Love always,
Marissa
P.S. I haven’t heard from UCLA yet. Hopefully I will get an answer soon!
The next day after school, Marissa saw another envelope underneath her windshield wiper. Her initial reaction was to cringe back as if it were a snake or deadly spider, for the feelings of the previous envelope found on her windshield were too raw. But then she found relief in the comfort that he was still communicating with her. So she pulled the envelope out and lifted the flap, which was just tucked inside. It was a card. One the front of the card was a picture of two beautiful swans floating on a river. She opened the card and read:
Happy Valentine’s Day Sweetie,
I really wish we could have spent the day together. I was thinking of you all day and sending you warm thoughts. I want you to know that you are very special and that you make me very happy.
Love always and forever,
Nick
Marissa let out a yelp and jumped for joy in the middle of the parking lot. That warm wish, that simple gesture meant the world to her. She couldn’t wait for a response from the letter that she sent him, which came two days later in the mail without a return address.
Dearest Marissa,
Your letter made me laugh out loud and also feel sad. You have a lot of questions! I will try to answer them the best I can, for not even I have all the answers.
First of all, living in the present does not mean you have to live in pain. Au contraire! When you live in the present, you look all around you and you see the beauty of life. You see the sun, the moon, and the stars. You see children playing and laughing. You see flowers blooming or snow falling. You see infinite choices and possibilities. That’s living in the present! Embrace life, it’s yours to embrace.
Secondly, I’m truly sorry that you feel isolated and alone. I too, have felt these feelings in the past week. But I must confess, I did tell my parents about us. They were asking too many questions and I didn’t want to continue a lie. They were very loving and supportive and they send you their love.
And now for the “big” questions. You asked, “What if you meet your soulmate before you’re ready to meet her?” Remember in The Bridge Across Forever, Richard had met Leslie years before but he wasn’t ready to actually “meet” her? I don’t know what happens. Yes, I do feel that we are soulmates. And I also feel that we are not ready for marriage, hence the dilemma. Am I prepared to let you go? I feel that I am if it’s for you to be able to grow on your own. If I didn’t do that, I believe you would have resentment toward me. And when is the right time to meet your soulmate? Only you can know that Marissa.
I’ve been giving lots of time to my work, something I should have been doing all along. I believe one of the things that happened in the past six months is that we’ve been ignoring our own personal needs. Think of this time as time that you can dedicate to you. Get some sleep! Exercise! Go out with friends!
As for meeting in our dreams, keep a dream journal. I’ll keep one too and we can compare notes as to where are dreams are going.
Love always,
N.
Marissa finished reading the letter as she was eating her dinner before work. Chip reached over and snatched it out of her hands.
“Oh, a love letter. Let me read it, please,” he begged.
“I’m afraid it’s not very juicy,” Marissa said.
Chip shrugged, “It doesn’t matter, I’m living vicariously through you. I haven’t found my one true love yet.”
“What about Marcus?”
“Marcus is a fun guy to be with but he’s not the one. In fact, I don’t know what ‘the one’ looks like.”
Marissa took a bite of bread then said, “I didn’t know either until I met Nick.”
Chip put the letter down. “So do you really think he’s ‘the one’?”
“I do. But I don’t know if he does. Besides, he thinks we’re both too young to decide,” said Marissa as she took back the letter.
“But what if you let each other go, and then you realize you really were meant for each other and it’s too late?”
“That’s the problem,” she said sadly. “Chip, can I come out with you this Saturday? I really need something to do. I’m going a little stir crazy.”
“Girlfriend, you don’t even have to ask,” Chip answered tenderly.
*****
My Dearest Nick,
I got what you meant about living in the present. I’ve been trying my hardest to concentrate on what’s happening around me and not worrying about the future. It’s not that easy though. When you are at a crossroad in your life, as I am, it’s easy to get lost in the choices and possibilities. It’s funny to think that I was so certain about what I wanted six months ago and now I have no idea.
While working at the restaurant last night, I served a husband and wife couple. They were celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary. They seemed so incredibly happy together. I talked with them for a while and they told me that they met when she was twenty and he was twenty-eight. They fell in love instantly and were engaged the same day! Do you believe it? And forty years later, they are still just as in love as the first day they met. What a beautiful gift! Do you imagine how many people are walking around the planet looking for their love? But to find love is something wonderful.
That brings me to a question I’ve been meaning to ask you. Would you consider moving to California with me in the fall? If I get into UCLA, I would be crazy to turn it down, but I can’t stand the idea of being so far away from you. This separation has proven to be most difficult for me. I can’t imagine three thousand miles of separation. I’m sure you could find a teaching job out there. Please consider it.
I’ve been listening to the Course in Miracles tapes you gave me for Christmas. I’m at the part where it talks about being attached to nothing. That is a difficult concept to grasp!
It’s after work and I’m getting tired from writing. But I leave you this as I drift off to sleep. When you ask for something, it may come your way but maybe not as you expected. It may be easy to overlook and continue along your path, when the gift you wished for was right in front of you the whole time.
