Then There Was You

by Mona Shroff

  * * *

  “I HAVE TO SAY, I’m loving this.” Emma beamed as Daniel and Annika entered her home. Christmas lights were up outside, and inside, the tree held a place of honor in the corner of the main room. Stockings decorated the mantelpiece, one for each family member, including him. Small ceramic houses with little lights made a small village on an end table, and every other surface was adorned with either a Santa statue or a reindeer or a snowman. In short, Christmas had thrown up all over his sister’s house, as it did every year right after Thanksgiving. In fact, Emma pretty much overdecorated for every holiday. Good thing Annika had missed the Diwali explosion. He smiled to himself. God, he missed hanging out with his sister.

  “I just saw you at the kid’s party.” Daniel hugged his sister.

  “That was before Thanksgiving! But two times in three weeks is a goddamn record for you, Danny.” She pulled Annika in for a hug. “Great to see you again, too.”

  “Em, can we kill the ‘Danny’ shit?”

  She simply shrugged and waved him off. Apparently not.

  “Something smells amazing.” Annika inhaled deeply.

  “Come on into the kitchen. Michael’s pouring wine.” Emma hesitated a beat as she took coats and flicked her gaze Daniel’s way.

  “It’s fine, Em. I can have a glass of wine.” Wine didn’t affect him like bourbon did.

  She looked doubtful but said nothing more about it.

  Daniel took Annika’s hand as they walked into the kitchen. From the slightly amused look that passed between Emma and Michael as he handed them wine, Daniel knew they had been talking about him and Annika before they arrived.

  “You did a wonderful job with those cabinets for Phil’s Place, Michael. They’re beautiful.” Annika sipped her wine as she and Michael discussed carpentry while Emma fussed over the food.

  Daniel inhaled deeply, taking in the savory aromas of roasted garlic and tomatoes. It took him back in time. “Remember when we tried to teach the kids how to cook?” He blurted out the words without thought.

  Emma froze mid-stir, her eyes wide and confused. Michael had also turned to him, frozen midsentence. Annika also stopped, her wineglass halfway to her mouth.

  “What did you say?” Emma found her voice first.

  “I said—”

  “No, I heard you. You’ve just never—I mean...you said...kids.” She let out a breath on the last word, almost as if she were afraid to say it herself. Tears swam in her eyes, a small smile breaking through.

  Daniel let out a breath, as well. He had referred to kids. He wasn’t even thinking about it—the words had just come from a very happy memory. “I guess I did.” He let out a breath and smiled at his sister. The memory was of teaching three-year-olds Charlie and Sara how to stir sauce. Nothing major, just him and his sister and their children enjoying a quiet evening at home. The memory warmed him.

  “You haven’t... I mean...it’s a memory...from...” Emma dropped what she was doing and came over to Daniel, tears in her eyes, and hugged him.

  Daniel chuckled and hugged her back. “From before.” That’s how life was divided for him. Before Sara and after Sara. “I know. It’s weird...”

  Emma pulled back and looked up at him, tears shamelessly running down her face. “Well, I certainly remember it. They made a huge mess!” She laughed and glanced at Annika over Daniel’s shoulder before gazing back at her brother and wiping her eyes. “Seems like things might be looking up for you.”

  Daniel turned to look at Annika, who also had tears shining in her eyes, and she’d never looked more beautiful. This woman was incredible. Just being near her made him feel more whole than he had in five years.

  Emma squeezed his arm and let go, a smile still on her face, though Daniel thought he may have caught a glimpse of concern in her eyes.

  “Come, let’s sit by the fire. Dinner will be a bit.” Emma grabbed her glass of wine and took Michael’s hand. Daniel took Annika’s hand and led the way.

  He sat next to Annika on the sofa and sipped his wine, letting the alcohol warm him, before placing the glass down and resting his arm around Annika’s shoulder. She continued her conversation with Michael but leaned back slightly into Daniel, pressing her body into his chest. It was tantalizing and reassuring and loving all at once, and it confirmed for Daniel in that moment that he was home. She was the reason he could remember Sara without breaking down. She was his home.

  Daniel relaxed for what felt like the first time in years. Annika was beside him, smiling and laughing, her hand occasionally grazing his thigh or arm, and the jolt he felt from that went beyond simple desire into pure happiness. It was clear that his sister and brother-in-law were both quite taken with Annika. And with good reason.

  While Annika and Michael discussed the latest movie they’d each seen, Emma rose and asked Daniel to help her in the kitchen. Daniel nearly refused as he suspected what was on her mind, but Emma’s face made it clear he was coming to the kitchen.

  Once in the kitchen, Emma shut the door and checked on the homemade lasagna. Stalling.

  “I know what you’re going to say, Emma.”

  “Hmm. Do you? Then why do I have to say it?”

  Daniel shrugged. “You don’t.”

  “Don’t be a wiseass. You know you have to tell her.”

  “I told her about...Sara.” He had to pause before saying her name, and the sound of it weighed on his heart.

  “Did you tell her all of it? The fallout?”

  “No.” He looked away from her piercing gaze.

