Mr. Kowalski motioned to Tamara, “You may be excused now.”
She smirked at Marissa as she left the room.
Then Mr. Kowalski turned to Marissa and interrogated. “Miss Belknapp, Mrs. Kowalski saw you go to and from the art room several times between September and November. Is there a reason why you were visiting the art room so often?”
Marissa drew her face up to look at the three adults in front of her and realized that the interrogation was going to be more difficult than she had imagined. “No sir, no specific reason.”
“Miss Belknapp, why did you visit the art room if you weren’t taking classes there?”
She took a deep breath and spoke in a low quiet voice, “I’m a little embarrassed to admit it Mr. Kowalski, but I had a small crush on Mr. Smith in the beginning of the year. I thought he was good-looking and I liked him. That’s all.”
Mr. Kowalski didn’t appear moved by her confession. His brows furrowed deeply as he spoke, “So why, Miss Belknapp, did you all of a sudden stop visiting the art room?”
Unfortunately for Marissa, thinking on her toes was not her forte. She was used to rehearsed lines or pondering over a written piece, not speaking spontaneously. “Because I realized that I was being silly.”
“Miss Belknapp, what did Mr. Smith have to say when you would come to the art room?”
Marissa shrugged, “Not much really. We would talk about books or art.”
“He never wondered why you were coming to see him so often?”
“If he did, he never mentioned it,” Marissa lied.
“Marissa,” said Mrs. Collins gently, “we have some information that indicates to us that Mr. Smith may have acted inappropriately toward a student. It is important to us to know as much as possible for the safety of our student population. We want all of our students to feel safe at St. Mary’s. But we also don’t want to falsely accuse someone.”
“So how can I help you with that?” Marissa asked innocently.
“We need to know, Marissa, if Mr. Smith ever made any inappropriate advances toward you,” inquired Mrs. Collins.
Marissa looked her straight in the eye, “No ma’am.”
“Apart from the field trip to the art gallery, have you ever seen Mr. Smith outside of school grounds?”
“No ma’am,” Marissa answered firmly.
“Are you sure Miss Belknapp?” asked Mr. Kowalski harshly.
Marissa, angry, stared blankly in his direction, “Yes, I’m sure.”
“If you are omitting the truth, Miss Belknapp, we will find out, rest assured. So if there is something you want to tell us, tell us now,” threatened the principal.
Annoyed Marissa looked from one side of the room to the other, “Mr. Kowalski, I’m not sure what this teacher has done to raise such suspicion. But I can’t help you with your problem. And if I may sir, I’d like to return to class.”
Mrs. Collins nodded to Mr. Kowalski who relented, “Yes, Miss Belknapp, you may return to class.”
Upon exiting the principal’s office, Marissa nearly collapsed from the tension she felt from the interrogation. She had managed to maintain perfect composure during the questioning but once she reached the hallway her heart thumped loudly in her chest and sweat poured down her face. In her heart, she felt she had done her best to defend Nick. And even if they didn’t believe one word she said, she had made it quite clear that she wasn’t giving an inch. She was sure that Nick would have been proud of her because she had taken control of the situation. She hadn’t let anyone or anything control her, not even her emotions.
And as she glided down the hall to her classroom she laughed out loud as she thought of a song by Tracy Chapman that they had listened to together. She sang quietly to herself,
Two weeks in a Virginia jail,
For my lover, for my lover,
A twenty thousand dollar bail,
For my lover, for my lover,
And everybody thinks I’m the fool,
But they don’t get any love from you,
Things we won’t do for love,
Climb a mountain if I have to,
Risk my life so I can have you, you, you…
Before work she scribbled a letter on a lined sheet in her notebook.
My dearest Nick,
Today was scary! Mr. Kowalski called me to the office and three people were there to interrogate me. Talk about terrified. But I didn’t budge. I remained cool and calm. The strange thing was that girl Tamara was in there too. I don’t know why but she was trying to prove that you were some kind of sick guy who chases after teenage girls. The only reason I can think of is that she is jealous. Maybe she thought you might pay more attention to her. Maybe she really likes you. I don’t know. But I thought it was a low blow to try and get you in trouble.
So anyway, they let me go because they didn’t get a peep out of me. I told them I had had a tiny crush on you so that is why I had been in the art room so much in the fall. Who knows if they believed me or not?
Do you believe I already have $2,000 saved up for California? I know it’s not an enormous amount, but it’s a start and it will definitely get me out there and started. I will most likely get a job as soon as I get there. I still would like to know (when you’re ready to answer) if you would like to move out there with me.
We are already starting to review for exams. Do you believe they are right around the corner? In ten weeks, I’ll be graduating. Everyone is talking about spring break and prom. I won’t be doing either one of those things. No spring break is because I’ll be working and no prom because, well, you know why. Oh well, I don’t feel like I’ll be missing much. I have absolutely no interest in going to Fort Lauderdale or Cancun to get drunk everyday and then sleep with a different guy every night. And as for prom, Daniel and I already went to two proms together. I’ve done the prom thing.