Love,
Marissa
Nick finished reading her letter and smiled. He folded the letter and slipped it into his pocket. Just as he was reaching over his desk to grab his lunch bag he heard a voice boom out behind him. “Mr. Smith!”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mr. Kowalski stood at the doorway of the art room. His large stature filled the space between the art room and the outside. Shocked, Nick stared up in stunned silence. It wasn’t the physical presence of his boss that brought about the feeling of discomfort, but the tone of his voice and the stance that he took as he stared at the young teacher.
Unsure of how to address a person who attacks another in this manner, Nick answered by simply mimicking the gesture but in an easier tone, “Mr. Kowalski?”
Without another word, Mr. Kowalski let himself into the classroom and sat down on an art table directly in front of Nick’s desk. He set one foot on a chair in front of him and crossed his hands over one knee. He scrunched up his face, closing one eye tightly as if he were trying hard to remember something. “I see you’ve been working hard these last few weeks, Mr. Smith,” he finally spoke.
Completely bewildered Nick answered, “Yes, sir.”
Mr. Kowalski scrunched up his face again and clicked his tongue, “You know, I’ve been the principal of St. Mary’s for twenty-five years. I’ve seen a lot Mr. Smith, seen a lot. But I’ve never had a scandal here. I’ve never had bad press, ever. Do you see where I’m going Mr. Smith?”
Nick probably could have guessed, although he wasn’t sure where or how Mr. Kowalski was getting his information. So he decided to play completely dumb. “No sir, I don’t.”
The old principal leaned over his knee and looked Nick straight in the eye. “I’ve been hearing some stories Smith, I want some clarification from you.
You see, there will be no scandals at St. Mary’s.”
“Sir, I don’t know what you are referring to,” Nick tried again as calmly as possible.
Mr. Kowalski pursed his lips together. “You know Smith, it may not look like it, but I was a good-looking man in my day, smart too. I finished college at twenty-one and got my first teaching job. They gave me seniors right off the bat, teaching Government. And those kids tried to walk all over me. And the girls, oh, the girls flirted like crazy thinking they could get a good grade by trying to turn me on. There were only three years difference between some of those girls and I. But I held my ground. The tougher I was, the more they respected me. Did some of those girls turn me on? Of course they did. I’m only human. But I remembered my job and my responsibility.” Mr. Kowalski leaned in even closer to Nick before whispering, “And it was my steadfast dedication to this profession that got me this far. Now this is my school so I need to know Smith, are you having an affair with a student?”
Nick stared back straight into the principal’s eyes and said, “No sir, I am not.”
Continuing his invasion of personal space, Mr. Kowalski threatened, “If you are lying to me Smith, I guarantee you that you will never again teach in this state let alone this county. If you are lying, you can just pack up your bags now and leave. Do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal,” answered Nick with eyes just as menacing.
He couldn’t wait for the regular postal service to deliver a letter to her. He needed to see her immediately. Before heading out to the gallery, he slapped a post-it note on her car, which read:
Emergency! Need to talk now. Meet me at work at 2:30pm.
Marissa nervously tapped her fingers on the steering wheel as she waited for Nick to show up. She was seriously craving a cigarette but had given up the habit long ago for him. She tried to imagine what the emergency was about. It surely had something to do with school but she wasn’t exactly sure what it was. After two weeks of silent communication, she was disappointed to see Nick under such stressful circumstances.
Several minutes later, Nick appeared at her car window. “Come inside. My boss is in Chicago for the day.”
When they were settled in the gallery office, Marissa looked at him awkwardly. They hadn’t even kissed hello. They were sitting on opposite ends of a desk. It was as if they were total strangers.
Nick began, “I had a visit today, a very unpleasant one might I add, from Mr. Kowalski.”
Marissa remained still, with her eyes fixed, intense, “What did he say?”
“He asked me if I was having an affair with a student,” Nick said cutting to the chase.
“And you said?” asked Marissa holding her breath.
“I denied it of course. At this point we’re not having much of an affair at all,” he drifted off into thought. “But at any rate, I would have denied it regardless. It’s not that I’m so intent on keeping this job, especially after today. I just want to keep a low profile. I have nothing against the school. I don’t want parents, who are paying lots of money to send their kids there, to get the wrong message.” He left out the part about Mr. Kowalski’s threat.
Nick folded his hands on the desk studied her face for a minute and said, “Marissa, they might confront you about this. I don’t know if he believed me. But then again I don’t know from where or from whom he was getting his information. It could be your mom but I really don’t know.” He shot her a look of distress.
Marissa perked up in her chair, “Nick I will deny everything. It doesn’t matter what they ask me, I will remain silent. I promise. I will never say anything that would hurt you in any way.”
He touched his hands lightly to his lips and replied, “I’m not asking you to lie Marissa. I’m asking you to do what you think is right. But I needed to warn you. It wasn’t pleasant, what I experienced today. I hope you don’t have to go through the same thing or worse.”
“If it’s to lie to protect you, when your only crime was loving me, I will do it,” she said emphatically.
