Merlin's Misfortune

by Hearn, Shari

  Dill pointed his gun toward Ida Belle. “Down on the floor with your friends.”

  Ida Belle lay flat on the floor, with her head and hands pointed toward the underside of the shelves. If the sound I just heard was any indication, Gertie had just slid my ankle gun right into her waiting hand.

  With his weapon still pointed at Ida Belle, Dill glanced at the cats, their protest getting louder. “I said shut up!”

  I had to make my move now. I swung my legs around Dill, forming a tight clamp around his ankles.

  “What the—”

  He pointed his gun toward me. Ida Belle sprang from the floor with my ankle gun pointed at him. “Drop it!”

  It was a picture-perfect move. Until…

  One of the cat’s cages tumbled off the top shelf and hit Ida Belle square in the head. Dill whipped his gun around and pointed it at her. I jerked my legs, knocking Dill off balance.

  And that’s when the entire top shelf of cat cages spilled on top of us.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Merlin

  As I said, we had a good plan, it was just our execution of it that stunk. Who knew we’d knock our cages over? First it was Mr. Whiskers, striking Ida Belle on the head, then Puff Ball, then Buffy and I tumbled over together, our cages knocking Dill to the floor, on top of Gertie and Fortune.

  Things got a little chaotic after that, fog of war and all, but after a few curses, some scuffling and one gunshot later, Dill was screaming and clutching at his blood-soaked pant leg as Ida Belle stood above him, holding Fortune’s ankle gun.

  “That was for Vivvy,” she said.

  “What the hell?”

  We all looked over to find Deputy Carter LeBlanc standing in the doorway, out of breath, his weapon drawn as well.

  “Oh, yeah,” Ida Belle said, “I forgot to mention that I called for backup.”

  “Fortune?”

  He rushed over to Fortune and Gertie and knelt down beside them.

  “I heard the shot and thought… oh my God… you’re both okay?”

  “We’re fine,” Fortune said as Carter brushed his hand across her cheek.

  Gertie cleared her throat. “Could you have this touching moment with her after we’re unchained?”

  It wasn’t long before our cages were placed back up on the shelves and Gertie and Fortune were freed of their chain. Carter was now outside, calling in a medical transport helicopter for Dill, leaving Ida Belle to stand guard over him with her weapon.

  She glanced outside at Carter, then down at Dill, writhing in pain on the floor, and pointed the pistol at him.

  “Ida Belle, what are you doing?” Fortune asked.

  “He needs to pay.”

  “Oh, honey, he’s not worth you going to jail,” Gertie said.

  Ida Belle shook her head. “As much as I’d like to, I’m not going to kill him.” She handed the gun to Fortune, drew back her leg and slammed her foot into Dill’s gunshot wound.

  He cursed and wailed as blood spurted out of his wound.

  “That one was for me,” she said to him, before wrapping her arm around Gertie’s shoulder. “Look, I’m sorry I went off the deep end. Maybe you wouldn’t have gotten yourself into this mess if I had gone with you.”

  “Don’t do this, Ida Belle,” Gertie said, tearing up. “This wasn’t your fault either. We went to his place and I got sloppy, let him get the drop on me. But I hope this is a lesson to you. We’re best when we’re a team.”

  “Awwww,” Buffy said, observing it all from her cage. “I like a happy ending.”

  “And will we get any of the credit?” Mr. Whiskers asked. “No!”

  Fortune walked over to my cage. “How ya doin’, Merlin?”

  “I’ve had better days,” I said as she stuck her fingers inside my cage and stroked my fur.

  She then glanced at Buffy. “We’ll get you all home soon.” Then peered into Mr. Whisker’s cage. “Don’t be afraid, little fella, it’s all over.”

  “My name’s not ‘little fella’ you incompetent boob,” he said, spitting out a few expletives that thankfully she couldn’t understand.

  “You’re welcome,” Fortune said, patting his cage.

  “I wasn’t thanking you. God won’t somebody please teach them how to speak cat!”

  Fortune walked back to Ida Belle and Gertie. “Another fun day in Sinful.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Fortune

  We spent the rest of the day at the Sheriff’s station, reuniting cat owners with their cats. I handed over the last cage, one containing a grey cat named Puff Ball, to his owner, Brittany. She didn’t answer her phone when we tried to get hold of her, but thankfully Gertie remembered Brittany was having an affair with her masseuse and we could find her at his massage studio. She had probably left his place so quickly she didn’t check to see that her blouse was on inside out.

  “Thank you,” she said tearfully before leaving the station, crossing Carter on his way in.

  “Are the cats all back home?” he asked. Carter had spent the past several hours at the hospital with Dill.

  “All of them except Merlin,” I said, patting his cage. “When we get home he’s getting the biggest, baddest can of tuna in the kitchen.”

  “How’s Dill?” Ida Belle asked. “Still in pain I hope?”

  “He was after I read the list of charges to him.”

  “I don’t get why he’d risk three murder charges. What he did was terrible, but a sentence for assault and cat abductions would be nothing compared to murder.”

  “Three strikes,” Carter said. “He’d been in prison twice before. Louisiana doesn’t kid around when it comes to crime number three.”