Have you started The Way of Zen yet? I thought you might enjoy it. Tell me what you think.
Chip and I are going to The Shelter this weekend. I’m not totally hip on going but it will get me out of the house.
Sorry about the fuzzy edges and the scribbles. I was writing fast to mail this to you before I get to work. Write back soon.
Love and kisses,
Marissa
Chapter Twenty-Five
Two letters arrived in the mail. Marissa studied them both. One was a white envelope with no return address, probably from Nick. And the other was from UCLA. Even though she desperately wanted to open the one from UCLA, she decided to go ahead and open the one from Nick first.
Dear Marissa,
I imagine that being confronted by Mr. Kowalski was no more pleasant for you than it was for me. I’m truly sorry you had to have that experience. It seems that they have let the issue go for now as they have no evidence to fire me or accuse me further. Thank God.
Seeing you the other day was very difficult for me too. I wanted so much to take you in my arms and hug you. And when I see you at school, in the halls or in the cafeteria, I want you all the more. This separation is only working to make my heart grow fonder for you. I miss you Marissa!
What you decide to do in your life is important for you. You are starting to taste freedom, which includes choices, many choices. It is an exciting time in your life. Seize the opportunities that come your way! But I don’t think I should entertain the idea of going to California with you. I seem to influence your every move. I wouldn’t let you grow and explore. I am too partial to you. I wouldn’t let you just experiment and experience life. And if you get into UCLA, of course you should go.
Thank you so much for the tape series, The Way of Zen. I’m listening to it every day and it is very eye opening. I will share more of it later with you if you would like.
Less than ten weeks until graduation! Wow, time flies by.
Say “hello” to Chip for me.
Love,
N.
Nervously, Marissa fingered the second letter. Then in one motion she ripped it open and
flung out the letter. She unfolded the single piece of paper and read:
Dear Miss Belknapp,
Thank you for your interest in our school. Unfortunately, due to the high number of applicants this year, we regret to inform you that we cannot offer you a place in the freshman class.
The effect was numbing. On one side of the coin, she was extremely disappointed. She had been waiting for years to have her chance to get into UCLA. And now she didn’t know where she would go to school. But on the flip side, she was relieved because she couldn’t see herself leaving Nick behind. Earlier in the year, Daniel had suggested that she could go to community college for a year and then reapply. For some reason, in her mind, that didn’t seem like an option anymore. And she really truly did not want to attend State college even if it meant being close to Nick. So the first important decision she had to make as an adult with her newly found freedom felt like no decision at all. She felt trapped.
*****
Chip insisted she drive to The Shelter. He said he didn’t want to be responsible if he drank.
“Does that mean I can’t drink?” Marissa teased.
“Hey, you’re underage, you can’t drink anyway,” Chip chided back.
“Like that’s ever stopped you from buying me drinks before. Plus, I really need a drink tonight.”
“What now toots?” asked Chip as he pulled a cigarette from his pack.
Marissa looked longingly at the cigarette.
Chip clicked his tongue at her, “I thought you kicked the habit.”
“Yeah but that was before Nick ditched me.”
He rolled his eyes at her, “He didn’t ditch you and you know it. But if you want a cigarette, just ask. Like I’m the one who should preach to you about what you should or shouldn’t do, please!”
“Thanks,” Marissa giggled grabbing the cigarette from his hand. She lit it and took in a long drag.
“So why are you so stressed out?”
“Well, for one I got a rejection letter from UCLA.”
“Oh, bummer.”
“Yeah, and Nick wrote me and said that he wouldn’t consider going to Cali with me anyway.”
“I don’t see why that’s so bad,” said Chip. “Your dude is here. You got accepted to a college in state. Just go. You can see your guy on weekends. What’s the big deal?”
Marissa grabbed the steering wheel. “The big deal is I don’t want to go to college in state. It would make my mother too happy. And I would hate to see that. Plus I’ve been waiting like three years to move out to California.”
“So move,” Chip urged.
“I can’t,” Marissa said in distress. “I don’t know anyone out there except for my ex-boyfriend. I have nowhere to go to school and practically no money. It’s totally unrealistic.”
“Boy honey, you do need a drink.”
“I told you.”
“O.K. so I don’t have the answer for you but Marcus will. He always has answers,” said Chip emotionally. “Oh, he’s such a hottie.”
“Yeah,” Marissa said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. “I’m sure Marcus will have the solution to all of my problems.”
Marcus was waiting at the bar when they arrived. Chip walked over to him, kissed him and said, “Babe, you’ve gotta solve Marissa’s problems for her. I’m going to dance.”
Marissa blushed and sat down at the bar. She turned to Marcus, “Sorry about that. O.K. Chip is a little crazy.”
“No, he’s great guy,” said Marcus affectionately. “So vat is your problem?”
Raising one eyebrow Marissa asked, “How long have you got?”
“First we get beer and then you tell Marcus all of problem.”
Marissa laughed, “You’re serious aren’t you? You really want me to tell you my problems?”
“I study psychology in PhD program,” Marcus explained.
