Thirty-Eight Reasons

by Len Webster

  They stood in front of airport security and Clara looked at both Annie and Stevie. A sad smile on Stevie’s face made Clara’s heart strain a little.

  “I’ll see you both soon,” Clara said as she looked at the security guard and then at her friends.

  Annie hugged her first before Stevie; the concern on her face had Clara trying to reassure her with a tight smile. Stevie was the one that understood why she was doing it. She hadn’t seen her brother in months and he needed to hear it from her.

  “You can do this,” Stevie said softly.

  Clara nodded and walked towards the security guard, handing him her passport and boarding pass.

  ⌘

  After passing through security and weaving through duty free, Clara sat at the gate waiting to board her Virgin Australia flight. Clara pulled out her phone to see a message from Liam. Before she could open the message to read it, a woman sat next to her. The woman nudged her arm and Clara was just able to hold her phone so it wouldn’t drop.

  “Oh my God! I am so sorry. Are you all right?”

  Clara looked to her left to see the woman horrified and gave her a reassuring smile.

  “I’m fine.”

  “I’m sorry, my wife is still in honeymoon mood.” A man leaned over and said to Clara.

  Her stomach churned at the sound of ‘honeymoon’.

  “Oh, wow! That’s an amazing ring. You’re engaged?”

  Clara looked at her left hand and at the diamond ring that sparkled.

  She was engaged to Liam and had been for a week.

  “Yes, I am.” Clara smiled. It was a truthful smile. She had fallen in love with Liam and saying ‘yes’ felt right. Until she thought about what being engaged really meant.

  “Congratulations! That is a really beautiful ring,” the woman complimented.

  Clara rang her left thumb over her engagement ring to calm her nerves. She could do a lot worse than Liam O’Connor. In reality, Liam could do a lot better than her.

  “Thank you. Start of your honeymoon?” Clara asked to be polite.

  “We’re just about finished,” said the man.

  Clara looked over at him. His blue eyes sparkled against the redness of his sunburnt face.

  “Oh, I’m Lauren and this is my husband, Nicholas. Are you staying in L.A.? You’ll love it!” Lauren pepped.

  “Oh, no. It’s just a stop over,” Clara corrected, fiddling with her passport.

  “Where are you off to?” Nicholas asked.

  The guilt washed over her, again, and she started to tear into her boarding pass, trying to buy herself a few seconds. Before Clara could even stop herself she answered the truth.

  “Boston.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  “Tall skinny latte for Clara¸” the woman behind the counter called.

  Clara picked up her suitcase and walked over to her and retrieved the coffee cup. The barista smiled as she handed Clara her hot beverage.

  “Have a nice day!” the young woman chimed and returned to the coffee machine.

  Clara returned her bubbly smile as best as she could and walked out of Starbucks and towards the terminal. Clara couldn’t comprehend the size of LAX. She had been to Heathrow International Airport before and that was large, but LAX overwhelmed her. With her latte in hand Clara slowly walked towards the domestic terminals. She spent almost sixteen hours on her flight from Melbourne to Los Angeles. Liam convinced Clara to upgrade her economy seat to business class after they argued over it. In the end, she was grateful Liam won the argument over plane seats as she got better sleep than she thought.

  The closer she got to the terminal the more intense the heaviness in her chest burned. Clara sipped on her latte as she reached the gate. She looked up to see ‘Boston’ flashing on the LCD screen. Clara tightened her grip around her takeout cup and walked into the waiting gate. The time difference had her raking her brain as she tried to convert the time. Fortunately her phone automatically changed time zones.

  Clara took a seat behind a pair of men in business suits. She peered over to see them reading a copy of The New York Times. Clara opened her passport and took out her boarding pass. She ran her fingers over each letter that spelt ‘Boston.’ There was a part of her that kept telling her to turn back—go back to Melbourne or even to New York. But a bigger part of her told her that she needed to see him one last time. She was putting everything on the line.