  “Don’t you look away from me, Daniel Bliant. You’re lying to that poor girl, leading her on. She clearly cares about you. I haven’t seen you look at a woman like that—ever. Not even Sheila.”

  “It’s fine, Em.”

  “How can you say that? Have you changed your mind? Are you willing to become a father again someday?”

  “Sure.”

  “Sure? That’s your answer?” Emma’s eyes grew wide and slightly dangerous. “What the hell kind of answer is that, Danny?”

  “Didn’t you see how I was able to remember Sa—her—just a bit ago?” Damn it, why was it so hard to say her name?

  “Yes, I did.” Emma softened, her tone revealing that she noticed her brother’s struggle. “Don’t get me wrong, that’s wonderful. And if she’s helping to bring that out in you, I’m all for it. But Danny, there’s a big difference between remembering Sara for a moment and becoming a father again. I’m all for you having more children one day—I just don’t know if you’re ready for it. You need to talk to—”

  “Don’t say I need to talk to somebody. I tried that. It doesn’t work for me. Working, staying busy, that works for me.”

  “Says our father.”

  Daniel clenched his jaw. “Says me.”

  Emma stared him down the way only big sisters could. Daniel didn’t want to argue with her. He softened. “Em, when I’m with her, I’m better. When I’m with her, I can actually be around children again. We’ve just barely started dating. Who knows where this goes?”

  “I’m just saying it’s not fair to her.”

  He stepped closer to his sister and took her hands. “I won’t hurt her.” A little voice in the back of his head chided him. He ignored it.

  “Hey, you two! Are we eating tonight or what?” Michael and Annika entered the kitchen carrying the empty cheese board and wineglasses.

  Emma put on her biggest smile and directed it toward Annika. “We’re ready. Annika, grab the salad while these two refill our glasses.” Annika brushed past Daniel to get to the salad, and as he inhaled her familiar, comforting scent, he knew what he had told his sister was true. He could do anything with this woman by his side. Anything.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  ANNIKA

  “WHAT’S THE SECURITY like when you go in early?” Daniel’s fac
e was grim, and it was the first time he had even referenced her school in any way. They talked plenty about her teaching and the class, but never about exactly where she went.

  He was getting ready to leave her apartment for the ER night shift, so he wouldn’t see her before she left in the morning to get to school early for Parents’ Visitation. She looked up from where she was putting final touches on the week’s lesson plan.

  “A security officer will walk me to the classroom and clear it before returning to his post in the front of the school.” She was very matter-of-fact. Daniel simply needed to know she was safe. He’d offered to take her to school, but he had a shift, not to mention he’d have to enter the building. And if his face was any indication, he was not up for that task.

  “A rent-a-cop or a real live police officer?”

  Her phone chirped. She ignored it.

  “A police officer.” She knew where this was coming from, and to be honest, as a teacher these days, one would have to be irresponsible to not consider the reality of what was happening in the world around them. But Annika did not live her life in fear. She was cautious and careful, but not fearful.

  He nodded, his mouth downturned, eyes grim, clearly not convinced. “Can you text me when you get there? And when you get home?”

  “You sound like my parents. They made me do that my whole first month.”

  Daniel did not comment. Clearly, he thought that was a completely reasonable response.

  “I’ll be fine.” She put aside her papers and walked over to him. “Daniel.” She wrapped her arms around him. His body was a rock. Not that she ever found his body soft, but he was completely rigid. “Daniel. Look at me.”

  “You’re going early.” Fear and apprehension widened his eyes as he implored her to understand what he wasn’t saying.

  She softened, squeezed him tight. “Okay. I’ll text you. I promise.”

  Her phone chirped again.

  Daniel smiled. It was forced, she knew, but he was trying. “Better check that.”

  She picked up her phone. Text from Sajan. No problem! I’d be happy to come for Career Day at your school.

  She smiled. Career Day was months away, but he’d already said yes to her request.

  “Good news?” Daniel was gathering his things.

  “Yes. Sajan can do Career Day. So I can check ‘doctor’ off the list.” She grinned.

  “That’s great.” His smile may have faltered a bit, but he was supremely worried about her day tomorrow.

  She stepped closer to kiss him. “Now, go. Save lives.”

  * * *

  DANIEL STILL REFUSED to talk to a therapist, insisting he was fine now that he had Annika. And while that warmed her heart, it also scared her. Not dealing with such a loss could do things to a person. Destructive things.

  Though, to his credit, no matter how often Annika broached the subject of therapy, Daniel never asked if she had told her parents about him. “All in good time” was Annika’s approach. All this with Daniel was so new; she didn’t really know where it was going. And really, why tell them if she didn’t have a plan?

  Annika was up early that next morning to get to school and set up for her first ever Parents’ Visitation. A glance outside confirmed the light January snowfall that had been predicted, but nothing was sticking, so it would be school as usual. Parents’ Visitation was the day all the parents came to the classroom to observe their children. She had discussed this with the children, how they were supposed to do their work like normal, so their parents could see how well they worked in school. Annika couldn’t help but feel that the success of this day was a reflection of her abilities as a teacher, so she wanted to be there early enough to get things together and gather herself.

