Prowl

by Garza, Amber

  “Have you been cutting yourself?” Mom asked. Her lips turned downward in a frown, sadness filled her eyes.

  I nodded.

  Grandma pursed her lips. “Well, that explains the long sleeves.”

  “Why would you do this to yourself?” Mom asked.

  “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

  “Well, try.” Mom’s voice was angry. Her face was hard, the wrinkles pronounced.

  This ignited my temper. How dare she get upset with me? She caused me to do this.

  “It made me feel better.”

  “From what? Your life isn’t so bad.”

  I laughed bitterly. “Not so bad? Mom, I raised myself.”

  “That’s not fair. I did the best I could as a single mom.”

  “Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. “

  “Fine, Kenzie. You tell me what a bad mom I am. Tell me what I did that was so awful.”

  “Okay, okay, let’s calm down.” Grandma hovered like a buzzing fly.

  I thought of all the nights alone. “You were never around!”

  “I had to work. I had to provide for us.”

  “And after work you had to go out with your friends and boyfriends? Was that part of your job?”

  Mom averted her gaze. She fiddled with her mug.

  Grandma cleared her throat. “I need to use the restroom. I’ll be back in a minute.” She exited the room. I heard her feet shuffle down the hallway, heard the bathroom door close.

  Mom lifted her head. “I’m sorry, Kenzie. You’re right. I did spend a lot of time with friends. It’s just so hard being a single mom. I guess I just figured I deserved some time to myself too.”

  “It’s cause he raped you, isn’t it?”

  Her brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “I get it Mom. I remind you of the worst night of your life. I’d probably feel the same way.”

  “What are you saying?” The toilet flushed down the hallway.

  “I get why you resent me. Why you wish I was never born.”

  Anger flashed in her eyes. “That’s not true. I never want to hear you say that again.” She reached across the table, grabbed my hand. Her palm was cold and clammy like mine. “That night should’ve been the worst night of my life but it wasn’t because it brought me you. I’ve honestly never wished it away because of that. I know I haven’t always been the best mom but I never want you to think I don’t love you because I do, Kenzie. I love you very much.”

  Tears stung my eyes. Mom came around the table, took me in her arms.

  I heard Grandma come back in the kitchen. Her chair scraped on the ground as she resumed her spot at the table. When Mom and I disentangled, she searched my eyes.

  “There’s more, isn’t there?” She looked wary.

  I nodded. “Yeah. You might want to sit for this.”

  I waited until she did and then I continued, “You both know I was playing on the Ouija board but you don’t know the whole story.”

  I spilled everything, starting with my first experience with Wesley to my last. They both sat still as I spoke as if they had turned to stone. Only their eyes betrayed what they felt- fear. They didn’t scold or punish me like I figured they would. Instead Grandma came up with a plan.

  “Okay, I’ll call Pastor Daryl and have him come over here. I know he’ll pray over the house and cleanse it of evil spirits.”

  Mom rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Do you really buy this story?”

  Grandma looked confused. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.

  “You think I’m lying?”

  “Kenzie, you expect us to believe a ghost escaped from a board game and is now tormenting you? How naïve do you think we are?”

  “I believe her.” Grandma defended me.

  Mom laughed incredulously. “Seriously?”

  “Josie, the spirit world is real. It says so in the Bible. There is good and evil all around us that we can’t see. The spirit Kenzie is dealing with is evil.”

  I shuddered.

  “Okay, where are the cameras? I’m on one of those shows, right? The hidden camera ones?” Mom looked around, patting down her messy hair.

  Her words stung. “No, Mom. I’m telling the truth.”

  “Look, I said I’m sorry for the ways I’ve screwed up. You don’t need to make up some crazy story, Kenzie. You’re not in trouble.”

  My throat burned. Tears pricked my eyes. “I’m not lying, Mom! Geez, just once can’t you support me. I need your help.”

  “I love you, Kenzie, and I want to help you but this is nuts.” She glanced at Grandma with a look of disgust. “I thought sending Kenzie here would be good for her. Clearly I was wrong.”