  Clara closed her passport and placed it on her lap. She let out a heavy sigh and looked out to see the sun shinning through the large glass windows. Clara looked down to see the pad of her left thumb running along her engagement ring. She found herself doing it relentlessly in the past week. It was a way to calm her nerves, reassure her that Liam was the right choice.

  During her stop over Clara had switched on her international roaming. She fished out her phone to see her screen lock photo. It was a photo that Stevie had taken of her and Liam. The smile on Liam’s face broke Clara’s heart. She was betraying him and that left a sour taste in her mouth.

  She closed her eyes tightly and tried to relax the nerves the engulfed her. She let out a small groan and unlocked her phone. Clara scrolled her contacts to find Liam’s number. She needed to hear his voice and remind herself that Liam loved her and she loved him. This detour she was taking was to confirm that marrying Liam was her future. Seeing Noel was a way to close a book that kept haunting her for the last six months. It was when Liam was on his business trips that Clara unraveled. The tears would pour out and she couldn’t control the pain in her heart. Shaking her head and ignoring the heaviness in her chest, Clara dialed Liam’s number.

  The phone only rang a few times before she heard him pick up.

  “Sweetheart, is that you?” Liam asked, tired.

  Clara smiled at the sound of his voice and the way he said ‘sweetheart’ always made her heart flutter.

  “It’s me. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

  “No. I’ve been waiting for your call. Are you all right? Did you have a safe flight?”

  Clara let out a soft laugh.

  “I’m fine, Liam. My flight was long. Are you okay?” It had only been nineteen hours since they last saw each other, but Clara was worried about spending the night without him.

  “I miss you. I spoke to the wedding planner. Jo said she’d do as much as she can until you come back. Just two more months.”

  Clara moved her phone from her left ear to her right, staring at her engagement ring. It felt so right to be Liam’s fiancée but at the same time it felt so wrong. Clara had only met Jo once but with her placements for culinary school they only exchanged phone calls and emails. In two months time she’d be married.

  “Are you sure you can handle all the wedding planning without me?” Clara asked in a small voice. She had offloaded her wedding responsibilities and flown to Boston instead of New York. If it were up to Liam they would be married tomorrow if they could. She gave Liam two months and he didn't argue.

  “Clara, don’t worry. I’m sure I can pick ivory from white, plus if I have any issues Ally can help me out.”

  There was a teasing tone to Liam’s voice and it made Clara giggle. He had a way with her and that just confused Clara even more. Liam brought Clara out from the shadows and she had a lot to be thankful for. She loved Liam too she would do anything to make him happy. Seeing Noel and saying goodbye would give Liam what he fully deserved—her heart completely.

  “I trust you.” The sound of the flight attendant starting to make the boarding announcement caught her attention. “My flight’s boarding,” Clara said quickly.

  “Okay, tell Alex I hope he doesn’t mind you having my surname.”

  Her heart stopped at the thought of her having Liam’s last name.

  Clara O’Connor.

  “He’ll argue with you. Even try to convince you to take my last name,” Clara teased as she picked up her bags, walked towards the bin and disposed of her takeout cup. “I better go. I’ll call you later,” Clar
a said as she stood in line to board her flight.

  “Okay. I’m glad you’re telling him in person and he doesn’t hear it from someone else. I’ll mail out the invitations tomorrow. I love you, Clara.”

  “I love you,” Clara replied wholeheartedly. She remembered the first time she ever said those three words. It was a slip of the tongue and it even surprised her. But Clara knew it was the truth.

  “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”

  Clara smiled and hung up the phone. It was calls like those, that made Clara sure that Liam was the one she was meant to marry. But that nagging feeling in her heart always made her doubt.

  Noel.

