Keeping Up Appearances

by Elizabeth Stevens

  We all started back over to the Bows.

  “Oh, I’m looking forward to this,” Greg chuckled.

  “There is nothing to look forward to,” I emphasised.

  “I beg to differ,” Xander whispered in my ear before kissing my temple and I almost felt like everything was okay for a moment.

  “Oh! Tell us about the big date!” Miranda said, jumping over to us in excitement as she saw us.

  My gaze was drawn to Rachel’s scowl like I had it on radar. Damn, but I knew I’d have to wait for that cold day in Hell before even a tiny drip of water melted off that cold exterior. Daniel standing sentry-like at her shoulder wasn’t helping either.

  “Yes, we’re so excited. We just couldn’t wait a minute longer,” Rachel drawled with more sarcasm than I thought any one person could ever own. She could certainly give Deadpool a run for his chimichungas.

  Xander gave me a slight squeeze. “Rach, can I talk to you?”

  Rachel looked at Xander and nodded. He let go of me, grabbed Rachel’s arm and dragged her away while Miranda took hold of my arm excitedly.

  “Come on, come on! I want to hear the goss!” she squealed.

  “Uh, we went bowling…” I started, my eyes on Xander.

  As I told Miranda and Greg about the date, my eyes kept sliding to Xander and Rachel. They were obviously fighting. But, it was the sort of fighting only people really close do. The sort of fighting where you can say anything and you know your relationship with the other person can’t be ruined. Eventually, Xander pulled her into a hug and she hugged him back fiercely.

  I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be jealous or hope I wasn’t ruining whatever they had. On one hand, maybe Rachel felt for Xander what I felt for Jason and was just really good at hiding it. Like hook-up-with-every-single-guy-available-(or-not)-except-him good at it. On the other, maybe they were just really good friends. I didn’t know what to think; the evidence could go either way.

  e

  Unsurprisingly, Rachel wasn’t in a hurry to soften her attitude to me anytime soon. And, I couldn’t blame her. In fact, I was glad for it. Anything to help me remember none of it was real.

  Because Xander and I were becoming far too good at keeping up appearances and I kept forgetting to worry about the consequences of getting too physical.

  The fact was, his kissing aside, I really did enjoy spending time with him. He was nothing like I’d thought he was. He was actually quite nice, he made me laugh, he was smarter than I’d expected, and he was always attentive. It was weird, seeing there be more to someone that I’d thought was so black and white.

  But, all the Bows were like that.

  Like my old group, they had in-jokes, they recollected stories, they teased each other, and there were specific dynamics that I was finally beginning to pick up on. Like how it was obvious that Britt and Max kind of liked each other but neither of them had realised it yet even though every Bow was just waiting for them to. Like the way that Greg was the goofball jock everyone thought he was, but he was seriously there for anyone if you needed him. Like the way that Daniel and Xander butted heads like some kind of betas fighting for alpha, but still grinned at each other when they shared a joke. Like the way that Rachel was always overseeing the whole group as though she was some prison warden making sure no one stepped out of line. If someone got nasty, she was there to kick them in the arse and make them play nice. But, in a good way.

  Jason, Nancy, me and the others always used to talk about how the Bows just sat there talking about sex and makeup and how much money they had and how much they’d thrown up that day to lose weight. But, there was none of that. Well okay, there was a little about sex and makeup, but not to the extent that I’d have expected. It was the normal amount – whatever that was.

  To some degree, when I looked at it disturbingly closely, the Bows were actually nothing like my old group.

  Just like I’d been told, the Bows stuck together, they looked out for each other; it made Jason’s group look like they hated each other. Sure the Inner Sanctum was a little clique-ier, but it was only because they were legitimately closer. I watched Rachel, Xander, Miranda, Greg, Daniel, Tara, Teagan, and Sabrina interact and I could see how important they were to each other.

  “Where have you gone?” Xander asked, his nose nudging my ear as Daniel said something to Greg.