  Grandma reeled back from the strength of Mom’s words. Guilt crashed over me. They were finally getting along and now they were fighting again and it was all because of me.

  “You believe what you want, Josie. I’m calling Pastor Daryl.” With that Grandma spun on her heels and left the room.

  “Mom, I’m telling the truth. Why can’t you believe me?”

  A shadow passed over her face, covering her features. “Because you are a lying little cow!” Her mouth stretched grotesquely revealing her gums. “You’re trying to destroy me. You’ll pay for that, you witch!”

  I jumped up from the chair. Bumping it with my butt, it clattered to the ground.

  The shadow lifted. “Kenzie, what’s wrong?” It was my mom again.

  Hesitantly, I picked the chair off the ground and sat back down. I took a deep breath. “Nothing.”

  Mom grabbed her head with her hands, massaged her temples. “Oh, my head hurts all the sudden. I’m sorry, honey. What were you saying?”

  “Nothing.” I shook my head, fear filling me.

  Grandma stood in front of the dresser in her room, picking out her clothes.

  Leaning against the doorway I said, “Can I come in?”

  “Sure.”

  “Grandma, I’m really sorry. I’m sure this isn’t at all how you envisioned things going this summer.”

  “Kenzie, sit down.” Grandma sat on her bed, patted the spot beside her. I lowered myself down on her soft pink comforter. It matched the pale pink paint on her walls.

  “We all make mistakes in life. Believe me, I’ve made my share.”

  “I find that hard to believe.”

  “Everyone has a past, Kenzie. We all do stupid things, make bad choices. The important thing is that we learn from them. Have you learned from this experience?”

  I nodded. “Well, I certainly won’t play on Ouija boards again.”

  Grandma chuckled. “See, already you’ve learned a valuable lesson.”

  “I really am sorry that I’ve brought a bad spirit into your home. I feel terrible about it.”

  “Yeah, I’m not too happy about that either.” Her face was serious now. “But I’m mostly worried about you. I won’t let him hurt you, Kenzie. I know you and your mom are skeptical about God but I believe in Him. I believe that He’s the only one who can save you from this. The supernatural world is real, Kenzie. There is good and evil. Right now you’ve invited evil in. Now we have to fight it with good.”

  I wasn’t sure if I believed her but I wanted to. If what she said was true than maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe by this afternoon Wesley would be out of my life.

  “What about Isaac?” Grandma asked.

  I looked at her blankly. Surely she didn’t think that Isaac was involved in this.

  “Are you going to tell him what’s been going on?”

  “I don’t think I can, Grandma.”

  “Why not? You told your mom and me.” Grandma cinched the belt on her floral robe, crossed her legs. Spidery varicose veins rode up her calves.

  “That’s different.”

  “How?”

  “You and Mom have to love me. You’re my family.”

  “That’s not true. I’ve known plenty of family’s who don’t love each other.”<
br />
  I thought of my dad and nodded my head in agreement. Just because we were made up of the same flesh and blood didn’t guarantee his love for me.

  “But I really like Isaac, Grandma. I couldn’t stand it if he didn’t like me anymore.”

  “You don’t want him liking you based on a lie, Kenzie. That would be worse. Believe me.”

  I looked at Grandma quizzically.

  “Your mom has never told you why we haven’t spoken in so long has she?”

  “I just assumed it was because of your religious beliefs. She mentioned how you and Grandpa weren’t too happy when she got pregnant with me.”

  “That may be part of it but it’s not all.”

  I sat forward, intrigued.

  “I have a past too, Kenzie. I was married before your grandpa.”

  “Seriously? How come no one ever mentioned it?”

  “It’s not something we talk about. It was an abusive marriage. I never really wanted anyone to know. Of course your grandfather knew but we didn’t tell your mom. Honestly I didn’t think it mattered. But when she found out she got so angry. She accused me of being a hypocrite, saying that I professed to be a Christian but I’d broken a cardinal sin in getting a divorce.”

