Keeping Up Appearances

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “Did you know about this?”

  He shook his head and tugged me away from Anna’s tabletop shenanigans. He pulled me through the kitchen to the quieter laundry. “No, I didn’t. But, it’s okay.”

  “Xander, they made freaking buttons. Buttons! Who the hell even made buttons? Where the hell did they–”

  He stopped me with a kiss and I leant into him. Just as I was forgetting my own name, he pulled away with a smile.

  “You good?”

  I nodded, a little breathless. “Buttons, though?”

  He laughed. “Just let them do their thing, babe. Come on, let ‘Team Bowdeen’ show them how it’s done.”

  He gave me one more kiss and led me back out to the party. He barely left my side all night unless I had to pee. We danced with the Bows, watched Miranda and Daniel go head to head with shots – Miranda won – and avoided glares from the people I’d come to know as idJits.

  Jason and Nancy made a good show of dancing close together very suggestively and, based on the looks Nancy threw me, I was supposed to feel something about that. But, I had to say I didn’t because I was actually having a really good time at a party, and a Bow party nonetheless. No matter how many glares or passive-aggressive bumps I got from my old friends, a Bow was there to make me smile as we sang along with the songs we knew and danced like no one was watching.

  As the night went on, I saw more and more ‘Team Bowdeen’ buttons on people and I started seeing the hilarity in them; they were just a harmless bit of fun and I wasn’t going to worry about who had organised it or why it had happened.

  I even danced with Daniel at one point while Xander had an eye on Sabrina and Tara who’d decided to join Anna on the table again. And actually, I’d noticed a whole bunch of times when Xander was looking out for people, and not just Bows: as we went down the stairs at one point, he helped a girl who almost fell when she was jostled in the crowd; he smoothly started a conversation when a girl had backed a guy up against the wall and didn’t seem to notice he was panicked; he took drinks off Daniel and Miranda every now and then; he just generally kept a watchful eye over the whole party much like Rachel would do for the Bows.

  “He’s a good guy,” Daniel’s voice was loud in my ear even with the music blaring.

  I looked at him and nodded. “I know.”

  He looked me over. “Just don’t fuck it up, yeah?”

  I gave him a small smile. “Is that almost a blessing, Dan?”

  He fought his own smile. “The two of you are good together. I hate to admit it, but you are. I just don’t want to see him hurt.”

  “Are you going to remember this tomorrow?”

  He grinned and I could see why people fell over him. “Only tomorrow will tell.”

  I laughed, suspecting that was code for ‘not likely’. “All right. Well, I’ll tell you something then, Daniel. I really like Xander. But, I’m scared he doesn’t like me the same way.”

  Daniel looked at me like that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. “Look, I was surprised at his big announcement – we all know Xand’s reputation. But, Doll, I’ve never seen him happier than when he’s with you.”

  My heart felt like it had been given a beautiful balloon and it was going to float away. But, happiness didn’t equate to romance. I was pretty sure I’d been happier with him, too, but that still didn’t mean we were suited for long-term or that Xander liked me the same way – it was becoming difficult to deny – I liked him.

  I thought again to what Mum had asked; what had I really expected to happen when I’d been ready to tell Jason how I felt? Had I expected we were going to date? Had I thought that it was doomed before it began and was going to go through with it anyway – believe in that hope and love stuff and just enjoy it as long as I had it? Had I not worried because the idea it might end wasn’t as scary then as it was now?

  I couldn’t remember if I’d had a plan or not.

  I looked at Xander, who had his hands in the air as a few of them jumped along to the song whenever it told them to. He had one of those huge smiles on his face.

  But even if I did like him, how did I get over that fear it would end? How did I let myself believe he liked me the same way?

  He caught my eye and I smiled at him.

  There wasn’t anything more to think about and I was going to stop overthinking it. Mum had been right; I needed to stop overthinking things and just live.

  Xander made his way over to Daniel and me, looking like he was reading far more into us dancing together than he needed to. Which is not to say he thought Daniel was trying to cut in on his turf, he just looked like he thought Daniel and I were becoming friends. I wasn’t so sure drunken given semi-permission meant we were going to be friends any time soon.

  “Can I cut in?” he asked Daniel, who nodded.

  “By all means, man.”

  Daniel left us to it and Xander hugged me close with one arm as he titled my face up with his other hand. He wore that infectious smirk that totally conned me and I let my heart feel whatever it wanted. I met his lips halfway and held him tightly.

  I felt his hands slide over my arse and smiled against him. “Xander?”

  “Yeah?” he asked, mock-innocently.

  I shook my head with a laugh. “All right, just this once,” I said against his lips and kissed him again.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  My phone dinged and I looked over at it. The little notification light was pulsing green and the screen was still blank. I licked my fingers semi-clean, wiped them on my jumper much to Vern’s displeasure and picked it up to find a message from Xander.

  KingDoosh:

  What are you up to?

  He’d decided to change our names in our chat and I hadn’t really wanted to change them back.

  Dollface:

  Wallowing. What are you up to?

  KingDoosh:

  Wallowing?!

  KingDoosh:

  Why wallowing?!

  KingDoosh:

  You okay?