  I hugged his arms to me and half-turned to him. “Nowhere. I’m good.”

  “You sure?”

  I nodded and leant back into him. “Totally sure.”

  “Okay.” He kissed my hair and went back to whatever he, Greg and Daniel had been talking about.

  I was standing with them while they waited to start their soccer practice. As usual, Daniel didn’t look at me, he didn’t direct any conversation towards me, he acted as though I wasn’t even there; Xander may as well have just been hugging himself. I felt a small twinge of discomfort about that given I’d never really encountered being disliked by someone I spent a good deal of time around.

  I mean, I’d always known that not everyone liked me – that was just life and I’d not liked most of the people who didn’t like me. The Bows were a perfect example of a whole lot of people who didn’t like me and I hadn’t liked in return. And not everyone was hostile in their dislike of me; some of us could be perfectly civil with each other even if we didn’t like each other – because that was called being polite and a decent human. But three weeks ago, I could have walked away from the hostile people, I could have avoided them.

  That was a little difficult now that I was fake dating their king. It was also a little difficult given – other than their dislike of me – I couldn’t really remember why I’d hated them.

  “All right, guys!” Coach called. “Let’s get to it, yeah? Maybe we can all go home before we freeze our bollocks off.”

  “Female company notwithstanding,” Greg called out and Coach nodded at me.

  “Female company notwithstanding, aye,” he replied.

  Xander laughed along with the others as he gave me one more squeeze before he let go of me and followed Greg and Daniel onto the pitch. I dropped down onto the bleachers to watch them warming up. The metal of the bleachers was cold under my arse, but that was winter for you.

  I watched as the boys almost lazily kicked the ball between each other as a warm up until I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

  “I’m here. Sorry, I’m here!”

  I looked over and saw Miranda hurrying over with a wave. I returned it and went back to watching the boys as she dropped beside me with a breath.

  “Sorry, I was talking to Dan. Then I remembered I was supposed to see Mr Burnett.”

  “Talking to Dan?” I asked without thinking, my tone insinuating.

  “Yeah… Why?” she asked.

  I realised I had completely overstepped my bounds and that wasn’t okay. I shrugged. “No, nothing. What were you talking about?”

  Miranda sighed, but she was smiling. “Yeah. I know. I shouldn’t.”

  I pretended not to have any idea what she was talking about. “Shouldn’t what?”

  Miranda laughed and nudged me gently. “I know you’re not that stupid, Doll.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Sure you don’t. Come on. We’re friends. Tell me what you really think.”

  I shook my head again. “I’m not a Bow, Rand. I don’t have an opinion.”

  She snorted. “Bullshit. You’re as much a Bow as I am. And, you’re my friend. As much as I’d rather not admit I might have poor taste in guys, it is up to my friends to tell me.”

  I smiled as I looked down for a moment. “You don’t think I’m a little biased? Ex-minion and all?”

  She nudged me again and I nudged her back. “Maybe I could do with a little bias? Some outsider-cum-insider perspective?”

  I clicked my tongue as I looked at Daniel. “I actually don’t know,�
� I said honestly. “The fact he hates me aside, I don’t know if I think he’s such an arsehole anymore. But, I guess I don’t know that I’ve seen anything that will make him a good boyfriend…?” I shrugged again, not really sure what I was rambling about.

  “Hm. Fair enough,” she mused and we fell into a contemplative silence.

  I’d been entirely honest with her. Ignoring the fact that Daniel hated me with more gusto than I’d ever hated Xander, I was starting to think there was more to him than the rumours swirling around the school.

  It was almost ironic that Miranda had said I was as much Bow as her given, until a few days ago, I’d believed the same as the whole school that she was just another wannabe fringe Bow. We’d all firmly believed she was just hanging on for dear life to the walls of the Inner Sanctum like some unwanted parasite. God, could we have been further from the truth!