  How ironic that after being so hurt from a secret that was kept from her, my mom still kept secrets from me.

  “Did you ever talk things out?” I asked. On the other side of the wall I could hear the shower roar to life. Mom must be taking a shower. It still hurt that she didn’t believe me about Wesley.

  Grandma smiled. “We were able to talk the other night. I think after everything you and she went through she finally understood why I did what I did.”

  I never would’ve imagined my Grandma making mistakes, doing things that would hurt people, things she’d regret. Even though it didn’t make what I did any better, at least I didn’t feel alone.

  When I approached Isaac’s house I started having second thoughts. Maybe I didn’t need to tell him everything after all. If Grandma’s pastor could get rid of Wesley than maybe I could just move on with my life as if nothing had ever happened. As quickly as the thought entered my mind it dissipated. Who was I kidding? There was no sure way to obliterate Wesley from my life. Also, I remembered my talk with Grandma; remembered how a secret can fester and poison. Besides, Isaac already suspected I was involved in witchcraft. It was better for me just to be honest.

  Hesitantly, I reached my hand up and knocked. A few seconds later the door swung open and Isaac stood before me wearing a dimpled grin. My heart squeezed. I liked him so much. The thought of losing him killed me.

  “Hey,” he said. “What’s up?”

  “Um…I need to talk to you.”

  The smile faded, his face grew serious. “Okay. Let me grab my shoes and we’ll take a walk.” He disappeared only to return a minute later with shoes on his feet.

  Together we walked down the street, out of the court and around the corner. The scent of melting asphalt and freshly cut grass tickled my nostrils. Hot son rays beat down on my neck and back. My flip flops slapped on the pavement, cars rumbled past. Isaac breathed next to me.

  Finally, I gathered up the courage to speak. “I really like you, Isaac.”

  “Why do I sense a but coming on?” He let out a stilted chuckle and I could tell it was his half-hearted attempt at lightening the mood.

  “No. No buts. I really do like you. I only hope you still like me after what I have to say.” I sucked in a breath. “Isaac, you’re so lucky to have two great parents who love you. You don’t even realize how great you have it. I didn’t have that. I’ve never known my dad and while I know my mom did the best she could my childhood was still pretty tough. Mom always had to work long hours and she spent a lot of time with her friends and boyfriends. I was alone a lot.”

  We turned a corner, headed down another street. A group of kids played in the sprinkler while their parents sat on the front porch watching.

  “See, like that was something I never did unless I went to a friend’s. My mom was too busy to just sit and watch me play.” I shook my head. “Anyway, I was always looking for a way to feel loved. Because of that I did some bad things.” I paused, not wishing to continue. How would Isaac react to what I would say next? I pictured him running away from me like I had leprosy.

  He grabbed my hand, threaded his fingers through mine. “It’s okay. Take your time.”

  “I’ve done things with other guys I’m not proud of, Isaac. I thought if I did what they wanted that they would love me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be loved.” Tears pooled in my eyes brought on by my shame. “I’m really sorry. You deserve someone better than me.”

  Isaac didn’t say anything, just squeezed my hand. We walked in silence, arms linked. I wanted to stop there. What I’d already said was so painful, so damaging. Only I knew I had to continue. So far, I had only scratched the surface.

  “But the boys didn’t love me. Afterward I only felt used, cheap and dirty. So that’s when I started cutting.”

  This caused Isaac to turn to me. “What? Where?”

  We stopped walking. I held out my arms. Isaac traced the scars with his fingers. The tender act caused tears to trail down my face. I pulled them away, wiped my cheeks and continued walking.

  “I came here to get away from my life back home. I thought I could start over, become someone new. And then I met you and I really believed that was possible. But I also became friends with Rhiannon.” I glanced over at him. “You know what she’s involved in, right? That’s why you kept warning me about her.”

  His jaw clenched. He dropped my hand. “Yes, I know she practices witchcraft.”

  This was where I would lose him. I knew that already. I studied his face, memorized his features, just in case this was my last opportunity.