Nick appeared relieved. Leaning back in his chair he cried out, “What are we going to do sweetie?”
Straightening up in her chair, Marissa answered haughtily, “Well, I’ll give you the same answer you gave me Mr. Smith: wait until I graduate.”
“I loved your letter,” Nick said softly. “In fact, I was reading it when…” He waved his hand in front of his face and said, “O.K. I’m going to forget what happened this afternoon. At least I got to see you today.”
Marissa’s eyes filled with tears.
“Sweetie, are you worried about Mr. Kowalski and the administration confronting you?”
“No. I don’t care what they say to me. I’m out of there in May anyway. What are they going to do? Refuse to give me my diploma? They know I’m one of the top students in the graduating class. They won’t do that. They have no grounds for it. It’s just so strange seeing you here. You seem so distant. I know why but it just hurts.”
Nick reached out and touched her hand. “Please understand why I’m being distant Mariss, I’m terrified, no, petrified. I’ve been threatened by both your mother and my boss in the span of two weeks. Never in my life have I been so frightened of being caught, not even when I was doing drugs in college.”
At once Marissa realized she needed to be selfless. She wiped her eyes, “I know Nick. You have everything to lose: your job, your reputation, and your integrity. I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish. All I’ve been thinking about is how much I miss you and how we can manage to see each other when your whole livelihood is on the line. I’m truly sorry. If you can though, please continue to write to me.”
“I’ll write,” he said, his blue eyes softening. “You’d better go now. I’ve got to get to work.”
Marissa stood up slowly not wanting to leave, “I love you Nick.”
“I love you too. Marissa, this isn’t good-bye. We’re just taking a detour,” he smiled.
“I know. And I’m going to stay positive. I’m going to take this as an opportunity to rise above the situation,” she said confidently.
And she meant every word. Their conversation that day, however benign it may have seemed in comparison to others, transformed her vision of things. She was going to stop being a victim and take responsibility for her life. When she thought about everything Nick had sacrificed to be in a relationship with her, she remained awestruck. They had gone out together before she was eighteen and he could have been thrown in jail. As she really put things into perspective, every moment she had spent with him until the present moment was an absolute blessing. Every moment was a gift of love he had given her. His message of love was to put her and them before himself.
With that realization, she decided to give him all the space he needed, even if it was painful for her. She would stop making him feel guilty for not seeing her and rejoice in the communication they did have together. Meanwhile she would work on her own life. Instead of watching things happen to her, she was going to make them happen.
Just as Nick had suspected, the next day Marissa received a note from the office. Under normal circumstances, being sent to the office would have terrified her, especially since she knew why. But given her decision the evening before, she was resolute. She had a mission to protect her lover and no one would terrorize, threaten or dissuade her from doing so.
When she arrived at Mr. Kowalski’s office, Mr. Kowalski, Mrs. Kowalski, Mrs. Collins, the guidance counselor, and Tamara were already present. Marissa shot a look of bewilderment at Tamara then turned quickly to Mr. Kowalski holding up the note. “Am I interrupting something? The note said I was to report here.”
Mrs. Collins smiled and motioned for her to sit down in an empty chair, “No Marissa, you can join us.”
Still appearing confused, Marissa said, “Why did you need to see me Mr. Kowalski?”
Her principal pushed his glasses up on his nose, cleared his throat then said, “Miss Belknapp, we are conducting an investigation on a ce
rtain teacher and we would like to know if you could help us out.”
Marissa frowned and said, “I’m not sure if I understand but I’ll help if I can.”
“We were just finishing with Tamara,” said Mrs. Collins gently, “but it might help if you stay because I believe she had something to say about you.”
“As I was saying, Mr. Smith has a way of looking at girls that is, well, how could I say, um, impure,” said Tamara.
“Could you give us an example Tamara? “asked Mrs. Collins as she took notes.
“Well, one day when I was staying after class to help him put up papers, she, I mean, Marissa,” she said as she pointed in Marissa’s direction, “showed up at the art room door. Mr. Smith turned to her and stared. Then he seemed all bothered and flustered.”
“Why were you staying after class?” asked Mr. Kowalski. “Did Mr. Smith ask you to?”
“Well, no,” answered Tamara. “I just like helping teachers.”
“Well, thank you Tamara,” said Ms. Collins, “I think that will be…”
“I’m not finished,” Tamara cut in. “When we went on a photography field trip one evening in the fall, Marissa showed up at the art gallery with us. And she doesn’t even take art. Then Mr. Smith was talking to her during the field trip.”
Ms. Collins turned to Marissa, “Is this true Marissa? Were you at the field trip?”
“Yes ma’am I was,” answered Marissa calmly remembering the first time that she and Nick had met outside of school.
“And how did you know about the field trip if it was supposed to be for photography students?”
“Mr. Smith told me about it.”
“And why would he tell you about it if you don’t take an art class with him?”
Marissa folded her hands in her lap, “I had used his camera to take pictures for the school paper a few days before the field trip. I had told him I was interested in photography so he told me about the field trip, that’s all.”
Forbidden Fruit: An Unlikely Love Story Page 23