  I could see now why we’d thought that; Miranda was shy around everyone but Xander, Greg, Rachel and now for some reason me. The Bows were constantly trying to include her, but she always seemed a little anxious about it. I hadn’t worked out why that was yet, but I could already see that the rumours about Miranda were bullshit.

  And, from the little I’d seen of Daniel, I wondered if some of them were too. He was totally the cold, distant guy the rumours said, but I wondered how much more there was to him.

  Even now as I watched their soccer practice, Daniel was laughing at something Xander and Greg had done. His face was open and carefree, none of the usual closed off arrogance we usually saw him wear around the school. In fact, with his friends, I rarely saw that closed off arrogance in anything more than jest. Unless he was looking at me.

  I still wasn’t convinced he was boyfriend material or all that nice, especially not for someone as sweet as Miranda. But, I also realised I was in no position to judge him. I didn’t know him well enough.

  I almost laughed at that thought.

  A month ago I wouldn’t have hesitated to judge him. I would have told Miranda all the things I knew to be true about him; he was mean and shallow, he went through girls almost as fast as Xander and was colder than Rachel. But, sitting with her and realising she knew him better than I ever would, I knew I had no valid opinion to give her.

  “Is it a shame he’s so attractive?” she sighed, pulling me from my thoughts.

  I smiled. “If you’d asked me a few weeks ago, I’d have said he wasn’t attractive.”

  “Why?” She gaped at me like I was some foreign breed.

  I laughed. “Because we all thought he was some rich, snooty, arrogant arsehole. And, I just didn’t find that attractive.”

  Miranda gave me a small smile. “And the rich, arrogant arsehole look’s grown on you, has it?”

  I elbowed her lightly. “Xander is definitely a rich, arrogant arsehole.”

  She giggled. “Is that not the defining feature of a Bow?” she teased.

  I looked at her in some surprise. “Well, I suppose.”

  She grinned. “We know what people think of us, Doll. But, if we let everything people said about us get to us? What kind of life is that?”

  One I live, I acknowledged to myself as I realised I thought I’d gone through life not worrying, but actually worrying quite a lot what other people thought of me.

  “So, that’s a no on Dan, then?” she mused.

  I huffed a laugh. “For now, maybe.”

  “Yeah, probably for the best,” she said happily as she took hold of my elbow and we watched the boys practise.

  Chapter Fifteen

  As I walked into school on Thursday morning, something seemed a little off. I couldn’t put my finger on it until Recess and by then the evidence was piling up.

  People were either smiling at me or glaring at me.

  Some of the smilers were people who’d never looked at me once. Some of the glarers were people I’d considered friends. Or at least friendly acquaintances.

  The reason for such a reception was made obvious while I was in my locker.

  “Well, I heard JT only hooked up with Nancy because he found out about Holly and Xander,” someone said and I nearly dropped my Psych textbook on my foot. It crashed into the locker under mine as I tried to catch it, but hopefully no one noticed.

  Another person scoffed. “I heard it was totally the other way around.”

  “It can’t have been,” the first girl said, “Holly and Xander got together like a month ago.”

  “That’s what they say.”

  “Well I’m behind Holly and Xander, they’re much better together than JT and Nancy.”

  “I’ll reserve judgement until I see who lasts longer.”

  I snuck a look around my locker door and saw two girls I thought were in Year Ten.

  “Well,” the first girl said, “I’ve seen Nancy since she hooked up with JT and she’s become a total bitch. I don’t know why he’s still with her.”

  “Meanwhile, Holly looks like a deer caught in headlights every time Xander touches her. Do you think they’ve slept together?”

  The first girl shrugged. “I heard JT and Nancy were pretty close when someone walked in on them.”

  The second girl scrunched her nose up. “Well, I’d rather sleep with Xander over JT any day. Even if he got bored with me.”

  “He’s not getting bored with Holly. You have to have seen the way he looks at her. If they break up, it’s because of her.”

  “JT will be thrilled.”

