Marissa got up to leave while Barbara wept.
Chapter Thirty
“I can’t believe this is our last lunch ever in this cafeteria,” Brogan sighed.
Meg nodded as she chewed. “Actually, I’m gonna kind of miss it. I’ll especially miss these chocolate chip cookies.”
Marissa stared at her friends. “I’m not going to miss it at all.”
“Well that’s understandable,” Brogan said as she placed her feet on the bench. “You’ve been wanting to leave St. Mary’s since the day you started. But if you had left, you never would have met Mr. Smith right?”
Marissa blushed. The cat was out of the bag. It was the last day of school. Nick was on his way out. She was leaving for Europe. There was no need for secrets anymore. But nevertheless, Marissa felt uncomfortable talking freely about Nick in the school cafeteria. “Brogan!” she whined.
Meg waved her hand toward Marissa. “Oh come on, I had a feeling something was going on way before you told me. Remember the first football game? Mr. Smith was blushing around you when he introduced you to his girlfriend.”
“Friend!” Marissa emphasized. “Ann is his friend.”
“O.K. whatever,” Brogan teased. Then she nodded at Meg and the two girls giggled.
Offended, Marissa stared at them. “What? What are you guys laughing about?”
At once, Brogan and Meg leaned over, opened up their backpacks and slapped several small wrapped presents on the table. Brogan pushed the presents in Marissa’s direction. “Go ahead,” she urged, “open them!”
“Guys!” Marissa gushed. “You can give me my gifts at my graduation party. Besides, I don’t have anything for you here.”
Meg shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. We wanted to give these to you now. You’re doing something so extraordinary we thought you deserved some special gifts.”
Tears streamed down her face. “You guys are so sweet,” she said as she caressed the gifts.
“O.K!” shouted Brogan. “Are you going to open them or what?”
Marissa wiped her eyes. “O.K., O.K. yes I will.” She ripped open the first package. Under the wrapping paper, she discovered a flat canvas object that looked like a wallet.
Brogan couldn’t wait for her to figure it out. “It’s a travel wallet,” she explained. “The guy at the travel store said it’s big enough to fit your passport and money. It has this pull string here so you can wear it around your waist or around your neck. It’s so you can conceal it while your traveling so no one steals your money.”
“Cool!” Marissa exclaimed.
And one by one, Marissa unwrapped each package. At the end, she had a mountain of travel supplies including a travel alarm clock, a disposable camera, a travel pillow, small toiletry bottles, a small mesh laundry bag, hiking socks, and sunglasses. She stood up and squeezed her friends tightly. “Thank you guys. Thank you so much! You’re the best!”
“Now be sure to send us postcards!” Brogan instructed.
“Yeah,” Meg agreed. “We want a postcard from every country.”
The bell rang.
Meg and Brogan called out, “Good-bye cafeteria! Good–bye school!”
Marissa turned toward the door laughing at her friends. Students all around her let out whoops as they sped out of the cafeteria. In the excitement of the moment, she hadn’t noticed that Nick had been there, watching the entire time. She spied him now, as he stood frozen in his tracks. He understood something was up.
She too stood staring. Guilt overcame her. When the last student had filtered out the cafeteria, Marissa ran to his side and whispered. “Nick, we have to talk. I’ll come by after work tonight.”
They sat on the couch looking out the window into the night.
Nick sighed. “I figured something was up when you weren’t forthcoming about where you were going next year.”
Marissa grabbed his hand. “Nick, I wanted to. I really did. But until a few days ago, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go through with it.”
“Not go through with it? Marissa this is an opportunity of a lifetime,” Nick said emphatically. “After you finish college, there’s work and after that who knows if you’ll have an opportunity to travel Europe for a year again.”
She snuggled close to him. “Somehow I knew you’d react that way Nick. That’s why I didn’t want to share it with you right away. I’ve gotten so used to you pulling away from me that I didn’t want to give you another reason to do it again.”
Nick continued to shake his head, “Marissa, why wouldn’t you go through with it?”
“Because of you,” she choked. “I love you so much, I don’t want to leave you. Not now, not when we can finally have a normal relationship together. Isn’t this what we’ve been waiting for all of these months?”
He stroked her hair, which lay on his shoulder. “Yes, but you need time to grow. This reminds me of another song by The Police,” he sang, “If you love somebody, if you love someone, set them free…”
Crying, she grabbed his shoulders. “Tell me Nick,” she bawled, “tell me not to go and I won’t. I’ll stay here. I’ll go to State. We can continue our relationship in a positive light. Just tell me!”
Nick remained stoic. “I can’t Marissa. Go, live your life. Taste your freedom. You need it.”
“Will you be here when I come back?” she sniffed.
“I don’t know Mariss. I’ve got to find a new job and get my life back together. We can continue to write each other,” Nick said as he tried to remain calm.
“I don’t want to let go!” she sobbed clutching his shirt.
Nick held her and sighed deeply.
Chapter Thirty-One
Graduation is supposed to be a thrill, a huge event. It is supposed to mark the end of a time period, an era, and the beginning of something exciting. Marissa knew what she was supposed to feel. Yet it felt extremely different than what she thought she might feel at graduation had somebody asked her back in September of her senior year. She might have said, “I’m so siked to start UCLA. “ or “I can’t wait to pursue my acting career.” Or even, “ I will finally get to be with Daniel again!”
Yet, so much had happened in the span of nine months. Her life had been transformed. She was a completely different person. In a lot of ways she had been liberated. But inside when she thought of how much she loved Nick, she felt like a prisoner.