  Dollface:

  I’ve fallen to the communists.

  KingDoosh:

  Well, they do have some convincing arguments…

  Dollface:

  I didn’t take you for a fan.

  KingDoosh:

  Of what?

  KingDoosh:

  What does it mean?

  Dollface:

  IT Crowd.

  I’d guess my first assumption was right then.

  Dollface:

  I’m suffering the wrath-filled tantrum of the raging hormonal beast below.

  I watched the little ‘someone is typing’ and the pulsing dots for a little while as I scratched Vern’s ears, which pricked as we heard Doug barking outside. The longer it took for him to reply, the less I was sure if he’d got it or if he hadn’t.

  KingDoosh:

  Ah.

  KingDoosh:

  Anything I can do?

  Dollface:

  Thanks. But, no thanks.

  Dollface:

  It’s not pretty. The only thing that will help is trashy rom-coms, blankies, and junk food.

  He didn’t reply straight away, so I went back to my movie. It was about half an hour before I realised my phone hadn’t gone off again. I checked my phone again, but there was still nothing from Xander. I frowned, but shrugged; Xander was known to get distracted in the middle of a conversation, and I didn’t know what he was up to that night. Besides, whether we were or weren’t still faking, I didn’t expect him to have any interest in period-Holly. I wasn’t terribly interested in period-Holly, to be honest; she was sore and angry.

  I picked another movie – yet another screening of A Cinderella Story – and rearranged my wounded womb under the warmth of the cat. God, it felt like Alien was going to come ripping out of there and I was so not amused.

  “Holly!” I heard Mark yell up the stairs and heard Doug barking again.


  “What?” I yelled back as I paused the movie to hear him better and he screamed my name again. “What?” I screeched back louder, wincing at the pain that elicited in my lower stomach, and Vern jumped off my lap with an annoyed mewl.

  Seriously, why did evolution think it was a good idea to make it painful to speak as punishment for not getting pregnant? Rude.

  “There’s something here for you.”

  And yes, I did check the time because I’d suddenly forgotten it was about nine o’clock on a Thursday night and I wondered who the hell would be delivering me anything now – late night shopping notwithstanding.

  “No one, you loon,” I muttered as I pulled myself off the couch with a grimace and wandered towards the stairs.

  “Holly!” Mark yelled.

  “I’m coming!” I screamed as I dropped down the last few steps and turned to the front door. “Uh…?”

  Mark glared at me questioningly as he pointed at Xander in the doorway. Mark might not have like that Xander was at our front door, but Doug was giving him a good sniff.

  “Hey,” Xander said with a nod.

  “Were you expecting company?” Mark asked.

  “What the hell are you all yelling about?” Dad asked coming out of the living room and Doug went running to him with his tongue lolling about.

  “Holly’s got a visitor,” Mark replied sullenly.

  Dad looked between us all: me in my daggiest, comfiest clothes and wrapped in a blanket; Mark incredibly unimpressed; Xander at the door with some shopping bags.

  “Aren’t you on Mark’s soccer team?” Dad asked Xander.

  He nodded. “Yeah. I go to school with Holly.”

  Dad smiled. “Cool. You kids have fun.”

  And, he wandered back into the living room again as Doug trotted after him. I gaped after them.

  “Where’s the parental control, buddy?” I called, feeling like it applied to Doug as much as my dad.

  “Oh, uh… Be sensible?” I heard Dad call uncertainly and I muttered something very uncomplimentary under my breath.

  “Doll. Explanation here?” Mark said.

  I turned back to the slightly more pressing concern. “Ah, right. Well, Xander is…”

  “Merely delivering period relief,” Xander finished as he held up the bags.

  I flushed like all the blood in my body wasn’t trying to make a break for freedom down south. Mark’s questioning glare told me he was even less impressed that King Douche was at our door delivering a care package.

  “What do you know about period relief?” Mark asked him, crossing his arms.

  “Uh, about five years of doing the same for Rachel Harris,” Xander replied as though Mark would know that meant something.

  I guessed it did mean something to Mark given he paled. “Shit, your Queen Bitch on her period is not something I’d want to be involved with.”

  “Can we all just stop saying period?” I snapped.

  “What?” Xander and Mark said at the same time.

  I held my hands up. “It’s just weird. Aren’t boys supposed to be weirded out by this stuff? I mean, I’m weirded out by this stuff.”

  They both shrugged in comical unison. I huffed and started wandering back up the stairs to the waiting Vern as he rubbed against the bannister at the top.

  “Uh, Doll? Is he coming in, or what?” Mark asked.

  “I don’t care, Marco. He can do what he wants.”

  I heard them talking to each other for a bit as I headed for the TV room upstairs and eased myself onto the couch. I was just curling myself up into the vertical foetal position when Xander bounded up the stairs.

  “I can do what I want?” he quipped and I glared at him through my blanket. His eyes widened and he nodded. “Okay. Moody?”

  I nodded and burrowed into my blanket. “You were right, then.”

  He looked amused. “About what?”

  “Hormonal thing,” I answered grumpily, wishing he hadn’t been right.

  “Why is that bad?”

  I shook my head.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Talk hurts.”