  ⌘

  The taxi ride from the airport to the Financial District had almost sent Clara on an anxiety attack. Every few minutes she found herself biting her lip or holding the car door handle for an easy escape. It was late afternoon when she arrived outside of Noel’s apartment building. The bright red brick walls caught Clara’s eyes. She stood there for a moment and observed the beauty of the apartments. There was a small portion of the entrance that had ivy climbing the brick wall. No one besides Stevie, Annie, and Jarred knew she was in Boston. Stevie was able to coerce Noel’s address out of Rob during a night out.

  Clara walked towards the entrance as the doorman opened it for her. Clara politely thanked the middle-aged man and walked into the large and brightly lit lobby. She walked up to see a young man manning the service desk.

  “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you today?” he asked.

  “I’m here to visit someone, but I, uhh, was wondering if I could leave my suitcase with you for a second?”

  “Sure, just come back when you are ready.”

  Clara didn’t have to worry about him sneaking through her items; her lock ensured he wouldn’t snoop.

  “Thank you. I really do appreciate it.” Clara thanked him and walked towards the elevator and pressed the up button. She was potentially throwing away her engagement for a man that broke her heart and it made her sick inside.

  Clara saw the light above the elevator flash and then the sound of the doors opened. She stepped inside and pressed floor twelve. Clara breathed in deeply and waited for the doors to close.

  “Hold the elevator!” a woman yelled out.

  Clara quickly held her arm out to stop it from automatically closing. The woman ran into the elevator with a stack of folders in her arms, her chest heaved.

  “Thank you,” she breathed out. Her vibrant blue eyes sparkled and Clara smiled; the woman’s beauty was truly mesmerising.

  “Which floor?” Clara asked.

  The woman leaned forward and shook her head. “I’m good, thanks,” she replied and hugged the folders tighter to her chest.

  The elevator closed, Clara’s heart pumped harder as she neared, closer and closer to Noel’s floor. Her left thumb started to run across her ring finger, but she felt nothing. She looked down to see her finger bare and she frowned. After landing she slipped off the ring and placed it in her pocket. She didn’t realise how much she did that little quirk until now. Instead Clara gripped the straps of her bag tighter. The nerves and emotions made her head hurt and her stomach churn. Clara felt a heavy weight on her shoulders and in her chest. She had no idea what her first words would be when she saw him. She just hoped they would come to her.

  The ringing of her phone had her reaching into the back pocket of her jeans and retrieving it. Clara looked at the screen to see Stevie’s name flashing. She had forgotten to call her when she landed in L.A. and instead she called her fiancé. The elevator stopped and then the doors opened wide. The woman walked out of the elevator first before she turned and faced Clara. She was beautiful. Her vibrant blue eyes were stunning and her dark brown hair pulled into a bun.

  “Thank you again for holding the lift.”

  Her smile warmed Clara.

  “No problem,” Clara replied as she held her phone up. She needed a pep talk and advice—more like she needed cue cards.

  As Clara walked out of the elevator she looked to see that she missed Stevie’s call. Deciding to call her later, Clara returned the phone to her pocket and adjusted the cardigan she wore. She took two steps forward and saw the woman from the elevator placing her key into the apartment door. Clara smiled at the friendliness of the woman and took a few steps forward, looking for Noel’s apartment.

  A startled “Oh” gained her attention. Clara watched as the woman fumbled backwards.

  “You never let me use my key!”

  “Shut up and let me kiss you already, Andrea.”

  Clara froze in her place. Her jaw clenched and she stilled. She watched as Noel stepped out of his apartment. Resting both his hands on the woman’s cheeks, and pulling her in for a long and passionate kiss. Clara’s heart ached and burned. Noel pulled the woman into his apartment, his head turning towards her direction. Their eyes meet for a second before Clara quickly turned and made her way for the stairwell. Her hand slipped into her pocket and took out her engagement ring.

  I was too late.

  Too much time had passed between them. Through blurry eyes, Clara slid her engagement ring back on her finger where it was always meant to belong.

  “Noel?” Andrea asked.