  She was particularly concerned about Mitch, the little boy who would not speak or interact with the other children. He’d been evaluated and had exhausted the school’s considerable resources but still was not showing improvement at school. She’d had a meeting with Mitch’s mother and learned that he spoke nonstop at home. Annika had done some research and had requested an IEP meeting, which would involve the parents and school officials. The meeting was for tomorrow.

  Her heels clacked loudly in the empty hallway, and had she been alone, she might have found it eerie. But she was accompanied by the soft-shoed officer who patrolled the school. Police presence had become commonplace at the school, and she generally did not spend too much time concerned about it. But with Daniel’s concerns fresh on her mind, she looked at the school through different eyes as she followed procedure and walked behind Officer Keely.

  “Big day today?” Officer Keely grinned at her.

  “Does it show? I’m more nervous than I’ve ever been.”

  Officer Keely chuckled and shook his head as they reached her classroom. “You’ll be great, Ms. Mehta. The kids love you. I’ve heard talk around the school that every one of your kids loves you the best.”

  Annika inhaled deeply and smiled at the man. He was probably about her age and wore a wedding band. Putting himself in harm’s way for the school. For the children. For her. The thought made her shudder. “Thanks for saying that. I appreciate it.”

  Officer Keely walked into her classroom while she waited at the door. This was protocol now. Her heart grew heavy as she glanced down the familiar hallway and into her classroom. She had still been a student in teachers college watching the news in horror as grim journalists covered the shooting that had ripped terror through this place. The walls had been repainted, repairs had been done and Officer Keely had been employed.

  Teachers should not have to be concerned with gunmen while trying to develop the minds of the future. Children should not have to learn drills in case of an active shooter. Parents should not have to consider purchasing bulletproof backpacks for their children’s protection. Annika shuddered at the thought that there even existed such a thing as a bulletproof backpack. Children shouldn’t die because they had wanted to give their teacher a homemade birthday card.

  Officer Keely flicked on the lights, looked around and must have found everything in order, because he beckoned her in.

  The name of the school had been fresh enough in her parents’ minds that when she was offered the job here, they were solidly against it. She’d taken the job anyway. Hence the texting. She really did not do things that made her parents’ lives easier, did she? She pulled out her phone and texted Daniel.

  I’m at school. Safe and sound.

  The response was almost immediate.

  OK. Great. I’ll see you at Phil’s. Good luck!

  She could almost hear his sigh of relief.

  It was no wonder Daniel had suggested the fire station instead of coming to the school. How could he ever enter this building again? Tears burned at her eyes, and her heart ached for him.

  “I only hope you’re still teaching here when my little one enters kindergarten.”

  Annika’s eyes flew open. “Meg is pregnant?”

  He nodded, his happy grin filling his face.

  “That is fantastic news! Congratulations!”

  “Thank you. Well, you have a great day, Ms. Mehta. I’m sure all will go well.”

  She watched Officer Keely leave and then turned to her classroom. The chairs were arranged in a circle for circle time, then the children would put them with the desks that were in groups of four around the room at different stations. There was the reading-writing area, the math area, the science area and the history area. Each area had materials for the children to use and work on. Annika would go over the lesson for each area, and the children would rotate throughout the morning. The feeling was almost Montessori, but it wasn’t true Montessori, as she—and not the students—determined when the children moved on to the next area.

  Today they would work on the letter F, learn addition using beads, color frogs in science and build lo
g cabins like Abraham Lincoln’s. She made sure each station had all the supplies it needed and all was ready to go when her first students started trickling in. The parents were asked to stay in the office until all the children had arrived and were ready for the circle.

  There was a spark in the air as the children hung up their coats and found their way to the circle. Having your parents watch you was very exciting, and the children seemed to have extra energy and were more than a little bit chatty. The buzz of chatter, and the scraping of chairs and extra loud squeals of delight were no match for Annika. Her heart broke for the children whose parents would be unable to attend today. She hugged away frowns and tears and assured them they could take work home to show their parents tonight. She handled all of that with calm and ease. They were children, after all, and excitement was part of the job description.

  Eventually, even the most rambunctious of the group found their way to the circle, and to Annika’s delight, they were right on schedule. Everyone sat quietly for the morning announcements and the special welcome for the parents. She began her address to the students just as the parents filed in and took their seats in the back of the room. Annika relished the fact that not one of the students turned their heads to look. They went over the date, the weather and the lessons for the day. She gave each student a schedule of their day, so they would know which station to go to and so they wouldn’t be with the same children all day.

  She dismissed them to their first lesson, and each child took his or her chair with him to the desks that were at the stations. At the reading-writing station, two students accidentally banged chairs. It happened at least once a day and was never really a problem. Both children giggled and apologized and went about their business. Annika sighed. Perfect.

  She assessed the room and found one child struggling with his chair. It happened every day, and Annika let him be, because he always made it and consequently felt good about himself. Today, the child’s mother stood and helped him bring the chair over.