“You’re kidding me right?” she laughed again. “You’re going to give me a shrink session right here in the bar?”
Marcus held up his glass, “Vith beer of course.”
“With beer?” Marissa said shaking her head in disbelief.
“So how you say, O.K. shoot.”
“Yes, that’s how you say it Marcus. But if I’m going open up to a German PhD psychology student, I’m going to need a beer too.”
“I get you beer, then you shoot,” Marcus said pulling out his wallet.
Marissa took a sip of beer then asked, “How old are you Marcus?”
“Why you ask how old am I? I thought you tell Marcus problem.”
“Trust me, I have a reason for asking. How old are you?”
“I am twenty-four years. Why?”
“I figured you were around twenty-four. So you know how twenty-four year old men think,” Marissa deducted.
“Marissa, you know I’m gay. So of course I know guys my age, very vell.”
“Good. Because part of my problem is with my boyfriend, who happens to be twenty-four.”
“And you? How old you are?” asked Marcus.
“I’m eighteen.”
“And you go out with man who is twenty-four?”
“Yes, but that’s not all of it Marcus. You see, I’m a high school student and he’s a teacher at my high school.”
“Holy shit!” exclaimed Marcus. “I think we need another beer for this story.”
With beer, Marissa explained the whole situation to Marcus from Daniel all the way to the rejection letter from UCLA. Like a good therapist, Marcus listened attentively, asking all of the right questions, even in his broken English.
Empathetically he said, “I have solution for your problem.”
Marissa was surprised. “You do?”
“Yes, it’s very easy,” Marcus explained. “In my country, many students travel before university. They take one year to travel before starting serious studies. It is very common.”
Travel, why hadn’t she thought of that? “Really? But don’t you need a lot of money to do that?”
“You know you don’t need much. You can buy Eurorail pass for train, you stay in youth hostels, and you buy food at markets. It can be cheap. You know, German kids don’t have a lot of money and they manage.”
Marissa shook her head, “This is all new to me. Youth hostels? Markets? You are going to have to explain a little better.”
Marcus understood, “Let me see vhat I can do for you. My sister is finishing secondary school this year too. She will probably travel next year. Maybe you can go vith her at least in the beginning.”
“Thank you so much for your help Marcus. But I’m not sure if I’m ready to take such a big step.”
“Vhat big step? It’s just Europe. Once you’re there you’ll see so many young people who are traveling around. It’s very friendly. People make great friends on their travel year.”
Marissa stared into her empty glass, “It’s just that… then there’s Nick.”
Marcus put a hand on her shoulder. “Marissa, you ask me if I know twenty-four year old men. I know men. And right now, this man knows he has you. Let him miss you a little bit. And vhen you come back from Europe he might be ready for commitment.”
She still wasn’t convinced but she smiled warmly at Marcus and said, “Thank you Marcus. Thanks for listening.”
“And you let me know if you vant me to talk to my sister. O.K.?”
Marissa nodded. “I’ll think about it, thanks.”
Marcus got up from the bar stool and adjusted his pants. “Now I go dance vith Chip before another man snatch him up.”
At that, Marissa laughed out loud.
She didn’t get up to dance. There were so many things to think about now. Chip was right about one thing, Marcus had opened up a whole new array of possibilities for her and in a way, she felt new hope about her immediate future.
As she was pondering her situation, someone sat down on the barstool beside her.
“Hey Marissa,” the voice belonging to the person on the stool called out.
N
ot recognizing the voice, she turned and saw Steve, Daniel’s friend, once again. “Hey Steve,” Marissa answered back not knowing what else to say.
“So I heard you broke up with Dan,” Steve said casually.
“Yeah, that was a while ago,” Marissa answered evasively.
“I know that. I just haven’t seen you around much.”
Steve took a drag on his cigarette. “I went to see him around Christmas time. He was a mess man. He misses you like crazy. He has a cool place though. Cali is great.”
Marissa felt a small pang of guilt for breaking up with Daniel over the phone. “I don’t know what to say Steve. I don’t feel great about the break-up. The whole situation completely sucked.”
“I just thought I’d let you know, he’s coming out here for spring break. He wants to see you.” Steve then placed the cigarette in his mouth, reached into his leather jacket and pulled out a small paper and pen. He scribbled something on it and handed it to Marissa, “Here’s my number. He’ll be staying with me the week after Easter. Give him a call will you?”
“O.K. I’ll see what I can do. Thanks Steve.”
Truth be told she wanted to see Daniel again even though it might be painful. She hated the fact that they ended a two-year relationship on a five-minute phone call. But she was also aware that seeing him might stir up old feelings again. Also with the way she felt about Nick, she knew things would never work out with Daniel ever again, even if she moved to California. So on the flip side of things, she wondered what they would say when they saw one another. Would he convince her to get back together with him? If so, she would have to let him down again and that would be dreadful.
Another person slid down on the barstool next to her. This time it was Chip. “Hey girlfriend, you look sad.”
Forbidden Fruit: An Unlikely Love Story Page 24