As she held her black cap onto her head, Marissa studied the other graduates and once again felt out of place. While the other seniors shared memories of spring break, varsity sports and prom, she couldn’t relate to those memories. Instead of a predictable student life, she had been in a real live relationship with a man for the past school year. She had reached new heights of awareness that many people search for their entire lives. Nick was her teacher. And having learned from him, it was time to move on. But it still hurt. It hurt more than anything she had ever felt before. She truly wondered if it could have been different had they met when she was twenty-four and he was thirty. Would they have been married? Would their paths have even crossed?
Yet as the crowd settled down when the principal stepped up to the podium, Marissa felt his presence in the auditorium. She felt him searching the room for her. She only had to turn her head and meet his eyes, those gorgeous blue eyes. So she didn’t glance and she didn’t turn her head for fear that she might start crying.
Now crying at a graduation might seem normal, as it is an emotional event. But Marissa wasn’t prepared for the flood of emotion that might overcome her when she thought about leaving Nick behind. Many adventures awaited her and for the first time she would experience total personal freedom. But Chip was right. The prospect of being on her own terrified her. It felt as if she was standing over a cliff looking out into a vast and beautiful sparkling ocean. She could jump in and experience the wide vastness of its limitless beauty. Or she could turn back, leave the ocean behind and tread cautiously down the cliff. She chose to jump.
Nick, hav
ing the sang-froid he usually had, had tried his best not to react. He knew this time would come and had been preparing for it since January. He figured Marissa would go away to college and that she would need to experience growing up on her own, without him to guide her way. He had lived his college years without any interference and didn’t want to rob her of her youth. But some part of him wished they were in a time warp and could just continue the way things were, the way they felt, forever. Yet, he felt he needed to be selfless and let her go no matter how much it hurt him inside. Because, regardless of the difference in chronological years, the truth of the matter was that he loved her to the deepest inner core of his being. He had never felt that way about anyone before and letting her go was proof of that love. He wanted more for her than he wanted for himself. And all during the ceremony, he couldn’t take his eyes off her and he didn’t care. He didn’t care if others noticed. He was taking her in, taking in all that he could remember and then some. After this week he might never see her again, but he would feel her and her presence forevermore. She would always be in his heart, this seemingly ordinary girl he met in an unlikely place and who had changed his world.
After the ceremony was finished students, parents, grandparents all stopped to acknowledge the graduates, give hugs and kisses and wish them all the best for their future. Marissa searched the crowd. She had to find him. She had a letter for him, a letter she had written that morning just before the commencement exercises. The inspiration for the letter had come fast and furious and she had scribbled quickly to get it all down before leaving. And now she wanted to give it to him, in front of everyone, not to boast but as a gesture, a symbol of release. She was no longer afraid of hiding, no longer afraid of the looks of scorn. She was free.
The throng of people had descended into the main level of the auditorium, so it was difficult to see in which direction he had gone. Panic overcame her as she combed through the crowd searching. Had he gone? she wondered. Then suddenly she realized it was useless to panic. She spotted him making his way through the crowd toward her. When at last he met her, he smiled fighting back the tears. Then he gazed deep into her eyes and said, “Congratulations Marissa, you made it!” And just as if the next step was the most normal thing in the world, he fearlessly put his arms around her in a strong embrace, hugging her tightly.
Marissa smiled, almost blushing, as remnants of their hidden past came back to haunt her. As they slowly came out of the embrace, Marissa held onto his right hand. With her free hand she pulled out the letter that she had kept folded in her pants pocket the whole morning. She slipped the letter into his hand and said, “Please take a moment to read this when you are alone.” Then, finally, she let go and bid him good-bye.
Nick felt the paper in his hand and at once wanted to know what was inside. Gripping the letter tight in his fist, he watched her disappear into the crowd with her parents and sister. Immobile he stood until he could no longer see her. He then made his way to the art room where he locked the door. Instinctively, he sat on the art table that faced the row of windows. It was the same table upon which he had given her the back massage by the light of the moon. He touched the table, caressed it, remembering. The warm sun filtered in. Slowly, he opened the folded paper not knowing what to expect. It was crumpled and a little damp from his hands, which had been sweating as he embraced his lover in front of everyone in the auditorium.
He closed his eyes for a minute looking up at the sun, trying to get ready to receive the words that were on the paper. He opened and read:
My dearest Nick,
Why do we meet our soulmates?
Soulmates seem to come to us at a time when we least expect it. They pop in unannounced ready to teach us something if we are receptive to their call. They are a gift from God that we are to behold, embrace and say, “Thank you God, for this divine gift.”
And why do we ignore a soulmate at times when he or she comes our way?
Because somewhere at sometime, someone has told us not to trust. Someone has told us to believe that we are not worthy to receive.
Know, Nick, that you are worthy, that you can accept this gift no matter how it is packaged.
Your ego tells you that this is the wrong place or the wrong time but God says, “No. Stop. Listen. Learn.”
And in learning, in finding the place where the other touches your soul, you receive His words, His wisdom. And then, only then, do you part, bidding good-bye until perhaps someday your paths may cross again.
My Nick, my love, my soulmate, I honor you and what you have taught me. Please know that wherever I go in the world, wherever my travels take me, you are with me because we are one. And I hope, I truly hope that when it is time, our paths will cross again.
My deepest love,
Marissa
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Michelle S. Fondin is a writer and yoga studio owner in Herndon, Virginia. She’s the author of The Wheel of Healing with Ayurveda: An Easy Guide to a Healthy Lifestyle and writes for Deepak Chopra’s website, Chopra.com. You can learn more about Michelle on her website: www.michellefondin.com.
Forbidden Fruit: An Unlikely Love Story Page 28