  He nodded and came over to the couch. “Can I sit?”

  I nodded and rolled over a little to make room for him. He dropped next to me, putting down the bags – which Vern automatically stuck his head into – and I rolled back over to lean against him. He wrapped an arm around me and rubbed my lower back. Oh. My. God. It felt amazing. I swear I was about to start purring.

  “What can I do?”

  “Remote,” I said.

  He leant forward as best he could without disturbing me and grabbed it. “What now?”

  I held my arm up and mimicked pressing a button. “Play!”

  He chuckled and pressed the button. The movie flared to life again and he just kept rubbing the spot on my back that seemed to magically make all the pain lessen to the dullest ripping sensation. It was even better than a hot bath, a heat pack, and six hot chocolates all rolled into one.

  “How did you do that?” I asked.

  He took a moment to respond and I had a sneaking suspicion he’d been totally engrossed in the movie. “Huh?”

  I smirked at him, but didn’t mention it. “That massage thing. Did you know that was going to work? Or, was that just a complete fluke?”

  He grinned, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. “I worked out a couple of years ago that it helps Rach. I didn’t know it was going to work for you, obviously, but I figured it was worth a shot.”

  I leant my head back against him and snuggled in. “Yeah, well count that as something Rachel and I actually have in common.”

  He laughed and I felt myself smile. “You’ve both got me, too.”

  “Yeah, she’s not as happy about that as you seem.”

  I felt him shrug. “Rachel’s protective.”

  “I’ve noticed.”

  “It’s not a bad thing.” Xander sounded completely defensive.

  I lay what I hoped was a reassuring hand on his chest. “I know. It’s a good thing.”

  Xander shifted a little like he was uncomfortable. “She’ll get over it. Eventually. I mean, she can’t hate you forever.”

  I wondered how much it actually affected him. How much was this fake dating thing actually affecting something real in his life? I might not have had any reason to like Rachel, but I did stop to think about how my actions were affecting them. And, I’d heard Mum when she’d suggested not everything was about my actions alone – I got it, I so got it. But, I was pretty sure this was one of those times that it was my actions that could make or break something.

  I pushed off Xander for a moment and looked at him. He turned to look at me with a question in his eyes.

  I tucked my hair behind my ear and stared at his chest. “Is everything okay with her? Rachel, I mean.”

  “Why would you ask that?” he said slowly the way Mum and Dad had answered when Mark asked them if they were getting a divorce after we’d heard them yelling at each other and they’d pretended everything was fine.

  I shrugged and pulled my blanket tighter around me. “Things seem…tense between you two. I get Rachel and I aren’t friends… But, I don’t want to come between you.”

  Xander tilted my chin up to face him and I saw him wearing a small smile. “Babe, nothing comes between me and what’s important to me.”

  “Nothing?” I asked, coyly.

  There was that split-second flash of a smile, but his eyes were sad. “Okay, my parents aren’t exactly something I can do anything about. But, I fight for what matters, Holly. Surely you’ve worked that much out by now?”

  I nodded and found it difficult to look into his eyes. “I’m getting there.”

  “Good.” I heard the smile in his voice. “So yeah, Rachel and I are a little bumpy at the moment. But, she’s not going anywhere. She’s too damned stubborn. And, I’ve got no intention of changing you and me…unless yo
u do?”

  I looked up at him quickly and blinked. Did he want to end this? “Change us?”

  Those cognac eyes were watching me carefully. “If you wanted to…change things, then we can.”

  “Things are okay with Rachel?”

  He nodded. “They’re fine. You’re not coming between her and me, and she won’t come between you and me.”

  “And, you don’t want to fake break up?” I asked.

  He looked completely taken aback. “Break up?”

  “Yeah. I mean, if you’re regretting this whole fake dating thing or…whatever, then I don’t want to be putting you out.”

  “Regretting it?” he asked, his eyes still wide like he didn’t know what language I was speaking.

  “A conversation usually involves more than just one person repeating the other,” I told him.

  “Repeating?” he said blankly, then smiled and we laughed, but something about him seemed off. He pulled me in close for a hug. “I’m not regretting anything, Doll.”

  The strength of the relief that washed through me was completely tinged by the raging hormonal beast below, I knew that. I knew that had we had this conversation at any other time of the month that I’d be happy, just not this ridiculously happy. My heart felt like it had expanded three times its usual size and was spinning around on the side of some mountain range in the sunlight singing. But, I let myself just enjoy the way he made me feel.

  “So, no need to change anything.”

  He gave me a gentle squeeze. “Sure.”

  I looked up at him as my heart froze in its elated skipping, wondering what was up with that tone. “You can be honest with me, Xander.” I took a deep breath, ready to hear that something I was now willing to admit I didn’t wanted to hear. “This only works if we’re both into it.”

  He looked me over as though he was trying to find the right words. “I’m pretty sure we’re both into it.”

  “Pretty sure?”

  There was that hint of a smirk at his eyes. “Well, I can only speak for myself and I am most definitely into this. I’m all for a lack of breaking up of any sort.”

  I smiled, my heart frolicking in the waves of relief. “Okay. So, we’re good.”