  They shut their lockers as they laughed, then walked away.

  I stared into my locker for a moment, not quite sure what to think. I mean, it sounded an awful lot like the school was…what? Betting on us versus them? I knew for a fact those two girls were Bow wannabes, so I wasn’t surprised they sounded like they were on Xander’s side. But, I was surprised when that meant being on my side by default…

  “What am I talking about? Side?” I muttered to myself as I pulled my books out with slightly more zeal than necessary.

  I felt a hand on my arse and there was a voice in my ear. “There you are. You get out early?”

  Sure, that voice was warm and there was something annoyingly pleasant about it. But, this was Xander we were talking about. The guy who did get bored, who had confided to me that part of why we were doing this was because of his boredom. I kept somehow conveniently forgetting that. We were fake dating, that was all. I couldn’t let myself forget because I wasn’t stupid enough to think there was anything about me that changed that.

  Friends we could do, and I felt like we might have actually found ourselves there. But, this was fake dating. It was keeping up appearances. There was nothing more to it than friendly flirting masquerading as puppy love.

  “Hands in new places, Xander,” I grumbled as I slammed my locker shut.

  At least he did remove his hand quick smart. “Whoa. You okay?”

  “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked as I pulled my bag over my shoulder and slumped away.

  “Uh well, I haven’t seen a tantrum for a while, doll,” he answered as he followed. “You under-caffeinated? Hormonal?”

  I rounded on him and I watched his eyes go wide. “Hormonal? Why is that guys’ first assumption? A girl’s a little short and you just assume we’re hormonal?”

  He held his hands up in defence. “Okay. I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t make assumptions.” He paused and leant towards me between his hands. “Are you hormonal, though? Because I’m okay with that. I mean, I get that it legit messes everything up. You’ve just got to tell me when to be sensitive.”

  “Firstly, if that’s your theory, how about you try just being sensitive all the time–”

  He wrapped me in his arms and ducked his nose to my ear. “Because you’re fun to tease and I know you enjoy it.” Well, he wasn’t wrong. For the most part. “But, I get if you don’t when you’re on the rag–”

  “We’re not breakable just because we’re bleeding, Xander!”
I huffed, but I didn’t pull away because he was making me feel a little bit better.

  “Oh, I know. I’ve spent something like five years trying to work out how to make Rach feel better when it hits. And, believe me, that’s not been easy! And, I know you’re not all the same. But, I do understand a little of it. Well, I try at least. You’ve just got to tell me what you need.”

  I sighed and relaxed against him. “I’m not on my…period. But, thanks.”

  “Okay, caffeine then?”

  I shook my head against him.

  “What’s up?”

  “Nothing. I just… I’m fine now.”

  He tipped my chin to make me look at him. “Holly. Talk to me.”

  I huffed. “Some girls were talking about us and I… I remembered what we were doing here, okay?”

  Those cognac eyes softened. “People are always talking about us, doll.”

  I nodded. He wasn’t wrong about that either.

  “What were they saying now?”

  “Oh you know, they were basically betting whether you and I will last longer or Jason and Nancy.”

  Surprise crossed his features, then he got that cocky smirk that was almost charming. “Well, it’ll be us. Duh.”

  “Well, duh,” I agreed half-heartedly. “It’s easy to stick out something fake.”

  “Holly, what’s the matter?”

  How about the fact that you’re a total enigma and I have to remind myself I don’t like you? How about the fact that no matter what we’re doing here, none of it’s real? How about the fact that it’s just keeping up appearances no matter how real it feels?

  “It’s just weird to think that people are putting Jason and me on different sides.” And, it was true; I had been thinking that too. “I mean, the whole not talking to him thing is made easier by the fact that he’s not standing up for me at all with Nancy. But…”

  “It’s just become unavoidably real that you and the git are on opposite sides of the warzone.”

  I looked up at him sharply. How the hell did he manage to seem to know what I was thinking all the time?