  “Well, I started playing on the Ouija board with her. I met a spirit. His name was Wesley.” Out of the corner of my eye I could see Isaac flinch. “He made me believe he was my dad and I was so stupid that I believed him. We kept talking on the board but then one night he escaped.”

  Isaac’s face whipped around. “What do you mean, escaped?”

  “Just that. He got off the board.”

  We rounded a corner, making a large loop home.

  I cleared my throat. “He started appearing to me.”

  Isaac froze. “Like as a person or ghost or what?”

  I stopped and faced him. “He took different forms. Sometimes he looked like a picture I had of my dad, sometimes like a dragon or snake, sometimes like a shadow.”

  His face paled.

  “Do you believe me?”

  “Yes.”

  “My mom doesn’t. She thinks I’m making the whole thing up.”

  “I know the supernatural is real, Kenzie. It says so in the Bible. There’s a verse in Ephesians that says ‘our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.’”

  I swallowed hard. “Well, my mom doesn’t believe in God or anything.”

  “What about you?”

  “I don’t know. A few months ago I didn’t think spirits were real. I’m still trying to process that.

  I continued walking keeping my eyes trained on my bubble gum pink toenails. “Believe me, it’s not been a picnic for me either. It’s been awful. Anyway, now he’s threatening me, saying he’s going to destroy me. I finally told Mom and Grandma and Grandma’s pastor is coming this afternoon to pray over the house. Hopefully that works. I’ve tried everything else. This is sort of my last ditch effort.”

  We turned back onto our court.

  Isaac ran a hand over his hair. “Kenzie, I really like you too.”

  “I sense a but coming on,” I parroted his words from earlier, hoping to elicit a laugh out of him. I didn’t.

  “But witchcraft isn’t something I’m okay with.” We stood in front of his house.
He turned to me. “I just need some time to process this, alright?”

  I nodded, swallowing hard.

  “I’ll talk to you later.”

  I watched his back as he retreated, feeling like I’d lost him forever.

  17

  So far nothing had worked. Not tearing up the Ouija boards, not the cross, not the salt or the sage. I had to believe that the blessing of the house did work. It had been two days since I’d seen him. I wanted to believe he was finally out of my life, but there was a part of me that knew the truth; that I could never be free. He’d been following me my whole life. He was the evil that pulsed through my veins, resided in my blood, lived in the corners of my mind.

  It was the middle of the night. Mom and Grandma were sleeping inside. I sat on the front porch rocking in the swing. I felt safer outside. Too many memories of Wesley haunted the house. I’d slept on the couch the last two nights and only went in my room when absolutely necessary and never with the door closed.

  Not that I was stupid enough to believe he couldn’t get to me outside. I was prepared for him. In my hand I held a bottle of holy water. I was prepared to douse him with it if he tried to attack me. In my other hand I held a knife. Even though I wasn’t sure if a knife would work on a ghost I thought it was worth a try. Whatever happened, I wasn’t going down without a fight.

  A crackling sound like crunching leaves caught my attention. I turned my head in the direction of Isaac’s house, hoping it would be him. I hadn’t seen him since he found out about Wesley. I knew he was avoiding me but I hoped he’d come around. Another crackle. I peered into the dark night air but saw nothing. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.

  He was there. I knew it.

  I unscrewed the cap on the holy water, raised the knife. This time it was the shadow man. That’s why I hadn’t seen him until he stood in the light.

  “So you thought you could get rid of me again, did you?” he hissed through the black hole that was his face.

  I started to scream but he smothered my mouth with his inky black hand.

  “No one can save you from me. Don’t you know that yet?” His grip on me was intense, painful. I emptied the holy water onto him but nothing happened. My heart hammered. I struck him with the knife but it was like cutting through air. He pulled me out into the yard, yanked me across the court. I dug my heels into the ground but still he dragged me, painting my heels with grass and asphalt. My arm turned blue and tingled from lack of circulation. The knife clattered to the ground.