchanted by Catholicism I guess, all the rules and the guilt and the ‘you’ll go to hell if you don’t do this or that’. I thought there had to be a gentler more positive approach to spirituality, so I began to search. I fell upon Taoism and Zen Buddhism and began reading as much as I could,” Nick explained.
“So what are you now?” Marissa questioned.
“I’m not sure. I don’t think there’s any one ideal religion out there. Besides if you admit one religion is right, that makes the others wrong. It just doesn’t seem right.”
“But you believe in God right?”
“Yes, I believe that we all are a part of God.” Nick answered.
“So why in the world do you teach in a Catholic school if you’re not Catholic?”
&nb
sp; “That’s another story,” Nick said rolling his eyes.
“Go on,” smiled Marissa, “Tell me.”
“Parental connections.”
“Oh, I get it.”
“And I needed a job,” Nick said matter-of-factly. “What about you? Do you believe in God?”
“Yes, absolutely. No question in my mind about His existence.”
“So I assume you’ve had sex.” said Nick teasingly.
Marissa moved out of his lap stunned by the bluntness of his statement. “That’s a little forward. How did we move from God to sex?”
“Trust me,” Nick smiled. “Have you?”
“Why do you assume that I have?’ Marissa blushed.
“Well, you’re a beautiful woman and you and Dan had been going out for a couple of years before he left…” Nick explained.
“So what if I haven’t?” Marissa teased.
“I wouldn’t hold it against you. I’d be surprised though,” Nick said as his eyes twinkled.
Marissa continued to blush. “O.K. So yes, my answer would have to be yes. But he was my first and only one.”
“So do you think God would punish you for having premarital sex?” questioned Nick.
“No, I don’t think God punishes people for loving one another and that includes people who are not married,” Marissa answered without hesitation.
Nick reasoned, “Well, that goes against Catholic teaching. So how does that fit in with your beliefs?”
Marissa shrugged. “I guess I don’t know really. I suppose there are just some things in Catholic teaching I don’t agree with.”
“My point is, what makes one religion right and another wrong? They all seem to have inconsistencies if you line them all up,” Nick concluded becoming lost in thought.
“So what about you?” Marissa chimed in giggling, “Are you a virgin?”
“Well, right now, I would have to say yes, I’m a born again virgin,” said Nick seriously.
Marissa made a face at him. “What the heck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means it’s been so long since I’ve had sex that it’s like I’m a virgin all over again,” Nick explained.
Forbidden Fruit: An Unlikely Love Story Page 10