  Gertie picked up her massive purse. “Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I cheated death once again today. And that calls for a slice of peach pie at Francine’s.”

  Ida Belle slipped her arm around Gertie’s shoulder. “I’ll buy the first round.”

  I shook my head. “Count me out. I think I just want to spend the rest of the day with Merlin.” I picked up his case and Ida Belle, Gertie and I headed for the door.

  “Oh, we’re not done here,” Carter said.

  The three of us exchanged glances. I was hoping we could get out of the sheriff’s station without a lecture from Carter. We turned around to face him.

  I winked at him. “You’re cute when you’re trying to work your face into a scowl.”

  “I’m not trying.”

  “Oh.”

  “I would like to know that you three have learned something from the incident today.”

  Ida Belle rolled her eyes. “Well, of course we have.” She took in a deep breath and blew it out. “We’re best when we’re a team.”

  A tear rolled down Gertie’s face. “Yes we are.”

  Carter shook his head. “Excuse me?” He pulled at the badge on his shirt. “Law En-force-ment. Does that mean anything to you ladies?”

  I grinned. “It means you’re hot in that uniform.” I meant it, of course, and although the man in him lit up when I said it, the deputy in him was winding up for a lecture.

  “It means when you run up against someone like Dill, you call me. That’s my job. Not yours.”

  Ida Belle frowned. “I did call you. The second I realized Gertie’s Caddy had been there for an hour and they were gone.”

  “Number one, you should have called me the second you found Vivvy had been attacked while working your still.”

  “Camping,” Gertie said. “We were camping.”

  “Right, ‘camping,’” Carter said, nodding his head. He then glared at Ida Belle. “And I told you to wait at the Renover’s for me. You shouldn’t have gone to that island by yourself. You’re not a law-enforcement officer. You’re—”

  “Old?” Ida Belle asked, stopping him. “A woman?”

  “I was going to say, ‘a civilian,’” Carter said. “None of you are trained for this kind of thing.”

  If only Carter knew exactly what we had al
l been trained for. Not only was I a CIA assassin, but Ida Belle and Gertie were spies during the Vietnam War, something the three of us only shared with one another.

  “I had to save my friends.” Ida Belle blinked back her emotions. Carter reached out and held her hand.

  “I know how you might feel responsible for all the Sinful Ladies, but next time let me take that burden off your shoulders, okay?”

  Damn! I wanted to jump him right there. What was it about a man pushing a baby stroller or holding an old lady’s hand that made him so hot?

  Ida Belle patted his hand and pulled her other hand from his grasp. “You bet.”

  “You’re such a liar.”

  Ida Belle winked at him.

  Carter glanced my way. “I guess our dinner date is off for tonight.”

  “You don’t mind? I can’t see leaving Merlin.”

  “I could bring food over.”

  I was so hoping he’d say that, but I shrugged, not wanting to appear overeager. “Well… I have to eat I guess.” I picked up Merlin’s cage. “I mean, if you were going to pick up food anyway…”

  “Oh, for Pete’s sake,” Gertie said, opening the door, “Ida Belle and I need our peach pie. We don’t have all day for this.” She nudged Merlin and me, and then Ida Belle, outside. “She’d love to, Carter. Bring something that goes with that chardonnay she has in her fridge. And wear your uniform.”

  “Seven thirty!” he called out as Gertie shut the door behind her.

  We walked down the steps of the sheriff’s station when Ida Belle held out her hand to stop us.

  “We have company.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Merlin

  Lula Mae and Spoolie were waiting for us as we left the sheriff’s station.

  “It’s those cats again.” Gertie said. “Hewo Wuwa Mae, Hewo Spoowie.”

  “It’s Lula Mae and Spoolie, you cretin,” Lula Mae hissed, before focusing her attention on me. “Merlin, on behalf of the SFL, I want to thank you for your service during Operation Catnip.”

  I stood in my cage. “Yes, ma’am!”

  “It’s cute how they seem to talk to one another, isn’t it?” Gertie said.

  Lula Mae rolled her eye, then continued, “But there’s more work to be done. So enjoy your one night of R and R, because tomorrow is a new day with more missions to accomplish.”

  “There’s a new wiener dog in town,” Spoolie added. “He needs a lesson in how we cats run things in Sinful.”

  Lula Mae gazed at Ida Belle. “It was a pleasure serving with you once again, Ida Belle, though you remain clueless to how important our work with you has been. I’m sure our paths will cross soon. But for now…” Lula Mae dropped on her haunches and stuck her leg straight up in the air, “dismissed.”

  “It’s amazing how cats can do that,” Gertie said to Ida Belle. “I used to do something like that in yoga. Minus the licking myself part. I wonder if I can still strike that pose.”

  “You can’t. Don’t try.”

  Gertie plopped on the ground and stuck her leg in the air, trying to balance on her butt at the same time. “Leg cramp! Leg cramp!”

  “Humans!” Spoolie hissed.

  “Let’s go home, Merlin,” Fortune whispered to me.

  “Yeah, let’s go home,” I purred.

  THE END