  Noel blinked rapidly, trying to adjust his eyes. He swore for a second he saw her standing there. Saw those golden-brown eyes and her brown curls. He closed his apartment door and faced Andrea. She had a stack of files held tightly against her chest. Noel shook his head to clear that image of Clara. He was losing it. It was Monday afternoon and he had spent too much of the day locked up in his home office. He was seeing what he wanted to see, his imagination playing a cruel joke on him.

  “Nothing. I just thought I saw something,” Noel replied. He took the files out of Andrea’s hands and placed a kiss on her cheek.

  She smiled and shrugged out of her suit jacket and placed it over the kitchen bar stool.

  “I’m going to have a long bath. Want to go to that new Italian restaurant for dinner tonight?”

  Noel placed Andrea’s files on the kitchen countertop and nodded.

  “Sounds good,” he replied as he walked over to the fridge and took out a bottle of water, handing it to Andrea.

  “Thanks. You can go to the bar with Damien if you want?”

  A woman that approved of her partner going to the pub with his mates should have made Noel feel like the luckiest man in the world. But he couldn’t stop thinking about what he saw in the hallway moments ago.

  “Yeah, I might. You go have your bath and relax. That Kennedy account contract must be driving you crazy?”

  “The guy is an arrogant jerk that can’t accept the terms of the contract. If you want your accounts done by the best, there are fees and heavy paperwork to sign!” Andrea rolled her eyes and threw her hands in the air.

  Noel laughed at her annoyance. Andrea huffed out and walked towards the bedroom. It was strange to think they shared the apartment now. What’s his was hers. He liked having her living with him, but it was different to when he stayed in Melbourne with Clara. The past forty-eight hours had him comparing Andrea to Clara.

  Noel walked over to the lounge room and sat on the large leather couch. He mindlessly flicked through channel after channel, nothing taking his mind off those brown eyes. He ran a hand through his hair and groaned out. Those eyes not only haunted his dreams but his reality too. The sound of his phone rung, and he dug his hand in his pocket and took it out. The name on his caller I.D left him stunned. Noel breathed in to ready himself and he pressed the answer button.

  “Annie, hey. This is a surprise!” Noel heard the sound of silence on the other end.

  “Noel. It’s Stevie.”

  Stevie?

  “Oh, ahh… hey, Stevie.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Listen, Annie told me about her helping you out with Clara when you first got here. I’m not calling to give you shit over it. Now, this is important. You listening?”

  The forceful
ness of Stevie’s voice had Noel sitting up in attention.

  “Uhh, what’s up?”

  Stevie breathed in heavily and then there was silence.

  “Clara’s in Boston. She was just outside your apartment. You need to go listen to what she has to say, please!”

  She was really there.

  “Clara’s…” His body began to shut down. It wasn’t a dream or a hallucination. Clara was really there.

  “She’s there, Noel,” Stevie softly said.

  His heart swelled as hope filled his system.

  “I’ve got to go.” Noel quickly hung up his phone and got off the couch. The desperation in him to chase her was consuming. He had to see her. His body was making all the choices before his head could really assess the situation. Noel ran towards his apartment door, his hand gripping the handle. He paused and thought about what he felt towards her. Noel wasn’t sure if he was angry that she broke his heart or sad that he spent so much time away from her.

  For the first time in eight months, Noel admitted to himself his true feelings towards her. Those feelings never went away; they still burned fiercely within him. He was with Andrea now. They lived together. Could he really end things to have Clara back in his arms? Noel didn’t have the answers, but all he knew was he had to see her again. With determination flowing through his veins, Noel opened the front door and ran towards the elevator.

  He waited the few seconds for it to open to his floor. Once he stood inside, Noel brought up his phone and dialed Alex’s number with no response. He tried two more times, but still came to the same outcome. Anxiety reached every inch of his body. He was terrified to see her, no matter how much his heart warmed at the thought of seeing those golden-brown eyes again. The elevator door opened to an empty lobby.